UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
AT   LOS  ANGELES 


THE  GIFT  OF 

MAY  TREAT  MORRISON 

IN  MEMORY  OF 

ALEXANDER  F  MORRISON 


E.      V.      LUCAS 


THE 

H AUSFRAU 
RAMPANT 


BY 

E.  V.  LUCAS 


FROM   THE   GERMAN  OF 

JULIUS  STINDE 
II 


NEW  YORK 
GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1916, 
BY  GEOBGE  H.  DOBAN  COMPANY 


PRINTED   IN  THE   UNITED   STATES   OF   AMERICA 


PT 


To  the  memory  of 
A.  E.  B.  R., 

some  of  whose  last  hours,  in 

a  long  and  distressing  illness, 

were  lightened  by  the  Buch- 

holz  narrative. 


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2 

u. 
O 

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428391 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

I  A  YOUNG  COUPLE  GIVE  A  BETROTHAL 
PARTY  AND  FftAU  BuCHHOLz's 
THOUGHTS  ARE  TURNED  TO  MATCH- 
MAKING .  .  .  .  .89 

II  VISITING  THE  EXHIBITION  WE  MEET 
DOCTOR  WRENZCHEN,  AND  HERB, 
BUCHHOLZ  EXCEEDS  ...  51 

III  HERR    BUCHHOLZ    HAS    TOOTHACHE 

AND  TRIES  TOO  MANY  REMEDIES         .          62 

IV  A  NEW  YEAR'S  EVE  PARTY  IN  THE 

LANDSBERGERSTRASSE,  AND  A  TEM- 
PORARY RECONCILIATION  .  .         78 

V  A  MAGNETIC  PARTY  WHICH  LEADS  TO 
A  DRAMATIC  SITUATION  AND  A 
MOTHER'S  TEARS  .  .  80 

VI  A  WHIT-MONDAY  PICNIC  AND  A 
GRIEVOUS  DISCOVERY  REGARDING 
EMIL  BERGPELDT  .  .  .91 

VII       ON     THE     EVE    OF    THE     WEDDING    OF 

HERR  WEIGELT  AND  AUGUSTA,  A 

ROSY  FUTURE  DAWNS  FOB  EMM!   .   101 

[vii] 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

VIII  THE  MELANCHOLY  REASON  FOE  FEAU 
BlJCHHOLZ  AND  EMMl's  DEPAETUEE 
FOE  THE  SEASIDE  ....  108 

IX     AUGUSTA  WEIGELT'S  FIEST-BOEN,  AND 

THE     ASTONISHING     BEHAVIOUE     OF 
ITS   FATHEE   .....       124 

X  FEAU  BUCHHOLZ  LAYS  A  TEAP  FOE 

THE    DOCTOE    AND    FINDS    HEESELF 
VEEY  AWKWAEDLY   PLACED        .  .       137 

XI     AUGUSTA  WEIGELT'S  BABY  is  CHEIS- 

TENED  AND  THE  PASTOE  JOINS  THE 
MATCHMAKEES          .  .  .  .147 

XII     EMIL   BEEGFELDT    BREAKS    OFF    HIS 

ENGAGEMENT    AND    THE    DOCTOE    IS 
FALSELY   ACCUSED    OF    EUDENESS      .       156 

XIII  IN  WHICH  AN  ACCIDENT  LEADS  TO  A 
FATEFUL  MEETING  BETWEEN  BfiTTI 
AND  A  YOUNG  MAN  "  .  '  '  .  .  166 

XIV  A  HAEVEST  FESTIVAL,  AND  THE  DIS- 
COVEEY  THAT  THE  DOCTOE  PEOB- 
ABLY  EEALLY  MEANS  SOMETHING  .  175 

XV      STEANGE  THINGS  GO  ON  BEHIND  FEAU 

BUCHHOLZ'S    BACK,    AND    THE    DOC- 
TOE   IS    CAUGHT    AT    LAST  .  .       182 

XVI        THE    LAST    PAETY    BEFOEE    THE    WED- 
DING,      AND       REFLECTIONS       ON 
MOLOCH       ...         .         .     197 
[viii] 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  PAGB 

XVII  THE  WEDDING  OF  THE  DOCTOE  AND 
EMMI,  AND  THE  TEAGEDY  OF  A  PEE- 
FUME 206 


XVIII     THS  WEENZCHENS*  FIEST  PAETY  AND 

THE   DISASTROUS   INSUFFICIENCY   OF 
CRAWFISH        .  •  .  .  « 


XIX  EMMI  18  UEGED  BY  HER  MOTHER  TO 
TAKE  A  STRONGER  UNE  WITH  THE 
DOCTOR 235 

XX  FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  AND  BETTI  EXPERI- 
MENT IN  ECONOMY  AND  DOMESTIC 
ART,  AND  FAIL  IN  BOTH  .  .  .  242 

XXI     FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  SITS  TO  A  FAMOUS 

PAINTER     AND     IS     BETRAYED     INTO 
PREVARICATION         ....       257 

XXII  THE  BUCHHOLZES  MAKE  AN  ENTRY 
INTO  FASHIONABLE  SOCIETY  AND 
RETURN  FAMISHED  .  .  .  271 

XXIII  A  TERRIBLE  DISASTER  OCCURS  AT  THE 
DOCTOR'S  HOUSE  AND  FRAU  BUCH- 
HOLZ  MAKES  THINGS  WORSE  .  .  281 

XXIV     FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  SUDDENLY  BECOMES 

A    CRIMINAL   AND   IS    PLUNGED   INTO 
DESPAIR    AND    SHAME        .  .  .       290 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER 

XXV 


XXVI 


XXVII 


XXVIII 


XXIX 


FEAU  BUCHHOLZ  HAS  TO  VISIT  GAELS- 
BAD  FOE  HEE  HEALTH  AND  WHILE 
THEEE  SHE  EECEIVES  TEEMENDOUS 
NEWS  .  .  .  .  .  .  813 

IN  WHICH  BETTI  COMES  WITHIN  SIGHT 
OP  HAPPINESS  ONCE  MOEE  AND 
GAEL  AGAIN  is  GUILTY  or  EETI- 

CENCE 322 

FEITZ  AND  FEANZ  PLAY  WITH  MAE- 
BLES,  AND  AEITHMETIC  LEADS  TO 
CASTOE  OIL  .  .  .  330 

SHOWING     HOW     FEAU     BUCHHOLZ 

MEETS  AN  EAELY  ADMIEEE  AND  HOW 
SYMPATHY  FEOM  THE  WEONG  PEE- 
SON  IS  ONLY  AN  INSULT  .  .  .  343 

IN  WHICH  WE  SAY   FAEEWELL  TO   THE 

BUCHHOLZ  FAMILY         .         .         .     350 


W 


THE  HAUSFRAU  RAMPANT 


THE 

HAUSFRAU  RAMPANT 


INTRODUCTION 


I  CAME  upon  the  Buchholzes  by  pure  chance. 
It  has  before  been  pointed  out  that,  no  matter 
how  fully  or  choicely  furnished  are  one's  own 
shelves,  the  most  entertaining  books  are  on  other 
people's.  Had  I  not  taken  a  flat  in  an  old  Venetian 
palace  I  might  never  have  come  across  Dr.  Stinde's 
first  volume,  for  it  has  long  been  out  of  print.  But 
on  a  certain  night,  after  another  of  those  usual  un- 
equal contests  with  a  mosquito  which  render  one 
wakeful  and  in  that  fractious  mental  mood  when 
one's  own  supply  of  reading  matter  fails  at  every 
turn,  I  began  the  exploration  of  my  landlord's 
shelves  and  found  the  worthy  Hausfrau  of  the 

[13] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Landsbergerstrasse.  And,  somehow,  when  I  left,  the 
book-. left  too  One  day  I  must  send  it  back. 

H'aving  read  the  first,  volume  I  ransacked  old  book- 
•'.shops  fcjr  .the  other  three,  making  four  in  all,  which 
had  been  published  in  England;  and  at  last  I  found 
them.  These  are  entitled,  in  the  English  transla- 
tion, The  Buchholz  Family,  translated  by  L.  Dora 
Schmitz;  The  Buchholz  Family,  Second  Part,  with 
the  same  translator ;  Frau  Wilhelmine,  translated  by 
Harriet  F.  Powell;  and  The  Buchholzes  in  Italy, 
also  translated  by  Harriet  F.  Powell.  My  work  has 
been  to  extract  from  them  what  seemed  to  me  the 
most  entertaining  passages,  the  best  of  the  material 
being  in  the  first  and  second  parts,  and  join  them 
together  with  some  explanatory  cement.  I  might, 
had  I  wished,  have  borrowed  also  from  the  further 
sequels,  one,  by  Dr.  Stinde  himself,  describing  the 
Frau's  adventures  in  the  Orient,  and  another,  by  an 
unauthorised  disciple,  which  took  her  to  Paris.  But 
the  cream  is  here. 

The  Buchholz  Family  is  not  like  any  other  work 
with  which  I  am  acquainted.  No  doubt,  as  some  of 
the  critics  found  it,  it  is  Dickensian  in  parts,  although 
without  any  of  Dickens's  abounding  comic  fertility: 
it  is  more  realistic  than  that.  The  nearest  things  to 
it  are  two  English  books  of  humour  in  both  of  which 
we  have  a  satirical  self-revelation:  The  Diary  of  a 


INTRODUCTION 


Nobody,  by  George  Grossmith  and  his  brother  Wee- 
don,  and  Eliza,  by  Barry  Pain.  In  each  of  these  his- 
tories, both  of  which  started  out  to  be  purely  funny 
but  were  too  much  for  their  authors  and  became  by 
flashes  real  documents,  domestic  anxiety  and  tri- 
umph form  the  theme  and  the  narrator's  character 
is  gradually  unfolded  as  the  story  proceeds.  But 
The  Buchholz  Family  is  more  consistently  of  the 
stuff  of  which  real  novels  are  made.  And  here,  too, 
although  the  author's  rein  on  himself  is  always 
tighter  than  those  English  writers',  the  central  figure 
gradually  conquers.  At  any  rate,  I  feel  sure  that 
when  Dr.  Stinde  was  sketching  out  the  Frau's  first 
letter  he  had  no  notion  that  it  was  destined  to  be 
followed  by  so  many  others  or  any  of  the  more 
serious  ones.  There  is,  however,  good  precedent  for 
such  development:  The  Pickwick  Papers  began 
purely  as  letterpress  about  a  farcical  club  to  ac- 
company some  sporting  drawings. 

In  Germany  the  Buchholzes  had  instant  success, 
first  as  a  serial  and  then  in  book  form.  In  two 
years  from  publication  the  first  part  had  passed 
into  fifty  editions.  Among  its  admirers  was  the  man 
of  blood  and  iron  himself,  the  great  Bismarck,  who 
sent  to  Dr.  Stinde  the  following  appreciative 
letter: 

Dear  Sir, — Your  having  kindly  sent  me  your 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

book,  gives  me  a  welcome  opportunity  of  thanking 
you  for  the  pleasant  intercourse  I  have  enjoyed  with 
the  Buchholzes  during  the  long  hours  of  leisure 
which  have  been  enforced  upon  me  by  my  illness. 
From  the  subtlety  of  your  delineations  of  Berlin  life, 
and  your  exact  reproduction  of  the  local  dialect,  I — 
who  have  spent  half  my  life  in  Berlin — should  never 
have  supposed  but  that  the  author  was  a  Berliner 
bred  and  born.  The  discovery  of  my  error  has  served 
only  to  increase  my  admiration  of  the  fidelity  of 
your  pictures.  I  trust  Frau  Buchholz's  life  may  yet 
awhile  withstand  the  hostile  attacks  of  Frau  Berg- 
feldt,  and  that  she  may  be  induced  to  delight  us  with 
some  further  sketches. — v.  BISMARCK. 

Whether  the  further  sketches  would  have  followed 
without  the  suggestion  from  this  powerful  source, 
I  cannot  say.  Probably.  Still,  it  is  not  an  unin- 
teresting thought  that  Bismarck  may  have  prolonged 
the  Frau's  literary  life.  The  Chancellor,  I  might 
say,  was  Stinde's  friend  not  only  as  a  reader  but, 
afterwards,  in  private  life. 

The  reception  accorded  the  first  part  on  its  ap- 
pearance in  England  in  1886  was  also  warm;  suf- 
ficient at  any  rate  to  justify  the  translation  of  the 
sequels  too.  But,  considering  all  things,  it  is  not 
likely,  I  imagine,  ever  to  be  reprinted  there  again. 
The  Times  reviewer  found  in  Dr.  Stinde  an  affinity 
to  Dickens.  The  Spectator  was  reminded  of  Dutch 
pictures.  Blackwood's  Magazine,  never  very  easy 

[16] 


INTRODUCTION 


to  please,  also  was  reminded  of  Dutch  art  and  had 
the  warmest  enthusiasm  for  Dr.  Stinde's  genius.  The 
Scotsman  considered  The  Buchholz  Family — and  I 
have  personally  proved  the  truth  of  the  criticism — 
"one  of  the  best  books  to  be  had  for  reading  aloud 
either  in  social  gatherings  or  in  the  family  circle." 
Their  author  himself  realising  this  quality  of  his 
work,  he  was  in  great  demand  all  over  Germany  to 
give  public  Buchholz  readings.  According  to  his 
friend,  Herr  Moller,  he  read  exceedingly  well. 
America  seems  to  have  imported  some  copies,  even  if 
an  actual  edition  was  not  published  there,  for  I  find 
the  New  York  Nation  remarking  that  "Dr.  Stinde 
has  made  his  Wilhelmine  Buchholz  so  vitally  fem- 
inine in  her  petty  traits  that  she  would  appeal  to 
the  heart  of  many  a  woman  in  other  ranks  of  society, 
who  would,  nevertheless,  consider  this  German 
woman  'common.' '  In  France  the  book  had  fame 
too,  for  it  was  awarded  by  the  Academy  a  "Certificat 
d'aptitude  a  Penseignement  de  la  langue  Allemande 
dans  les  lycees  et  colleges."  Other  works  which  had 
earlier  won  this  distinction  were  Goethe's  Italian 
Travels  and  Schiller's  Charm  and  Dignity. 


ii 

Before  coming  to  Frau  Buchholz  let  me  say  some- 
thing about  her  creator. 

[17] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

A  portrait  of  Julius  Stinde  prefixed  to  his  collec- 
tion of  stories  entitled  Heinz  Treulieb,  1906,  shows 
him  to  have  possessed  a  large  frame,  an  intellectual 
brow  and  the  countenance  of  a  man  of  the  world. 
Something  of  a  bon  vivant  in  it,  a  simple,  bland 
kindliness,  and  much  of  the  humorous  observer.  He 
also  looks  unmarried,  as  he  was.  It  is  from  the 
biographical  introduction  to  this  volume,  by  Herr 
Max  Moller,  that  I  have  obtained  most  of  the  in- 
formation that  I  have  gathered  about  the  author 
of  our  book. 

Julius  Stinde  was  born  at  Lensahn  in  Holstein  on 
August  28th,  1841.  His  father,  whom  his  son  idol- 
ised as  a  model  of  all  that  was  patient  and  steadfast 
and  good,  was  the  pastor.  He  remained  at  Lensahn 
even  in  face  of  an  offer  to  become  a  Court  chaplain ; 
and  he  accepted  the  post  of  Provost  only  on  con- 
dition that  he  need  not  leave  his  country  parish- 
ioners. Another  son,  who  was  a  hopeless  invalid 
through  an  accident  in  childhood,  took  to  painting 
and  was  promising  well  when  he  died.  A  sister  kept 
house  for  Julius  after  their  mother's  death. 

Lensahn  remained  to  Stinde  throughout  his  life  a 
kind  of  earthly  paradise,  whither  he  went  always 
to  spend  his  birthday,  and  where  he  was  buried,  in 
a  grave  next  to  his  parents.  On  the  day  of  his 
funeral  his  friend  Moller  dropped  into  the  inn  to 

[18] 


INTRODUCTION 


drink  to  his  memory  in  the  room  where  he  had  so 
often  played  billiards,  and  one  of  the  villagers,  after 
hearing  of  the  high  esteem  in  which  Stinde  was 
held  in  Berlin  and  indeed  all  over  Germany,  and 
the  fame  of  his  writings,  remarked  that  it  was  no 
doubt  true,  but  very  difficult  to  believe  by  old 
associates  who  remembered  him  as  a  boy  dyeing 
the  ducks  a  brilliant  aniline.  That  single  rem- 
iniscence of  his  childhood  must  suffice. 

On  leaving  school  Julius  studied  chemistry  and 
natural  science,  and  after  taking  his  degree  in  1863 
became  a  factory  chemist  in  Hamburg.  As  a  stu- 
dent, I  gather  from  Moller,  he  was  full-blooded 
and  could  hold  his  own  both  at  the  tavern  and  with 
the  fencing  foils.  He  also  read  omnivorously,  his 
favourite  books  being  the  classics  and  treatises  on 
magic  and  the  black  arts,  in  which  he  retained  his 
interest  to  the  end.  Another  of  his  later  hobbies 
was  cookery  and  he  became  famous  as  a  judge  of 
wine. 

Later,  while  continuing  his  work  as  a  chemist, 
Stinde  added  technical  journalism  to  his  labours, 
and  first  contributed  to,  and  then  edited,  the  Ham- 
burg Reform,  a  paper  devoted  to  pharmaceutical  and 
sanitary  interests,  and  it  was  in  this  capacity  that  he 
wrote  his  first  book,  an  elaborate  and  very  thorough 
monograph  entitled  Wasser  und  Seife  (Water  and 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Soap)  in  which  every  aspect  of  scientific  cleanliness 
is  considered.  Not  wishing  to  put  his  own  name 
on  the  title  page — for  probably  he  already  had 
ambitions  to  be  known  as  a  very  different  kind  of 
author — Stinde  was  amused  to  borrow  that  of  the 
good  soul  who  acted  as  charwoman  at  the  Reform 
office — Frau  Wilhelmine  Buchholz.  So  from  this 
worthy  lady  came  not  only  his  pseudonym  but  later 
the  name  that  is  now  a  household  word  wherever 
German  is  spoken;  but  whether  she  was  aware  of  it 
Herr  Moller  does  not  say.  Quite  conceivably  not, 
for  the  charwomen  of  literary  men  can  be  profoundly 
ignorant  of  their  employers'  activities. 

Water  and  Soap  was  Stinde's  first  book.  His 
second  was  also  somewhat  remote  from  the  work  by 
which  his  fame  was  to  be  made — a  eulogy  of  Wag- 
ner and  particularly  of  his  Meister singer.  Wagner 
at  that  time — in  the  early  eighteen  seventies — had 
still  not  convinced  everyone  of  his  genius,  and  had 
many  detractors;  and  Stinde,  who  adored  the  new 
music,  wrote  in  his  paper  a  series  of  critical  and 
analytical  articles  in  praise  of  the  composer.  These, 
when  published  in  1873,  under  the  title  of  Meister- 
singermotive,  he  dedicated  to  Riccius,  the  Meister- 
singer  conductor  and  so  true  a  Wagnerite  that  he 
too  had  come  under  the  displeasure  of  the  pundits. 

One  of  the  closing  passages  of  the  little  book 
runs  thus: 

[20] 


INTRODUCTION 


"The  backbiter  is  as  old  as  the  world.  The  first 
backbiter  was  Cain  who  slew  his  brother  Abel,  and 
as  often  as  the  flames  of  a  joyous  sacrifice  rise  to 
Heaven  from  the  altar  of  art,  envy  causes  a  new 
Cain  to  arise,  in  order  that  he  may  slay  the  sacri- 
ficer." 

And  this  is  the  end  of  the  whole  argument: 

"In  the  Meistersinger  we  see  genius  triumphant, 
and  unconsciously  one  is  overcome  by  a  feeling  of 
confidence  that  the  noble  and  the  true  are  the  por- 
tals which  will  open  themselves,  notwithstanding  the 
efforts  of  the  scoffers  to  keep  them  closed. 

"And  these  Portals  alone  lead  to  the  wonderland 
of  poesy." 

It  is  ancient  history  how  the  world  came  round  to 
the  view  of  Stinde,  who  must  have  derived  much 
satisfaction  from  the  conversion. 

In  after  years  Wagner  visited  Hamburg  as  guest 
at  a  banquet  in  his  honour,  at  which  this  unknown 
champion,  who  was  present,  with  characteristic  mod- 
esty hid  away  in  seclusion.  "But  where  is  Dr. 
Julius  Stinde?"  Wagner  inquired.  "Why  is  he  far 
away  in  a  corner"?  I  should  like  to  sit  opposite 
him;"  and  sit  there  the  Master  did. 

We  have  seen  Stinde  now  as  the  editor  of  a  trade 
organ,  as  the  author  of  a  work  on  sanitation,  and  as 

[21] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

the  valiant  exponent  of  a  revolutionary  composer. 
His  next  literary  adventure  was  the  writing  of  a 
comedy  of  Hamburg  life  entitled  The  Troubles  of 
Hamburg,  which  was  so  successful  that  he  was  re- 
lieved of  all  financial  anxiety,  if  ever  he  had  any, 
and  took  advantage  of  his  new  affluence  to  remove 
to  Berlin.  And  here  I  may  say  that  although  Stinde 
wrote  other  plays,  largely  in  the  Holstein  dialect, 
he  never  liked  the  theatre.  In  fact  he  disliked  it  so 
much  as  deliberately  to  forego  the  rewards  it  prom- 
ised him.  There  was  an  atmosphere  behind  the 
scenes  which  his  sensitiveness  could  not  tolerate. 

In  Berlin  Stinde  became  active  and  experimental. 
He  continued  to  write  on  chemistry  and  other  scien- 
tific subjects;  he  wrote  stories,  serious  and  light,  ten- 
der poems,  and  also  fairy  tales,  of  which  fascinating 
branch  of  literature  he  had  a  profound  knowledge 
and  was  careful  to  observe  all  the  rules.  Indeed,  Herr 
Moller  tells  us,  he  could  be  very  angry  with  the  frivo- 
lous levity  which  some  narrators  for  the  young 
brought  to  their  sacred  task. 

It  was  in  1876  that  Stinde  settled  in  Berlin,  and 
it  was  in  1878  or  1879  that  he  remembered  his  old 
Hamburg  charwoman's  name  and  decided  to  make 
use  of  it;  this  time  not  so  much  sheltering  behind 
it  as  expressing  himself  imaginatively  through  it. 
For  the  purposes  of  satire  he  would  assume  the 


INTRODUCTION 


characteristics  of  a  Wilhelmine  Buchholz  in  rather 
a  superior  walk  of  life,  a  comfortable  Berlin  bour- 
geoise,  and  speaking  through  her,  as  a  ventriloquist 
through  a  doll,  genially  but  none  the  less  searchingly 
lay  bare  the  domestic  comedy  of  this  new  city  of 
his  adoption.  That  he  should  so  quickly  have  pene- 
trated below  the  surface  of  Berlin  is  a  proof  of  his 
remarkable  gifts  of  sympathetic  observation  and 
assimilation.  How  successful  he  was  in  this  experi- 
ment and  how  popular  he  became,  we  have  seen. 

But  Stinde,  it  seems,  like  many  another  author 
who  has  prided  himself  on  his  variousness,  was, 
although  pleased  by  his  success,  piqued  to  find  that 
the  public  associated  him  solely  with  the  Buchholzes 
and  disregarded,  or  received  without  enthusiasm,  his 
other  work;  and  in  consequence  he  came  gradually 
to  write  less  and  less.  Herr  Moller  considers  his 
best  book  Der  Liedermacher,  1893.  "Here,"  he  says, 
"we  find  his  quiet,  manly  worth,  his  St.  George-like 
anger  at  everything  which  is  false,  his  silent  con- 
tempt for  all  that  is  not  thorough,  his  fine  sympathy 
for  the  little  sorrows  and  joys  of  womanhood,  his 
north  German  melancholy,  his  childish  pleasure  in 
all  that  is  droll;  and  we  find  also  his  great  redeem- 
ing humour  and  his  righteous  faith.  The  romance 
describes  in  fascinating  manner,  now  serious,  now 
with  delicate  fun,  in  turn,  the  adventures  of  a  young 

[23] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

poet  who  enters  Berlin,  full  of  ideals,  as  Luther 
once  visited  Rome,  and  who,  after  being  deceived, 
robbed,  disillusioned,  and  disgusted,  is  ruined  by 
his  surroundings.  Stinde  gave  his  hero  many  of  his 
own  characteristics,  but  he  did  not  bestow  on  him 
his  humour  and  his  physical  strength,  with  the  re- 
sult that  he  withered  in  the  bud."  But,  even  with 
this  novel  before  them,  the  public  still  spoke  only  of 
Frau  Buchholz. 

This  fact  did  not  tend  to  his  happiness;  while 
there  were  other  causes  to  make  him  melancholy. 
"Julius  Stinde,"  says  Herr  Moller,  whose  sympa- 
thetic understanding  of  his  friend  and  pride  in  him 
make  very  pleasant  reading,  "stood  alone.  In  spite 
of  the  true  love  of  his  brother  and  sisters  and  the 
friendship  of  a  good  man — the  painter  Paulsen — 
which  always  accompanied  him,  he  stood  alone,  for 
he  was  denied  the  greatest,  namely,  love  and  a  home 
of  his  own.  His  pride  prevented  him  from  discussing 
this  matter,  but  whoever  was  intimately  connected 
with  him  was  bound  to  discover  that  he  had  ex- 
perienced a  great  disappointment  in  love  and  that 
the  wound  would  never  heal.  He,  who  was  able 
to  depict  such  dear,  good  women,  could  often  laugh 
and  speak  very  bitterly — of  course  without  becom- 
ing sentimental — when  the  talk  was  of  those  who 
were  heartless.  Who  the  woman  was  that  had  de- 


INTRODUCTION 


ceived  him  remains  his  secret."  Perhaps  we  may 
assume  that  she  was  beautiful  from  the  circumstance 
that  he  once  remarked,  "Those  with  the  Madonna- 
faces  can  be  the  worst." 

Not  only  was  Stinde  a  little  sore  about  his  own 
failure  to  make  a  wide  reputation,  but  his  generous 
nature  suffered  when  the  tide  of  popularity  receded 
from  his  painter  friend  Paulsen.  When  Paulsen 
died  and  Stinde  buried  him,  he  buried,  says  Herr 
Moller,  "a  large  part  of  his  cheerfulness.  After 
that,  light  jubilant  happiness  was  no  longer  his 
guest."  "Many  a  man,"  Stinde  wrote,  in  one  of  the 
last  of  the  Buchholz  papers,  in  1904,  "outlives  his 
hopes;  many  a  man  dies  with  them.  He  may  still 
go  about,  and  drink  and  laugh;  but  really  he  is 
dead." 

Although  popular  in  every  circle,  and  a  charming 
conversationalist  from  a  richly-stored  mind,  Stinde 
gradually  came  to  confine  his  visits  to  a  very  few 
houses,  in  town  and  country.  Among  his  closest 
friends  were  children  and  domestic  animals.  "Chil- 
dren," says  Herr  Moller,  "always  took  to  him,  for 
they  knew  that  he  was  the  best  of  playfellows.  He 
would  accede  to  their  behests  with  infinite  patience, 
and  carve  the  prettiest  of  things  for  them.  His 
monks'  heads,  which  he  cut  out  of  chestnuts,  making 
use  of  the  brown  shell  for  the  cowl,  were  really 

[25] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

works  of  art.  And  .  .  .  animals  discovered  in  the 
fairy-tale  writer  a  patron,  a  seer,  who  could  under- 
stand, and  therefore  love,  them.  He  liked  to  have 
cats  and  dogs  about  him.  When  he  went  for  con- 
templative walks  under  the  old  church  limes  at 
Lensahn  and  talked  to  the  wise-looking  and  com- 
fortably purring  cats,  one  might  have  been  witness- 
ing a  pretty  fairy  scene.  Very  touching  was  his 
appreciation  of  his  own  little  dog's  faithfulness. 
This  creature,  a  neat  little  deerhound,  had  an  almost 
human  intelligence;  and  he  was  certainly  taught  as 
perhaps  few  animals  are  taught.  .  .  .  Unfortu- 
nately he  did  not  fulfil  his  real  practical  purpose. 
He  should  have  given  the  doctor  grounds  to  go  out. 
But  Stinde  was  satisfied  in  Berlin  with  a  beautiful 
balcony,  on  which  grew  all  kinds  of  flowers,  and 
where  two  tortoises  passed  their  phlegmatic  exist- 
ence." 

Latterly  Stinde  was  more  occupied  with  scientific 
research  than  writing;  but  he  liked  to  know  all  that 
was  going  on  and  could  be  enthusiastic  in  praise. 
His  method  of  reading  the  papers  was  peculiar,  for 
he  would  sit  at  the  harmonium,  with  these  spread 
open  on  the  music  rest,  so  that  while  his  thoughts 
were  immersed  in  chemistry  or  medicine,  his  favour- 
ite subjects,  his  fingers  were  softly  wandering  over 
the  keys. 

He  died  in  1905  at  the  age  of  sixty-four. 


INTRODUCTION 


III 


It  was  indignation,  always  a  strong  motive  with 
her,  that  drove  Frau  Buchholz  to  write  her  first 
letter  to  the  press. 

The  historic  missive  which  was  to  lead  to  such 
unsuspected  results  of  popularity  and  to  be  the  parent 
of  such  a  notable  and  immense  epistolatory  progeny, 
running  to  five  or  six  volumes,  began  thus: 

"I  am  an  unpretending  woman,  Mr.  Editor,  and 
writing  is  certainly  not  my  strong  point,  but  as  your 
paper — which  I  am  so  fond  of  reading — sometimes 
discusses  things  which  can  only  be  properly  under- 
stood and  spoken  of  by  women,  I  take  the  liberty,  as 
an  anxious  mother,  to  pour  out  my  heart  to  you,  and 
beg  you,  when  my  style  needs  touching  up,  kindly 
to  put  it  to  rights.  It  would  be  painful  to  me  if  my 
daughters  were  to  discover  faults  in  my  writing; 
such  a  thing  would  rob  me  of  the  authority  I  have 
hitherto  exercised  over  them.  You  cannot  imagine 
what  an  amount  children  learn  at  school  nowadays !" 

The  grievance  was  then  described :  nothing  less  than 
the  laxity  which  led  publishers  and  booksellers  to 
circulate,  as  "plays  for  children,"  dramas  that 
touched  too  freely  upon  love  and  lovers. 

Before  plunging  into  the  story  proper,  I  should 

[27] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

like  to  make  a  little  diversion,  which  not  only  em- 
braces a  period  in  the  Buchholzes'  life  anterior  to 
the  real  drama,  but  shows  us  Dr.  Stinde  and  the 
Frau  in  company.  For  this  purpose  we  must  look 
for  a  moment  at  the  volume  entitled  The  Buch- 
holzes in  Italy )  from  which  I  take  nothing  for  the 
body  of  this  book,  for  the  principal  reason  that, 
though  written  after  the  first  part,  the  author  ante- 
dates the  travelling  experiences  to  a  time  before 
Betti  and  Emmi  were  marriageable  and  therefore 
interesting.  Nor  does  one  quite  believe  in  Frau 
Buchholz  as  a  tourist.  She  was  too  thrifty,  one 
feels,  ever  really  to  have  consented  to  the  trip  at 
all,  the  origin  of  which  no  doubt  was  the  circum- 
stance that  Dr.  Stinde  himself,  having  just  been  in 
Italy,  wished,  like  a  prudent  journalist,  to  make  use 
of  his  experiences. 

According  to  the  story,  Herr  Buchholz,  having 
contracted  rheumatic  trouble,  was  ordered  south,  and 
Frau  Buchholz  agreed  to  accompany  him.  Her 
brother,  Uncle  Fritz,  went  too,  with  an  eye  to  his 
business;  but  precisely  what  his  business  was  I  have 
not  been  able  to  discover.  Like  Carl's  it  had  to  do 
with  clothing.  There  are  some  pleasant  touches  in 
the  book.  Thus,  at  the  beginning: 

"We  now  divided  the  preparations  amongst  us. 
Uncle  Fritz  had  to  occupy  himself  with  the  route, 

128] 


INTRODUCTION 


to  attend  to  the  guide-books,  and  to  inquire  from 
people  who  had  already  been  in  Italy  the  best  way 
to  set  about  the  thing.  All  matters  of  equipment  de- 
volved on  me,  and  my  Carl,  poor  rheumatic  creature, 
was  obliged  to  turn  his  attention  to  Italian,  as  he 
could  not  trouble  himself  about  other  matters  on 
account  of  his  suffering  condition.  It  was  a  touching 
picture  as  the  patient  soul  sat  by  the  stove  and  in- 
structed himself  in  the  strange  tongue.  By  the  end 
of  a  week,  however,  he  thought  that  he  could  find 
his  way  along,  and  on  the  day  of  departure  he  said: 
'Italian  gives  me  no  further  trouble.'  This  made 
me  at  once  proud  and  happy." 

The  route  as  arranged  by  Uncle  Fritz  lay  through 
Verona,  Milan,  Genoa,  the  Riviera  di  Levante  (so 
dear  to  Germans  ever  since  the  Emperor  Frederick 
occupied  Lord  Carnarvon's  villa  near  Santa 
Margherita),  Pisa,  Rome,  Naples,  Florence  and 
Venice. 

At  Pisa  Frau  Buchholz  became  peculiarly  her- 
self:— "As  singing  was  still  going  on  in  the  cathe- 
dral, the  leaning  tower  took  its  turn  of  inspection. 
Uncle  Fritz  suggested  ascending  it.  'That  rickety 
thing1?'  I  exclaimed  in  horror.  'Why,  it  might  tum- 
ble down  at  any  moment.  Carl,  you  stay  below!' 
But  of  what  avail  are  any  prayers  when  men  have 
got  a  mad  freak  into  their  heads?  else  they  would 
not  bet  that  they  could  drink  twenty  drams  of  pep- 

[29] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

permint,  or  could  trot  to  Charlottenberg,  and  be  a 
corpse  two  days  later.  It  was  just  the  same  here, 
for  my  Carl  naturally  wished  to  ascend  the  tower. 
As,  however,  three  people  must  be  together,  in  order 
that  two  may  hold  one  at  the  top  in  the  event 
of  a  desire  to  spring  over  seizing  him,  I  thought 
that  my  refusal  would  be  an  inhibition  on  the 
ascent,  but  I  had  not  taken  the  mob  into  ac- 
count, for  some  one  of  the  beggars  risks  his  life  for 
a  couple  of  coppers,  and  joins  the  party  if  a  third 
is  wanting. 

"My  Carl  really  went  and  I  stayed  behind.  'Sup- 
posing the  tower  falls  when  Carl  is  at  the  top,'  it 
flashed  through  me,  'it  must  tilt  over,  it  leans  too 
much  to  one  side  not  to  do  that,  for  how  many  a  new 
building  tumbles  about  one's  ears  when  it  has  barely 
been  finished,  while  this  tower  has  stood  for  who 
knows  how  long,  and  is  only  prevented  by  age  from 
remaining  upright!  What  shall  I  do  with  the  un- 
happy children  if  it  buries  their  father  and  supporter 
under  its  ruins,  and  I  remain  alone  in  the  world,  a 
widow  flung  from  place  to  place?'  The  longer  I 
looked  at  the  tower  the  more  crooked  it  appeared, 
and  the  greater  became  my  fear.  I  shut  my  eyes 
not  to  get  giddy,  and  implored  in  anguish  of  heart: 
Thou  God  in  high  Heaven,  only  let  the  tower 
remain  standing  until  my  angel  Carl  is  once  more 
[30] 


INTRODUCTION 


at  the  bottom ;  I  will  willingly  forgive  all  Frau  Berg- 
feldt's  injuries,  although  she  always  begins  and  I 
never  retort  by  wishing  her  evil.  Let  the  un- 
alterable happen  later.  Preserve  us  from  sudden 
death,  storms,  fire,  danger  by  water,  from  famine, 
pestilence  and  war,  and  wrest  its  victory  from  hell. 
Amen!'" 

At  this  moment  a  member  of  the  Misericordia 
touched  Frau  Buchholz  on  the  arm,  plunging  her 
into  new  and  more  immediate  fears,  for  his  costume 
was  terrifying.  The  result  was  that  "when  my  Carl 
found  himself  once  more  on  level  ground,  I  embraced 
him  with  a  violence  that  amazed  him  as  much  as 
did  the  flood  of  tears  that  I  was  no  longer  able 
to  control,  but  as  my  broken  descriptions  of  what 
had  happened  did  not  enable  him  to  arrive  at 
a  satisfactory  conclusion,  he  could  find  no  suffi- 
cient explanation  of  my  behaviour.  I,  however,  was 
comforted  by  the  fact  that  I  held  him  in  my  arms 
not  dashed  to  pieces,  and  so  I  soon  wept  myself 
out." 

But  the  interesting  thing  to  us  about  The  Buch- 
holzes  in  Italy  is  that  at  the  foot  of  Vesuvius  Frau 
Buchholz  met  Dr.  Stinde,  and  with  him  his  artist 
friend  Professor  Paulsen,  who  afterwards  was  to 
paint  her  portrait.  I  quote  the  major  part  of  her 
conversation  with  these  eminent  men. 

[so 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Dr.  Stinde  knew  me  and  I  knew  him  by  name, 
as  we  both  occasionally  write  for  Schorer's  'Family 
Journal,'  which  may  be  had  in  Naples  too.  Here 
were  two  people  living  in  one  and  the  same  town 
and  meeting  for  the  first  time  at  the  foot  of 
Vesuvius.  Berlin  really  is  too  cosmopolitan. 

"I  said  to  him  instantly :  'Doctor,  you  must  teach 
me  now,  for  I  intend  writing  a  book  on  Italy,  and 
if  I  could  import  into  it  a  dash  of  science,  it  would 
be  enormously  useful;  you  would  hardly  believe 
what  a  fashion  science  is  nowadays/ 

"The  doctor  regretted  that  he  had  not  his  books 
with  him,  and  so  was  unable  to  comply  with  my 
request,  but  I  did  not  slacken  my  hold  of  him  and 
asked  if  he  liked  roast  goose.  After  he  had  given 
an  affirmative  answer  to  this  with  a  delicate  smile, 
I  said,  'Next  autumn  I  will  invite  you  to  dine  off  a 
roast  goose,  such  as  Frau  Buchholz  cooks;  you  will 
come,  I  hope*?' — 'Goose*?  .  .  .  Oh,  certainly!' — 
'Good,  then;  just  bring  your  books  with  you,  we 
can  see  to  the  rest  when  the  things  are  removed.' 
— For  everything  depends  on  the  manner  in  which 
we  treat  people.* 

"I  knew  beforehand  that  the  doctor  would  not 
be  sufficiently  impolite  to  meet  me  with  a  re- 
fusal, for  I  have  never  seen  from  his  pen  any  of 
those  social  castigations,  chastising  his  surroundings 
in  the  public  papers,  for  impolite  behaviour.  I  could 

*  Indeed,  the  goose  was  excellent,  for  Frau  Buchholz  sprinkles 
the  roast  with  cold  water  as  soon  as  it  begins  to  brown,  by  which 
the  skin  acquires  an  ideal  crackliness. — STINDE'S  NOTE. 

[32] 


INTRODUCTION 


therefore  take  a  certain  amount  of  politeness  for 
granted.  .  .  . 

"A  white  horse  with  a  sidesaddle  had  been  reserved 
for  me.  To  tell  the  truth,  I  had  never  been  in  a 
saddle  since  I  used  to  have  penny  donkey  rides  as  a 
child  at  the  Griebenows,  and  would  therefore  gladly 
have  given  up  the  expedition;  but  the  fear  that  the 
doctor  might  put  me  into  the  papers,  and  that  Frau 
Bergfeldt  might  hear  of  my  cowardice,  was  greater 
than  my  nervousness;  I  would  prefer  breaking  my 
neck  to  that ! 

"I  must  confess  that  I  arrived  in  the  saddle  better 
than  I  expected,  but  when  I  was  comfortably  set- 
tled it  turned  out  that  my  steed  was  not  like-minded 
with  myself.  Instead  of  going  to  the  right  it  took  the 
left,  went  backwards  instead  of  forwards,  as  if  its 
forelegs  had  been  fastened  on  behind,  until,  to  the 
delight  of  the  spectators,  it  squeezed  me  against  a 
garden  wall,  which  was  all  the  more  unpleasant  as 
I  was  not  wearing  a  proper  riding  habit. 

"  'Do  consider  that  the  nag  is  not  your  Carl,' 
Uncle  Fritz  called  out  to  me,  'and  leave  it  more 
liberty.'  Unfortunately  my  position  was  too  critical 
to  allow  of  my  answering  him  with  becoming 
scorn.  .  .  ." 

All  rode  up  the  volcano  together,  for  it  was  before 
the  days  of  the  funicular  railway. 

"When  body  and  soul  had  been  restored  once  more 
to  their  normal  relations  by  means  of  food  and  drink, 

[33] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

we  exercised  our  gymnastic  powers  in  crossing  the 
sulphureous  crevasses,  and  ascended  the  cone  of 
eruption.  We  were  certainly  standing  immediately 
beside  the  smoke  and  hole,  but  it  was  impossible  to 
distinguish  anything  accurately  amid  the  fumes. 
Even  the  doctor  was  just  as  wise  after  he  had  looked 
down  as  he  was  before,  and  thought  that  vulcanism 
was  still  as  ever  an  unsolved  riddle.  I  must  ac- 
knowledge that  this  decision  caused  my  faith  in 
science  to  be  considerably  shaken,  for  if  it  does  not 
know  what  happens  to  Vesuvius,  which  is  visible  to 
its  eyes,  what  can  it  know  of  things  that  happened 
on  earth  millions  of  years  ago,  when  it  was  not 
present,  although  it  says  such  and  such  things  have 
been?  In  saying  this,  however,  I  must  not  be  under- 
stood as  throwing  stones  at  science  generally,  for 
did  it  not  exist  there  would  be  neither  aniline  dyes 
nor  salicylic  acid,  and  what  would  our  existence  be 
like  without  these  two  things'?  A  colourless,  un- 
healthy Nothing!  No,  justice  remains  justice; 
science  is  not  without  its  deserts. 

"I  expounded  this  idea  to  the  doctor,  and  asked 
him  whether  his  love  of  investigation  was  not  suf- 
ficiently great  to  make  him  find  a  pleasure  in  being 
let  down  into  the  crater  by  means  of  an  iron  chain, 
to  which  he  answered  quite  dryly,  'No.'  If,  how- 
ever, it  had  to  be  done,  he  would  only  undertake  it 
in  my  company. 

"'Doctor!'  I  exclaimed  in  horror,  'how  can  you 
demand  that  I  should  be  burnt  to  death  alive  in  that 
flaming  cauldron?' — 'Well,'  he  answered,  looking 

[34] 


INTRODUCTION 


dreadfully  innocent,  'I  thought  you  took  such 
a  deep  interest  in  science  that  you  would  not 
mind  running  the  risk  of  a  few  square  feet  of 
blister!' — 'What  are  you  thinking  about*?'  an- 
swered I.  'Surely  science  exists  principally  for 
the  entertainment  of  us  ladies,  and  to  make  the 
terrestrial  globe  to  some  extent  interesting  to 


us!' 


"The  doctor  put  on  a  still  more  innocent  look,  and 
then  said,  after  a  pause:  'You  are  right,  science  is 
scarcely  to  be  distinguished  from  amusement  nowa- 
days, but  that  does  not  make  it  incumbent  on  learned 
men  to  stake  their  lives  as  unnecessarily  as  their  repu- 
tation/ I  must  acknowledge  that  I  did  not  quite 
understand  what  the  doctor  intended  to  convey,  but 
I  assume  with  confidence  that  it  was  a  piece  of 
spitefulness.* 

"However,  I  saw  no  occasion  to  involve  myself  in 
a  discussion  amid  these  smoky  surroundings;  when 
volcanoes  speak,  man  must  be  silent.  Besides,  the 
mountain  was  conducting  itself  in  a  highly  uncom- 
fortable manner,  with  all  its  noise ;  but  as  it  is,  so  to 
speak,  a  Neapolitan  child,  one  cannot  well  demand 
quiet,  well-bred  behaviour  of  it.  The  doctor  also 
had  the  kindness  to  inform  me  that  on  the  occasion 
of  the  eruption  of  Vesuvius  on  April  26,  1872,  a 
fissure  had  opened  suddenly  on  the  side  of  the  cone, 
and  a  number  of  visitors  wishing  to  see  the  spectacle 
from  close  at  hand,  had  been  burnt  to  death  by  the 
lava,  a  story  that  caused  my  feeling  of  security, 

*  I  am  never  spiteful. — STINDE'S  NOTE. 

[35] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

which  was  sufficiently  wavering  without  it,  to  sink 
considerably.  The  small  stones  which  were  falling 
down  from  high  above  us,  some  of  which  indeed 
touched  us,  the  heated  surface  and  the  fumes  of 
sulphur  soon  drove  us  away,  but  before  we  left  I 
cried:  'Gentlemen,  please  allow  me  one  moment 
longer.  Do  you  see  these  skat  cards,  which  I  have 
sworn  to  send  to  the  place  where  they  belong — to 
hell*?'  At  the  word  'hell'  I  flung  the  pack  of  cards, 
which  I  had  secretly  abducted  from  Uncle  Fritz, 
into  the  smoking  abyss.  Uncle  Fritz  exclaimed  in 

anger,   'Wilhelmine,  you  are ,'  but  he  got  no 

farther,  for  at  the  same  moment  there  was  such  an 
unprecedentedly  violent  uproar  in  the  interior  of  the 
crater,  that  the  ground  trembled  beneath  our  feet, 
and  we  were  overwhelmed  by  a  hail  of  fairly  sized 
fragments.  I  took  nimbly  to  my  heels  and  made 
sure  that  I  got  down,  for  I  believed  that  the  moun- 
tain was  about  to  open  up  again,  and  get  me  into 
the  flaming  lava.  My  knees  were  tottering  for  a 
long  time  afterwards.  In  what  direction  Vesuvius 
vomited  the  four  knaves  is  a  problem  that,  like 
vulcanism,  will  probably  remain  insoluble  for 
ever.  .  .  . 

"It  was  not  until  we  were  seated  at  a  well-laid 
table  in  the  restaurant  of  Vermouth  di  Torino  at 
Naples,  nor  till  the  artist  Paulsen  had  ordered  a  bot- 
tle of  Chianti,  containing  at  least  five  litres,  that  the 
consciousness  of  our  humanity  was  borne  in  upon  us. 
My  Carl  dined  off  a  roast  quail  served  on  a  risotto. 
I  asked:  'How  does  it  taste*?'  He  answered: 

[36] 


INTRODUCTION 


'The  most  miserable  creature  could  eat  it.'  Then  I 
ordered  one  for  myself. 

"As  the  professor  and  the  doctor  intended  tak- 
ing boat  across  to  Capri  the  next  morning,  and  as 
it  was  of  consequence  to  me  to  induce  the  latter  to 
edit  my  book,  I  said  that  we  intended  doing  the 
same.  Hereupon  we  discoursed  much  of  science  and 
art.  .  .  . 

"Of  course  Uncle  Fritz  disturbed  the  conversation, 
for  he  had  gone  off  to  a  shop  and  bought  a  fresh 
pack  of  cards." 

And  now  for  the  domestic  adventures  of  the 
Buchholz  Family.  The  Landsbergerstrasse,  where 
they  lived,  is,  I  should  say,  in  north-eastern  Berlin, 
running  from  the  Alexander  Platz  to  the  Friedrichs- 
bain;  and  every  house  in  it  was,  in  the  eighteen 
seventies  and  eighties,  the  home  of  a  middle-class 
German  family  of  which  the  Buchholzes  were  a 
type:  Herr  Carl  Buchholz,  who,  in  addition  to  his 
business  by  day,  had,  as  a  vestryman,  certain  munici- 
pal duties  which  perhaps  lifted  him  a  shade  above 
most  of  his  neighbours,  but  being  a  modest,  self- 
contained  and  just  man  he  would  never  have  claimed 
the  superiority;  Frau  Wilhelmine  Buchholz,  nee 
Fabian;  and  their  two  daughters  Betti  and  Emmi. 
That  was  the  family;  but  Frau  Buchholz's  brother 
Fritz,  a  jocular  convivial  man  about  town,  must  be 
added  to  it.  It  is  with  these  five  persons  and  cer- 
tain of  their  friends  and  acquaintances  that  the  book 

[37] 

438991 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

is  concerned.  The  writer  nominally  is  Frau  Buch- 
holz  herself,  and  for  the  greater  part  Dr.  Stinde 
maintained  with  success  the  illusion  of  feminine  au- 
thorship ;  but  now  and  then  one  is  conscious  of  a  turn 
of  thought  of  which  she  would  not  have  been  likely 
or  even  capable,  while  it  is  doubtful  if  she  would 
have  given  herself  away  in  print  quite  as  often  as  the 
humorous  necessities  of  the  book  demand.  But  taken 
as  a  whole  the  work  is  a  great  feat  of  impersonation, 
and  it  reveals  in  its  author  a  mind  conspicuous  for 
sagacity  and  human  sympathy. 

Spring,  1916.  E.  V.  L. 


[38J 


CHAPTER  I 

A  YOUNG  COUPLE  GIVE  A  BETROTHAL  PARTY  AND 

FRAU  BUCHHOLZ'S  THOUGHTS  ARE  TURNED 

TO  IMATCH-MAKING 


The  book  proper  begins  here>  with  the  account  of 
the  visit  to  Bilse's  concert  room;  because  it  is  here 
that  we  have  the  first  hint  that  Frau  Buchholz's 
daughters  Emmi  and  Betti  are  marriageable,  and  the 
true  theme  of  the  work  is  marriage.  Let  us  there- 
fore take  that  as  our  start. 

Here  we  meet  also  Frau  Bergfeldt,  who  is  to  re- 
main a  thorn  in  the  side  of  Frau  Buchholz  through- 
out the  whole  work. 

YOU  must  now  allow  me  to  tell  you  of  a  sur- 
prise I  had  the  other  day.  Well,  I  was  sitting 
thinking  absolutely  about  nothing,  when  the  house- 
bell  rang  and  the  postman  came  in  and  handed  me 
a  money  order.  At  first  I  wouldn't  believe  the  order 
was  for  me,  but  I  was  obliged  to  sign  the  paper, 
and  the  man  then  put  down  the  gold  pieces  on  the 

[39] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

table  and  went  away.  I  found  out  that  the  money 
came  as  a  payment  for  the  letter  I  had  written  to 
you.  Now  really  I  had  never  expected  such  a  thing, 
and  then  what  an  amount!  I  was  quite  overcome, 
and  could  not  help  crying,  and  the  girls  cried  too. 
The  money  lay  there  on  the  table;  it  seemed  to  me 
as  though  it  might  vanish  any  moment  if  I  touched 
it,  and  I  could  have  fancied  that  the  postman  had 
been  a  spirit  from  fairyland,  had  he  not  left  pretty 
visible  signs  of  his  footmarks  on  the  floor. 

My  husband  said  to  me:  "Wilhelmine,  I  am 
really  proud  of  you,  for  you  have  earned  all  that  as 
an  authoress!"  "Carl,"  said  I  to  him,  "I  have  per- 
haps sometimes  been  a  little  hard  upon  you,  but  it 
shall  never  happen  again;  no,  certainly  never  again, 
dear."  He  threw  his  arms  round  me  and  kissed  me, 
and  I  could  not  help  beginning  to  cry  again.  Emmi 
and  Betti  clung  about  me,  seeing  me  still  uncon- 
soled,  and  dried  their  own  tears.  "Now,  have  done, 
children,"  I  said  coaxingly,  "it's  only  joy  that's  mak- 
ing me  cry."  I  could  not  help  thinking,  "If  only 
Frau  Heimreich  could  see  all  this,  how  envious  she 
would  be !" 

"What  shall  you  do  with  all  that  money,  Wilhel- 
mine?" said  my  husband.  "I  shall  keep  it  as  an 
everlasting  remembrance,"  I  replied,  "or  if  it  can't 
be  otherwise,  I  shall  buy  myself  a  new  bonnet;  my 
old  one  is  altogether  out  of  fashion.  Frau  Krause 

[40] 


A      BETROTHAL      PARTY 


has  just  bought  herself  a  new  one."  The  children 
thought  it  best  I  should  buy  a  new  bonnet,  so  I  gave 
in  to  their  clamouring,  and  we  all  three  went  straight 
off  to  our  bonnet  shop.  But  as  there  was  a  nice  bit 
of  money  over,  I  said  to  them :  "With  this  we  will 
all  go  and  spend  a  happy  day  together  somewhere. 
What  do  you  say  to  going  to  Bilse's  concert-room*? 
I  will  put  on  my  new  bonnet,  and  father  shall  come 
and  fetch  us  home!" 

The  children's  delight  knew  no  bounds,  and  on 
our  way  home  we  turned  in  at  the  confectioner's 
and  had  chocolate  with  whipped  cream  on  the  top, 
and  also  something  good  to  nibble  at.  It  was 
delicious ! 

In  the  evening  we  set  out  early  so  as  to  get  good 
places  at  Bilse's.  When  we  entered  the  hall,  I  saw 
a  friend  of  mine  sitting  at  one  of  the  tables.  We 
exchanged  salutations  and  I  said:  "Good-evening, 
Frau  Bergfeldt,  I  am  glad  that  we  should  have  met. 
How  Augusta  has  grown  since  I  last  saw  her!" 
Frau  Bergfeldt  clearly  thought  too  that  her  daughter 
had  improved.  I  soon  saw,  however,  that  it  was 
only  her  dress  that  made  Augusta  seem  to  have 
grown;  it  was  made  in  the  latest  fashion  with  a 
train  and  cuirass  bodice,  and  her  hair  was  combed 
down  over  her  forehead  like  a  pony's  mane.  In  my 
daughter  I  would  not  have  put  up  with  such  things, 
although  Betti  would  have  looked  quite  as  well  in 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

that  style  of  dress.  Augusta  has  been  confirmed  two 
years  ago,  it  is  true,  but  is  nevertheless  still  so  thin 
and  awkward,  it  seems  a  crying  shame  to  dress  her 
like  a  grown-up  person.  Girls  that  have  such  skinny 
elbows  had  certainly  better  wear  long  sleeves. 

We  took  seats  at  their  table,  but  when  Emmi  was 
about  to  sit  down  beside  Augusta,  Frau  Bergfeldt 
said  the  chair  was  engaged,  as  Emil  was  coming 
later.  I  said:  "But  there  are  two  empty  chairs, 
surely  Emil  can't  want  more  than  one!"  Where- 
upon she  replied,  somewhat  embarrassed,  that  Emil 
was  going  to  bring  a  friend  with  him.  "Aha," 
thought  I  to  myself,  "there's  something  in  the  wind 
here.  I  shall  watch." 

And  not  long  afterwards  Emil  did  come  sure 
enough  and  with  him  a  friend,  who,  as  I  gathered 
later,  is  a  law-student  like  Emil,  and  had  still  a 
couple  of  years'  study  before  him.  Just  as  I  had 
expected,  the  friend  sat  down  on  the  chair  beside 
Augusta,  who  coloured  up  to  her  eyes  and  behaved 
more  awkwardly  even  than  she  had  done  before. 
Emil  took  his  seat  beside  Betti,  and  thus  our  table 
was  full. 

The  concert  began,  and  the  musicians  had  scarcely 
begun  to  play  when  Frau  Bergfeldt  drew  a  stocking 
out  of  her  pocket,  and  began  knitting  so  busily  one 
would  have  thought  she  meant  to  earn  back  the 
money  she  had  paid  for  her  entrance.  While  the 

[42] 


A      BETROTHAL      PARTY 

music  was  slow  and  solemn  she  knitted  away  quietly, 
but  when  a  valse  struck  up,  the  rhythm  seemed  to  get 
into  her  fingers  and  she  let  so  many  stitches  drop 
that  Augusta  had  afterwards  to  undo  all  she  had 
done ;  this  explained  to  me  why  the  knitted  part  had 
lost  its  whiteness. 

No  one  can  be  more  in  favour  of  industry  at  home 
than  I  am,  for  I  detest  to  see  folks  idle;  but  when 
one  goes  to  a  concert  to  improve  one's  mind,  it  is 
ridiculous  to  try  to  divide  one's  attention  between  a 
symphony  and  a  stocking.  Moreover,  I  don't  be- 
lieve that  Beethoven  wrote  those  heavenly  compo- 
sitions of  his,  simply  that  people  might  knit  while 
they  were  being  played.  And  how  grand  those 
symphonies  are!  When  everybody  sits  there  as  if 
plunged  four  cellar-stairs  deep  in  thought,  one 
fancies  that  nothing  could  rouse  them  up  but  a  good 
sousing  with  cold  water.  But  that's  the  power  of 


music ! 


Between  the  parts  we  chatted  away  pleasantly. 
Emil  began  an  interesting  conversation  with  Betti 
about  German  literature,  and  as  she  had  only  shortly 
before  been  reading  one  of  Marlitt's  novels,  she  had 
something  to  say  for  herself.  She  thought  too  that 
Marlitt  described  her  characters  splendidly,  and 
considered  it  perfectly  right  that  the  baron  was  shot, 
and  that  the  brave  and  manly  engineer  should  marry 
the  countess.  When  children  have  been  taught  some- 

[43] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

thing,  they  can  afterwards  put  in  a  word  themselves 
nicely.  , 

Augusta  Bergfeldt  and  the  law-student  scarcely 
uttered  a  syllable,  but  every  now  and  again  they 
looked  sideways  at  each  other  in  a  loving  way,  and 
that  language  was  plain  enough.  Frau  Bergfeldt 
pretended  that  she  did  not  notice  anything;  she 
always  addressed  the  young  man  as  "dear  Herr 
Weigelt,"  and  asked  him  what  he  was  doing,  how  his 
parents  were,  and  why  he  did  not  wear  the  mittens 
which  Augusta  had  worked  for  him.  "You  no  doubt 
want  to  keep  the  young  man  warm  by  giving  him 
mittens  as  a  present,"  I  whispered  to  her,  without 
meaning  any  mischief  by  the  joke.  But  she  cast  a 
spiteful  glance  at  my  new  bonnet  and  said:  "We 
go  in  more  for  what  is  useful,  not  for  flimsiness  and 
trumpery."  I  was  speechless!  To  have  my  new 
bonnet  called  trumpery!  If  I  had  borrowed  it,  or 
had  tormented  Carl  for  the  money  for  it,  it  might 
have  been  a  different  matter.  When  I  had  recovered 
myself,  I  replied:  "When  a  husband  has  to  earn 
all  the  money  by  himself,  it  is  wrong  for  a  wife  to 
follow  the  fashions  too  much."  That  was  a  pretty 
good  hit  at  her! 

During  the  second  part  we  ate  the  cakes  I  had 
brought  with  me ;  the  two  young  gentlemen  lit  their 
cigars,  and  the  more  beautiful  the  music  became,  the 
closer  drew  the  chairs  of  Augusta  and  young  Wei- 

[44] 


A      BETROTHAL      PARTY 


gelt.  I  did  not  say  anything  further,  but  noticed 
that  when  the  band  played  a  pot-pourri  of  very  af- 
fecting music  bringing  in  the  air  "Oh,  that  thou  wert 
my  own,"  the  two  were  sitting  hand  in  hand,  looking 
at  each  other  sentimentally. 

The  concert  at  last  came  to  an  end;  Carl  and  Herr 
Bergfeldt  were  waiting  for  us  at  the  entrance,  and 
we  then  proceeded  to  a  restaurant,  where  we  en- 
gaged a  room  for  ourselves,  to  be  more  comfortable. 
Carl  had  told  Herr  Bergfeldt  how  I  had  got  my  new 
bonnet,  and  he  congratulated  me  and  said  that  he 
now  classed  me  among  German  authoresses.  His 
wife,  however,  remarked — and  I  am  sure  she  spoke 
out  of  pure  envy — "that  ladies  who  took  to  their 
pen  never  troubled  themselves  much  about  domestic 
matters." — "Indeed,"  said  I ;  "at  all  events,  I  trouble 
myself  more  about  my  girls  than  you  do  about  yours. 
I  should  never  allow  one  of  mine  to  go  flirting  with 
a  student  as  your  Augusta  does."  I  can  tell  you, 
my  words  fell  like  a  bomb  among  them,  and  made 
Herr  Bergfeldt  exclaim:  "What's  that  you  say1? 
Herr  Weigelt,  I  trust  you  are  not  .  .  ."  "Oh, 
Goodness,  papa!"  cried  Augusta.  "Franz  means  it 
all  in  earnest !"  exclaimed  Frau  Bergfeldt.  "Who's 
Franz*?"  asked  the  father  vehemently.  "It's  Herr 
Weigelt,"  replied  his  wife.  "He  loves  Augusta 
faithfully  and  deeply.  .  .  ." 

"I  must  beg  a  word  with  you,  sir,  about  all  this," 

[45] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

said  Herr  Bergfeldt,  addressing  young  Weigelt,  who 
stood  there  with  a  face  the  colour  of  confiscated 
milk;  and,  my  Goodness,  how  he  did  quake!  Just 
like  one  of  those  new-fangled  electric  bells.  One 
really  could  not  help  pitying  him. 

"Who  are  you?"  inquired  the  father. — "I'm  a 
law-student,"  he  replied. — "Where  did  you  become 
acquainted  with  my  daughter?" — "At  Bilse's  con- 
cert-room."— "And  they  are  so  much  in  love  with 
each  other!"  exclaimed  Frau  Bergfeldt. — "Oh,  we 
are,  Papa!"  cried  Augusta  in  tears. — "But  you  are 
too  young  a  fellow  to  think  of  marrying,  and  a 
father  is  not  likely  to  give  away  his  daughter  so 
long  beforehand." — "Oh,  Papa,  you  will  break  my 
heart!"  sobbed  Augusta;  "Franz  is  so  good!" — "Do 
you  wish  to  make  our  child  unhappy*?"  put  in  the 
mother. 

Young  Weigelt  stood  before  the  father  like  a 
criminal  awaiting  his  sentence,  and  didn't  seem  able 
to  utter  a  word.  "Will  you  promise  to  consider  my 
child's  happiness?"  said  Herr  Bergfeldt,  addressing 
him.  "Will  you  promise  me  to  be  industrious,  to 
pass  your  examinations,  to  live  steadily,  and  to — oh, 
my  child,  my  eldest,  my  firstborn  ...  !"  He  could 
not  go  on,  and  Augusta  too  was  dissolved  in  tears, 
and  when  the  mother  then  quickly  placed  the  young 
people's  hands  in  one  another  and  said  "Bless  you, 
my  children,"  they  were  both  in  tears.  And  indeed 

[46] 


A      BETROTHAL      PARTY 


it  was  a  very  affecting  moment.  My  own  eyes  were 
full  of  tears,  still  I  could  not  help  quietly  saying 
to  myself  that  the  engagement  had,  at  any  rate, 
been  far  too  hastily  made.  He  can't  keep  himself 
yet;  and  she  with  her  skinny  elbows — he  will  be 
astonished  when  he  sees  them ! 

Although  the  Bergfeldts  have  not  acted  very 
kindly  towards  me,  still  I  congratulated  them,  and 
said  I  hoped  they  would  not  need  to  repent  having 
betrothed  their  girl  so  early  to  so  young  a  man. 
That  he  was  young  could  be  seen  at  once,  from  the 
small  crop  of  hair  on  his  face.  I,  for  one,  should 
never  have  cared  to  have  had  him  as  a  son-in-law. 
Surely  outward  appearance  goes  for  something,  why 
else  should  I  have  cared  to  buy  a  new  bonnet? 

Well,  the  betrothal  was  celebrated  in  all  quiet- 
ness, and  we  determined  not  to  mention  a  syllable 
about  it,  till  young  Weigelt  had  passed  his  examina- 
tions. Yet  how  can  an  engagement  be  kept  quiet? 
First  of  all  the  washerwoman  gets  to  hear  of  it,  and 
before  a  week  is  out  the  news  has  spread  round  the 
whole  circle  of  one's  acquaintance;  that  I  know  by 
experience,  for  it  was  the  same  when  I  was  engaged 
to  Carl — my  father  wished  to  keep  it  secret,  but  my 
mother  could  not  keep  quiet  about  it. 

Herr  Bergfeldt  was  more  silent  than  usual,  and 
kept  rolling  up  his  bread-crumbs  into  little  balls; 
his  wife,  however,  put  on  as  beaming  a  face  as  pos- 

[47] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

sible.  And  I  will  not  deny  that  to  have  a  newly- 
engaged  daughter  may  well  fill  a  mother's  heart  with 
pride  and  pleasure,  yet  surely  only  when  one  can 
make  some  show  of  the  lover,  and  also  when  he  has 
not,  as  it  were,  been  dragged  on  by  the  hair  of  his 
head,  but  merely  followed  the  gentle  promptings  of 
love. 

Owing  to  Herr  Bergfeldt  being  very  monosyllabic, 
we  did  not  stay  long.  He  found  fault  with  every- 
thing, even  with  what  pleased  us.  This  behaviour 
of  his  made  upon  the  attendants  the  impression  that 
we  were  very  genteel  folks,  and  this  was  one  good 
thing.  On  our  way  home  I  asked  Carl  if  he  had  not 
noticed  that  young  Weigelt  had  a  very  dazed  kind 
of  look,  that  is  to  say,  looked  as  if  he  himself  had 
fancied  the  engagement  had  been  hurried  on  a  little 
too  quickly.  Carl  thought  the  young  fellow  must 
be  a  ninny,  otherwise  he  would  not  have  allowed 
himself  to  be  so  bamboozled;  for  it  was  quite  clear 
that  the  mother  had  managed  the  matter,  and  that 
she  had  taken  the  girl  to  Bilse's  in  order  to  show  her 
off,  not  for  the  music.  He  added  that  he  wouldn't 
like  me  to  take  our  girls  to  such  places  without  him. 

I  replied  that  he  might  depend  upon  me,  that  I 
would  take  care  that  our  girls  did  not  become  en- 
gaged like  that,  and  that  I  knew  how  to  keep  off 
young  fellows  without  any  prospects.  We  went  on 
talking,  for  one  word  led  to  another,  and  there  was 

[48] 


A      BETROTHAL      PARTY 

no  peace  till  Carl  stopped  speaking;  this  he  always 
does  when  we  don't  agree,  and  it  vexes  me  all  the 
more,  for  I  never  know  what  he  may  be  thinking  to 
himself.  It  is  a  difficult  thing  to  deal  with  men. 

When  we  got  home,  Betti  asked  when  we  should 
be  going  to  Bilse's  concert-room  again,  whereupon 
her  father  said:  "Not  for  a  long  time  to  come." 
Betti  looked  very  disappointed  and  muttered  some- 
thing about  having  promised  Emil  Bergfeldt  to  be 
there  next  Thursday. 

This  was  a  pretty  bit  of  news  for  me !  But  I  set 
to  at  once  and  gave  them  all  a  pretty  talking  to, 
which  they  richly  deserved :  Carl,  because  he  had  not 
been  with  us;  Betti,  because  she  had  been  making 
plans  with  Emil  without  my  knowledge ;  and  Emmi, 
because  she  ought  to  have  heard,  and  to  have  told 
me  what  the  two  were  planning.  We  were  an  ill- 
humoured  company,  and  the  day  which  had  begun 
so  delightfully  ended  in  vexation  and  annoyance. 

When  I  was  alone  with  Carl  I  said  to  him :  "We 
must  look  well  after  our  girls,  for  such  engagements 
as  we  have  seen  to-day  must  surely  never  be  heard  of 
in  our  family !"  Carl  thought  that  if  mothers  would 
only  be  sensible,  such  ridiculous  proceedings  would 
never  happen,  even  though  young  people  looked  at 
each  other  ever  so  kindly,  and  the  music  were  ever 
so  sentimental.  But  I  should  like  to  know  how  much 
men  understand  about  such  things'? 

[49] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

It  is  quite  possible  that  Emil  Bergfeldt  may  have 
finished  his  law  studies  in  a  couple  of  years,  and 
Betti  is  ten  times  as  pretty  as  that  skinny  Augusta 
who  was  now  engaged.  And  as  to  the  music,  the 
band  at  Bilse's  plays  splendidly,  all  but  the  drum- 
mer, who  bangs  away  at  his  instrument  as  if  he 
wanted  to  smash  it,  and  it  wouldn't  be  smashed. 
Why  should  one  not  go  to  the  concerts  oftener*?  It 
cannot  be  denied  that  he  is  a  fine-looking  young 
fellow,  and  would  look  specially  well  in  a  sergeant's 
uniform,  if  not  a  lieutenant's. 


CHAPTER    II 

VISITING    THE    EXHIBITION,    WE    MEET    DR.    WRENZ- 
CHEN,  AND  HERR  BUCHHOLZ  EXCEEDS 


I  WILL  not  trouble  you  with  a  description  of  the 
Exhibition,  I  should  really  need  to  be  a  profes- 
sional writer  for  that;  so  I  will  only  remark  that  the 
impression  made  upon  me,  as  well  as  upon  the  chil- 
dren, was  an  overpowering  one.  Carl,  who  had  been 
to  see  it  several  times,  struck  me  as  rather  indifferent 
to  its  splendour,  both  generally  and  in  detail. 

It  was  a  very  hot  day,  so  Carl  offered  to  let  us 
have  some  little  refreshment  at  the  Moabite  beer- 
house, and  we  did  not  say  nay  to  that.  Carl  went  to 
fetch  the  beer  himself,  and  walked  straight  up  to  a 
fat  Bavarian  who  was  drawing  the  stuff  from  a  gi- 
gantic barrel.  I  thought  to  myself  how  gallant  and 
good  that  Carl  of  mine  is,  what  a  truly  admirable 
husband,  when  my  eyes  caught  sight  of  a  Munich 
barmaid,  in  her  gay,  fantastic  costume,  who  was 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

handing  him  the  change  and  smiling  at  him  as  if  he 
were  an  old  acquaintance. 

That  smile  struck  me  to  the  heart,  but  not  a  word 
did  I  say;  in  my  own  mind,  however,  I  resolved  never 
to  let  him  go  to  the  Exhibition  again  alone — most 
firmly  did  I  vow  that  to  myself ! 

The  beer  tasted  like  wormwood  to  me,  which  can- 
not be  wondered  at  considering  the  circumstances. 
I  could  not  drink  it,  and  so  gave  it  to  the  children 
that  it  might  not  be  wasted. 

Carl  said  to  me:  "You  do  not  seem  to  like  the 
beer,  Wilhelmine;  shall  we  try  some  lighter  kind*?" 
— "The  sun  is  too  hot  here,"  I  replied,  casting  a 
glance  at  the  barmaid,  but  Carl  did  not  or  would 
not  understand  what  I  meant.  "Very  well,  let  us  go 
to  the  Bohemian  brewery,"  was  his  answer.  I  was 
glad  to  get  away,  and  we  sauntered  along  to  the 
Bohemian  bar.  There,  to  our  great  joy,  we  met  not 
only  Uncle  Fritz,  but  also  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  the  doc- 
tor who  had  attended  me  when  Frau  Bergfeldt's 
shameful  behaviour  threw  me  upon  my  sick-bed.  It 
was  very  pleasant  meeting  him,  for,  to  a  patient,  a 
doctor  does  always  seem  a  kind  of  supernatural  be- 
ing, a  very  angel  of  comfort,  especially  when  he  is 
kind  and  gentle,  and  knows  how  to  cheer  up  a  suf- 
fering fellow-creature  with  a  neat  little  joke  every 
now  and  again.  Well,  we  soon  got  chatting  very 
pleasantly.  Carl  and  Fritz  meanwhile  began  dis- 

[52] 


VISITING     THE      EXHIBITION 

cussing  which  was  the  best  beer,  my  husband  having 
said  that  I  seemed  to  prefer  the  Bohemian  to  the 
Moabite.  But  then  he  didn't  know  what  good  rea- 
sons I  had  for  liking  it  best. 

The  one  declared  this,  the  other  that,  so,  as  they 
couldn't  agree,  Uncle  Fritz  was  wicked  enough  to 
propose  a  beer  wager,  which  Carl  took  up,  in  spite  of 
a  significant  cough  from  me,  though  the  doctor  kept 
out  of  it.  I  then  remarked  that  it  was  high  time 
we  saw  something  of  the  Exhibition.  Carl,  how- 
ever, declared  that  he  must  go  the  round  of  the 
beers  with  Fritz  so  as  to  settle  the  wager,  and  that 
therefore  I  had  better  go  alone  with  the  children. 
He  further  said  that  he  and  Fritz  would  meet  us  in 
the  Old  German  wine-room  at  five  o'clock.  The  doc- 
tor offered  to  accompany  me  and  the  girls,  for,  as  he 
said,  he  was  just  then  taking  Marienbad  waters  at 
home  for  his  stoutness,  and  therefore,  would  have  to 
forego  the  pleasure  of  the  beer-tasting  trip.  Carl 
put  on  a  face  as  innocent  as  if  he  had  only  just  been 
confirmed. 

I  saw  through  him,  however,  although  I  said  noth- 
ing at  the  time,  for  I  did  not  want  the  doctor  to 
notice  that  our  domestic  happiness  was  disturbed  and 
likely  to  collapse  altogether;  moreover,  Betti  had 
taken  rather  a  fancy  to  him,  and  Emil  Bergfeldt  is 
after  all  no  proper  match  for  her.  That  letter  of 
his  mother's  and  the  broken  stew-pan  were  enough 

[53] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

to  separate  us  for  ever  from  that  family.  And  then, 
a  doctor  in  the  family  would  be  so  very  convenient; 
he  could  not,  of  course,  charge  his  relatives  for  every 
little,  trifling  bit  of  advice.  All  I  said  to  Carl  on 
parting  was:  "Now,  Carl,  remember  and  keep  to 
one  sort;  you  know  you  can't  stand  taking  a  lot  of 
different  kinds." 

The  doctor  then  led  us  through  the  Exhibition.  It 
was  really  wonderful  how  he  explained  everything. 
Betti  was  quite  overcome  with  amazement,  in  fact  I 
had  more  than  once  to  whisper  to  her :  "Don't  stand 
with  your  mouth  wide  open  like  that,  you  look  too 
ridiculous."  When  passing  the  furnished  rooms,  I 
made  the  remark  that  middle-class  folk  could  never 
afford  such  luxuries,  whereupon  the  good  doctor  said : 
"The  smallest  of  rooms  is  big  enough  for  a  happy, 
loving  couple!" — "Do  you  hear,  Betti,"  said  I, 
"what  excellent  ideas  the  doctor  has  about  life*?" 
But  instead  of  making  any  sensible  reply — and  yet 
we  subscribe  to  the  'Gartenlaube'  magazine — she 
suddenly  shut  her  mouth  with  a  click,  for  it  was  open 
again,  and  my  speaking  to  her  made  her  think  that  I 
was  again  about  to  give  her  a  motherly  rebuke.  To 
make  up  for  the  girl's  stupidity,  I  said  knowingly: 
"Betti  is  so  overcome  by  all  these  productions  of  the 
busy  human  mind  in  industry  and  art,  that  she  did 
not  hear  your  excellent  remark,  dear  Doctor." 

"Don't  mention  it,  madam,"  said  he,  kind  as  ever; 

[54] 


VISITING     THE      EXHIBITION 

"it's  only  external."  I  tapped  him  gently  on  the 
arm  with  my  fan,  which  served  me  in  place  of  a 
parasol  that  day,  and  tried  to  take  up  the  thread 
of  our  conversation  again  by  saying:  "Quite  right, 
Doctor;  the  main  thing  is,  after  all,  that  there  should 
be  a  harmony  of  hearts."  He  looked  at  me  side- 
ways a  little,  and  seemed  to  wink  with  his  one  eye, 
and  I  was  just  about  telling  him  what  Betti  would 
have  at  her  marriage,  and  that  there  would  be  some- 
thing more  when  we  came  into  the  money  which  my 
aunt  in  Biitzow  was  to  leave  us,  when  Emmi  all  of  a 
sudden  exclaimed  aloud:  "Oh,  look,  Mamma,  how 
bright  that  bath  is,  and  water  is  actually  running 
into  it!" 

Although  she  is  my  own  flesh  and  blood,  I  could 
at  that  moment  have  done  her  some  injury,  for  that 
senseless  exclamation  put  an  untimely  end  to  a  con- 
versation upon  which  her  sister's  happiness  depended. 
How  pleasant  it  would  have  been  had  Betti  and  the 
doctor  left  the  Exhibition  that  afternoon  an  en- 
gaged couple,  and  how  it  would  have  vexed  the  Berg- 
feldts.  For  if  a  doctor  with  a  practice  were  to  be 
weighed  against  an  ill-fed  law-student,  the  latter 
would  prove  by  far  the  lighter  of  the  two  surely. 
But  now  the  conversation  was  broken  off  once  and 
for  ever,  and  could  not  be  taken  up  again;  in  face 
of  a  bath,  love-affairs  could  surely  not  be  discussed, 
at  least  such  a  thing  would  go  against  my  feelings. 

[55] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

The  right  moment  was  clearly  lost.  I  cannot,  of 
course,  get  ill  again  simply  to  have  the  doctor  about 
me,  and  he  is  not  likely  to  come  of  his  own  accord. 
All  I  could  now  do  was  to  count  upon  the  walk  home. 

The  doctor  looked  at  his  watch  and  said  it  was 
time  to  go  to  the  wine-room,  where  we  had  appointed 
to  meet  my  husband  and  Uncle  Fritz,  and  so  away 
we  went.  But,  oh,  that  bath !  I  gave  it  such  a  look 
at  parting  that  verily  it  would  have  blistered  had  it 
not  been  of  the  best  workmanship;  might  it  not  be 
said  that  in  it  lay  buried  the  happiness  of  my  eldest 
child! 

We  had  to  pass  through  the  spirit  department, 
where  the  exhibitors  invited  us  most  pressingly  to 
taste  their  samples  free  of  charge,  and  the  doctor 
actually  induced  us  to  try  a  little  of  one  of  the  ladies' 
liqueurs.  Just  as  I  was  about  to  express  my  thanks 
for  this  civility,  I  caught  sight  of  Carl,  who  was 
having  some  stuff  poured  out  for  him  and  seemed  to 
be  tasting  several  kinds  of  brandy.  I  went  up  to 
him  and  said:  "Carl,  do  you  call  this  waiting  for 
us?"  "Well,  well,"  he  said,  and  laughed,  "that  at 
the  Moabite  is  the  best  after  all." — "Have  you  been 
there  again*?"  I  asked.  "Of  course,  my  darling," 
said  he,  chucking  me  under  the  chin. — "Carl,"  said 
I  severely,  "you  have  been  drinking  too  many  sorts." 
— "I've  not  had  enough  yet  though,"  said  he  cheerily. 
—"Where  is  Uncle  Fritz?'— "Oh,  the  muff!  He 
[56] 


VISITING     THE      EXHIBITION 

wouldn't  even  come  to  the  liqueurs.  I  haven't  a 
notion  where  he  is." 

"Doctor,"  said  I,  "do  take  my  husband  by  the 
arm,  so  that  the  children  may  not  notice  anything; 
he  has  but  a  poor  stomach." 

"Oh,  it's  only  external,"  replied  the  doctor,  taking 
hold  of  Carl  and  drawing  him  away. 

It  was  most  kind  of  Dr.  Wrenzchen  taking  so 
much  trouble  with  my  husband,  and  trying  to  make 
him  take  some  interest  in  the  Exhibition,  in  spite 
of  Carl  always  wanting  to  get  back  to  the  liqueur- 
stall  and  maintaining  that  he  had  not  tried  all  the 
different  sorts.  However,  the  doctor  held  him  firmly 
by  the  arm,  and  when  we  were  passing  the  surgical 
department  which  was  close  to  the  liqueurs,  he  be- 
gan telling  him  what  all  the  different  knives  and 
saws,  the  cauterisers  and  probes  were  used  for,  and 
also  made  him  look  at  the  artificial  legs  and  arms. 

"Oh,  how  much  misery  there  is  in  the  world!" 
exclaimed  Carl.  "Unhappy  mortals!  Children, 
thank  Heaven  your  limbs  are  sound.  Ah,  poor  suf- 
fering humanity,  what  an  amount  of  misery  this 
makes  one  think  of!" 

As  he  was  lamenting  thus,  some  one  at  the  moment 
struck  up  on  the  organ  close  by  Dies  ist  der  Tag  des 
Herrn.  This  brought  things  to  a  climax.  Carl's 
feeling  so  overcame  him  that  he  began  to  sob  vio- 
lently, and  kept  exclaiming — "Children,  thank 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Heaven !  Yes,  we  need  all  do  that !"  And  with  this 
he  sank  down  on  a  chair  crying  bitterly. 

When  the  children  heard  and  saw  all  this  they 
were  frightened  and  horror-struck.  "Oh,  Goodness ! 
what  is  the  matter  with  papa,"  shrieked  Emmi. 
"Oh,  Papa,  dear  Papa!"  cried  Betti.  People  gath- 
ered round  us,  and  among  the  crowd  whom  should  I 
see  but  Frau  Bergfeldt  with  Augusta,  and  that 
gaunt,  miserable-looking  student  of  hers !  I  felt  as 
if  the  heavens  were  coming  down  upon  me.  "Chil- 
dren," I  cried,  "stand  in  front  of  your  father;  this 
is  no  sight  for  persons  without  feeling  and  culture." 

"Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  said  good  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen,  "I  beg  you  to  move  on — this  gentleman  is  feel- 
ing a  little  ill  from  the  great  heat;  he  will  soon  be  all 
right  again."  And  the  people  did  move  away,  only 
the  woman  Bergfeldt  kept  standing  where  she  was. 
"Heat1?"  she  called  out  in  a  scoffing  tone  of  voice, 
"it's  more  likely  he  hasn't  had  anything  proper  to 
eat;  when  a  wife  takes  to  writing,  the  husband  has 
to  suffer  for  it.  Come,  Augusta  and  Franz,  we  are  to 
have  chicken  and  asparagus  for  supper  this  evening." 
I  was  speechless.  The  Bergfeldts  with  asparagus! 
Good  heavens!  a  few  heads,  maybe,  as  a  treat  at 
Whitsuntide,  but  only  then  surely!  Asparagus*?  I 
would  have  liked  to  choke  her  with  that  lump  of 
cyanide  of  potassium  which  we  had  just  been  admir- 
ing, because,  as  we  were  told,  it  was  strong  enough  to 

[58] 


VISITING     THE      EXHIBITION 

poison  all  the  inhabitants  of  Berlin,  Charlottenburg 
and  Rixdorf  put  together — yes,  at  that  moment  I 
would  willingly  have  stuffed  it  down  her  throat. 
The  organ  meanwhile  was  playing  away,  and  Carl 
jabbering  on  about  the  miseries  of  poor,  suffering 
humanity. 

When  he  became  a  little  more  pacified  I  drove  him 
home;  the  girls  remained  with  the  doctor  for  the 
concert.  At  first  I  did  not  wish  to  accept  his  offer 
to  be  their  cavalier,  but  I  gave  in,  especially  as  he 
seemed  to  wink  at  me  in  rather  a  knowing  way. 
When  we  got  home  I  gave  Carl  a  pretty  talking  to, 
and  he  was  quite  crestfallen.  "Dearest  Wilhelmine, 
I  will  never  again  touch  a  liqueur."  "And  will  you 
never  again  allow  yourself  to  be  tempted  by  Fritz 
to  go  in  for  a  beer  wager*?" — "No." — "And  never 
again  go  flirting  with  that  Bavarian  barmaid?" — 
"Now,  Mina  dear." — "Well  then,  with  no  barmaid 
whatever?" — "How  can  you  say  such  things ?" — 
"And  will  you  go  and  inform  against  that  Frau  Berg- 
feldt  for  her  insulting  language  to  me?" — "I  will  do 
anything  and  everything  you  wish,  dear,  but  cannot 
do  as  you  wish  about  Frau  Bergfeldt." — "So  you 
mean  to  allow  her  to  go  on  at  me  like  a  rattlesnake  ?" 
— "There  is  nothing  to  accuse  her  of." 

I  saw  clearly  there  was  something  wrong  and 
therefore  said:  "Carl,  do  tell  me  what  all  this 
means,  for  my  happiness  and  that  of  our  children  is 

[59] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

at  stake.  What  is  it  that  Frau  Bergfeldt  knows 
about  you1?" 

When  I  had  got  him  meek  enough,  he  made  his 
confession;  it  was  this: — Once,  long  ago,  when  he 
and  Bergfeldt  were  still  young  fellows  and  full  of 
youthful  spirits,  they  had  celebrated  a  birthday  to- 
gether, and  at  night  had  kicked  up  a  row  with  one 
of  the  watchmen,  which  ended  in  their  both  being 
carried  off  to  the  guardhouse;  unfortunately,  as  it 
was  late  on  a  Saturday  night,  they  had  to  remain 
there  till  Monday  morning. — "Is  that  all,"  said  I, 
"and  she  fancies  she  could  brew  mischief  with  that ! 
Why  that's  nothing  at  all,  Carl ;  to  my  mind  it  needs 
a  good  bit  of  courage  to  attack  a  watchman,  and  in 
courage  you've  never  been  wanting.  It's  only  drink- 
ing different  sorts  of  things  together  that  you  can't 
stand."  He  then  promised  me  to  be  careful  in 
future,  and  I  know  him  well  enough  to  know  that  he 
will  keep  his  word. 

The  girls  did  not  return  till  Carl  was  in  bed,  for 
he  had  retired  earlier  than  usual.  When  they  came 
in  I  asked  them- how  they  had  enjoyed  themselves. 
"Very  much,"  said  Emmi;  "and  the  doctor  kept 
winking  with  one  eye  all  the  time." 

"Did  he  really,  Betti,  my  darling  child?" 

"Yes,  Mamma,  the  whole  evening." 

"And  what  did  he  say  to  you?"  I  asked,  full  of 
curiosity. 


VISITING     THE      EXHIBITION 

"He  said  that  he  was  probably  getting  a  sty  in 
his  eye,"  cried  Emmi ;  "and  that  he  had  felt  it  all  the 
afternoon." 

"Well,  well,"  said  I,  "a  doctor  must  know  that 
best."  Later  in  the  evening  I  learned  that  it  was 
Fritz  who  had  played  the  organ  at  the  Exhibition, 
that  so  upset  Carl.  He  got  it  pretty  hotly  from  me 
for  his  trouble! 


CHAPTER   III 


HERR    BUCHHOLZ    HAS   TOOTHACHE   AND  TRIES   TOO 
MANY  REMEDIES 


A  WEEK  ago  we  celebrated  our  wedding-day — 
it  was  one  of  the  most  abominable  days  I  ever 
remember.  This  anniversary  to  me,  otherwise,  is 
the  happiest  fete  of  all  the  year,  more  than  Easter 
or  Whitsuntide  put  together,  for  it  is  my  special  day, 
and  moreover  Carl  is  the  patron  saint  of  the  day. 
It  might  be  asked  why  the  day  isn't  a  special  day 
for  Carl  as  well.  Of  course  it  may  be,  but  then,  how 
can  I  tell  whether  I  have  made  him  as  happy  as  he 
has  made  me*?  I  can  only  hope  I  have;  yet  I  cannot 
imagine  that  any  mortal  soul  could  ever  have  been 
as  happy  as  I  was  that  first  wedding-day  when  he 
gave  me  his  name,  and  before  God  and  all  the  peo- 
ple in  the  church  proclaimed  his  love  for  me  aloud 
and  publicly.  I  remember  I  couldn't  get  that  one 
word  "yes"  to  cross  my  lips;  I  felt  frightened  at 

[62] 


TOOTHACHE 


seeing  the  great  number  of  people,  and  yet  I  could 
have  shouted  for  joy. 

So  when  our  wedding-day  comes  round,  that  first 
day  rises  up  vividly  in  my  remembrance  as  if  it  had 
only  been  yesterday;  and  when  Carl  embraces  me, 
with  never  a  word,  and  gives  me  a  kiss,  I  feel  as  if 
he  were  still  my  bridegroom,  with  the  sprig  of  myrtle 
in  his  buttonhole,  a  white  necktie,  and  beautifully 
dressed  hair;  yet  nowadays  I  have  him  only  in  a 
dressing-gown,  and  his  hair  is  apt  to  be  tousled  early 
of  a  morning. 

In  the  evening  we  always  have  a  small  gathering 
of  friends  and  acquaintances,  and  something  extra 
good  for  supper.  Carl  is  not  one  to  despise  his  food, 
and  I'm  glad  when  he  finds  things  tasty.  On  this 
particular  occasion  he  hardly  touched  anything,  and 
I  was  uneasy  about  him. 

"Is  anything  the  matter,  Carl !"  I  asked. 

"Oh,  no!"  he  said,  but  I  noticed  that  his  "oh" 
was  drawn  out  half  the  length  of  the  Friedrich 
Strasse.  I  begged  him  to  tell  me  what  ailed  him, 
but  he  persistently  refused  to  answer  any  questions, 
and,  in  fact,  was,  I  may  say,  a  little  unpleasant 
towards  me. 

Our  last  visitors  did  not  leave  till  half-past  one 
o'clock.  When  we  were  alone  I  could  not  help  com- 
plaining of  his  behaviour  during  the  evening,  where- 
upon he  said  that  he  had  toothache,  and  hadn't  been 

[63] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

in  the  humour  to  enjoy  himself.  I  proposed  that  he 
should  have  a  handkerchief  tied  up  his  head,  but  he 
ridiculed  this  and  said  the  pain  was  not  much  and 
would  probably  go  off  by  itself. 

So  I  went  into  the  kitchen  to  pay  the  charwoman, 
who  generally  comes  in  to  help  when  we  have 
friends.  I  let  a  word  or  two  drop  about  my  husband 
having  the  toothache,  whereupon  old  Grunert — 
that's  to  say,  the  charwoman — said  she  knew  of  an 
excellent  sympathetic  remedy  which  had  cured  num- 
bers of  people. 

I  thought  at  once,  why  should  we  not  give  it  a 
trial,  for  sympathy  is,  at  all  events,  wonderfully 
cheap. 

Carl  pooh-poohed  the  idea  of  old  Grunert's  rem- 
edy, but  I  persuaded  him  to  try  it,  as  sympathy  could 
surely  do  him  no  harm.  He  at  last  consented  to  let 
her  try  her  hand. 

Grunert  knew  that  we  had  an  elder-tree  in  the 
garden  that  would  suit  her  purpose,  so  she  went  out 
quietly  and  cut  a  small  piece  off  one  of  the  branches; 
on  returning  she  poked  this  bit  of  wood  round  and 
round  in  Carl's  decayed  tooth  till  it  bled.  All  this 
was  done  without  a  word  being  spoken.  Then  she 
went  out  again  to  the  tree  and  tied  the  bit  of  wood 
with  a  linen  thread  on  to  the  place  from  which  she 
had  cut  it,  and  then  came  in  and  asked  if  the  pain 
had  gone. 

[64] 


TOOTHACHE 


"Is  that  what  you  expected*?"  exclaimed  Carl,  an- 
noyed. "My  tooth  aches  much  worse  since  you  wor- 
ried it  with  that  bit  of  wood."  But  Grunert  merely 
said,  just  let  him  wait  till  the  wood  has  grown  on  to 
the  tree  again,  the  pain  will  vanish  in  a  moment. 
After  wishing  that  he  might  very  soon  be  better,  she 
went  away  home. 

Carl  grumbled  dreadfully  about  her  nonsense,  es- 
pecially as  the  toothache  had  become  more  violent 
since  the  sympathetic  remedy  had  been  applied. 

I  suggested  that  he  should  try  holding  warm  water 
in  his  mouth,  which  is  said  to  be  a  good  thing,  and 
went  into  the  kitchen  to  get  a  little  heated. 

"Well,  ma'am,"  said  our  cook  to  me,  "when  I've 
the  toothache  I  use  spirit  of  mustard-seed  and  rub 
it  on  my  cheek;  it  burns  a  bit,  but  it  does  good." 
Luckily  she  had  a  little  of  the  spirit,  which  I  grate- 
fully accepted,  and  applied  it  to  Carl's  cheek. 

I  soon  wished  I  hadn't,  for  the  stuff  really  seemed 
terribly  hot  and  strong;  Carl  said  his  face  felt  as  if 
it  had  been  painted  with  some  hellish  fire.  His  cheek 
became  as  red  as  a  boiled  lobster  and  soon  afterwards 
got  very  swollen.  Then,  of  course,  he  was  obliged 
to  have  his  head  tied  up,  which  is  what  ought  to  have 
been  done  at  the  outset  if  only  he  had  followed  my 
advice.  But  men  are  always  so  obstinate,  even  when 
things  are  suggested  for  their  good. 

What  with  the  sympathetic  remedy  and  the  spirit 

[65] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

of  mustard-seed,  it  was  now  nearly  three  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  we  went  to  bed. 

I  cannot  say  I  had  a  pleasant  night,  for  Carl 
scarcely  slept  at  all,  and  kept  turning  over  and  over 
in  his  bed.  The  next  morning  he  certainly  looked 
as  if  he  might  have  done  better. 

Towards  eight  o'clock  he  fell  asleep,  and  I  began 
to  hope  that  all  would  soon  be  well.  At  ten  the 
Police-lieutenant's  wife  came  in  with  her  congratu- 
lations for  our  wedding-day,  which  she  regretted 
came  rather  late.  She  was  sincerely  grieved  about' 
my  husband,  and  said  there  was  nothing  better  for 
toothache  than  genuine  Chinese  essence  of  poho. 
Our  servant  was  sent  out  at  once  to  fetch  some.  Carl 
had  woke  up  meanwhile  and  was  suffering  dread- 
fully again.  I  showed  him  the  essence  we  had  pro- 
cured, but  he  refused  to  try  it. 

"Carl,"  I  said,  "it  would  be  most  rude  to  the 
Police-lieutenant's  wife  if  you  were  not  to  give  the 
expensive  stuff  a  trial."  However,  he  would  not 
listen  to  anything,  and  was  very  much  out  of  temper. 
When  I  reminded  him  that  the  Chinese  had  proved 
themselves  wiser  than  we  were  in  many  things,  he 
at  last  agreed  to  try  it,  and  I  pushed  a  bit  of  wad- 
ding well  saturated  with  the  poho  into  his  tooth. 

It  made  him  spit  dreadfully,  but  the  pain  van- 
ished. His  eyes  were  full  of  tears  from  the  strength 
of  the  essence,  but  he  smiled  as  well  as  he  could  with 
[66] 


TOOTHACHE 


his  swollen  cheek.  Poor  Carl !  How  grateful  I  felt 
to  the  Police-lieutenant's  wife  no  one  can  imagine. 
I  and  the  girls  accompanied  her  downstairs,  and  she 
herself  was  pleased  that  her  advice  had  proved  so 
successful.  When  I  returned  upstairs  I  heard  poor 
Carl  moaning  again — the  toothache  had  returned 
with  redoubled  violence. 

It  is  a  good  thing  to  have  quick-witted  children. 
It  now  occurred  to  Betti  that  Herr  Krause  had 
homoeopathic  medicines,  and  often  cured  complaints 
in  no  time,  so  away  she  ran  to  ask  him  to  look  in. 

Herr  Krause  is  a  teacher,  and  one  can  always  rely 
upon  such  persons,  for  they  really  know  everything, 
and  lay  the  foundation  for  everything; — in  fact,  it 
is  said  it  was  they  who  won  in  the  late  war,  although, 
of  course,  there  never  would  have  been  a  war  but  for 
them.  Moreover,  Herr  Krause  is  specially  well  up 
in  scientific  matters,  and  has  absolutely  no  faith 
whatever  in  medical  men.  And,  as  I  said  before,  I 
myself  prefer  home  remedies. 

Herr  Krause  lost  no  time  in  appearing  with  his 
medicine-case  and  his  book,  for  was  this  not  a  case  of 
succouring  a  suffering  fellow-creature,  and  an  act  of 
pure  humanity*?  Carl  was  sitting  on  the  sofa  with 
his  swollen  cheek  and  was  very  irritable,  yet,  as  he 
could  only  see  with  one  eye,  the  other  being  pretty 
well  swollen  up,  he  looked  as  if  he  had  a  continual 
smirk  on  his  face. 

[67] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Well,  dear  Buchholz,"  exclaimed  Heir  Krause, 
"still  in  good  humour,  in  spite  of  your  troubles,  I  am 
glad  to  see." 

"I'm  not  a  bit  in  good  humour,"  replied  Carl 
snappishly.  "If  you  want  to  do  me  a  favour  send 
for  a  doctor." 

"A  doctor?"  said  Herr  Krause,  with  a  derisive 
smile.  "There's  is  no  occasion  here  for  a  doctor,  I 
hope.  Doctors  do  not  by  any  means  understand  the 
secrets  of  nature.  The  main  point  in  medicine  is  to 
<cure  diseases,  and  that  cannot  be  learned  by  killing 
cats  and  dissecting  dogs.  Then  think  of  the  stuffs 
they  make  people  swallow — poisons  and  purgatives 
that  bring  on  life-long  ailments.  Homoeopathy,  on 
the  other  hand,  destroys  diseases  in  a  natural  way." 

"I  suppose  with  bits  of  wood  and  spirit  of  mustard- 
seed,"  said  Carl  in  a  provoking  tone. 

Herr  Krause  only  smiled,  and,  by  way  of  ex- 
plaining his  method,  added:  "The  homoeopathic 
principle  is  to  cure  by  means  of  the  spirit  of  medi- 
cine. Take,  for  instance,  a  bottleful  of  water  as 
large  as  the  moon,  add  to  this  one  drop  of  medicine 
well  shaken  up  with  it.  You  will  then  have  a  homoe- 
opathic remedy." 

"Goodness!"  I  could  not  help  exclaiming,  "but 
who  can  shake  the  moon*?" 

"I  am  speaking  figuratively,  dear  Frau  Buchholz," 
replied  Herr  Krause.  "Now  let  us  first  of  all  test 
£68] 


TOOTHACHE 


your  husband's  symptoms  so  as  to  find  the  right 
medicine.  Do  you  feel  a  burrowing  pain  in  your 
tooth,  Buchholz?" 

"Not  since  that  woman  Grunert  left,"  replied 
Carl. 

"Ah!  no  burrowing  pain,  therefore.  Does  the 
pain  move  from  left  to  right  or  from  right  to  left?" 

"It  sticks  where  it  is." 

"Aha!  then  pulsatilla  is  the  medicine!  The 
swollen  cheek  indicates  a  chill.  We  shall  therefore 
use  aconite  and  pulsatilla  alternately." 

"I  beg  your  pardon,  Krause,  but  the  swollen  cheek 
is  the  result  of  the  spirit  of  mustard-seed." 

"Then  we  must  first  use  camphor  so  as  to  drive 
the  mustard  poison  from  the  system,"  replied  Herr 
Krause. 

With  this  he  opened  his  medicine  case  and  laid 
three  small  white  globules  on  my  husband's  tongue 
and  stirred  other  globules  in  a  little  water,  saying 
that  Carl  was  to  sip  a  little  of  the  water  every  hour. 
He  further  explained  that  the  pain  would  at  first 
become  more  violent — it  being  natural  to  get  worse 
first,  as  the  spirit  of  the  medicine  was  warring 
against  the  spirit  of  the  disease — but  that  the  trou- 
ble would  be  relieved  as  if  by  magic  shortly  after- 
wards. He,  moreover,  forbade  tobacco,  tea,  coffee, 
acids,  spices,  and  especially  camomile  tea,  which,  he 
declared,  brought  on  years  of  ill-health.  He  then 

[69] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

left.  My  husband  took  the  medicines  exactly  as 
prescribed,  but  the  toothache  got  worse  and  worse. 
"Thank  God,"  I  exclaimed,  "the  two  spirits  are 
fighting  it  out  well;  he  will  soon  be  better  now!" 
Carl  groaned  so  that  I  was  truly  grieved  for  him. 
He  walked  up  and  down  the  room,  then  sat  down, 
and  then  again  lay  down  on  the  sofa,  burrowing 
his  head  right  into  the  corner. 

"I  cannot  stand  it  any  longer !"  he  cried  at  last. 

"Do  keep  quiet,  Carl  dearest.  Did  you  not  hear 
Krause  say  that  the  pain  must  get  worse  before  it 
gets  better"?  Take  another  sip  of  this,  and  let  your 
teeth  fight  it  out  well." 

We  waited  hour  after  hour,  but  the  pain  did  not 
give  way.  Carl  wanted  to  smoke,  but  that  had  been 
strictly  forbidden.  At  dinner  we  had  his  favourite 
dish — stewed  meat  with  vinegar  sauce.  This  too  he 
dared  not  touch.  He  became  furious  when  he  found 
that  he  had  to  be  content  with  bread-and-milk. 

Emmi  suggested  that  Herr  Krause  might  have 
driven  out  the  spirit  of  mustard-seed,  but  that  per- 
haps the  poho  essence  was  still  at  work.  So  she 
hurried  off  to  ask  him.  She  was  away  a  considerable 
time,  and  when  she  returned  said,  that  Herr  Krause 
had  looked  up  in  his  medical  book  but  could  not  find 
any  antidote  for  poho,  and  also  said  that  this  poison 
might  neutralise  the  effect  of  his  medicines.  In  that 
case  homoeopathy  was  simply  powerless. 

[70] 


TOOTHACHE 


Carl's  stock  of  patience  was  clearly  coming  to  an 
end.  He  called  Emmi  a  silly  hen,  and  me  a  stupid 
goose.  It  was  just  as  if  he  were  out  of  his  mind, 
and  he  stalked  up  and  down  the  room  like  a  tiger 
in  its  cage.  I  burst  into  tears,  and  Emmi  cried  too. 
"Carl,"  I  exclaimed,  "how  unkind  you  are  to  us, 
how  cruel  you  are,  when  we  are  doing  everything 
we  possibly  can  to  mitigate  your  sufferings.  You 
are  an  unnatural  father  to  act  like  this  towards  us 
helpless  creatures!  Carl,  Carl,  you  are  behaving 
wickedly  both  to  me  and  to  your  child  also." 

He  made  no  answer,  and  when  I  looked  up  from 
my  pocket-handkerchief,  my  eyes  filled  with  tears, 
there  I  saw  Carl  standing  on  his  head  on  the  sofa 
with  pain.  This  was  horrible  in  the  extreme !  For 
surely  there  could  be  nothing  more  dreadful  than 
to  see  the  father  of  one's  children,  a  vestryman  and 
guardian,  standing  on  his  head  with  his  heels  high 
up  above  the  back  of  the  sofa?  I  gave  a  loud 
scream  in  my  dismay  and  distress. 

At  that  moment  Fritz  came  in.  "What  sort  of 
comedy  is  this*?"  he  called  out,  laughing,  when  this 
picture  of  domestic  despair  met  his  eyes.  It  was  with 
some  difficulty  that  he  was  made  to  understand  what 
had  happened,  for  while  our  voices  were  choked  with 
sobs,  and  Carl  kept  on  making  inarticulate  noises, 
Fritz  was  nearly  in  a  fit  with  laughter. 

[71] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Carl,  old  fellow,  what  have  they  been  doing  to 
you?"  he  said,  at  last. 

"Dosing  me  with  home  remedies." 

"Couldn't  you  have  sent  for  Dr.  Wrenzchen, 
Wilhelmine  ?"  said  Fritz  to  me. 

"Who  thinks  of  sending  for  a  doctor  the  moment 
things  go  wrong?"  said  I.  "What  are  home  reme- 
dies for,  I  should  like  to  know?" 

"To  plague  your  husband  with,"  was  his  reply. 

Fritz  then  began  to  scold  Carl  for  having  allowed 
himself  to  be  dosed  with  old  wife's  messes  (I  do 
believe  that  was  the  vulgar  expression  he  used),  and 
then  told  him  to  get  on  his  coat  and  to  come  to  a 
dentist  with  him.  This,  he  said,  would  be  better 
than  sending  for  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  whose  business  was 
more  for  internal  than  for  external  troubles. 

This  proposal  is  not  what  I  should  have  liked  best, 
for  if  Dr.  Wrenzchen  had  been  called  in,  he  might 
have  had  a  chat  with  Betti;  but  we  women  have 
always  to  give  in  to  rude  force. 

Fritz  drove  off  with  Carl,  and  in  an  hour's  time 
they  returned.  Carl  was  rid  of  his  tooth  and  of  the 
pain,  and  like  a  new-born  creature;  but  the  begin- 
ning of  this  new  year  of  our  marriage  was  not  as 
pleasant  as  had  always  been  the  case  before.  Carl 
had  been  too  hard  upon  me,  and  that  I  could  not 
forgive  at  a  moment's  notice.  Had  we  not  all  meant 
to  do  our  best  for  him1? 

[72] 


CHAPTER  IV 

A  NEW  YEAR'S  EVE  PARTY  IN  THE  LANDSBERGER- 
.  STRASSE,  AND  A  (TEMPORARY)  RECONCILIATION 


WE  have  generally  spent  New  Year's  Eve  turn 
about  at  each  other's  houses — first  at  the 
Krauses',  then  at  the  Bergfeldts',  and  then  at  our 
house.  Last  year  we  met  at  our  house,  so  now  it's 
the  Krauses'  turn  again.  I  wonder  how  it  will  be 
next  year  when  the  Bergfeldts  have  to  invite  us! 

Frau  Bergf eldt  had  offended  me  mortally ;  I  can't 
say  how  mortified  I  had  been.  Had  she  been  lying 
at  her  last  gasp  asking  me  for  a  drop  of  water,  I 
could  have  given  her  oil  of  vitriol  instead.  But  no 
— these  feelings  came  over  me  only  at  the  first  mo- 
ment of  my  rage,  and  were  probably  the  cause  of  my 
having  that  bilious-fever.  I  have  got  the  better  of 
them  now,  however,  and  no  longer  feel  as  bitter  as  I 
did,  and  am  just  a  little  ashamed  that  such  thoughts 
could  ever  have  arisen  in  my  breast.  But  still  I  do 
not  by  any  means  wish  to  say  that  Frau  Bergfeldt 

[73] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

wasn't  to  blame.  Quite  the  reverse,  for  it  was  she 
who  began  it. 

Well,  and  so  it  is  the  Krauses'  turn! — Herr 
Krause  came  in  himself  to  invite  us,  and  Carl  ac- 
cepted the  invitation  without  further  ado.  "Carl," 
I  exclaimed  a  little  sharply,  "have  you  inquired 
whether  the  Bergfeldts  are  to  be  there  or  not*?"  He 
answered  curtly :  "Of  course  they  will  be  there ;  we 
always  meet  on  New  Year's  Eve,  and  it  will  be  the 
same  this  year,  I  suppose."  He  made  this  remark 
in  a  more  determined  tone  of  voice  than  I  had  heard 
him  speak  for  long.  While  he  was  speaking  I  fixed 
him  with  my  eye,  and  although  he  knew  quite  well 
what  my  look  meant  he  paid  no  heed  to  it  whatever. 

"Indeed!"  I  exclaimed,  without  adding  another 
syllable;  but  there  was  something  in  that  "indeed" 
of  mine  which  so  dismayed  Carl  that  it  was  easy  to 
see  he  felt  dry  in  the  mouth  from  fear. 

"Dear  Frau  Buchholz,"  put  in  Herr  Krause 
gently,  "is  it  so  very  impossible  then  for  you  to  be 
forgiving*?  Out  in  the  big  world  there  are  disputes 
enough,  and  hate  and  dissensions  crop  up  on  all  sides. 
Are  these  evil  spirits  to  be  allowed  to  spoil  our  fam- 
ily life,  to  tear  asunder  old  bonds  of  friendship  and 
to  destroy  the  few  joys  that  spring  up  from  social  in- 
tercourse?" I  battled  a  little  with  myself  and  then 
said:  "With  evil  spirits  I  will  have  nothing  what- 
ever to  do — and  as  to  being  unsociable,  no  one  shall 

[74] 


A     NEW     YEAR     S     EVE      PARTY 

ever  say  that  of  me.  Herr  Krause,  you  have  spoken 
beautifully,  and  it  would  be  wrong  of  me  if  I  didn't 
give  way.  But  that  Frau  Bergfeldt  must  let  me 
have  the  first  word,  remember.  I  bargain  for  that, 
or  else  things  remain  as  they  are." 

Herr  Krause  said  he  would  answer  for  Frau  Berg- 
feldt doing  as  I  wished,  and  so  I  promised  to  be  one 
of  the  party. 

Scarcely  had  Herr  Krause  left  when  I  said  to 
Carl:  "He  is  certainly  right;  it  is  better  to  live  in 
peace  than  at  strife.  What's  the  use  of  perpetual 
sulking*?  Our  children's  Christmas  frocks  will  have 
to  be  got  ready,  however,  and  I  shall  wear  the  new 
locket  with  the  large  diamonds  that  you  gave  me. 
The  Bergfeldts  will  have  nothing  to  come  up  to 
that." 

When  the  evening  came,  I  said  to  my  husband: 
"Do  not  let  us  be  the  first  to  arrive ;  it  looks  ill-bred 
to  be  very  punctual." — "As  you  like,  Wilhelmine. 
But  remember  we  are  not  going  to  a  formal  party, 
we  shall  only  be  among  friends."  However,  I  in- 
sisted upon  what  I  had  said,  and  so  we  waited  till  the 
boy  Krause  came  in  and  told  us  that  everyone  had 
come,  and  that  the  whipped  cream  was  getting  thin, 
and  that  his  mother  could  not  keep  it  any  longer. 
So  off  we  went.  When  we  got  there  I  let  my  hus- 
band lead  the  way ;  I  followed  in  my  light  grey  silk, 
a  little  cut  out  at  the  throat,  and  with  my  locket  on; 

[75] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

by  my  side  were  the  girls,  looking  very  well  in  their 
Christmas  dresses. 

Everyone  in  the  room  rose  to  bid  us  welcome. 
The  Krauses  were  very  hearty,  so  also  was  Herr 
Bergfeldt,  but  that  wife  of  his  made  me  a  bow  as 
cold  and  stiff  as  if  it  had  lain  in  ice  for  a  week.  It 
absolutely  took  away  my  breath  when  Frau  Krause 
asked  me  to  take  a  seat  on  the  sofa  beside  Frau  Berg- 
feldt. It  was  a  terrible  moment  for  the  party,  and 
all  noticed  it,  yet  no  one  said  a  word.  All  at  once 
Fritz  broke  the  awful  silence  by  singing  out :  "Wait 
till  the  clouds  roll  by !"  This  made  everybody  laugh, 
while  I  and  Frau  Bergfeldt  on  the  sofa,  side  by  side, 
coloured  up  to  our  eyebrows.  The  moment  had 
now  come  to  show  which  of  us  two  was  the  better 
bred,  and  so  I  at  once  exclaimed:  "Well,  let  the 
clouds  roll  by;"  whereupon  Frau  Bergfeldt  added, 
"Yes,  certainly,  let  them;  there's  but  one  New 
Year's  Eve  in  the  year!"  Everyone  agreed  to  this, 
tea  was  brought  in,  and  after  tea  preserved  cherries 
with  whipped  cream  for  the  ladies,  and  beer  for  the 
gentlemen.  And  before  I  knew  where  I  was  I  found 
myself  chatting  away  with  Frau  Bergfeldt  in  our 
old  pleasant  way.  The  young  people  set  about  play- 
ing "hunt  the  thimble,"  and  Uncle  Fritz  took  part 
in  it,  keeping  the  whole  party  merry  with  laughter, 
while  we  elderly  folks  talked  about  this  and  that  till 
supper  was  ready.  Frau  Bergfeldt  had  told  me  that 

[76] 


A      NEW     YEAR     S     EVE     PARTY 

young  Weigelt  was  doing  well,  and  would  probably 
have  passed  his  examinations  by  next  year,  and  that 
then  he  and  Augusta  would  be  married;  she  also 
made  me  promise  that  I  would  come  to  the  wedding. 
It  was  just  the  old  days  over  again.  I  suspect  Herr 
Krause  had  had  a  talk  with  her.  This  made  it  clear 
to  me  how  much  good  a  sensible  man  can  do,  if  he 
but  uses  his  opportunity  properly.  In  fact,  I  could 
not  help  wishing  that  my  Carl  were  a  little  more 
like  Herr  Krause  in  this,  much  as  I  am  satisfied  with 
him  in  every  other  way. 

At  supper  too  it  was  extremely  pleasant.  We 
were  a  little  closely  packed,  it  is  true,  but  still  there 
was  room  enough.  First  we  had  the  regular  New 
Year's  soup  (Mahnpielen),  then  stewed  carp  with 
horse-radish,  roast  meat  with  preserved  fruit,  and 
ice  to  finish  up.  In  the  centre  of  the  table  stood  the 
punch-bowl.  Herr  Krause  and  Uncle  Fritz  filled 
our  glasses  from  it,  and  when  the  bowl  was  emptied 
Frau  Krause  fetched  a  new  supply  in  a  large  jug  and 
refilled  the  bowl.  The  merriment  went  on  increas- 
ing. Between  the  courses  we  sang  songs,  which  Fritz 
accompanied  on  the  piano.  Before  the  fish  we  sang 
Wohlauf  nock  getrunken  den  funkelnden  Wein^  and 
before  the  roast  Wir  gehen  nacTi  Lindenau,  to  which 
Fritz  made  up  a  lot  of  new  verses,  singing  them  as 
solos,  we  others  joining  in  as  the  chorus.  How  we 
did  laugh,  to  be  sure!  In  one  verse  Fritz  made  a 

:[77] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

hit  at  me  and  my  writing  by  singing  something  about 
my  liking  my  letters  to  be  read  everywhere,  "even  in 
Lindenau."  What  a  merry  fellow  he  is !  Even  lit- 
tle Krause  joined  in  the  songs,  and  all  the  evening 
kept  on  humming  "We're  off  to  Lindenau." 

When  we  had  the  ice  intus,  as  young  Weigelt  is 
fond  of  putting  it,  Herr  Krause  rose,  looked  at  his 
watch  and  knocked  his  glass  to  make  way  for  his 
speech.  In  a  moment  there  was  a  perfect  and  even 
a  solemn  silence;  the  boy  Krause  too  dropped  his 
singing  after  having  got  a  gentle  slap  from  his 
father;  and  truly  Herr  Krause's  speech  was  most  af- 
fecting. .  .  .  Just  as  Herr  Krause  ended  we  heard 
twelve  o'clock  striking  dolefully  in  the  next  room, 
and  we  drank  healths  all  round  by  knocking  our  re- 
filled glasses  one  against  the  other.  Young  Krause 
however  called  out:  "It  struck  thirteen;  I  counted 
it !" — and  this  was,  in  fact,  quite  true.  Uncle  Fritz, 
who  had  struck  the  hour  in  the  next  room  with  the 
tongs,  had  given  thirteen  raps  by  way  of  a  joke.  We 
laughed,  of  course,  but  did  not  let  this  disturb  our 
merriment,  although,  as  everyone  knows,  thirteen  is 
not  a  very  comfortable  number. 

Uncle  Fritz  has,  in  fact,  a  good  deal  of  the  free- 
thinker about  him. 

We  remained  till  about  two  in  the  morning,  and 
broke  up,  feeling  that,  we  had  spent  a  very  merry  and 

[78] 


A     NEW     YEAR     S     EVE     PARTY 

pleasant  evening.  Frau  Bergfeldt  invited  us  to  their 
house  for  her  birthday  festival,  which  is  in  a  day  or 
two,  and  I  have  accepted.  Thus,  it  may  be  said, 
the  hatchet  lies  buried  betwixt  us. 


[79] 


CHAPTER  V 

A  [MAGNETIC   PARTY   WHICH    LEADS  TO  A  DRAMATIC 
SITUATION  AND  A  ^MOTHER'S  TEARS 


Another  party  was  quickly  arranged*  At  that  time 
Berlin  was  greatly  excited  by  human  magnetism,  or 
hypnotic  suggestion,  and  the  Buchholzes,  Bergfeldts, 
Krauses,  and  Uncle  fritz  all  met  to  subject  the  new 
marvel  to  the  test.  But  first  I  should  say  that  Frau 
Buchholz  had  been  put  into  excellent  spirits  by  the 
prospect  of  a  legacy  from  her  aunt  at  Butzow,  who 
had  just  died,  and  she  was  already  beginning  to 
revise  her  list  of  friends  in  consequence* 

I  TOLD  the  children  that  we  were  going  to  have  a 
magnetic  tea-party  the  next  day.  Emmi  seemed 
delighted,  but  Betti  became  deathly  pale  and  cried: 
"Oh,  Mamma,  please  do  not,  we  shall  all  be  made 
wretchedly  unhappy." — "Betti!"  I  exclaimed  in 
surprise. — "Mamma,  believe  what  I  say." — "But 
child,  whatever  is  the  matter  with  you?  You  have 

[80] 


THE      MAGNETIC      PARTY 


lately,  I  know,  not  been  looking  as  well  as  you  did. 
You  hardly  ever  speak,  never  laugh,  and  are  always 
playing  doleful  tunes  on  the  piano.  I  noticed  too 
the  other  day  that,  when  we  had  your  favourite  dish 
— mashed  potatoes  with  sausages — you  had  only  one 
helping.  What  does  all  this  mean,  Betti?" — "I  had 
headache,"  was  her  answer. — "That  comes  from  too 
much  studying,"  said  I,  "have  you  still  essays  to 
write  for  school?" — "Yes.": — "And  what  was  your 
last  subject?" — "We  had  to  consider  whether  Rich- 
ard III.  would  have  been  a  good  man  had  he  had 
different  parents." — "I  shall  speak  to  your  father 
and  see  whether  these  lessons  of  yours  at  the  Insti- 
tution for  the  Higher  Education  of  Girls  had  not 
better  be  dropped.  This  afternoon,  at  all  events, 
we  shall  have  to  set  about  making  pastry  for  to-mor- 
row, and  shall  have  to  make  more  than  usual,  for 
there  is  scarcely  ever  enough  when  the  Bergf eldts  are 
of  the  party."  "Oh,  Mamma,  I  thought  you  and 
Frau  Bergfeldt  had  made  up  your  quarrel."  "Well, 
yes,  we  did;  but  nevertheless  I  am  not  fond  of  the 
family.  And  as  we  shall  be  coming  into  the  property 
of  my  aunt  in  Biitzow,  there  will  be  a  greater  dif- 
ference between  us  and  the  Bergfeldts  than  ever 
there  was.  They  must  have  to  pinch  fearfully  to 
make  both  ends  meet." 

My  girls  helped  me  in  the  kitchen.    Betti,  how- 
ever, again  complained  of  headache,  so  I  thought  it 

[81] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

wisest  to  pack  them  both  off  for  a  walk,  as  the  fresh 
air  might  do  Betti's  head  good.  I  meant  it  all  for 
the  best,  yet,  as  it  turned  out  afterwards,  I  did  very 
wrong  to  let  Betti  out  of  my  sight  that  day. 

Next  evening  the  Krauses  and  Bergfeldts  came  in 
as  arranged.  There  were  no  less  than  five  of  the 
Bergfeldts — he,  she,  Augusta  and  her  young  man, 
and  Emil  the  son.  However,  I  was  prepared  with 
the  necessary  amount  of  cakes. — "Where  is  Betti  *?" 
said  I  to  Emmi,  noticing  that  my  eldest  girl  was  not 
there. — "She  won't  come  in,"  answered  Emmi. — 
"Let  me  have  a  talk  with  her,"  said  Uncle  Fritz, 
"I  fancy  she's  afraid  of  the  magnetism."  After  a 
time  Betti  did  appear,  but,  oh  my  stars !  what  a  sight 
the  child  looked!  Her  eyes  were  red  with  crying, 
her  cheeks  without  a  vestige  of  colour,  and  she 
quaked  so,  any  one  might  have  noticed  it.  To-mor- 
row, thought  I,  Doctor  Wrenzchen  must  be  sent  for; 
there  is  something  more  than  merely  external  the 
matter  with  her — she  must  be  ill.  Betti  came  for- 
ward and  saluted  our  visitors,  first  the  Krauses,  of 
course,  as  people  of  more  importance  than  the  Berg- 
feldts; then  she  went  up  to  Frau  Bergfeldt,  however, 
threw  her  arms  round  her  and  gave  her  a  kiss.  This 
struck  me  as  a  little  peculiar,  I  must  confess,  and 
Fritz  put  on  a  most  amused  expression  when  he  saw 
my  amazement  at  this  piece  of  familiarity.  How- 
ever, tea  was  then  served,  Betti,  Emmi  and  Augusta 

[82] 


THE      MAGNETIC      PARTY 

handing  round  the  things.  The  one  took  the  tea, 
the  other  the  cream  and  sugar,  and  the  third  the 
cakes — which  every  one  said  were  excellent.  The 
truth  is,  however,  that  the  cakes  were  not  quite  what 
they  might  have  been,  for  when  making  them  my 
attention  had  to  be  divided  between  Betti  and  the 
paste-bowl;  still  the  cakes  were  well  enough  fla- 
voured. 

The  gentlemen  then  began  a  very  learned  con- 
versation about  human  magnetism.  Fritz  declared 
himself  a  believer  in  it;  Herr  Krause  was  not  alto- 
gether sure ;  Herr  Bergf eldt  was  quite  opposed  to  the 
idea;  and  my  Carl  said  nothing,  but  drank  his  beer. 
Fritz  related  that  when  the  Breslau  professors  came 
to  Berlin,  they  brought  matters  so  far  at  the  Charite, 
that  by  merely  laying  their  hands  on  a  cabman  they 
had  made  him  recite  the  opening  lines  of  Homer  in 
Greek.  This  made  Herr  Krause  declare  that,  as  a 
teacher,  he  must  be  allowed  to  express  his  doubt 
about  the  truth  of  such  a  story.  Fritz,  however, 
fetched  a  volume  where  this  statement  had  been  re- 
corded by  the  professors.  These  records  spoke  of 
wonderful  things,  such  as,  for  instance,  that  by 
means  of  hypnotism  a  person  could  be  made  to  do 
anything  the  magnetiser  wished — made  to  believe 
that  he  was  riding  a  horse  while  on  a  chair,  to  swal- 
low string  and  to  fancy  it  lampreys,  to  drink  bitters 
and  to  imagine  it  champagne.  "Nay,  but  I  hope  he 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

enjoyed  it  too!"  exclaimed  Frau  Bergfeldt.  Herr 
Krause  maintained  that  he  could  not  believe  this 
to  be  true  till  he  had  seen  something  of  the  kind  with 
his  own  eyes.  I,  thereupon,  threw  in  the  story  about 
my  aunt  in  Biitzow,  and  took  the  opportunity  of 
letting  the  Bergfeldts  know  that  we  had  come  into 
a  good  bit  of  money.  Fritz  began,  however,  to  dis- 
pute the  subject  with  Herr  Bergfeldt,  and  proposed 
to  make  some  experiments  to  convince  those  who  had 
doubts. 

We  were  all  very  excited  as  to  what  would  hap- 
pen. Fritz  then  asked  Augusta  to  go  out  of  the 
room,  and  when  she  had  gone,  he  asked  us  what  we 
would  like  her  to  do.  We  were  all  willing  that  she 
should  open  the  photograph  album  and  point  her 
finger  at  my  husband's  portrait.  Uncle  Fritz  then 
called  her  in,  blindfolded  her,  and  stood  behind  her, 
placing  his  hands  upon  her  shoulders.  Augusta 
stood  for  a  little  perfectly  still,  then  all  of  a  sudden 
she  walked  to  the  table,  took  up  the  album,  turned 
over  the  pages,  and  then  pointed  to  a  photograph. 
The  one  she  pointed  to  was  not  exactly  Carl's  like- 
ness, but  that  of  his  friend  Ringelmeier,  who  was 
now  dead.  Nevertheless,  what  she  had  done  was 
most  surprising,  especially  as  Frau  Bergfeldt  as- 
sured us  that  one  day  lately  Augusta  had  managed 
to  find  the  very  photograph  that  had  been  fixed 
upon.  Herr  Krause  still  declared  that  he  could  see 

[84] 


THE      MAGNETIC     PARTY 


nothing  supernatural  in  the  experiment,  whereupon 
Augusta  said  that  she  was  not  in  the  proper  mood 
this  evening,  but  that  Betti  made  a  splendid  medium. 
"Our  Betti?"  I  exclaimed  in  dismay. — "The  chil- 
dren have  been  amusing  themselves  pretty  often 
lately  with  human  magnetism,"  put  in  Frau  Berg- 
feldt. — "I've  been  told  nothing  about  it  then,"  was 
my  reply. — "You've  got  to  be  told  a  good  many 
things  yet,  Wilhelmine,"  was  Fritz's  remark.  He 
then  turned  to  Betti,  saying:  "Are  you  ready  to 
begin?"  Betti  did  not  answer,  but  sat  looking  like 
a  ghost.  "Come,  Betti,  pick  up  your  courage;  it's 
got  to  be  done,  you  know."  Betti  rose  and  went  out 
of  the  room,  looking  just  as  if  she  were  walking  in 
her  sleep.  Augusta  followed  her.  "Now,  Wilhel- 
mine," said  Fritz,  "you  fix  upon  something  for  her 
to  do." — "I  can't  think  of  anything  just  at  this  min- 
ute," said  I. — "Well,  then,  shall  she  embrace  and 
kiss  the  person  dearest  to  her  on  earth?"  asked  Fritz. 
My  answer  was:  "Do  as  you  like;  I  don't  mind 
having  an  embrace  from  her."  Betti  came  in  and 
was  blindfolded.  For  some  time  she  seemed  to  hesi- 
tate about  what  she  had  to  do,  but  then  came  for- 
ward, and  I  had  already  opened  my  arms  to  receive 
her,  when  she  turned  aside,  went  straight  up  to  Emil 
Bergfeldt,  who  looked  down  at  her  with  emotion, 
and  sank  into  his  arms,  and  he  quickly  unbound  her 
eyes  and  kissed  her. — "This  is  going  beyond  a  joke !" 

[85] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

I  cried,  and  rose  up.  "Carl,  do  you  stand  there 
quietly  and  allow  such  things  to  go  on?"- — "Come, 
Wilhelmine,"  said  Fritz,  "do  not  get  angry;  these 
two  have  long  since  made  up  their  minds.  They  are 
in  love  with  each  other,  and  there's  an  end  of  it." 
"I  beg  leave  to  differ  from  you,  Fritz.  I've  a 
word  to  say  surely  on  such  a  subject!  And  you, 
Carl,  do  you  say  nothing  to  all  this?" — "I  have 
given  my  consent,"  he  replied  quietly. — "And  I  say 
it's  impossible,  now  that  we  have  come  into  that 
money." — "And  I  say  just  because  of  that,"  replied 
Carl,  "haven't  you  noticed  how  our  child  has  been 
suffering  latterly,  and  that  she  has  been  fading  away 
like  a  shadow?" — "I  certainly  have  noticed  it,"  said 
I. — "Well,  then,  I've  got  to  tell  you  that  it  all 
comes  from  her  struggle  between  duty  and  love,  it's 
this  that  made  her  miserable.  Betti  hadn't  the  cour- 
age to  tell  you  that  she  was  in  love  with  Emil  Berg- 
feldt."— "Did  she  tell  you,  then?"  "No,  she 
didn't,"  put  in  Fritz,  "but  I  saw  what  was  going 
on,  and  begged  Carl  to  leave  me  to  tell  you  in  my 
own  way.  As  you  see,  I  have  now  done  so  on  the 
magnetic  principle." — "And  allow  me  to  tell  you 
that  I  have  other  prospects  in  view  for  my  daugh- 
ters; they  may  get  quite  into  the  upper  circles  now." 
— "And  perhaps  be  made  miserable,"  added  Carl 
bitterly.  "When  we  were  young,  did  we  ever  think 
about  rank  and  position?  Would  you  have  refused 
[861 


THE      MAGNETIC      PARTY 


me  had  some  man  of  title  come  to  take  you  from 
me*?" — While  he  was  speaking  my  thoughts  flew 
back  to  that  blessed  time  when  I  could  not  possibly 
have  done  otherwise  than  love  him — him,  who  had 
become  more  than  all  the  world  to  me.  And  here  I 
was,  fancying  that  my  girls  were  children  still,  never 
thinking  it  possible  that  they  too  would  one  day  wish 
to  choose  for  themselves  as  their  hearts  prompted 
them,  and  never  thinking  that  the  time  had  actually 
come.  "Betti!"  I  cried;  and  she  came  to  me,  threw 
her  arms  round  me,  and  sobbed  as  if  her  heart  would 
break.  "Oh,  Betti,  you  had  no  trust  in  me,  no  trust 
in  your  mother!" — "Mamma,"  she  sobbed,  "I  did 
not  want  to  grieve  you.  I  knew  you  would  not  con- 
sent to  my  loving  Emil  .  .  .  and  so  I  could  not  tell 
you  that  I  loved  him."  .  .  . 

I  had  now  recovered  my  calmness  of  mind,  and 
led  Betti  away  to  her  room,  where  I  told  her  that 
I  did  not  mean  to  give  my  consent  forthwith,  or  to 
be  intimidated  by  Uncle  Fritz's  way  of  acting. 

On  returning  to  the  sitting-room,  I  told  our  guests 
that  what  had  taken  place  was  a  mere  piece  of  non- 
sense of  Fritz's,  who  had  only  wanted  to  induce  us 
to  believe  in  human  magnetism,  and,  therefore,  that 
there  could  be  no  question  about  any  serious  engage- 
ment between  my  Betti  and  Emil  Bergfeldt.  Carl 
seemed  very  much  annoyed  at  my  remarks,  and  Frau 
Bergfeldt  said:  "Dear  Frau  Buchholz,  the  young 

[87] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

people  need  be  in  no  hurry.  There's  time  enough 
yet  for  Emil."  "Plenty,"  said  I  dryly.— "If  only 
you  did  not  bubble  up  so,  we  might  long  since  have 
talked  the  matter  over,"  muttered  that  Frau  Berg- 
feldt.  "So  you  were  in  the  plot  too!"  said  I.  "We 
met  yesterday  afternoon  to  discuss  with  Herr  Fritz 
what  was  to  be  done,  and  he  maintained  we  should 
never  get  your  consent  in  any  straightforward  man- 
ner. I  am  myself  more  for  letting  things  take  their 
natural  course." — I  felt  petrified.  To  think  of  my 
baking  those  cakes  yesterday  for  that  brood  of  vi- 
pers, and  Betti  with  them  conspiring  against  her 
own  mother!  Every  one  knew  about  it  except  my- 
self. The  very  thought  of  it  made  me  laugh  a  hor- 
rid laugh. — "There  now,"  said  Frau  Bergfeldt, 
"she's  going  to  have  a  fit,  and  we  shall  have  to  hold 
her  thumbs." — "No,"  I  exclaimed,  "you'll  do  noth- 
ing of  the  kind !  And  I  should  like  to  see  any  one 
of  you  force  me  to  give  in.  Nothing  whatever  shall 
come  of  your  plottings,  not  though  Herr  Emil  were 
to  open  one  of  his  arteries  before  my  very  eyes." — 
"Wilhelmine,  you  don't  know  what  you're  saying," 
cried  Carl. — "I'm  as  quiet  as  ever  I  was — but  shall 
not  allow  myself  to  be  made  a  fool  of." 

When  they  had  all  gone  I  had  a  regular  cry,  and 

then  went  to  Betti.     She  was  in  bed  and  looked  up 

at  me  so  sadly  when  I  sat  down  beside  her,  that  I  felt 

sick  at  heart.     "Forgive  me,  Mamma,  I  ought  to 

[88] 


THE      MAGNETIC      PARTY 


have  told  you  and  only  you,"  she  said  entreatingly. 
— I  was  about  to  answer:  "You  are  still  a  child, 
Betti," — but  was  she  still  a  child?  Her  lovely  thick 
hair  was  loosened  and  fell  round  about  her,  and 
her  face  showed  an  expression  of  seriousness  un- 
known to  children.  She  now  seemed  to  me  a  soft, 
budding  blossom;  I  had  not  noticed  it  before. 
"Betti,  and  do  you  really  love  him?"  I  asked. — 
"Yes,"  she  whispered. — "Do  you  love  him  more 
than  you  do  me?"  She  was  silent — and  then  I  knew 
I  had  lost  my  child,  and  that  her  whole  being  now 
belonged  to  another.  Ah,  how  unspeakably  painful 
it  is  to  discover  that! 

I  bent  down  over  her  bed  and  embraced  her 
warmly  and  lovingly,  and  said:  "You  shall  be 
happy,  my  child,  as  happy  as  I  once  was.  I  did 
fancy  that  you  might  have  become  the  wife  of  a 
man  in  some  good  position;  but  have  I  not  been 
happy  enough  in  our  simple  home?  No,  darling,  I 
have  no  wish  to  see  you  a  loveless  wife  amidst  fine 
carved  furniture,  nor  that  winter  should  be  lurking 
behind  silken  curtains  during  your  summer-time,  or 
that  aversion  to  your  enforced  husband  should  be 
your  constant  attendant.  You  see,  I  love  you  after 
all,  better  than  you  think."  She  cuddled  up  to  me 
and  was  my  child  again,  and  smiled  at  me  and  said : 
"I  love  you  both,  Mamma,  you  and  him,  and  you 
will  love  him  too  as  much  as  you  love  me, 

[89] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

won't  you*?"     Could  I  do  otherwise  than  say  yes*? 

I  called  to  Emmi  to  bring  in  a  few  slices  of  the 
roast  meat,  for  why  should  it  be  spoiled?  "We 
will  celebrate  the  betrothal  by  a  slice  of  venison." — 
"Where  is  the  betrothal?"  asked  Emmi.  "Go  you 
to  bed,  Emmi,  you  know  nothing  about  such  things 
yet." 

And  so  I  remained  and  watched  by  Betti. 


[90] 


CHAPTER   VI 

A  WHIT-MONDAY  PICNIC  AND  A  GRIEVOUS  DISCOVERY 
REGARDING    EMIL    BERGFELDT 


THERE  are  people  who  think  it  a  pleasure  to 
make  up  a  party  for  an  excursion  into  the 
country;  but  that  is  a  downright  mistake. 

On  Whit-Monday  we  have  generally  gone  out  to 
the  Zoological  Gardens  or  had  a  drive  to  Treptow 
where,  except  for  the  crowds  of  people  and  the  dust, 
it  is  very  pleasant;  but  this  year  we  settled  to  spend 
the  day  differently,  for  Betti's  engagement  to  young 
Bergfeldt  had  drawn  our  families  closer  together,  so 
we  could  not,  of  course,  leave  them  out  of  the  ques- 
tion. I  would  never  have  tolerated  Betti's  going 
with  the  Bergfeldts,  and  naturally  they  wanted  Emil 
to  spend  the  day  with  them.  Uncle  Fritz  therefore 
proposed  that  we  should  all  join  in  hiring  a  wag- 
gonette, and  drive  out  into  the  country.  He  further 
said  that  there  would  be  room  enough  for  the 
Krauses  to  go  too,  which  would  make  it  a  cheaper 

[91] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

affair  all  round.  Fritz,  moreover,  described  every- 
thing in  such  glowing  colours — how  green  the  coun- 
try would  be  looking,  how  delicious  the  bread  from 
the  farm  would  taste  by  the  brookside,  and  how  de- 
lightful the  drive  itself  in  the  waggonette  would  be 
• — that  I  agreed  to  the  plan  at  once.  There  was 
plenty  to  discuss  beforehand,  especially  about  the 
provisions,  for  otherwise  people  are  so  apt  to  take 
the  same  things,  and  it  would  probably  have  ended 
in  nothing  but  plain  sausages  and  hard-boiled  eggs. 
I  for  one  should  be  sorry  to  have  no  more  than  that 
on  the  Monday  of  Whitsuntide. 

By  eight  in  the  morning  we  had  all  taken  our  seats 
in  the  waggonette — the  Bergfeldts,  with  Augusta's 
young  man  Weigelt,  the  Krauses,  and  their  boy  Ed- 
ward in  white  trousers,  blue  velvet  jacket  and  a  new 
straw  hat.  Emil  Bergfeldt  had  come  over  to  us 
early  in  the  morning  and  had  brought  Betti  a  bunch 
of  elder  flowers.  When  we  were  taking  our  seats 
Emil  had  contrived  to  get  a  place  beside  Betti.  How- 
ever, I  planted  myself  in  between  them,  as  I  consid- 
ered it  more  suitable  that  they  should  be  apart.  I 
am  not  one  for  love-making  in  public.  Carl  sat  be- 
side Herr  Krause,  and  Uncle  Fritz  took  his  seat  in 
front,  on  the  box  beside  the  driver. 

When  we  started  Fritz  took  out  his  latch-key  and 
whistled  away  on  it  as  if  he  had  been  a  steam-en- 
gine, and  away  we  rolled  through  the  Prenzlau  Gate- 

[921 


A     PICNIC 

way,  along  the  Prenzlau  Chaussee,  for  our  destina- 
tion was  the  Liepnitz  Lake. 

The  weather  was  beautiful,  although  a  little  cool. 
When  we  passed  the  first  windmill  Uncle  Fritz  un- 
corked his  flask  and  said  that  we  must  have  a  mouth- 
ful all  round,  as  it  was  the  regular  custom.  We 
were  not  so  very  warm,  so  we  did  take  a  drop  or  two 
of  cognac  and  became  very  merry.  Herr  Krause 
asked  whether  it  was  the  custom  to  drink  at  every 
mill,  whereupon  Fritz  declared  that  it  was  an  old 
custom  to  drink  to  every  mill.  Herr  Krause  sug- 
gested that  this  custom  probably  was  of  Wendish 
origin,  and  very  likely  dated  from  the  hoary  days  of 
heathenism.  This  led  to  a  very  learned  talk  about 
lake-dwellings  and  Tacitus,  subjects  about  which 
Herr  Krause  knew  a  great  deal;  but  the  conversa- 
tion again  turned  upon  municipal  government,  where 
my  Carl,  of  course,  felt  himself  perfectly  at  home. 
Uncle  Fritz  meanwhile  conversed  with  the  coach- 
man, and  every  now  and  then  handed  his  flask  to 
us  in  the  waggonette.  I  must  confess  there  were 

*JO 

mills  in  plenty  along  the  road,  and  what  I  specially 
disliked  was  that  the  boy  Krause  was  for  ever  call- 
ing out :  "There's  another  mill !"  so  that  none  could 
be  passed  unnoticed.  I  warned  Carl,  but  he  only, 
laughed  at  me  and  said :  "Whit-Monday  comes  but 
once  a  year,  Wilhelmine." 

At  half-past  eight  the  horses  were  made  to  go  at  a 

[93] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

walking  pace,  and  the  baskets  were  brought  out  for 
breakfast.  The  ladies  handed  the  buttered  bread 
to  the  gentlemen,  and  Uncle  Fritz  came  forward 
with  an  extra  treat  for  us  all  by  producing  all  sorts 
of  tins  that  he  had  purchased  at  the  Exhibition — 
delicious  Norwegian  herrings,  anchovies,  salted  cod- 
tongues,  rolled  pickled  herrings,  and  even  caviare — 
something  of  everything;  and  we  did  thoroughly  en- 
joy the  dainties.  What  I  objected  to,  however,  was 
that  the  boy  Krause  got  these  salted  fish  to  eat;  if 
he  didn't  get  everything  he  wanted  he  immediately 
began  to  whimper,  and  his  mother  then  gave  in  to 
him.  One  piece  of  pickled  herring,  however,  which 
he  bit  at  greedily,  so  burnt  his  mouth  owing  to  the 
cayenne  pepper,  that  he  began  to  cry,  and  this  made 
me  speak  out.  "I  wouldn't  let  that  boy  have  all 
these  things,  Frau  Krause;  children  are  always  best 
kept  to  bread-and-milk."  But  she  answered  that  her 
Edward  was  now  big  enough  to  eat  anything,  that 
he  could  drink  beer  like  any  grown-up  person,  and 
that  it  agreed  with  him  admirably.  Hereupon  I  re- 
marked that  I  had  read  that  to  give  children  beer 
had  a  bad  effect  upon  their  intellects,  and  that  brew- 
ers' children  were  always  the  most  backward  at 
school.  Frau  Krause  asked  her  husband  if  he,  as  a 
teacher,  had  ever  noticed  such  a  thing,  and  his  an- 
swer was,  that  I  had  probably  confounded  the  state- 
ment, and  that  scrofula  was  no  doubt  meant;  for 

[94] 


A     PICNIC 


it  had  been  statistically  proved  that  this  disease 
proceeded  from  the  excessive  brandy-drinking  in  par- 
ents. Herr  Bergfeldt  agreed  with  him  in  this,  and 
said  to  his  wife:  "You  must  remember,  Kathinka, 
that  girl  Rieka  from  Werder,  who  was  a  servant  in 
our  house  and  who  went  wrong  with  that  drunken 

carpenter,  and  afterwards "    But  I  interrupted 

him  there  by  asking  him  whether  he  didn't  think  the 
scenery  very  beautiful?  "Yes,"  said  he,  "but  it  is 
perfectly  true  about  scrofula."  My  answer  was  that 
that  kind  of  dialogue  wasn't  to  my  taste. 

Herr  Bergfeldt,  however,  would  not  give  way,  we 
had  passed  too  many  mills  for  that.  Just  then  the 
boy  Krause  began  to  whimper  again  and  to  complain 
of  thirst.  Water  could  not  be  got  on  the  high  road, 
and  milk  the  senseless  mother  had  not  brought  with 
her,  so  there  was  nothing  to  be  done  but  to  open  a 
bottle  of  red  wine,  and  that  merely  to  stop  the  boy's 
squalling.  He  eagerly  drank  a  whole  wine-glass 
full.  "I  only  hope  it  may  do  him  good !"  said  I. — 
"He  can  run  it  off  afterwards  on  the  heath,"  re- 
plied Frau  Krause.  "Emmi  and  I  will  play  at 
horses,"  said  the  boy  saucily.  Emmi  said  nothing, 
but  made  rather  a  contemptuous  face  at  the  sugges- 
tion. Betti  was  rather  silent  and  did  not  look  extra 
happy,  because  she  was  not  sitting  next  to  Emil. 
Augusta  Bergfeldt  and  young  Weigelt  had  hold  of 
each  other's  hands,  and  stared  out  into  vacancy, 

[95] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

looking  for  all  the  world  like  a  couple  of  wax  fig- 
ures; it  was  only  occasionally  that  they  glanced  at 
each  other  in  a  sheepish  kind  of  way ;  the  mere  look- 
ing at  them  made  me  feel  quite  uncomfortable.  En- 
gaged couples  are,  in  fact,  worse  than  no  company, 
except  to  themselves. 

I  thanked  Heaven  in  my  heart,  therefore,  when 
we  at  last  reached  the  splendid  forest  and  caught 
sight  of  the  lake,  which  looked  as  green  as  if  it  had 
been  newly  varnished  for  Whitsuntide.  We  halted 
at  the  forester's  house,  where  the  beeches  stand  high- 
est and  their  tops  meet,  forming  a  kind  of  cupola 
like  that  at  the  new  Anhalt  railway  station,  only, 
of  course,  there  the  dome  is  made  of  panes  of  glass, 
and  here  of  the  delicate  green  leaves  of  May.  And 
then  the  ozone  here  is  of  the  best  quality. 

Uncle  Fritz  and  Carl  went  to  the  forester's  wife 
to  order  the  mid-morning  meal  and  to  discuss  what 
was  wanted  for  dinner.  Frau  Krause  discovered  a 
well,  and  gave  Edward  a  drink;  the  boy,  according 
to  my  calculation,  must  have  swallowed  nearly  a 
quart  of  water,  but  I  didn't  say  anything;  when 
mothers  are  so  unreasonable,  words  are  as  good  as 
thrown  away.  I  wish  now,  however,  that  I  had 
spoken. 

The  mid-morning  meal  was  deliciously  rustic  and 
excellent.  Wine  we  had  brought  with  us,  that  is  to 
say,  Chateau  Larose,  twelve  and  a  half  groschen  the 

[96] 


A     PICNIC 

bottle,  with  gilt  tops.  Uncle  Fritz  did  certainly 
turn  up  his  nose  a  little  at  it,  but  then  he  is  pretty 
well  spoilt;  we  others  enjoyed  it,  particularly  as  the 
wine  merchant  had  told  us  he  lost  about  sixpence  on 
each  bottle,  and  let  us  have  it  at  the  price  out  of 
pure  friendship. 

We  then  went  for  a  walk  into  the  woods.  Uncle 
Fritz  cut  little  Krause  a  stick  off  a  tree,  and  he  ran 
away  riding  about  upon  it,  as  Emmi  was  not  dis- 
posed to  be  his  horse.  In  fact,  poor  Emmi  was 
somewhat  low-spirited.  Her  sister  and  friend  paid 
no  heed  to  her;  they,  of  course,  had  neither  eyes  nor 
ears  for  any  one  but  their  lovers,  and  so  Emmi  had 
no  one  to  go  about  with  except  us  elderly  ladies. 
I  felt  quite  sorry  for  the  child  being  so  forsaken, 
for  when  we  ladies  conversed  about  the  big  washing, 
or  discussed  whether  lemon  juice  ought  or  ought 
not  to  be  added  to  asparagus  sauce,  of  course  she 
could  not  be  expected  to  be  interested.  "Cheer  up, 
Emmi,"  said  I,  "who  knows  but  what  you  may  your- 
self be  engaged  before  long." — "I  shall  never 
marry!"  she  exclaimed.  "What  do  you  mean, 
child?"— "No,  I  never  will,"  she  said  sadly,  "I  shall 
never  leave  you  and  Papa;  Augusta  and  Betti  are 
both  so  horrid  since  they've  been  engaged !"  I  talked 
to  her  as  best  I  could,  but  she  would  listen  to  noth- 
ing. 

The  gentlemen  had  meanwhile  discovered  a  good 

[97] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

resting-place;  plaids  and  shawls  were  spread  out, 
and  we  sat  down  comfortably  in  a  picturesque  group. 
Wine  had  been  brought,  so  that  we  had  all  we 
wanted.  I  was  displeased  at  one  thing,  which  was 
that  Carl  kept  throwing  dry  leaves  at  Frau  Krause, 
and  she  didn't  seem  to  mind  it.  Had  Herr  Krause 
tried  that  joke  on  with  me,  I  would  have  let  him 
know  what  I  thought  of  such  behaviour;  but  he  had 
lain  down  and  was  already  sound  asleep. 

It  was  not  long  before  I  felt  myself  beginning  to 
nod  too,  for  the  spring  air  tires  one.  The  trees 
seemed  to  rustle  so  gently,  the  air  played  so  softly 
about  one's  face  and  hair,  all  sorts  of  bright  dreams 
seemed  to  flit  to  and  fro;  this  went  on  till  all  of  a 
sudden  I  heard  Carl  calling  out:  "Wake  up,  Wil- 
helmine,  it's  half-past  two,  and  dinner's  ready." — 
"Goodness!"  I  exclaimed,  "have  I  been  asleep*? 
And  for  a  couple  of  hours'?  Where  are  the  chil- 
dren*? Where's  Betti4?" — "She's  gone  away  in 
among  the  fir-trees  with  Emil;  they  wouldn't  let  me 
go  with  them." 

We  had  finished  dinner  when  Betti  and  Emil 
made  their  appearance.  I  was  on  the  point  of  speak- 
ing a  little  sharply  to  them,  when  Carl  said :  "Now, 
Wilhelmine,  do  keep  quiet,  and  don't  expose  your- 
self to  remarks  in  public."  So  I  checked  myself  and 
said  jocosely:  "Well,  Emil,  does  your  watch  only 
make  it  half-past  two4?"  He  seemed  a  little  put  out, 

[98] 


A      PICNIC 

and  stammered  something  about  his  watch  being  a 
little  slow.  "More  than  an  hour,  I  should  say;  let 
us  see  that  precious  chronometer  of  yours?"  Emil 
seemed  more  than  ever  uneasy.  This  struck  me  as 
peculiar,  so  I  said  severely:  "Perhaps  your  watch 
is  perfectly  right  after  all,"  and  pulled  at  his  watch 
chain  to  get  his  watch.  Alas,  there  was  no  watch 
at  all  at  the  end  of  his  chain,  nothing  but  a  key ! 

"The  watch  is  no  doubt  in  retirement,"  put  in 
Uncle  Fritz.  I  was  mortified,  and  felt  as  if  I  could 
have  sunk  into  the  ground.  Fancy  my  Betti's  be- 
trothed having  pawned  his  watch!  Frau  Krause 
tittered,  which  made  me  get  up  and  leave  the  com- 
pany. I  could  not  look  a  creature  in  the  face.  All 
the  people  round  about  us,  who  had  assembled  since 
we  came,  showed  happy  faces,  and  fun  and  merri- 
ment were  to  be  heard  on  all  sides ;  to  my  ears  it  all 
sounded  like  mockery.  I  felt  in  need  of  being  alone, 
so  as  to  have  a  good  cry.  And  so,  without  knowing 
in  the  least  how  I  got  there,  I  found  myself  in  the 
back  garden  close  to  the  bakery,  and  I  sat  down  on 
a  log  of  wood  near  it.  Oh,  I  felt  as  if  that  log 
were  an  executioner's  block,  and  that  I  was  about  to 
lose  my  head,  so  miserable  and  wretched  did  I  feel. 
The  future  before  me  seemed  of  the  blackest;  of  what 
use  now  was  the  property  left  us  by  my  aunt  in 
Biitzow  ?  Emil  would  pawn  everything !  Emil  was 

[99] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

frivolous — I  knew  that  now;  but  Betti,  of  course, 
would  trust  him  completely.  A  shudder  passed  over 
me,  for  it  seemed  to  me  that  a  person  who  would 
pawn  a  watch,  was  capable  of  anything. 


CHAPTER  VII 


ON   THE    EVE   OF  THE   WEDDING  OF    HERI1 
AND  AUGUSTA,  A  ROSY  FUTURE  DAWNS  FOR  EMMI 


IF  I  had  been  in  Frau  Bergfeldt's  place  I  would 
have  been  content  with  quite  a  simple  wedding, 
and  have  only  invited  the  family  circle,  as  expense 
had  to  be  considered.  However,  this  was  not  Frau 
Bergfeldt's  idea;  she  would  not  hear  of  a  wedding 
without  mirth  and  music.  She  declared  that  it  was 
one's  duty  to  one's  neighbours,  if  nothing  else,  and 
that  in  any  case  there  would  have  to  be  some  outlay. 
It  was  at  last  agreed  to  have  the  usual  festive  gath- 
ering on  the  evening  before  the  wedding,  and  to 
make  use  of  what  was  left  for  the  wedding-day  it- 
self, when  they  would  only  be  a  family  party. 

The  festivities  were  to  begin  at  eight  o'clock.  The 
best  room,  the  parlour  and  bedroom  were  all  made 
use  of  for  the  reception  of  the  guests.  The  beds  had 
been  carried  up  to  the  loft,  and  Frau  Bergfeldt 
placed  a  table  with  plants  where  their  washstand 

[101] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

had  stood,  for,  as  she  said,  "Herr  Bergfeldt  always 
splashed  so  dreadfully  whilst  washing  that  he  had 
ruined  the  wall-paper."  Chairs,  glasses  and  dishes 
had  been  furnished  by  a  tradesman  in  the  neighbour- 
hood, for  the  Bergfeldts'  few  possessions  were  not 
nearly  enough. 

When  we  arrived  at  about  half-past  eight  the 
rooms  were  already  pretty  well  filled.  The  ladies 
were  requested  to  move  into  the  best  room,  and  took 
their  seats  in  a  pleasant  semicircle.  Of  course  Frau 
Bergfeldt  had  invited  the  whole  round  of  her  ac- 
quaintances, so  that  we  were  all  more  or  less  stran- 
gers to  one  another.  Augusta's  own  friends  were 
also  there  and  seemed  not  in  the  least  to  know  what 
to  do  with  themselves,  and  kept  sitting  three  on  two 
chairs.  Young  Weigelt's  landlady,  with  whom  he 
had  lived  while  a  student,  was  also  present. 

The  gentlemen  stood  about  the  room  and  smoked. 
Of  young  Weigelt's  friends  there  were  also  a  num- 
ber, for  the  most  part  students  in  their  last  term, 
very  pleasant  young  fellows.  Their  dress-coats, 
however,  I  must  say,  seemed  to  fit  them  rather  oddly 
and  looked  as  if  they  had  been  made  for  some  one 
else. 

By  nine  o'clock  the  rooms  were  crammed  full,  and 
one  could  scarcely  move  about.  Meanwhile  tea  had 
been  handed  round  and  people  began  talking  to  one 
[102] 


THE      WEDDING      EVE 


another.  The  engaged  couple  had  not  yet  made 
their  appearance. 

Hereupon  Uncle  Fritz,  who  had  undertaken  the 
arrangement  of  affairs,  came  in.  He  was  followed 
by  two  of  Weigelt's  friends,  each  of  whom  carried 
a  chair  decked  with  flowers  into  the  best  room,  and 
placed  them  close  to  the  door  that  led  into  the  par- 
lour. Then  Fritz  sat  down  at  the  piano — a  regular 
old  tin-kettle — and  struck  up  the  Wedding  March 
out  of  the  "Midsummer  Night's  Dream."  This  was 
the  sign  for  the  entry  of  the  bride  and  bridegroom, 
who  now  came  in,  pushing  their  way  through  the 
guests,  and  took  their  places  upon  the  beflowered 
chairs.  The  students  gave  a  loud  hurrah  when  they 
appeared,  and  we  others  clapped  our  hands  too.  All 
this  was  really  very  touching,  and  Fritz  had  rightly 
calculated  upon  the  effect. 

Augusta  Bergfeldt  looked  pretty  well,  compara- 
tively speaking.  She  wore  a  white  muslin  dress  with 
green  run  through  it.  However,  had  she  been  wise, 
she  would  never  have  chosen  a  low-necked  dress. 
This  had  struck  Carl  too,  for,  as  he  afterwards  told 
me,  he  felt  quite  chilly  whenever  he  looked  at  her. 
Of  course,  I  did  not  let  that  remark  of  his  pass  un- 
noticed. "Carl,"  I  said,  "love  is  too  sublime  a  thing 
for  it  to  be  ridiculed." — "Well,  you  should  just  have 
heard  what  the  students  said  about  her,"  was  his  re- 
ply. "Carl,"  said  I,  "I  don't  wish  to  hear  it,  and  in- 

[103] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

deed  won't  hear  it.  Moreover,  I  have  no  wish  what- 
ever to  hear  what  gentlemen  say  to  one  another  when 
ladies  are  not  present.  Students  are  much  too  free 
in  their  ideas  for  my  taste." 

Fritz  then  played  some  touching  piece  of  music, 
and  my  Betti  came  in,  dressed  like  a  fairy,  holding 
the  wedding  wreath.  She  recited  a  very  beautiful 
poem,  which  spoke  of  the  parting  from  the  parents' 
house,  from  youth,  from  the  joys  of  childhood,  and 
of  the  sorrows  that  were  hidden  in  the  future.  It 
closed  with  the  words,  "With  the  wedding  wreath 
and  veil,  ends  for  aye  the  blissful  dream."  Tears 
started  to  Augusta's  eyes  at  the  very  first  words  of 
the  poem,  and  when  the  line  came  about  being  or- 
phaned and  forsaken  far  from  the  beloved  old  home, 
Frau  Bergfeldt  herself  began  to  cry.  Betti  wound 
up  by  throwing  her  arms  round  Augusta,  who  burst 
out  into  loud  sobs,  and  we  others  could  no  longer  re- 
strain our  tears  either,  and  had  to  take  to  our  hand- 
kerchiefs. I  have  never  witnessed  anything  more 
affecting  than  this  scene.  But  then  it  is  no  small 
matter,  surely,  to  give  up  one's  daughter  to  a  young 
man,  and  he  almost  an  utter  stranger. 

Then  came  little  Krause.  I  at  once  suspected 
that  we  should  have  nothing  good  from  him,  his 
mother  spoils  him  too  much.  "Now,  Eduard  dear," 
she  said,  "come  and  let  us  have  your  verse."  The 
boy,  who  was  dressed  as  a  young  Tyrolese,  would 
[104] 


THE     WEDDING     EVE 


not  utter  a  syllable,  and  stuck  his  finger  in  his  mouth. 
"Eduard,  I  shall  be  terribly  angry,"  continued  the 
mother,  whereupon  the  boy  drew  a  long  face  as  if 
about  to  cry.  "Come,  come,  Eddy,  be  a  darling." 
But  Eddy  could  not  be  made  to  say  a  word.  "He 
knew  the  poem  so  well  this  morning,"  added  the 
mother  again ;  "but  the  number  of  people  here  make 
him  feel  confused.  Come,  Eddy,  dear,  go  and  say 
the  poem  to  Auntie  Augusta  in  a  low  voice,  and  give 
her  the  silver  sugar  spoon.  Do  you  hear,  Eduard !" 

"The  spoon  belongs  to  us,"  cried  the  brat.  "Papa 
only  had  our  name  scratched  out!" 

Frau  Krause  in  her  annoyance  looked  like  an  en- 
raged fury,  and  this  made  the  boy  fly  off  howling 
to  his  father,  saying  that  his  mother  was  going  to 
beat  him.  Herr  Krause  was  sensible  enough  to  pack 
him  off  home. 

After  this  Emmi  sang,  to  Fritz's  accompaniment, 
that  lovely  song:  Wir  saszen  still  am  Fenster,  das 
Licht  war  ausgebrannt.  When  she  finished,  there 
was  no  end  to  the  applause — the  students  were  per- 
fectly wild;  and  so,  as  an  encore,  she  sang  Wenn 
ich  nach  meinem  Kinde  geh\  In  seinem  Aug*  die 
Mutter  sek'J  She  received  the  most  extravagant 
compliments  for  her  performance,  one  of  the  stu- 
dents even  declared  that  it  was  very  doubtful 
whether  Gerster  could  have  sung  it  as  well,  that 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

Fraulein  Buchholz's  singing  had  something  pecu- 
liarly melodious  about  it. 

The  young  people  now  expressed  a  wish  to  have 
a  dance.  The  students  therefore — with  a  one,  two, 
three — pushed  the  old  piano  out  into  the  bedroom, 
although  Herr  Bergfeldt  stood  by  with  rather  a 
doubtful  expression  of  face. 

While  we  were  sitting  there  looking  on  and  chat- 
ting, the  Police-lieutenant's  wife  said  to  me  that  my 
Emmi  had  such  an  excellent  voice,  it  seemed  a  pity 
not  to  have  it  cultivated  properly. 

"That  has  never  struck  me,"  said  I;  "the  girl 
sings  everything  almost  by  ear." 

"My  daughter  is  going  to  have  singing-lessons," 
said  the  Police-lieutenant's  wife.  "I  have  heard  of 
a  lady  who  is  looking  for  pupils.  She  used  to  sing 
at  the  Opera  herself;  and  nowadays  good  voices  can 
demand  such  high  prices.  Just  look  at  Patti  and 
Lucca,  what  celebrity  and  money  they  have  made !" 

I  felt  perfectly  giddy.  Had  not  Emmi  a  few 
minutes  ago  been  tremendously  applauded1?  And 
had  she  not  sung  most  bewitchingly'?  "I  will  have  a 
talk  with  my  husband  about  it,"  I  replied;  "some- 
thing, of  course,  will  have  to  be  done  for  the  girl." 
Goodness  me,  to  think  that  our  Emmi  might  make 
a  fabulous  fortune  with  her  voice !  It  was  a  grand 
thought;  Carl  will  have  nothing  to  say  against  the 
lessons  when  I  have  explained  it  all  to  him. 


THE      WEDDING     EVE 


When  the  Bergfeldts  got  to  bed  I  do  not  know. 
I  should  think  not  for  two  days  afterwards ! 

"Carl,"  said  I  on  our  way  home,  "when  our  Betti 
gets  married  we  will  have  the  Polter-abend  some- 
where out  of  the  house." 

On  the  way  home  Frau  Buchholz  refrained  from 
mentioning  her  new  plans  for  Emmi,  as  Carl  was 
not  in  the  best  of  tempers.  The  Bergfeldt  party  had 
been  interrupted  by  a  visit  from  the  Landlord,  who 
complained  of  the  noise,  and  this  had  spoiled  the 
fun.  Frau  Buchholz  therefore  prudently  held  her 
tongue. 

When  men  are  out  of  temper  they're  best  left  to 
themselves.  He  will  be  surprised  some  day  when 
he  finds  his  child  renowned  and  great;  and  I  mean 
to  carry  my  point  about  this. 


[107] 


CHAPTER  VIII 

THE    MELANCHOLY   REASON    FOR  FRAU    BUCHHOLZ's 
DEPARTURE    FOR    THE    SEASIDE 


IT  could  not  be  denied:  Emmi  had  been  a  great 
success.  And  was  such  talent  to  be  allowed  to 
rust  in  the  Landsbergerstrasse1?  Could  I  be  respon- 
sible for  such  a  thing1?  No;  we  shall  all  one  day  be 
called  upon  to  give  an  account  of  ourselves,  and  no 
excuses  will  be  taken.  And  I  am  not  like  Frau 
Bergfeldt,  who  would  meddle  with  things  on  the 
Day  of  Judgment,  unless  care  were  taken  to  keep 
her  out  of  the  way,  till  the  end.  Emmi's  voice  must 
be  artistically  cultivated.  It  was  my  duty,  I  con- 
sidered, to  attend  to  this,  all  the  more  so  as  the  Po- 
lice-lieutenant's wife  greatly  persuaded  me  to  do  so, 
and  told  me  that  if  Emmi  were  to  join  her  daughter 
in  taking  lessons,  the  lady-teacher  would  make  a 
great  reduction  in  her  charges.  I  should  certainly 
not  be  a  true  German  housewife  could  I  have  al- 
lowed such  an  opportunity  to  escape.  No,  when 

[108] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ    AND     EMMI    DEPART 

anything  cheap  is  offered  me  I  do  not  allow  it  to 
pass ;  it  is  only  those  sixpenny  bazaars  that  I  dislike, 
and  I  shall  never  again  buy  any  articles  there,  for 
in  the  end  one  has  to  lay  out  more  in  paste  and  ce- 
ment than  the  whole  rubbish  is  worth.  Even  Carl 
— to  whom  naturally  I  did  not  communicate  the  fact 
about  the  lessons  till  the  second  quarter's  fees  be- 
came due,  and  when  it  would  have  been  a  sin  to  in- 
terrupt the  instruction — even  Carl  confessed  that  he 
had  nothing  to  say  against  the  price  of  the  lessons. 
His  admitting  this  much  made  me  feel  very  well 
satisfied. 

And  Emmi  certainly  did  make  prodigious  prog- 
ress, as  the  lady  herself  assured  me  when  she  came 
to  see  me.  "One  more  course,  dear  madam,"  she 
said,  "and  your  daughter  will  be  a  match  for  Lucca. 
She  already  sings  the  high  C  with  ease,  and  her 
roulades  show  such  liquidity  that  one  might  say  she 
had  the  talent  of  an  Artot!"  I  was  greatly  de- 
lighted at  this,  and  thought  in  my  heart  if  Emmi 
becomes  great  and  celebrated  I  shall  die  for  joy. 
And  why  should  not  my  daughter  have  this  in  pros- 
pect*? Many  a  girl  has  become  a  great  singer  whose 
family  were  nothing  like  in  the  position  that  we  are. 

Frau  Griin-Reifferstein  was,  moreover,  the  very 
teacher  we  could  have  wished  for  Emmi.  She  often 
told  me  and  the  Police-lieutenant's  wife  of  her  for- 
mer stage  life,  and  of  the  dangers  that  young  singers 

[109] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

are  exposed  to.  However,  that  she  had  always 
shown  herself  strong,  had  never  lowered  herself,  not 
even  when  a  prince  offered  her  a  left-handed  mar- 
riage. She  knew  what  young  persons  were  exposed 
to  behind  the  scenes  when  they  had  not  previously 
been  "fortified"  for  the  stage — that  she  fortified  her 
pupils  just  because  she  knew  all  the  risks  they  ran. 
How  overjoyed  I  was  to  think  of  Emmi  in  such 
good  hands!  Frau  Heimreich's  eldest  girl — by  her 
first  marriage — was  also  studying  with  Frau  Griin- 
Reifferstein,  and  this  did  not  altogether  please  me; 
however,  the  girl  was  supposed  to  have  some  voice, 
and  so  there  was  no  use  saying  anything,  although 
the  mother  is  a  perfect  horror  to  me. 

One  of  the  principals  of  Frau  Grun-Reifferstein's 
Academy  for  Singing  is  to  give  an  annual  perform- 
ance to  enable  parents  to  see  what  their  children 
have  accomplished. 

At  this  year's  performance  Emmi  was  to  take 
part  in  the  singing,  and,  moreover,  to  appear  as  Ga- 
briele  in  the  "Night  Watch  at  Granada";  first  in 
the  scene  where  the  soldier  brings  her  back  the  dove 
that  had  escaped,  and  then  the  scene  where  she 
throws  stones  at  the  sleeping  soldier  to  warn  him 
of  the  approaching  bandits. 

The  excitement  was  very  great.  A  whole  month 
beforehand  everything  seemed  to  turn  upon  the  com- 
ing performance,  so  much  so  that  I  had  to  forbid  the 
[no] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ     AND     EMMI     DEPART 

girls  to  speak  of  it  in  their  father's  presence,  for 
he  got  angry  at  the  very  mention  of  such  words  as 
rehearsal,  costume,  performance,  &c.  I  cannot  say, 
however,  that  I  was  indifferent  to  the  matter.  In 
the  first  place,  I  considered  that  all  would  depend 
upon  the  dress  that  Emmi  wore.  I  was  not  going 
to  allow  her  to  appear  in  fantastic  attire;  so  the 
dressmaker  was  called  in,  and  we  arranged  for  her 
to  make  a  white  satin  dress  in  the  latest  fashion, 
with  a  train,  which  we  decided  should  be  trimmed 
with  gold  and  red  satin,  as  the  scene  of  the  opera 
was  in  Spain.  Pretty  little  high-heeled  boots  also 
were  not  forgotten.  Frau  Griin-Reifrerstein,  I  must 
say,  did  think  the  dress  a  little  too  splendid  for  the 
peasant-girl  Emmi  was  to  represent,  but  I  answered 
very  emphatically  that  my  daughter  should  not  ap- 
pear a  dowdy,  and  that  unless  she  wore  the  dress  I 
wished,  she  should  not  take  part  in  the  performance 
at  all;  so  she  gave  in  meekly  enough.  When  you 
can  do  a  thing  well,  you  like  people  to  know  it ! 

Still  it  would,  after  all,  have  been  better  had  that 
dress  never  been  made.  I  feel  enraged  whenever  I 
think  of  it. 

Well,  the  day  of  the  performance  drew  near,  and, 
like  all  other  great  events,  it  actually  arrived  at  last. 
We  were  a  pretty  large  party  of  ourselves,  for  we 
took  with  us  all  the  Bergfeldts,  the  Krauses,  and  the 
Weigelts,  as  well  as  some  other  friends.  Dr.  Wrenz- 

[in] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

chen,  to  whom  I  had  sent  a  card  of  invitation, 
begged  us  to  excuse  his  not  going,  as  he  was  un- 
usually busy.  That  good  man,  however,  never  has 
time  for  anything  when  it  doesn't  suit  his  purpose. 
I  afterwards  heard  that  that  same  evening  he  had 
been  out  at  Patzenhofers'  playing  skat  with  his 
friends ;  yet  it  is  high  time  he  were  looking  about  for 
a  nice  wife.  Well,  I  don't  mean  to  press  my  girls 
upon  him.  But  that's  just  the  way  with  these  med- 
ical men. 

Then  came  Emmi's  turn.  Yes,  there  it  was  on 
the  programme,  "Gabriele,  Fraulein  Buchholz;  A 
Jager,  Herr  Meyer!"  The  curtain  rose.  Herr 
Meyer  in  a  soldier's  dress  came  forward  and  sang; 
a  lanky  creature,  whose  head  almost  touched  the 
ceiling,  and  who,  owing  to  a  sort  of  internal  panic, 
kept  rolling  his  eyes  from  right  to  left  as  if  he  had 
a  bad  conscience.  The  door  of  the  cottage  opened 
and  Emmi  appeared.  A  loud  "Oh !"  went  round  the 
hall,  and  a  weight  seemed  to  fall  from  my  heartj  for 
I  felt  she  was  admired. 

Emmi  commenced  to  sing.  When,  however,  she 
ought  to  have  advanced  to  the  soldier,  she  could  not 
move  as  her  train  had  caught  something  behind  the 
scenes.  The  girl  became  confused  and  stopped  sing- 
ing. The  soldier  saw  the  accident  and  gallantly 
loosened  her  train  for  her.  The  audience  laughed. 
Emmi  began  again,  from  the  beginning;  it  was  very 
[112] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ     AND     EMMI     DEPART 

depressing.  Carl  whispered  to  me,  "This  is  the  first 
and  last  time  that  Emmi  joins  in  any  such  perform- 
ance." When  the  curtain  fell  there  was  not  a  sound 
of  applause.  Only  Frau  Bergfeldt,  whom  I  had 
begged  to  do  so  beforehand,  applauded  with  might 
and  main.  Every  one  turned  their  eyes  upon  us. 
I  felt  as  if  I  should  have  liked  to  sink  into  the 
ground. 

After  a  short  pause  came  the  second  scene.  In 
the  centre  of  the  stage  stood  a  small  sofa  without  a 
back,  this  served  the  soldier  as  a  couch;  on  the  left 
was  a  bit  of  scenery  representing  a  house  with  a  win- 
dow above,  and  from  this  window  Emmi  was  to  sing 
her  song.  Meyer  had  finished  his  part  and  lay  down 
on  the  sofa,  which  however  was  so  short  for  him  that 
his  legs  dangled  a  good  way  beyond  the  end  of  it. 
The  audience  seemed  much  amused.  Emmi  then 
appeared  at  the  window  and  began  her  part  and 
threw  a  stone  at  the  soldier.  To  get  a  better  aim  the 
poor  child  leant  too  far  out,  and  the  bit  of  scenery 
moved  forward  and  fell  down  slowly — I  feel  giddy 
whenever  I  think  of  it — carrying  Emmi  with  it, 
right  upon  the  sleeping  soldier.  The  little  table 
upon  which  she  had  been  standing  had  given  way; 
her  high-heeled  boots  were  no  doubt  partly  to  blame, 
and  so  also  was  her  train.  I  hurried  on  to  the  stage. 
Fortunately  Emmi  had  not  hurt  herself;  but  that 
Herr  Meyer  was  tenderly  holding  her  in  his  arms 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

and  consoling  her  by  saying:  "Darling  Emmi, 
thank  God  that  it's  no  worse.  I'll  throttle  that 
stage-manager."  Fancy  that  creature  calling  my 
child  his  darling  Emmi!  The  scales  dropped  from 
my  eyes. 

Frau  Griin  had  gone  on  to  the  stage  to  assure  the 
audience  that  no  one  had  been  hurt;  she  now  re- 
turned. 

"So  this  is  the  way  you  fortify  your  pupils  for 
the  stage!"  I  at  once  began,  "you  allow  the  young 
girls  entrusted  to  your  care  to  have  their  heads 
turned  by  your  men-pupils'?"  She  merely  replied: 
"Madam,  it  seems  you  are  totally  unacquainted  with 
theatrical  concerns.  Moreover,  I  consider  Herr 
Meyer  a  good  match  for  your  daughter — he  has  tal- 
ent, and  may  get  on  very  well." 

I  turned  my  back  upon  her  coldly  and  went  with 
Emmi  to  the  dressing-room  and  helped  her  in  chang- 
ing her  dress.  She  had  to  make  her  confession.  I 
then  learned  that  it  was  the  regular  custom  among 
the  male  and  female  pupils  at  Frau  Griin-ReifTer- 
stein's  Academy  to  fall  in  love  with  each  other. 
This  was  considered  part  of  their  artistic  training, 
for  it  was  supposed  that  they  could  not  describe  sen- 
timent faithfully  unless  they  had  felt  deeply  them- 
selves. Very  pretty  idea,  that! 

It  now  appears  I  ought  never  to  have  believed 
Frau  Griin  from  the  outset;  that  eternal  singing 

[114] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ    AND     EMMI    DEPART 

about  love  and  nothing  but  love,  and  those  plays 
where  the  talk  is  again  always  about  love,  must  in 
the  end  lead  inexperienced  young  people  into  mis- 
chief. And  yet  that  woman  was  supposed  to  warn 
her  pupils  of  the  dangers  of  the  stage  and  to  "for- 
tify" them.  Abominable! 

We  drove  home.  Carl  was  very  much  put  out. 
He  did  not  even  scold,  but  I  saw  plainly  how  much 
the  whole  affair  had  vexed  him.  And  he  did  not  yet 
know  anything  about  that  man  Meyer. 

I  considered  it  my  duty,  however,  to  tell  him 
about  it. 

"Wilhelmine,"  said  he  in  reply,  "this  is  all  the 
result  of  your  folly.  Why  is  it  that  you  are  always 
seeking  for  happiness  outside  of  your  own  sphere*? 
What's  the  use  of  forcing  yourself  into  relations  that 
don't  suit  us?' 

"My  object  was  to  do  my  best  for  Emmi;  I 
thought  she  might  one  day  become  great  and  cele- 
brated as  a  singer,"  I  replied  amid  tears. 

"We  shall  now  have  to  think  of  something  very 
different,"  said  Carl ;  "we  shall  have  to  pack  the  girl 
off  somewhere ;  she  shall  not  be  exposed  to  the  mock 
sympathy  of  acquaintances.  You  will  have  to  see 
that  she  forgets  that  man  Meyer ;  one  of  that  Griin- 
Reifferstein  set,  I  tell  you  plainly,  I  won't  have  as 
a  son-in-law." 

So  we  discussed  the  matter  and  considered  that 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

the  best  plan  would  be  for  me  to  take  Emmi  away 
to  the  seaside. 

Frau  Buchholz  and  her  daughter  therefore  went 
off  to  Flunderndorf)  leaving  Carl  and  Betti  in  the 
Landsbergerstrasse.  Flunderndorf  was  chosen  with 
care. 

Anywhere  else  we  should  have  met  acquaintances, 
who  might  at  all  events  have  heard  of  Emmi's  un- 
fortunate appearance  at  the  Griin-Reifferstein's  op- 
eratic performance;  and  such  meetings  were  just 
what  we  wanted  to  avoid.  Or  would  you  like  to  be 
the  talk  of  everybody*? 

There  was  another  reason,  however,  for  my  com- 
ing here.  I  had  heard  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen  came  to 
Flunderndorf  every  year  for  sea-bathing.  Now,  as 
young  people  usually  get  to  know  each  other  very 
well  at  a  seaside  place,  having,  as  it  were,  to  make 
the  best  of  one  another,  of  course  all  sorts  of  possi- 
bilities flitted  through  my  mind  as  I  packed  our 
boxes.  There  could  be  no  doubt  that  it  was  becom- 
ing absolutely  necessary  for  Dr.  Wrenzchen  to  have 
a  well-regulated  domestic  establishment,  for  we  had 
heard  recently  that  he  had  again  celebrated  his  birth- 
day with  the  most  luxurious  and  unheard-of  extrava- 
gance. Uncle  Fritz  said  that  it  was  enough  to  make 
one's  hair  stand  on  end,  and  that  anything  more  un- 
usual, than  the  way  the  doctor  celebrates  his  birth- 
day could  not  be  conceived.  Now,  if  he  married  my 
[116] 


FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  AND  EM  MI  DEPART 

Emmi  he  might  spend  the  day  with  us  very  pleas- 
antly, with  a  cake  for  breakfast,  a  small  party  of 
ladies  to  coffee  in  the  afternoon,  and  a  pint  of  beer 
with  sliced  bread  tastily  decorated  in  the  evening. 
I  would  soon  make  him  drop  his  extravagant  ways; 
his  boon  companions  too  would  have  to  move  off  as 
soon  as  they  caught  sight  of  me. 

To  make  a  rough  guess,  we  are  about  forty  vis- 
itors in  all,  and  as  life  is  cheap  in  Flunderndorf,  as 
a  matter  of  course  there  is  no  Bleichroder  among  us. 
A  good  many  persons  take  lodgings  in  the  fishermen's 
cottages,  where  the  so-called  best  rooms  are  let  out 
by  the  week  or  month.  Others  take  rooms  at  the 
hotel  and  meet  at  dinner.  On  the  beach  there  are 
bathing  machines,  and  along  the  shore  is  a  wooden 
shed  open  towards  the  sea,  where  a  sniff  of  sea  air 
can  be  had  even  in  bad  weather.  When  the  sun 
shines  every  one  plays  on  the  sand,  ladies  and  gen- 
tlemen as  well  as  children.  I  would  not  condescend 
to  do  this  at  first,  but  now  I  grub  away  bravely  my- 
self. Moreover,  I  have  come  to  see  that  it's  just  as 
well  for  a  few  elderly  ladies  to  join  in  this  playing 
among  the  sand. 

Besides  ourselves  there  is  only  one  other  family 
here  from  Berlin,  and  they  have  clearly  come  for 
health's  sake.  The  husband  looks  a  mere  shadow, 
and  the  wife  and  little  daughter  one  would  fancy 
did  not  often  get  a  mouthful  of  fresh  air.  With  hu- 

[117] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

man  beings  it's  the  same  as  with  clothes,  it  is  evident 
at  once  when  they  have  been  hanging  up  long  in 
the  dark. 

These  people  have  no  doubt  seen  better  aays.  I 
have  several  times  tried  to  say  a  few  friendly  words 
to  them,  for  naturally  one  likes  to  know  what  people 
one  goes  into  the  sea  with;  but  it  is  always  a  "touch 
me  not"  with  them,  a  regular  polar  iceberg  with  a 
polar  bear  on  it. 

There  is,  however,  another  lady  from  Hamburg 
with  a  little  son,  who  at  once  became  friendly  with 
us.  A  very  pleasant  lady  she  is,  and  always  beau- 
tifully dressed.  The  other  day  she  wore  a  costume 
embroidered  all  over  in  black  and  white;  the  ef- 
fect was  splendid,  and  there  were  large  bunches  of 
pansies  too  about  it,  one  in  front,  one  behind,  and 
one  on  the  body  to  the  left.  Emmi  and  I  were  in 
raptures  about  it.  This  lady  also  wears  magnificent 
jewelry,  all  of  massive  gold  as  she  herself  said.  She 
told  me  that  most  of  it  had  been  given  to  her  as 
birthday  presents;  she  did  not  approve  of  buying 
such  things  herself.  It  was  but  natural  that  I  should 
say  a  few  words  in  praise  of  her  generous  husband, 
whereupon  she  gave  me  a  poke  in  the  ribs  with  her 
elbow,  and  laughed.  When  I  expressed  my  surprise 
at  this,  she  told  me  that  her  husband  was  away  from 
home  doing  a  roaring  business  in  foreign  parts,  and 
that  she  and  little  Hannis,  as  the  boy  was  called, 

[us] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ    AND     EMMI    DEPART 

lived  as  a  rule  quietly  in  Hamburg.  She  was  kind 
enough  to  say  that  she  would  have  liked  me  to  pay 
her  a  visit  there,  but  while  her  husband  was  away 
she  was  living  in  apartments. 

We  took  leave  of  her  somewhat  coolly  after  this, 
and  left  her  and  her  boy  Hannis  on  the  beach. 

In  going  through  the  village  we  accidentally 
passed  the  cottage  where  Dr.  Wrenzchen  was  in  the 
habit  of  taking  up  his  quarters;  so  I  could  not  do 
otherwise  than  inquire  whether  he  had  yet  arrived 
or  when  he  was  expected.  The  man  at  the  cottage 
informed  us  that  the  gentleman  from  Berlin  would 
probably  arrive  late  that  same  evening.  So  I  said 
to  Emmi :  "To-morrow  you  put  on  your  cream-col- 
oured dress,  and  make  yourself  as  smart  as  possible. 
The  doctor  will  be  desperately  pleased  at  the  at- 
tention." 

So  far  all  had  gone  well,  but  an  occurrence  was 
about  to  happen  that  I  had  never  dreamt  of.  Of 
course  not  a  mortal  creature  was  to  blame  but  that 
doctor;  at  all  events,  no  one  can  say  that  I  had  any 
reason  to  find  fault  with  myself. 

Next  morning  we  were  up  early.  I  dressed  Emmi 
in  a  way  that  even  the  Stettin  girl  would  have  found 
it  difficult  to  match.  The  weather  was  glorious.  A 
thin  haze  lay  over  the  sea,  but  gradually  got  more 
and  more  transparent,  till  at  last  the  sea  lay  like  a 
mirror  before  us  reflecting  the  sun's  rays.  And  the 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

sky  was  so  blue,  you  might  have  fancied  you  were 
looking  at  a  newly  painted  kitchen  cupboard. 

Now  my  plan  was  to  go  and  give  Dr.  Wrenzchen 
a  friendly  welcome,  to  tell  him  how  delighted  we 
were  at  his  coming,  to  keep  him  by  us  all  day,  and 
to  invite  him  to  cold  roast  veal  in  the  evening.  This, 
of  course,  we  could  easily  do  as  he  was  our  medical 
man  and  we  were  on  friendly  terms  with  him;  it 
can  never  be  said  to  be  out  of  place  to  show  some 
attention  to  a  person  who  may  more  than  once  have 
saved  your  life.  I  meant  also  to  beg  him  to  give  me 
and  Emmi  a  lesson  in  the  game  of  skat,  the  rest 
might  be  left  to  me.  Fried  potatoes,  which  he  likes, 
he  should,  of  course,  also  have  had.  But  of  what  use 
are  one's  best  intentions,  one's  loveliest  plans,  when 
those  whom  it  all  concerns  prove  wicked*? 

I  gave  the  boy  at  the  cottage  a  penny,  and  com- 
missioned him  to  bring  me  word  as  soon  as  ever  the 
gentleman  from  Berlin  arose  in  the  morning.  Emmi 
and  I  waited  in  our  garden  and  each  of  us  gathered 
a  nosegay.  What  feelings  a  mother's  heart  cherishes 
when  gathering  flowers  on  the  morning  of  the  day 
which  will  probably  decide  her  child's  future,  it  is 
impossible  to  describe;  yet  all  mothers  who  know 
how  difficult  it  is  nowadays  to  get  the  right  husband 
for  a  daughter,  may  perhaps  imagine  what  filled  my 
mind  as  I  thought  to  myself :  Here  you  are  sitting 
in  the  garden  among  the  flowers;  beside  you  is  your 
[120] 


FRAU     BUCHHOLZ    AND     EMMI    DEPART 

child,  over  yonder  in  that  cottage  lies  the  doctor 
asleep,  and  the  sun  has  risen  and  is  standing  in  all 
his  glory  high  above  us  all.  How  much  wiser  shall 
we  all  be  when  the  sun  has  gone  down? 

Just  then  the  boy  from  the  cottage  came  running 
up,  exclaiming:  "He's  been  a-moving  and  a-singing 
too  he  has,  allays  up  and  down !  If  y're  a  bit  quick, 
ye  may  catch  him  yet." 

"Did  you  know  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen  could  sing1?" 
said  I  to  Emmi. 

"Oh,  he  has  probably  only  been  amusing  him- 
self," she  replied,  and  with  these  words  we  set  off 
to  give  the  doctor  the  surprise  we  had  prepared  for 
him  by  way  of  a  morning  greeting. 

His  window  was  open.  "Now,  Emmi,"  I  whis- 
pered, and  with  that  we  both  flung  our  nosegays  in 
at  the  window. 

"Thank  you,  ladies,"  shouted  an  unknown  voice, 
and  the  man  to  whom  the  voice  belonged  then  made 
his  appearance.  It  was  Herr  Meyer,  the  would-be 
opera  singer,  on  whose  very  account,  only  a  few 
days  before,  we  had  fled  from  Berlin ! 

"Sir,"  I  cried,  furious,  "how  dare  you  venture  to 
follow  us?" — "My  good  madam,  let  me  ask  you  not 
to  excite  yourself.  I  came  to  Flunderndorf  for  my 
health  and  at  my  doctor's  advice;  he,  in  fact,  di- 
rected me  to  this  house,  for,  as  he  told  me,  he  should 
have  no  time  this  year  for  a  trip  to  the  sea  himself." 

[121] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Your  doctor*?"  I  cried  incredulously. 

"Certainly,"  was  the  answer,  "Dr.  Wrenzchen 
very  kindly "  I  did  not  let  him  finish  his  sen- 
tence, however,  but  took  Ernmi  by  the  hand  and 
dragged  her  off. 

It  was  impossible  for  me  to  have  a  bathe  that 
morning;  so  upset  did  I  feel,  I  should  very  likely 
have  had  a  stroke  in  the  water.  Emmi  was  quite 
gone  again  upon  that  lanky  idiot  of  a  singer,  having 
just  seen  him,  so  that  I  may  say  we  were  now  no 
further  than  we  had  been  to  begin  with. 

We  shall  have  to  be  off  from  here — but  where  to*? 
To  think  of  Dr.  Wrenzchen  playing  us  such  a  trick ! 

After  Table  d'Hote. 

We  are  going  to  remain!  Our  elegant  Hamburg 
acquaintance  has  offered  that  man  Meyer  an  engage- 
ment; we  have  discovered  that  she  is  the  lessee  of  a 
music-hall  or  some  cafe  cJiantant  where  more  atten- 
tion is  devoted  to  eating  and  drinking  than  to  art. 
Meyer  is  going  to  appear  there.  To  think  of  our 
having  been  on  intimate  terms  with  such  a  person! 
This  degradation  of  Meyer's  has  enabled  Emmi  to 
sweep  all  her  admiration  of  the  man  out  of  her  heart 
as  if  it  had  been  sea-weed;  to  me  this  is  a  real  mercy, 
and  I  feel  truly  thankful.  He  is  to  give  a  soiree  this 
evening  in  the  hotel  salon,  but,  of  course,  we  shall 
not  be  there. 
[122], 


FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  AND  EM  MI  DEPART 

We  are,  in  fact,  going  for  a  walk  with  those  peo- 
ple from  Berlin  whom  we  at  first  thought  so  pov- 
erty-stricken in  their  appearance.  It  turns  out  that 
he  is  a  member  of  the  Judicial  Court,  has  aristocratic 
connections,  and  is  living  here  in  a  most  unpreten- 
tious kind  of  way  with  his  family.  Now  as  this  is 
what  I  am  doing  myself,  we  are  sure  to  get  on,  for 
nature  draws  congenial  minds  more  closely  together 
than  art  does,  most  likely  because  no  feelings  of  envy 
come  in  the  way.  There  is  something  very  dignified 
about  these  people,  even  when  they  are  taking  their 
thickened  milk  with  black  bread.  The  judge's  wife 
had  noticed  this  morning  that  Emmi  had  been  crying 
(N.  B.,  about  Meyer),  and  it  was  this  that  first  led 
to  our  striking  up  an  acquaintance.  She  was  so  sym- 
pathetic, and  he  too  opened  up  and  became  quite  so- 
ciable; the  fact  is,  they  had  not  liked  the  people  we 
had  taken  up  with  at  first,  and  so  kept  out  of  our 
way. 

The  doctor  shall  suffer  for  all  this. 


CHAPTER  IX 

AUGUSTA  WEIGELT'S  FIRST-BORN  AND  THE  ASTON- 
ISHING BEHAVIOUR  OF  ITS  FATHER 


I  AM  firmly  convinced  that  if  some  day  Virchow 
were  to  measure  the  brain  of  that  woman  Berg- 
feldt,  he  would  find  it  too  short,  for  she  has  again 
been  acting  in  the  most  inconceivable  manner.  What 
she  did  was  enough  to  make  one  fly  up  a  tree  for 
safety;  still,  when  you  know  that  a  person  was  born 
stupid  and  has  never  learned  anything  since,  you 
no  longer  wonder,  but  simply  shake  your  head. 

One  afternoon  lately  I  was  sitting  knitting  when 
Herr  Weigelt  unexpectedly  appeared  on  the  scenes. 
Emmi  brought  in  the  lamp,  and  Betti  asked  him 
how  Augusta  was  and  why  she  had  not  come  too, 
and  I  asked  the  young  man  to  take  a  seat  as  my  hus- 
band might  be  in  any  moment. 

Herr  Weigelt  has  always,  as  far  as  I  know,  had 
something  faint-hearted  about  him,  but  never  have 
I  seen  him  look  as  awkward  and  bashful  as  he  was 


AUGUSTA          WEIGELT      S          FIRST-BORN 

that  day.  He  sat  down  on  the  corner  of  a  chair,  and 
eyed  me  in  such  a  guilty  kind  of  way  that  I  could 
not  help  exclaiming :  "Good  heavens,  Herr  Weigelt, 
what  has  happened  to  you ;  you  look  like  a  sick  hen 
that  can't  afford  to  call  in  an  apothecary!"  He, 
however,  sat  there  and  never  uttered  a  syllable,  but 
kept  gazing  first  at  Betti,  then  at  Emmi,  and  then 
again  at  me. 

"But  pray,  Herr  Weigelt,"  said  I  again,  "what  is 
one  to  think  of  you?  You  haven't  surely  got  a  mur- 
der on  your  conscience?"  When  I  said  this  he  col- 
lapsed like  a  badly  made  jelly,  and  with  some  ef- 
fort got  out  the  words:  "If  it  were  possible,  I 
should  like  a  few  words  alone  with  you,  Frau  Buch- 
holz." 

"Go  away,  children,"  said  I,  "and  wait  till  your 
father  comes  in."  They  went  away,  and  I  was 
mightily  impatient  to  know  what  Herr  Weigelt 
wanted.  My  conjecture  was  that  he  might  perhaps 
have  had  a  scene  with  his  wife  or  with  his  mother- 
in-law,  perhaps  even  with  both. 

When  we  were  alone,  and  after  some  dilly-dally- 
ing, he  began  in  a  doleful  way  by  saying:  "And 
this  is  the  end  of  it!"— "To  what?"  I  asked.— "Oh, 
Frau  Buchholz,"  he  replied,  "my  poor  wife,  my  poor 
Augusta!" — "My  goodness,  who  and  what  is  it?" — 
"Nothing  yet — but,  but,"  his  voice  was  all  of  a 
shake — "she  won't  get  over  it,  it's  impossible  for  her 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

to  get  over  it!"  This  behaviour  in  a  man  greatly 
displeased  me,  so  I  said  sternly :  "Now  listen  to  me, 
Herr  Weigelt,  I  can  feel  no  respect  for  you  what- 
ever— a  man  must  above  all  things  show  himself 
brave." — "And  so  I  have  been  till  a  short  time  ago," 
he  interposed.  "Lately  I  have  had  too  much  to 
bear!!"— "How  so?"  I  asked.— "Well,"  he  an- 
swered, "first  there  was  the  trouble  about  the  servant- 
girl.  Augusta  tried,  at  first,  to  get  on  with  a  char- 
woman, but  she  was  obliged  in  the  end  to  have 
proper  assistance  and  so  we  got  a  girl  at  low  wages 
whom  my  mother-in-law  had  recommended." 

"Well,  well,"  I  remarked,  laughing,  "if  she  puts 
her  fingers  into  things,  she  generally  makes  a  pretty 
mess." — "The  girl  is  as  good  as  can  be,"  added  Herr 
Weigelt,  "but  as  stupid  as  a  block  of  wood.  Not  a 
day  passes,  but  Augusta  is  quite  upset  by  her,  and 
yet  we  are  told  that  she  must  above  all  things  guard 
against  excitement.  I  have  been  told  that  excite- 
ment is  worse  than  poison  to  her  in  her  present  state, 
and,  dear  Frau  Buchholz,  I've  been  living  in  deadly 
terror  out  of  pure  anxiety  about  Augusta." 

"No  doubt,"  said  I  very  seriously;  "a  husband 
who  loves  his  wife  truly,  must  get  uneasy  in  his  mind 
at  times  when  he  reflects  that  he  has  no  thornless 
roses  to  offer  her,  and  that  her  pathway  through  this 
vale  of  sorrows  does  sometimes  lead  her  close  to  the 


AUGUSTA          WEIGELTS          FIRST-BORN 

edge  of  the  precipice !    Have  you  been  looking  about 
for  a  trustworthy  nurse  for  her?" 

"We  have  already  got  one,"  he  replied,  "but  that 
is  the  smallest  part  of  the  matter.  Our  greatest  trou- 
ble is  the  work  of  my  mother-in-law."  "I  am  curious 
to  know  how !"  I  exclaimed;  "whatever  has  she  been 
about  now?" — "One  could  hardly  believe  it,"  re- 
plied Herr  Weigelt,  "but  in  education  she  certainly 
is  somewhat  behind  the  mark."  "That,  Heaven 
knows,  is  true  enough!"  I  remarked. — "But  she  is 
given  to  superstition  as  well,"  he  continued,  "and 
it  occurred  to  her  to  go  and  consult  a  fortune-teller 
as  to  whether  Augusta  would  get  through  her  trouble 
or  not.  The  cards  prophesied  that  she  would  not, 
and  the  first  thing  Frau  Bergfeldt  did  was  to  fly  to 
Augusta  to  give  her  this  melancholy  news  before  it 
could  cool." — "Is  it  possible?"  I  cried;  "she  surely 
cannot  have  her  five  senses  about  her!  How  did 
your  wife  receive  this  mad  piece  of  news'?" — "At 
first  she  laughed  at  it,  then,  however,  she  burst  into 
such  a  violent  fit  of  sobbing,  that  my  heart  sank 
within  me.  Since  that  day  she  goes  about  her  work 
patiently,  but  like  a  sufferer  whose  days  are  num- 
bered. She  herself  thinks  now  that  she  will  not  get 
over  her  trouble,  and  I  too  think  she  won't,  and  our 
neighbours  think  the  same.  And  if  she  doesn't  I 
shall  be  to  blame.  Why  did  I  marry  such  a  delicate 
little  creature?  Were  it  not  for  me  she  would  still 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

live.  And  she  has  been  looking  forward  so  to  next 
spring  when  we  meant  to  have  paid  my  parents  a 
visit.  And  how  delighted  they  would  have  been! 
The  country  air  would  have  done  Augusta  good. 
But  now  that  is  all  at  an  end,  and  there's  nothing 
left  for  me  but  to  stagger  after  her  coffin  in  despair !" 
With  this  he  had  a  regular  fit  of  crying. 

"Do  be  comforted,  Herr  Weigelt,"  said  I  to  him 
soothingly ;  "who  would  give  heed  to  what  cards  said 
about  such  matters'?  Your  Augusta  is  still  alive, 
and  with  God's  help  all  will  yet  be  well.  There  are 
women  who  look  as  weak  as  if  a  breath  of  wind 
would  blow  them  over,  and  yet  have  seven  or  eight 
children,  and  are  quite  hearty.  Your  Augusta  is  by 
no  means  so  very  delicate.  I've  but  one  fault  to 
find  with  her — and  that's  her  mother,  that  Frau 
Bergfeldt." 

"You  are  probably  right  there,  dear  Frau  Buch- 
holz,"  replied  Herr  Weigelt  drying  his  tears,  "it 
was  frightfully  imprudent  of  her  to  torment  Augusta 
with  such  melancholy  forebodings.  And  now  that 
I  come  to  think  of  it,  Augusta  is  really  not  so  deli- 
cate. She  has,  in  fact,  fair  physical  strength.  Six 
months  ago  she  could  lift  up  the  small  cane-bottomed 
chair  with  outstretched  arm.  Dear  Frau  Buchholz, 
I  know  you  to  be  kind,  and  I'm  sure  that  for  Au- 
gusta's sake  you  will  come  over  to  us  and  see  that 
things  are  done  rightly  when  the  time  comes*?  It  is 

[128] 


AUGUSTA          WEIGELTS          FIRST-BORN 

this  I  wanted  to  ask  you  to  do  for  us,  and  this  is  why 
I  came  to  you." 

"But  still  you  can't  leave  her  own  mother  out  of 
consideration,"  I  remarked. 

"If  you  wish  my  Augusta  to  be  murdered,  then 
say  so — but  I  know  that  you  will  not  and  cannot 
do  that.  You  have  always  thought  so  well  of  her !" 

"Well,  well,"  said  I  in  reply,  "we  had  better  go 
at  once,  so  that  I  can  have  a  talk  with  Augusta  and 
see  what  she  requires." 

At  that  moment  there  was  a  violent  ring  at  the 
door  bell.  "That  is  Carl!"  said  I,  but  I  was  mis- 
taken, for  Betti  came  running  in  and  said  that  a 
porter  had  called  with  a  message,  asking  Herr  Wei- 
gelt  to  return  home  as  quickly  as  possible. 

When  the  poor  fellow  heard  this,  every  vestige  of 
colour  left  his  face.  His  eyes  looked  glassy  and  his 
lips  trembled.  "Be  a  man,"  said  I  to  him,  "and 
keep  up  your  spirits.  Fetch  a  cab  at  once.  I  shall 
be  ready  and  waiting  in  a  couple  of  minutes." 

He  fetched  a  cab  and  we  drove  off;  but  that  drive 
I  shall  never  in  my  life  forget.  First  he  exclaimed: 
"I  am  a  murderer !"  Then  he  moaned  like  a  criminal 
about  to  be  executed.  Then  he  called  out:  "We 
shall  only  be  in  time  to  see  her  a  lifeless  corpse!" 
At  last  I  could  stand  it  no  longer,  and  said :  "If  you 
don't  put  an  end  to  your  ravings  I  shall  stop  the  cab 
and  leave  you.  Can't  you  wait  and  see  how  things 

[129] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

are  before  you  begin  your  lamentations'?  It  would 
be  more  sensible  at  all  events." — After  this  he  gave 
himself  up  to  simple  sobbing. 

When  we  got  up  to  their  abode,  he  was  going  to 
rush  into  the  bedroom  without  more  ado.  "Stop !"  I 
cried,  and  held  him  tight  by  the  collar  of  his  coat. 
"Such  things  are  for  womanfolk  to  attend  to;  you 
men  have  nothing  to  do  with  them.  You  would  only 
frighten  Augusta  by  your  vehemence.  I  will  go  in 
first  and  come  and  let  you  know  how  things  are." 
And  with  these  words  I  opened  the  bedroom  door 
gently  and  went  in. 

What  he  did  meanwhile  I  don't  know;  it's  to  be 
hoped  he  employed  his  time  well  by  thinking  seri- 
ously about  himself.  When  I  got  back  to  him  I  had 
good  news  for  him. — "Come  with  me,  now,"  I  whis- 
pered, "Augusta  wants  to  see  you."  He  went  in,  but 
made  a  halt  at  the  door  and  did  not  seem  to  have 
courage  to  go  farther.  For,  there  before  him  in  the 
lap  of  a  strange  woman,  who  was  sitting  on  a  low 
chair  before  a  small  bath,  lay  a  little  living  creature, 
a  human  babe,  whom  the  woman  was  wrapping  up 
in  soft  linen  and  swaddling  clothes.  But  Augusta 
stretched  out  her  hand  to  him  and  said  in  a  low 
voice:  "Franz."  He  sank  on  his  knees  beside  her 
bed  and  covered  her  hand  with  kisses,  and  then  kissed 
her  on  the  mouth,  saying:  "My  sweet,  my  dear 
little  wife !" 

£130] 


AUGUSTA         WEIGELT     S         FIRST-BORN 

The  new-born  babe  now  began  to  cry  and  Heir 
Weigelt  regularly  pricked  up  his  ears,  and  gave  a 
good  long  look  at  the  little  wrinkled,  red-brownish 
creature  whose  small  face  seemed  more  like  one  of 
last  year's  apples  than  the  countenance  of  a  human 
being  in  the  first  stage  of  its  existence.  My  children 
at  that  age  were  much  prettier,  and  the  youngest, 
especially,  was  like  an  angel. 

"Come  sir,"  said  the  strange  woman,  "give  a  look 
at  the  boy — it's  your  first !" — "A  boy,"  he  stammered 
— "my  boy*?"  The  woman  laughed.  "Wud  ye  like 
to  tak  him  up^"  she  asked.  "If  only  I  don't  break 
it,"  he  said,  taking  hold  of  the  infant  most  awk- 
wardly. "Na,  na,  you'd  better  leave  it,"  said  the 
woman;  "you'll  have  to  learn  to  play  the  father  bet- 
ter than  that — you  don't  know  how  yet!  But  now 
the  child  and  mother  must  have  a  sleep.  I'm  think- 
ing that  door  out  there  had  better  be  closed*?" 

He  seemed  glad  to  obey  these  directions,  and  we 
then  attended  to  the  mother  and  baby.  When  they 
were  both  settled  to  rest,  our  next  business  was  to 
attend  to  the  father,  for  it  was  somewhat  past  sup- 
per-time already.  In  the  kitchen  I  found  the  servant- 
girl,  and  told  her  to  go  out  and  fetch  a  bottle  of 
rum,  but  added  not  to  ask  for  a  bottle  as  a  pint 
would  be  cheaper.  I  gave  her  money  for  it  and  off 
the  girl  trotted. 

I  thought  that  if  Herr  Weigelt  had  a  little  cordial 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

it  would  do  him  good,  after  all  the  anxiety  he  had 
been  in.  My  Carl  always  has  his  glass  of  grog  when 
anything  out  of  the  way  happens.  For  the  mid- 
wife and  nurse  I  made  coffee — it's  what  they  like 
best;  buttered  rolls  too  were  not  wanting,  so  no  one 
came  off  with  too  little. 

We  sat  down  to  supper,  I,  the  midwife  and  Herr 
Weigelt.  The  servant-girl  had  fetched  the  rum  in  a 
milk  jug  because,  she  said,  I  had  specially  asked  her 
not  to  get  a  bottle.  A  terribly  stupid  creature4  to  be 
sure. 

Herr  Weigelt  found  it  excellent,  and  was  very 
pleased  when  we  two  experienced  women  assured 
him  that  Augusta  had  got  over  it  splendidly  and 
that  he  might  now  quite  well  have  the  birth  an- 
nounced in  the  newspapers  with  the  word  "safely." 
He  was  greatly  delighted  that  it  was  a  boy,  and  said: 
"He  will  have  to  be  called  Franz  after  me,  that's  to 
say  if  Augusta  would  like  it  too." 

Hereupon  I  said :  "Herr  Weigelt,  I  do  not  know 
whether  your  grog  is  to  your  taste,  but  there  is  sugar 
on  the  table,  and  the  girl  can  bring  you  more  hot 
water,  and  you  can  add  what  you  like.  As  to  the 
baby's  name,  you  can  talk  that  matter  over  with 
your  wife  to-morrow — she  is  scarcely  equal  to  that 
yet." 

Augusta  had  given  me  the  key  of  her  linen  press, 
so  that  I  might  give  out  what  was  necessary,  and  I 
[132] 


AUGUSTA         WEIGELT     S         FIRST-BORN 

found  other  things  to  attend  to;  thus  Herr  Weigelt 
was  left  to  himself.  I  do  wish  now  that  I  had  looked 
after  him,  for  that  senseless  girl — as  I  found  out 
afterwards — in  place  of  taking  him  a  jug  of  hot 
water  as  I  had  told  her,  had  placed  the  jug  of  rum 
beside  him,  and  he,  not  thinking  what  he  was  about, 
had  added  rum  to  his  glass  instead  of  water. 

I  was  in  the  kitchen,  talking  to  the  midwife,  when 
I  suddenly  heard  singing.  On  hurrying  to  the  sit- 
ting-room I  soon  found  what  was  up.  The  excite- 
ment, the  rum,  and  the  inborn  helplessness  of  the 
man  had  done  their  worst.  Herr  Weigelt  was 
fuddled. 

"I  shall  go  to  Augusta,"  he  said,  as  I  entered; 
"she  is  an  angel!"  and  then  sang  out:  "She  alone 
it  is  I  love;  yes,  she  alone!" 

"Do  you  wish  to  kill  your  wife  and  the  infant 
with  all  this  uproar?"  said  I  hastily  to  him.  "You 
are  a  perfect  cannibal!" 

"Oh,  Wilhelmine,  I  am  so  fond  of  you !"  said  he. 
"Come,  dear  old  soul,  and  give  me  a  kiss !" 

I  avoided  him  with  all  the  dignity  I  could  muster, 
saying:  "Are  you  not  ashamed  of  yourself,  Herr 
Weigelt,  you  just  become  a  father,  and  now  behav- 
ing like  this*?  Shame  upon  you — before  Augusta, 
before  the  nurse,  before  the  new  servant-girl,  and 
above  all  before  your  own  infant!" 

"It  hasn't  got  any  eyes  yet,"  replied  he. 

[133] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

I  let  him  know  the  impropriety  of  this  remark  of 
his,  and  said  I  hoped  he  didn't  class  his  child  among 
field-mice  and  puppies,  which,  as  far  as  I  knew,  were 
born  blind.  Enough,  I  was  very  angry  with  him, 
and  told  him  the  best  thing  he  could  do  was  to  go 
to  bed,  and  implored  him  in  the  name  of  the  heads 
of  his  family  to  keep  quiet.  At  last  he  became 
reasonable.  I  hurried  to  Augusta,  who  had  awak- 
ened and  was  asking  what  all  the  noise  was  about. 

I  told  her  that  her  husband  was  quite  beside  him- 
self for  joy  that  everything  had  gone  so  well,  but 
that  I  had  now  persuaded  him  to  go  to  bed  without 
disturbing  her.  To  think  of  my  having  had  to  ex- 
pose myself  to  all  sorts  of  unpleasantnesses,  and 
even  to  tell  falsehoods,  simply  because  that  senseless 
girl  Trina  had  set  a  jug  of  rum  before  him! 

After  a  while  I  thought  to  myself:  "He'll  now 
very  likely  be  in  bed,"  and  considered  it  my  duty  to 
see  whether  he  had  put  out  his  candle  properly.  But 
not  a  bit  of  it — my  young  man  was  very  far  from 
being  asleep  or  in  bed  either.  There  he  sat  on  his 
made-up  bed,  and  had  an  open  book  in  his  hands 
which  he  had  taken  out  of  the  bookshelf.  "Herr 
Weigelt,  are  you  not  goirig  to  get  to  bed*?" — "Oh, 
Frau  "Buchholz,"  he  groaned,  "the  poor  child,  the 
poor  child !" 

"And  what's  the  matter  next?"  I  asked. 

"I  knocked  up  against  that  bookshelf  in  coming 

[134] 


AUGUSTA         WEIGELT     S         FIRST-BORN 

in,"  said  he,  "and  this  book  fell  into  my  hands.  Oh, 
the  poor  child!  He  will  have  to  attend  the  Acad- 
emy. I  learned  out  of  this  grammar  myself — it's 
Greek — and  he  will  have  to  learn  Greek.  He  will 
never  get  to  understand  those  verbs  in  'mi* — I  myself 
never  could.  And  they  will  flog  him,  and  he's  so 
small  and  can't  stand  being  touched.  I'll  kill  the 
schoolmaster  that  lays  a  hand  on  the  child !  It's  my 
boy — nobody's  but  mine!  Do  you  know  the  verbs 
in 'mi'?' 

"Herr  Weigelt,"  I  replied  with  dignity,  "I  do 
not  know  what  insult  this  question  of  yours  may 
contain,  and  so  will  waste  no  words  with  you  about 
it.  But  I  ask  you  to  make  haste  and  get  to  bed. 
Take  off  your  boots  first.  Now  then,  let  me  help 
you  take  off  your  coat  and  your  waistcoat.  I'm  a 
married  woman,  and  don't  mind  so  far.  You'll 
manage  the  rest,  I  should  think;  more  I  cannot  do — 
it  would  go  against  my  feelings  of  delicacy."  With 
this  I  left  him  alone. 

After  a  quarter  of  an  hour  I  looked  in  upon  him 
again.  And  of  course,  just  as  I  thought,  he  had  left 
the  light  burning  and  was  snoring  away  like  a  saw- 
mill. When  my  Carl  snores  I  put  a  round,  narrow 
sofa  pillow  under  his  head — that  does  some  good; 
but,  as  I  couldn't  see  anything  of  the  kind  here,  I 
pushed  the  stupid  old  grammar  under  Augusta's 
husband's  head.  Then  I  took  away  the  light  and 

[135] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

thought  to  myself:    "What  a  very  different  kind  of 
man  my  Carl  is,  after  all !" 

Augusta  was  asleep  when  I  crept  on  tip-toe  into 
the  bedroom  once  more,  to  see  that  all  was  right. 
When  I  went  up  to  the  cradle  and  was  about  to  bend 
over  the  little  one,  she  opened  her  eyes;  so  even  in 
her  sleep  she  must  have  been  conscious  that  some  one 
was  approaching  her  babe.  She  looked  up  at  me, 
and,  notwithstanding  the  dim  light,  I  noticed  the 
supreme  happiness  that  sparkled  from  her  eyes,  and 
the  unutterable  joy  that  was  shed  over  her  face.  She 
really  looked  pretty  at  that  moment,  but  otherwise 
she  cannot  exactly  complain  of  being  beautiful. 
I  nodded  to  her  in  a  kindly  way,  and  then  went  off 
home. 


CHAPTER   X 

FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  LAYS  A  TRAP  FOR  THE  DOCTOR,  AND 
FINDS  HERSELF  VERY  AWKWARDLY  PLACED 


I  CONSIDERED  myself  bound  to  let  the  doctor 
see  that  we  did  not  value  him  merely  as  a  family 
physician,  but  that  we  also  regarded  him  as  a  friend 
of  the  family.  Hence  I  invited  him,  in  a  friendly 
way,  to  take  a  spoonful  of  soup  with  us  on  Sunday 
next.  Of  course  this  did  not  mean  that  he  was 
merely  expected  to  soup,  so  I  added  that  we  had 
received  a  present  from  Mecklenburg  of  a  leg  of 
veal  twenty  pounds  in  weight,  which  could  be  prop- 
erly enjoyed  only  by  connoisseurs. 

"Wilhelmine,  what  piece  of  deception  is  this  of 
yours,  about  a  leg  of  veal*?"  exclaimed  Carl,  when  I 
handed  him  my  note  of  invitation  for  approval. 

"Oh,  never  mind  that,  it  will  be  there  when  the 
time  comes,"  I  replied;  "and  nobody  need  weigh  it 
on  the  dinner  table." 

Carl  shook  his  head  disapprovingly,  but  I  gave 

[137] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

him  to  understand  that  there  were  things  which 
men  had  better  leave  women  to  manage.  The  doctor 
had  to  be  invited,  that  was  certain;  we  owed  it  to 
him  and  to  ourselves. 

The  doctor  accepted.  He  wrote  to  say  that  by 
five  in  the  afternoon  he  would  have  got  through  all 
his  business,  and  would  be  delighted  to  come.  From 
this  note  it  was  clear  how  conscientious  he  is  about 
his  practice;  there  are  doctors  who  do  not  do  any 
kind  of  work  on  a  Sunday,  whether  they  are  called 
in  specially,  or  whether  accidental  work  comes  in 
their  way.  A  medical  man  like  Dr.  Wrenzchen, 
with  such  sterling  ideas,  could  not  fail  to  be  wel- 
comed in  any  family. 

Carl  asked  me  whether  Uncle  Fritz  had  not  better 
be  invited  too,  but  this  suggestion  was  met  with 
only  a  knowing  smile  from  me.  I  had  no  idea  of 
having  a  party,  I  wanted  him  alone — the  doctor — 
all  to  ourselves.  This  time  he  should  not  escape 
me!  I  arranged  in  good  time  about  the  roast,  and 
Sunday  came  when  the  week  had  done  its  work. 

At  three  o'clock  I  pushed  the  roast  into  the  oven 
with  my  own  hands.  Emmi  happened  to  be  in  the 
kitchen,  and  asked  me  whether  she  might  run  across 
to  the  Bergfeldts  and  ask  them  to  come  in  to  dinner. 
Fancy  the  girl's  innocence !  she  had  no  notion  what- 
ever of  the  day's  importance.  I  embraced  her,  tears 
filled  my  eyes,  and  my  voice  was  choky.  I  could 


A     TRAP      FOR     THE     DOCTOR 

only  point  to  the  oven  without  uttering  a  word — 
did  not  my  child's  whole  future  depend  upon  what 
was  stewing  there? 

Thereupon  Emmi  remarked:  "I  don't  wonder  at 
your  being  unhappy  about  the  veal,  mamma,  it  will 
never  be  done  in  time;  we  have  never  had  such  a 
large  piece  in  the  house.  And  none  of  us  like  it." 
— "There's  somebody  that  does  though!"  I  ex- 
claimed knowingly.  "But  run  away,  dear,  and  dress 
yourself  prettily.  Put  on  your  puffed  velvet  bodice; 
and  the  flowers  I  brought  from  the  market  for  you, 
put  in  your  hair.  They  are  orange-blossoms." — 
"They  are  not  effective,"  replied  Emmi.  "They  are 
symbolical,  my  dear.  In  Italy  a  bride's  wreath  is 
always  made  of  them.  But  come,  run  away,  child." 
Emmi  coloured  up  to  her  ears,  looked  at  me  in  sur- 
prise, and  then  went  away.  I  turned  to  the  roast, 
which  was  already  beginning  to  brown,  and  said  to 
the  cook:  "Jette,  in  ten  minutes  it'll  have  to  be 
basted  for  the  first  time.  I  am  most  anxious  for  it 
to  be  good."  "So  am  I,  mum;  you  may  go  and 
dress  with  an  easy  mind — I'll  take  good  care  of  it." 

The  table  was  laid  and  everything  ready.  Carl 
looked  so  neat  and  tidy  that  I  gave  him  a  kiss,  and 
our  girls  looked  angelic,  especially  Emmi  in  her  steel- 
blue  velvet.  "Just  like  a  pretty  little  doctor's  wife !" 
I  whispered  to  Carl.  The  nearer  the  hands  of  the 
clock  moved  towards  five,  the  more  anxious  I  be- 

[139] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

came;  for  what  if  the  doctor  were  yet  to  send  a 
message  that  he  was  prevented  from  coming*?  What 
if  some  patient  had  sent  for  him?  Then,  too,  I  was 
afraid  lest  the  roast  might  get  burnt,  or  that  the  ex- 
quisite cream  sauce  might  get  spoilt.  These  thoughts 
made  me  fly  to  the  kitchen.  But  I  found  Jette 
basting  the  roast  with  the  most  loving  care:  it  was 
looking  perfection.  We  put  the  sauce  through  a 
strainer,  added  a  small  teaspoonful  of  arrowroot  to 
thicken  it,  and  put  in  a  bit  of  fresh  butter  to  make 
it  mellow  and  tasty.  "The  doctor  will  lick  all  his 
ten  fingers,"  thought  I,  grinning  to  myself;  and  Jette 
grinned  too,  as  if  her  thoughts  had  been  much  the 
same  as  mine. 

Punctually  at  five  the  doctor  came.  A  perfect 
weight  fell  from  my  heart.  "You  must  take  us  just 
as  we  are,  dear  doctor,"  said  I;  "some  friends  were 

coming,  but  unfortunately "     Here,  however, 

Carl  interrupted  me — he  so  hates  those  convenient 
white  lies — and  said:  "The  smaller  the  circle  the 
more  sociable  we  can  be."  And  the  doctor  added, 
laughing:  "If  only  one's  heart  be  black."  *  So 
amidst  merriment  and  laughter  we  went  in  to  din- 
ner. I  took  in  the  doctor,  opposite  to  him  was 

*  This  remark  refers  to  an  anecdote  of  a  peasant  who  appeared 
at  a  funeral  in  his  usual  red  waistcoat  in  place  of  mourning 
clothes,  and  upon  being  asked  how  this  happened,  the  man 
replied  that  he  did  not  think  it  mattered,  "if  only  his  heart 
were  black." 

[140] 


A      TRAP      FOR     THE      DOCTOR 

Emmi's  place,  Carl  was  on  his  left  on  account  of 
having  to  serve  the  soup,  and  Betti  was  on  my  other 
side. 

We  began  with  simple  homely  soup  served  with 
Marx  and  port-wine,  which  the  doctor  pronounced 
excellent.  Then  we  had  bass  with  oyster-sauce  (of 
course  only  tinned  American  oysters),  and  then  came 
the  roast  veal.  Napoleon  must  have  greeted  the 
pyramids  with  the  same  kind  of  smile  as  the  doctor 
did  that  leg  of  veal.  At  a  wink  from  me  Emmi  and 
Betti  smiled  too,  although  both  were  on  the  point  of 
making  wry  faces.  I  knew  I  had  got  at  the  doctor's 
weak  side;  and  even  though — as  Fritz  says — he  gulps 
down  anything  that  is  wet  and  praises  it  too— still, 
Carl  had  certainly  provided  capital  wines:  a  bottle 
of  Johannisberg  at  one  mark  the  bottle  to  the  fish, 
and  a  Chateau  la  Pancha  at  one  mark  thirty.  The 
doctor  declared  a  nail  might  be  hammered  into  him 
if  he  ever  wished  to  have  better  wine.  We  were 
uncommonly  merry;  I  was  especially  pleased  that 
the  doctor  talked  to  Emmi  and  told  her  anecdotes 
he  had  read  in  the  papers.  We  knew  all  the  stones, 
of  course,  for  we  take  in  the  same  paper,  but  still  I 
could  pay  him  a  compliment  by  saying  that  he  had  a 
wonderful  memory. 

When  we  had  finished  dinner  we  had  coffee  in  the 
adjoining  room,  and  the  gentlemen  lit  their  cigars. 
Carl  then  asked  the  doctor  kindly  to  excuse  his  ab- 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

senting  himself  for  half  an  hour  or  so,  for  he  had 
important  business  to  attend  to.  This  was  true 
enough,  for  he  had  to  go  over  the  accounts  of  his 
district.  Betti  went  off  to  the  Bergfeldts'  without 
taking  leave,  and  Jette  I  sent  with  a  piece  of  the  fish 
to  the  Weigelts'  in  the  Acker  Strasse.  I  knew  she 
could  not  be  back  much  under  an  hour.  When  they 
were  all  safely  off,  I  begged  the  doctor  to  excuse  me 
for  a  few  minutes,  as  I  wanted  just  to  run  across  to  a 
neighbour  for  a  minute. 

The  truth  however  is  that  I  never  left  the  house  at 
all,  but,  after  slamming  the  house  door,  I  crept  back 
on  tip-toe,  and  hid  myself  in  the  store-room.  There 
I  sat  down  on  a  kitchen  chair. 

"He  has  taken  his  food  and  drink  well,"  thought 
I;  "if  he  has  a  spark  of  gratitude  for  what  he  has 
enjoyed,  he  will  offer  her  now  his  heart  and  hand. 
But" — such  were  my  doubts — "are  there  not  some 
people  who  think  nothing  of  an  invitation,  who  even 
consider  Jit  a  sacrifice  on  their  part  to  have  to  meet 
other  people  they  don't  care  about*?"  In  front  of  me 
on  the  table  stood  a  dish  with  white  beans.  I  took 
up  a  handful,  thinking:  "If  I  find  them  in  pairs, 
the  two  will  to-day  come  to  some  understanding  with 
each  other."  I  sorted  the  beans  on  the  table.  There 
were  twenty-seven.  Not  in  pairs,  therefore.  "The 
first  time  doesn't  count,  however,"  thought  I.  Now 
for  the  second;  there  were  fourteen! 


A     TRAP     FOR     THE     DOCTOR 

All  good  things  are  three,  says  the  proverb.  Quite 
lost  in  the  sorting  of  the  beans,  I  heard  and  saw 
nothing  of  the  world  beyond,  when  suddenly  two 
strong  arms  were  thrown  round  me,  and  some  one 
gave  me  such  a  smacking  kiss  that  my  ears  seemed 
to  roar.  I  jumped  up.  In  the  twilight  I  saw  that 
some  military  creature — a  regular  seven-footer — was 
standing  before  me.  "Who  are  you,  and  what  do 
you  want  here*?"  I  asked  in  a  commanding  voice. 
He  drew  himself  up  into  position  and  blustered  out: 
"Corporal  Gehren  of  the  Guards." — "And  what  is  it 
you  want  here4?"  I  exclaimed.  "Jette  asked  me  to 
come  in  this  evening  for  some  roast  veal." — "That 
girl  Jette  *?"  I  cried,  enraged.  "She  is  absolutely  for- 
bidden to  have  any  lover  in  the  kitchen!" — "I'm 
not  her  lover;  she's  only  my  sister!"  replied  the 
young  Goliath.  "Your  sister,"  said  I  in  wrath, 
"that's  an  untruth.  The  way  you  caught  me  in  your 
arms  is  not  the  way  a  sister  is  embraced;  it's  more 
than  my  Carl  would  venture  to  do.  Be  off  with 
you!"  He  wouldn't  go,  however,  and  kept  ogling 
the  roast  veal  which  he  had  discovered  on  the  table, 
and  which  I  thought  of  having  sliced  late/  with  the 
punch-bowl — that  is  to  say,  if  things  could  be 
brought  far  enough  for  us  to  celebrate  the  betrothal. 
"Be  off!"  I  exclaimed  again;  "be  off,  or  I'll  call  for 
help!" 

Overcome  by  the  insult,  my  wrath  and  vexation,  I 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

cried  out:  "Murder,  burglars,  thieves,  help!" — The 
soldier  no  sooner  perceived  that  I  was  in  earnest 
than  he  speedily  disappeared  down  the  back  stair- 
case. The  doctor  and  Emmi  came  hurrying  in. 
What  was  I  to  do*? — The  truth  could  not  be  told.  I 
muttered  something  about  a  fright  and  ghosts,  and 
pretended  to  feel  faint.  Emmi  was  quite  distracted 
at  seeing  me  in  this  unusual  plight,  but  thought  I 
to  myself:  "Wilhelmine,  act  cunningly,  for  no  doc- 
tor with  a  sense  of  duty  and  a  conscience  could  be 
so  wicked  as  to  forsake  a  suffering  creature,  when 
only  a  short  time  before  he  enjoyed  an  abundance 
of  roast  veal  and  was  extremely  well  pleased  with 
the  wine  he  got." — So  I  recovered  but  slowly,  and 
told  them  I  must  have  got  frightened  by  the  kitchen 
towel  in  the  dark. — How  could  I  confess  that  in 
place  of  going  out  I  had  sat  down  in  the  store-room 
to  act  the  spy*?  And  could  I  have  said  a  syllable 
about  the  outrageous  attack  of  the  soldier,  who  had 
taken  me  for  Jette? — No,  never! 

The  doctor  was  charming  to  me;  it  is  verily  a 
pleasure  to  be  a  patient  of  his.  He  said  that  a  fright 
such  as  I  had  had  was  only  external,  and  would  soon 
go  off.  He  regretted  not  to  be  able  to  stay  longer, 
but  said  he  was  obliged  to  look  in  upon  a  patient 
who  had  a  fixed  idea  every  Sunday  evening  that  he 
was  catching  a  salmon.  Before  sending  him  to 
Dalldorf  he  wanted  to  see  if  the  man's  fancies  could 

[144] 


A     TRAP      FOR     THE      DOCTOR 

not  be  got  rid  of  by  some  of  the  rules  of  medical 
art.  As  he  would  not  be  persuaded  to  remain  I  had, 
with  a  heavy  heart,  to  let  him  go. 

When  he  was  gone,  I  said  to  Emmi :  "Well,  and 
how  did  you  get  on  together?" — "Oh,  very  well." — 
"And  what  did  you  talk  about?" — "He  said  at  first 
that  he  fancied  he  smelt  orange-blossoms  in  the  room, 
and  also  said  he  couldn't  bear  the  smell,  for  when 
he  was  a  child  he  once  had  medicine  given  to  him 
in  orange-blossom  water,  and  since  then  he  detested 
the  smell."-— "What  did  you  say  to  that?"— "I  told 
him  that  I  would  take  the  blossoms  out  of  my  hair, 
but  he  said  he  could  hardly  expect  me  to  do  that. 
However,  I  did,  and  he  came  and  sat  beside  me." — 
"Well,  and  then?" — "He  told  me  all  sorts  of  things 
about  his  dear  father  and  dear  mother,  who,  he  said, 
was  always  telling  him  that  she  would  like  nothing 
better  than  for  him  to  bring  her  a  daughter-in-law." 
— "And  he  said  no  more?"  I  asked  breathlessly. — 
"Well,  just  as  he  was  saying  that  we  heard  your 
screams,  mamma,  and  hurried  to  see  what  was  the 
matter." 

Everything  turned  black  before  me,  and  I  sank 
down  on  the  sofa  as  if  crushed.  So  near  the  goal — 
the  wished-for  words  had  been  on  his  lips  when  fate, 
in  the  shape  of  a  hungry  warrior,  cruelly  stepped  in 
between !  My  first  thought  was  to  have  Jette  packed 
off  to  the  police-station  as  soon  as  she  came  back,  for 

.[145] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

it  was  clear  she  had  left  the  back  door  open  for  any 
armed  creature  to  enter  the  house.  But  I  did  not 
dare  to  do  this.  What  would  my  Carl,  my  children, 
Dr.  Wrenzchen,  and  even  Fritz  have  said  to  my  hav- 
ing of  my  own  accord  banished  myself  in  the  store- 
room'? It  would  all  have  come  out!  Horrible! 

And  Jette  has  since  that  evening  been  so  impudent 
and  saucy  that  I  have  scarcely  dared  to  say  a  word 
to  her;  and,  besides,  I  don't  go  near  the  kitchen  of 
an  evening  now,  for  fear  of  coming  across  the  soldier. 
Thus,  in  place  of  the  anticipated  happiness,  I  have 
reaped  nothing  but  vexation  and  annoyance,  and  who 
knows  when  I  may  have  the  chance  of  getting  the 
doctor  here  again"?  I  feel  very  much  down-hearted 
and  humbled,  but,  nevertheless,  I  don't  mean  to  give 
up  the  struggle  against  fate  to  get  the  doctor. 

P.S.  The  doctor  did  not  go  to  see  a  patient  that 
evening.  He  was  at  the  Cafe  Helbich  playing  skat 
with  his  chums.  Uncle  Fritz  met  him  there,  and  told 
me  that  "catching  salmon"  meant  playing  skat  for 
beer.  So  he  has  deceived  me,  in  spite  of  the  roast 
veal  and  the  bass  with  oyster-sauce.  I  should  just 
like  to  see  him  dare  do  this  as  my  son-in-law ;  I  would 
soon  get  him  out  of  the  habit  of  "catching  salmon" ! 


CHAPTER    XI 

AUGUSTA  WEIGELT'S  BABY  is  CHRISTENED  AND  THE 

PASTOR  JOINS  THE  MATCHMAKERS 


Weigelts'  baby's  name  had  of  course  been 
JL  entered  at  the  registry  office,  but  it  was  get- 
ting high  time  for  it  to  be  properly  baptised,  and 
not,  any  longer,  to  face  each  new  day  a  young 
heathen  child.  The  delay  had  had  its  good  reasons, 
for  Herr  Weigelt's  father  is  a  country  clergyman 
somewhere  on  the  Pomeranian  coast,  and  of  course 
the  Weigelts  wished  the  grandfather  to  baptise  the 
grandson;  but  old  Herr  Weigelt  had  found  it  diffi- 
cult to  get  a  few  days'  leave.  He  had  written  now, 
however,  to  say  that  he  could  come,  and  had  men- 
tioned the  day  of  his  arrival  in  Berlin. 

Young  Weigelt  explained  this  all  to  me  the  day 
he  came  to  ask  Emmi  to  stand  godmother  to  his  boy. 
Of  course  I  gave  my  consent  to  this,  for  Emmi  and 
Augusta  have  always  been  very  good  friends,  and 
moreover  anything  more  charming  than  a  young  and 

[-47] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

pretty  godmother  cannot  be  imagined.  It  ranks  next 
to  a  bridesmaid,  although  in  my  eyes  to  be  a  bride 
stands  considerably  higher  still. 

When  young  Weigelt  told  me  that  his  father  was 
coming  I  naturally  asked  where  he  was  going  to 
stay,  as  I  knew  their  accommodation  was  limited, 
and  a  christening  gives  rise  to  all  kinds  of  additional 
trouble  in  a  house.  "Oh,  Frau  Buchholz,  you  have 
always  been  so  kind  to  us,  and  I  know  have  a  spare 
room!  If  you  would  allow  my  dear  old  father  to 
live  with  you,  I  should  be  more  grateful  to  you  than 
I  can  say.  My  mother-in-law  has  unfortunately  no 
room  to  offer  him  either."  I  considered  a  minute  or 
two,  and  then  said :  "We  shall  be  pleased  to  receive 
your  father  into  our  house.  Indeed,  he  shall  be  ex- 
ceedingly welcome,  but  I  must  ask  you  for  a  favour 
in  return." — "I  will  gladly  do  anything  I  can." — 
"Well,  what  I  want  you  to  do  is  to  ask  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen  to  stand  godfather.  You  know  him;  now  will 
you  do  this*?" — "I  will  do  all  in  my  power,"  replied 
Herr  Weigelt,  "even  though  we  have  to  drag  him 
on  with  a  pair  of  pincers."  We  both  laughed  at  this 
cruel  idea,  which  only  a  short  time  before  had  been 
the  device  of  a  murderer  for  killing  his  customers. 
After  this  Herr  Weigelt  took  his  departure,  happy  in 
the  extreme. 

When  he  had  gone,  I  thought  to  myself:  "Wil- 
helmine,  this  idea  of  yours  is  worth  its  weight  in 


THE      BABY      IS      CHRISTENED 

gold.  The  doctor  can't  escape  you.  And  that  Emmi 
shall  look  a  young  fairy  you  are  pretty  sure  to 
manage." 

The  following  day  Herr  Weigelt  came  again. 
"He  has  consented !"  he  called  out  to  me  as  soon  as 
he  entered  the  front  door. — "Without  much  shuf- 
fling1?" I  asked. — "On  the  contrary,  as  soon  as  he 
heard  that  Fraulein  Emmi  was  to  stand  godmother, 
he  accepted  forthwith,  and  looked  as  pleased  as  if  he 
had  had  his  hand  full  of  trumps !" — "That  is  capi- 
tal," thought  I;  "he  seems  himself  to  have  made  up 
his  mind  that  his  time  is  come !"  We  then  discussed 
all  sorts  of  practical  matters  about  the  christening 
festival.  I  promised  to  lend  him  our  punch-bowl  and 
glasses,  and  whatever  else  they  might  require,  for 
the  Bergfeldts'  bowl  had  of  course  got  a  knock  when 
they  were  moving  into  their  new  house,  and  it  can- 
not again  appear  on  the  table  without  blushing.  In 
my  joy  I  would  have  lent  him  everything  out  of  our 
best  room,  had  that  been  possible. 

After  this  we  began  to  arrange  our  spare  room  for 
old  Herr  Weigelt's  visit.  The  girls  maintained  that 
it  would  be  desperately  tiresome  to  have  a  parson 
in  the  house,  as,  of  course,  no  one  would  venture  to 
utter  a  merry  word,  and  we  should  all  have  to  look 
solemn.  I  said  to  them,  however,  with  a  knowing 
look:  "Children,  after  rain  comes  sunshine;  after 
the  bitter  food  you  shall  have  pure  honeycomb.  But 

[H9] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

I  want  you  to  get  out  your  hymn-books  and  put  them 
on  the  work-table — that  will  make  a  good  impres- 
sion. You,  Emmi,  shall  have  a  white  dress  with 
pale  blue  trimmings.  Light  blue  is  your  colour. 
The  dress  will  come  in  for  your  dancing-parties  next 
winter;  and,  mark  me,  it  won't  be  thrown  away." 
This  was  on  Friday. 

Hence  we  had  time  enough  for  getting  the  dress 
ready,  for  Herr  Weigelt  was  not  to  arrive  till  the 
following  Tuesday  afternoon,  and  the  christening 
was  to  be  on  the  Wednesday. 

When  the  old  gentleman  arrived,  of  course  he  first 
paid  his  children  a  visit  and  then  came  on  to  us, 
accompanied  by  his  son.  At  first  I  felt  a  little  nerv- 
ous, not  being  accustomed  to  have  much  to  do  with 
clergymen;  however,  old  Herr  Weigelt  had  such 
hearty  and  winning  ways  that  in  ten  minutes  we 
felt  as  comfortable  as  if  we  had  known  each  other 
for  years.  When  we  went  in  to  supper  he  gallantly 
offered  me  his  arm,  and  upon  taking  his  first  glass 
of  wine  he  said  that  he  must  be  allowed  to  drink 
to  the  health  of  the  family  of  whom  he  had  heard 
so  much  good  from  his  son  and  daughter-in-law.  In 
his  children's  names,  therefore,  he  begged  to  thank 
them  for  their  many  acts  of  kindness.  In  answer  to 
this  my  Carl  said  that  so  much  praise  he  was  sure 
would  quite  embarrass  me,  whereupon  old  Herr 
Weigelt  held  out  his  hand  to  me,  gave  mine  a  hearty 

[150] 


THE     BABY     IS     CHRISTENED 

shake,  and  said  he  knew  quite  well  what  he  was 
about,  and  that  he  had  not  said  one  word  too  much. 

After  supper  I  addressed  myself  to  Heir  Weigelt 
junior,  and  implored  him,  for  Heaven's  sake,  to  look 
up  Dr.  Wrenzchen  again  and  to  remind  him  of  his 
consent,  and  of  his  duty  as  a  Christian.  So  he  went 
off  somewhat  early.  Old  Herr  Weigelt  chatted  with 
my  daughters. 

My  daughters  having  retired,  I  said  to  Herr  Wei- 
gelt confidentially:  "Dear  sir,  to-morrow  you  will 
have  to  do  with  a  godfather  who  is  a  most  pleasant 
man,  and  one  whom  I  could  welcome  as  a  son-in- 
law,  but  the  wickednesses  of  Berlin  life  have  en- 
snared him.  Do,  I  beg  you,  address  yourself  a  little 
to  his  conscience,  and  set  forth  to  him  the  joys  of 
married  life  in  pretty  bright  colours.  If  he  stands 
godfather  he  cannot  but  listen  to  what  you  say." 
The  parson  considered  for  a  few  minutes  and  then 
said :  "I  will  do  my  best  to  lead  him  on  to  the  right 
road." — "You  will  be  doing  a  good  work,"  I  replied, 
"for  you  have  no  idea  how  corrupt  the  young  men  in 
Berlin  are.  My  own  brother  Fritz  would  be  none 
the  worse  for  a  word  of  warning !" 

Next  day  was  the  christening.  The  Weigelts  had 
arranged  it  all  very  nicely,  and  everything  looked 
so  cheerful  and  neat  in  their  rooms  that  I  was  really 
astonished  to  find  that  a  few  flowerpots  and  happy 
faces  could  make  a  house  appear  quite  festive,  small 

[151] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

though  it  be.  Among  those  present  were  all  the 
Bergfeldts,  of  course,  from  A  to  Z,  Heir  and  Frau 
Krause  with  their  boy  Eduard,  Uncle  Fritz,  their 
landlord,  a  Herr  Meyer,  with  his  wife  and  daughter, 
a  couple  of  friends  of  young  Weigelt's,  among  them 
a  Herr  Theophile,  who  was  studying  chemistry,  and 
who  played  all  kinds  of  tricks  later  in  the  day.  Then 
there  were  ourselves  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  so  that  the 
room  was  as  full  as  an  omnibus  on  a  rainy  day.  For 
the  convenience  of  Dr.  Wrenzchen  the  christening 
was  fixed  for  six  o'clock,  and  with  the  stroke  of  six 
he  entered.  Herr  Bergfeldt  held  his  grandson,  and 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  and  Emmi  stood  right  and  left  of 
him. 

The  old  clergyman  began  his  address.  He  said 
that  the  gently  slumbering  infant  might  be  likened 
to  a  young  bud  which  was  to  develop  in  the  great 
garden  of  humanity,  and  that  the  godparents  were 
expected  to  undertake  the  gardener's  duty  in  order 
that  the  blossom  might  give  pleasure  to  the  owner 
of  the  garden.  He  then  turned  to  the  godparents 
and  said  that  the  duty  they  had  undertaken  to  per- 
form, meant,  in  reality,  that  their  protege  demanded 
something  of  them.  He  knew,  he  said,  that  Berlin — 
like  Babylon  of  old — was  full  of  temptations  which 
specially  threatened  to  destroy  all  those  who  went 
their  own  way  without  considering  others.  There 
was  to  be  found  lurking  the  gambling  table,  drink, 


THE     BABY     IS     CHRISTENED 

and  sin,  all  dragging  young  persons  into  the  abyss. 
One  thing  only  could  save  them,  and  that  was  a 
home  of  their  own,  the  care  of  others  in  grief,  in 
need,  and  in  trouble.  The  trials  which  married  life 
brought  with  it  would  lead  those  hurrying  to  their 
destruction  back  to  the  right  path,  and  to  contrition. 
Therefore  let  every  young  man  take  upon  himself  the 
yoke  of  marriage,  in  order  that  he  may  escape  the 
snares  of  evil  company,  and  renounce  the  follies 
of  life. 

I  was  beginning  to  feel  as  if  cold  water  were  run- 
ning down  by  back,  for  the  good  man  was  going 
further  than  I  had  calculated  upon,  but  now  that  he 
had  started  there  was  no  means  of  holding  him  back. 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  was  listening  pretty  attentively,  but 
did  not  seem  very  much  edified. 

Then  the  formal  christening  took  place,  and  the 
infant  Franz  was  carried  back  to  the  bedroom. 

I  was  curious  to  see  what  effect  the  address  would 
have  upon  the  doctor.  The  good  parson  had  meant 
too  well;  I  do  not  in  any  way  consider  the  doctor 
as  completely  lost  as  he  had  represented;  but  when 
parsons  begin  to  talk  about  sin  they  generally  paint 
it  pretty  black. 

The  table  was  speedily  laid,  and  we  took  our 
seats.  Dr.  Wrenzchen  handed  Emmi  to  her  place, 
and  I  must  say  the  girl  looked  lovely.  The  clergy- 
man's place  was  on  the  sofa  beside  Frau  Bergfeldt. 

[153] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Augusta  had  prepared  quite  a  nice  little  dinner; 
we  all  enjoyed  it,  and  when  we  had  warmed  up  a 
little  the  drinking  of  healths  began.  Herr  Krause 
proposed  the  health  of  the  parents,  my  Carl  that  of 
old  Herr  Weigelt — and  very  well  he  did  it — and  old 
Herr  Weigelt  that  of  the  godparents.  Uncle  Fritz 
asked  us  to  drink  to  the  health  of  the  four  Franzes: 
the  infant,  the  father,  the  grandfather,  and  Dr. 
Wrenzchen — whose  Christian  name  was  likewise 
Franz — and  added  that  if  things  went  on  at  this  rate 
there  would  one  day  be  an  Imperial  Franz-regiment 
in  the  family.  This  made  us  all  laugh  most  heartily, 
and  Dr.  Wrenzchen  coloured  up  rather — the  doctor 
talked  to  Emmi,  to  be  sure,  but  it  seemed  to  me  in 
rather  a  reserved  and  cool  kind  of  way.  This  made 
me  a  little  uneasy. 

After  supper  some  of  the  gentlemen  rose  and 
lighted  their  cigars,  and  I  took  a  seat  by  the  doctor. 
"Well,  dear  doctor,"  said  I,  "and  how  did  you  like 
the  christening  address*?" 

"It  has  given  me  a  good  deal  to  think  about,"  he 
answered;  "but  the  fact  is,  dear  Frau  Buchholz,  I 
like  my  personal  freedom,  without  actually  follow- 
ing sinful  ways.  I  should  think  well  over  the  mat- 
ter before  I  put  myself  under  the  guardianship  of 
even  the  most  excellent  of  mothers-in-law.  Heaven 
only  knows  who  put  the  old  gentleman  up  to  his 
speech,  but  I  must  say  he  has  not  succeeded  in  mak- 

[154] 


THE      BABY      IS      CHRISTENED 

ing  me  wish  to  take  upon  myself  the  yoke  of  cares ! 
Nor  can  I  imagine  that  you  would  welcome  a 
villainous  son-in-law." 

There  now,  I  knew  it!  That  was  an  evident  re- 
fusal. Why  had  not  the  old  gentleman  understood 
the  doctor  better?  He  might  surely  have  known 
that  delicate  affairs  required  delicate  handling. 


[155] 


CHAPTER    XII 


EMIL  BERGFELDT  BREAKS  OFF  HIS  ENGAGEMENT  AND 
THE  DOCTOR  IS  FALSELY  ACCUSED  OF  RUDENESS 


I  HAD  never  been  anywhere  by  the  City  Rail- 
way, nor  had  the  children,  so  I  said  to  Carl  that 
nothing  surely  would  be  more  delightful  than  to 
make  use  of  the  first  day  in  Whitsuntide  for  a  trip, 
and  to  go  part  of  the  way  by  the  City  line.  I  said 
that  this  would  be  cheaper  than  anything  else,  and 
that  moreover  it  would  be  instructive  as  well  as 
interesting.  We  should  also  avoid  the  crowds  of 
common  people  who  generally  make  more  use  of  the 
Whit-Monday. 

Carl  raised  no  objections  to  the  proposal.  I  sent 
Betti  to  the  Bergfeldts  to  see  if  they  would  go  with 
us,  but  Betti  returned  with  only  a  half  sort  of  an- 
swer, and  looked  so  queer  about  the  eyes  that  I  felt 
a  smell  of  burning,  although  I  did  not  yet  know  of 
what.  It  came  out  afterwards  what  it  was. 

"Why  did  the  Bergfeldts  not  decide  definitely'?" 


A     BROKEN      ENGAGEMENT 

I  asked. — "They  considered  the  City  line  too  com- 
monplace!"— "Even  if  we  went  with  them!"  I  re- 
plied sharply,  and  asked  further:  "Is  your  Emil 
coming  with  us  then*?" — She  was  silent. — "Or  are 
you  going  with  the  Bergf eldts  *?" — Again  silence. 

"A  lover  surely  doesn't  leave  his  sweetheart  on 
such  a  day!"  I  added. — "I  didn't  see  Emil,"  she 
replied. — "Then  ask  him  to-morrow  morning." — 
"Perhaps,"  she  answered. — "What  do  you  mean  by 
perhaps!"  I  exclaimed.  "Have  you  quarrelled? 
Have  you  fallen  out  with  each  other*?" — "No,"  said 
Betti  in  a  low  voice. — "Well,  what  then?  What's 
the  matter*?  Let  me  hear  what  you  have  got  to  say." 
— "Nothing,"  she  whispered,  and  then  burst  out  cry- 
ing, and  looked  as  if  she  were  about  to  faint, 

I  did  everything  that  is  usually  done  in  such  a 
case:  I  fetched  Eau  de  Cologne,  I  unfastened  her 
dress,  which  was  a  little  tight,  and  petted  her  till 
she  came  back  to  herself.  "Now,  come,  dear,  tell  me 
what  has  happened,"  I  asked.  "You  can  surely  con- 
fide everything  to  your  mother4?" — "No,"  she  cried, 
"no,  no,  do  not  ask  me,  it  is  dreadful." 

There  arose  in  my  mind  all  sorts  of  horrible  ideas, 
but  I  put  on  a  smile,  although  I  felt  my  heart  ready 
to  break. 

"The  best  thing  will  be  for  you  to  get  married 
soon,"  I  said  at  last.  "Shall  we  have  the  wedding 
in  the  autumn1?" 

[157] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

The  look  the  child  gave  me  I  shall  never  in  my 
life  forget.  Betti  has  such  pretty  brown  eyes,  like  a 
gazelle's,  but  she  looked  at  me  as  if  hurt  to  death, 
so  piteously,  so  sorrowfully,  it  cut  me  to  the  heart. 
"Never,"  she  said,  "never."— "Well  now,"  I  ex- 
claimed, "but  he  shall  marry  you  as  sure  as  my 
name's  Wilhelmine !" — "But  I  won't  have  him,"  an- 
swered Betti. — "This  is  a  pretty  story,"  said  I;  "and 
pray  why  won't  you  have  him1?" — "Because  I  hate 
him,  I  despise  him !  Oh,  oh,  he  ...  !"  Upon  this 
she  had  a  succession  of  attacks  of  fainting,  and  I  had 
to  put  her  to  bed.  What  had  taken  place  I  could 
not  discover,  but  Betti  is  somewhat  obstinate  by 
nature,  and  what  she  won't  tell,  she  won't.  She 
answered  never  a  word  to  all  my  questions,  and  I  was 
left  as  wise  as  before. 

To  Carl  I  did  not  say  anything  about  this  new 
trouble.  I  thought,  when  once  I  know  myself  what 
it  really  is,  he  shall  be  told.  All  the  more  eagerly 
did  I  make  the  necessary  preparations  for  our  Whit- 
Sunday's  trip,  especially  as  on  the  following  morn- 
ing Betti  was  looking  much  as  usual.  The  corners 
of  her  mouth  did  certainly  seem  to  droop  a  little, 
and  she  looked  very  black  under  her  eyes. 

We  ladies  had,  of  course,  dressed  ourselves  simply, 
but  still  pleasantly  to  look  at.  Emmi  looked  charm- 
ing in  her  new  cretonne,  so  much  so  that  I  wished 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  could  by  some  chance  have  met  her. 


A     BROKEN      ENGAGEMENT 

Betti  was  dressed  exactly  like  Emmi,  and  my  dress 
was  dove-coloured,  with  red  fuchsias  upon  it,  which 
is  the  fashion  just  now.  Carl  looked  splendid,  as  he 
always  does. 

Our  destination  was  the  restaurant  on  the  Halen- 
See,  for,  to  speak  honestly,  I  am  sick  of  Bernau  and 
Biesenthal,  where  the  rules  relating  to  the  holiday- 
makers  are  too  strict  and  the  trees  are  no  greener 
for  it.  Now,  at  the  Halen-See  not  only  is  the  best 
beer  kept  in  ice,  but  there  are  ozone  springs  of  the 
first  quality  in  the  neighbourhood.  Moreover,  we 
know  the  proprietor  personally,  and  last  winter  when 
we  were  there  he  told  me  that  the  next  time  we  came 
he  would  give  us  a  dish  of  choice  asparagus.  He 
had,  as  we  afterwards  learned,  promised  this  to  a 
number  of  the  acquaintances;  but,  of  course,  there  is 
choice  asparagus  enough  in  the  world,  and  a  blessing 
it  is  both  to  restaurant-keepers  and  to  the  public  as 
well. 

We  found  a  great  many  people,  but  were  given  a 
pretty  table  to  ourselves  with  an  exquisite  view  over 
the  lake,  upon  which  gondolas  were  flitting  to  and 
fro.  Now  and  again  a  train  sped  away  through 
the  scenery  on  the  horizon,  while  the  foreground,  as 
the  poets  say,  was  pleasantly  enlivened  by  waiters  in 
white  aprons  and  a  number  of  respectable  people  in 
festive  attire. 

We  ordered  asparagus  for  dinner  forthwith,  and 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

meanwhile  contented  ourselves  with  a  glass  of  "gen- 
uine," and  then  took  a  walk  in  the  park.  We  found 
this  very  amusing,  and  I  can  frankly  say  that  our 
toilettes  created  a  good  deal  of  attention.  We  then 
went  on  to  the  skittle-ground,  and  to  our  great  sur- 
prise found  several  acquaintances  there.  Herr 
Kleines,  a  doctor  from  Hamburg  who  was  introduced 
to  us,  and  seemed  a  highly  cultivated  man,  and  some 
others  also.  But  who  should  we  find  sitting  at  the 
marker's  table  when  we  arrived  but  Dr.  Wrenzchen ! 
I  bowed  to  him  in  a  cordial  way,  but  he  did  not 
come  near  us,  only  nodded  his  head  with  a  forced 
kind  of  smile.  All  the  others  were  polite  enough 
to  pay  us  some  compliment,  but  he  remained  sitting 
where  he  was  as  if  glued  to  his  seat;  this,  naturally, 
I  considered  very  disrespectful.  The  party  invited 
Carl  to  join  in  the  game,  but  he  declined,  for  he  said 
they  were  the  right  number  without  him.  Hereupon 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  said  that  he  would  gladly  give  up 
his  place,  "Oh,"  said  I,  "if  you  are  not  going  to 
play,  dear  doctor,  would  you  take  us  out  in  a  boat 
for  a  little?  I  know  you  like  sailing."  He  looked 
quite  perplexed  and  made  all  sorts  of  excuses,  and 
his  comrades,  especially  Herr  Kleines,  laughed  in  a 
most  provoking  manner,  so  that  I  could  do  nothing 
else  but  catch  hold  of  Carl  somewhat  sharply,  and 
drag  him  away,  for  he  suddenly  seemed  inclined  to 
join  the  game. 

[.60] 


A      BROKEN      ENGAGEMENT 

"Can't  you  see  that  we  are  not  wanted?"  said  I 
angrily.  "That  doctor  has  acted  contrary  to  the  first 
rules  of  politeness;  he  didn't  even  rise  when  we  came, 
and  yet  he  has  enjoyed  that  beautiful  roast  veal  at 
our  house.  Herr  Kleines,  too,  seemed  inclined  to  go 
into  a  fit  of  laughter  when,  ironically,  I  asked  the 
doctor  to  take  us  out  in  a  boat.  The  young  men  of 
the  present  day  are  a  vulgar  set,  that's  my  opinion." 

In  a  word,  I  was  greatly  annoyed.  "Rage  away 
at  them,  Mina,  till  you  feel  better,"  said  my  sweet- 
tempered  Carl. 

Oh,  where  is  there  a  husband  as  tender  in  his  feel- 
ings as  my  Carl?  I  was  about  to  add  a  few  more 
remarks,  not  altogether  of  the  sugar-candy  kind,  but 
the  words  stuck  in  my  throat  like  a  hot  potato.  For 
a  carriage  drove  up  in  front  of  the  park  gates,  and 
in  it  sat  Frau  Bergfeldt — Frau  Bergfeldt  in  blue  silk, 
lying  back  in  an  affected  way  in  the  cushion  like  a 
magnum  bonum  plum,  and  beside  her  sat  a  thinnish 
lady.  On  the  back  seat  sat  Herr  Bergfeldt  with  a 
young  girl,  who,  to  judge  by  the  length  of  her  nose, 
was  the  daughter  of  the  thin  woman  opposite  to  her. 
Emil  was  sitting  on  the  box,  and  looked  as  boldly 
out  into  the  world  as  if  he  had  won  a  prize  in  the 
great  lottery. 

"They  come  out  in  a  carriage,  and  we  travel  third 
class  by  the  City  line !"  I  exclaimed,  but  got  no  fur- 
ther, for  Betti  had  become  pale  as  death. — "Betti, 

[161] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

my  child,"  I  cried,  "what  is  the  matter"?  Carl,  fetch 
the  doctor.  Drag  him  from  the  skittle-ground  here 
by  the  neck- tie.  .You  see  we  need  him !" — Carl  flew 
off. — "Betti,  you  frighten  me;  what  is  it,  dear  child? 
I'll  forgive  you  everything." — "It's  over  now,"  said 
Betti;  "I  now  know  enough!  Do  not  be  anxious, 
mother  dear.  .You  see  I'm  quite  well  again !" — "Let 
us  go  home  now,"  said  I. — '"No,  please  stay,"  she 
exclaimed  firmly.  "He  shall  not  say  that  I  grieve 
one  moment  on  his  account/V^'Who?" — "He, 
whom  I  now  hate — Emil !" 

Carl  returned,  but  without  the  doctor.  He  sent  a 
message  to  say  he  would  come  when  it  got  darker. 
"He  needn't  trouble  himself,"  I  replied  sharply; 
"and  moreover  we  don't  require  his  services  now. 
Carl,  I  may  tell  you  briefly  that  Betti  and  Emil  have 
fallen  out,  and,  what's  more,  we  ought  to  be  glad 
of  it.  I  never  thought  much  of  that  poverty-stricken 
family.  To  see  Betti  thrown  away  upon  such  a  pen- 
niless would-be  judge.  A  pretty  thing,  to  be  sure ! 
To-morrow  you  will  have  to  write  to  Bergfeldt  and 
tell  him  that  we  wish  the  engagement  broken  off;  or, 
better  still,  I'll  go  and  tell  her  so  in  words  that'll 
make  her  ears  buzz  like  telegraph  wires!" 

"Betti,  what  do  you  say  to  all  this?"  asked  Carl, 
taking  the  girl  by  the  arm  and  drawing  her  to  him. — . 
"I  only  hope  that  Emil  will  be  happy  with  the  young 

[162] 


A      BROKEN      ENGAGEMENT 

lady  to  whom  he  has  now  given  his  affection,  and 
that  she — may  be  too,"  was  her  reply. 

"Oh,  ho!  so  it's  on  account  of  somebody  else,  is 
it*?"  I  exclaimed — "on  account  of  that  long,  scraggy 
person  who  sat  in  the  carriage — such  a  damsel,  such 
a  bag  of  bones !  Well,  I  never !" 

I  do  not  think  that  my  frame  of  mind  could  have 
been  called  gracious  at  that  moment.  Still,  to  a  cer- 
tain extent  I  was  thankful  to  know  what  it  was 
that  had  been  worrying  Betti  for  some  time  past, 
and,  above  all,  that  we  should  now  and  for  ever  be 
rid  of  the  Bergfeldts.  We  remained  so  as  to  'have 
our  asparagus;  but  we  started  home  earlier  than  we 
had  originally  intended.  Asparagus,  however  tender 
it  may  be,  when  eaten  with  vexation,  lies  like  lead  on 
the  stomach. 

At  home  Carl  found  a  letter  from  Herr  Bergfeldt, 
four  pages  long — three  pages  in  beating  about  the 
bush;  and  then  he  wound  up  by  declaring  that  his 
son  had  been  obliged  to  look  about  him  for  a  wife 
with  money,  and  had  met  with  what  he  wanted;  that 
his  engagement  to  Betti  had  been  entered  upon  in  the 
thoughtless  manner  of  youths;  that  our  Betti  could, 
of  course,  make  a  far  better  match  than  by  marry- 
ing Emil. — "She  dictated  that  to  him,  I'm  pretty 
sure !"  I  exclaimed  after  reading  the  letter. 

How  long  I  remained  in  a  state  of  rage  I  do  not 
remembe^  but  it  was  a  good  thing  for  the  Berg- 

[163] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

feldts  that  none  of  the  lot  came  near  me,  for  some- 
thing like  mischief  was  brewing  in  the  air.  Betti 
was  the  most  composed  of  the  party!  She  told  us 
how  she  had  gradually  noticed  a  change  in  Emil's 
behaviour  towards  her,  that  Frau  Bergfeldt  had  once 
or  twice  spoken  of  the  poor  prospects  of  law-students, 
and  about  the  advisability  of  their  looking  out  for 
rich  wives,  and  that  she  herself  had  long  since  felt 
that  it  must  all  come  to  an  end.  She  assured  us, 
moreover,  that  now  the  uncertainty  was  over  she 
could  take  things  more  quietly,  and  be  happier  than 
she  had  been.  This  pacified  me. 

When  Carl  and  I  were  alone  we  talked  the  matter 
over  seriously.  He  too  thought  it  best  that  the  en- 
gagement should  be  broken  off. 

"Had  I  had  my  way,  Betti  would  never  have  been 
engaged  to  Emil,"  said  I.  "Those  to  blame  are 
Uncle  Fritz  and  your  own  soft  heart.  And  as  for 
the  doctor,"  I  added,  "he  may  stay  where  he  is. 
Anything  more  rude  than  he  was  to-day  I  have  never 
met  with  in  my  life.  Never  rising  to  meet  me,  and 
not  coming  even  when  told  that  my  child  is  ill !" 

"He  couldn't,  Wilhelmine,  with  the  best  of  wills." 

"If  he  had  wanted  to  he  could!" 

"He  really  couW  not." 

"And  why  not,  pray?" 

"He  had  burst  his  trousers  in  playing  at  skittles. 


A      BROKEN      ENGAGEMENT 

He  asked  me  to  present  his  sincerest  regards  to  you 
and  your  daughters  meanwhile." 

I  was  glad,  I  confess,  to  find  that  good  reasons 
had  really  prevented  the  doctor  from  paying  us  his 
respects,  but  I  should  like  to  know  why  he  need  go 
to  a  tailor  who  cuts  his  things  too  scrimp.  That'll 
have  to  be  altered. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

IN     WHICH     AN     ACCIDENT     LEADS     TO     A     FATEFUL 
[MEETING  BETWEEN    BETTI  AND  A  YOUNG  MAN 


Betti  and  her  mother  went  into  the  country,  to 
Tegel,  for  the  summer,  this  time  leaving  Emmi  with 
Carl;  for  Betti  was  moping  on  account  of  the  be- 
haviour of  Emil.  Frau  Krause  and  her  boy 
Eduard  were  also  there  and  Betti  had  a  pet  rabbit 
to  console  her. 

OF  course  we  were  provided  with  books  to  read. 
Uncle  Fritz  had  been  asked  to  get  us  Hum- 
boldt's  "Cosmos."  When  he  brought  it  he  said: 
"Wilhelmine,  you  will  find  it  beyond  you."  But  I 
gave  it  him  nicely  for  that  speech,  by  saying  to  him : 

"I  have  often  enough,  unfortunately,  observed 
that'you  undervalue  the  capacities  of  women,  because 
you  are  a  free-thinker,  but  the  fact  of  your  not  under- 
standing a  thing  is  very  far  from  proving  that  I  may 
not  be  able  to  follow  it !" 

He  laughed  in  a  jeering  kind  of  way,  and  said: 


BETTIS      FATEFUL      ENCOUNTER 

"I  wish  you  joy  with  the  'Cosmos.'  Send  it  me 
back  soon,  that  it  may  be  returned  to  the  library." 

This  made  me  feel  it  a  positive  duty  to  read  the 
"Cosmos."  We  therefore  one  day  took  it  and  the 
rabbit,  which  we  had  named  Sniff,  out  into  the 
woods,  and  Betti  read  aloud  to  me  about  the  moun- 
tains in  Mexico  and  about  the  strata,  of  rocks  that 
lie  on  the  top.  The  first  day  I  went  to  sleep  over  it, 
unfortunately,  for  the  day  was  very  hot;  the  second 
time  we  had  had  beans  for  dinner,  which  made  us 
both  feel  drowsy.  The  third  time  Betti  read  very 
badly  because  Sniff  was  always  trying  to  get  off, 
and  she  had  perpetually  to  be  catching  hold  of  him. 
We  have  now  determined  to  leave  the  "Cosmos"  till 
next  winter,  when  we  can  read  the  book  quietly  at 
home;  it  would  be  ridiculous  for  it  to  be  said  that 
we  couldn't  understand  a  printed  book!  That  is 
only  presumption  on  the  part  of  Uncle  Fritz. 

A  new  character  who  was  destined  to  have  great 
influence  in  the  Buchholz  family  life  now  comes  very 
dramatically  on  the  scene.  A  little  boy  having  been 
pushed  by  Eduard  Krause  into  the  lake>  the  work 
of  rescue  was  performed  by  a  young  man  who 
chanced  to  be  there. 

His  companions  went  up  to  him  and  shook  him  by 
the  hand,  and  then  seemed  to  deliberate  as  to  what 
they  should  do.  I  went  up  to  them  and  said :  "Gen- 
tlemen, I  live  close  by,  and  will  gladly  attend  to 

'[167] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

your  brave  comrade.  He  cannot  be  allowed  to  re- 
main in  his  wet  clothes."  They  made  some  excuses, 
but  they  little  knew  me — and  I  did  not  give  way. 

They  came  with  us.  In  front  of  our  cottage  they 
took  leave  of  their  friend  and  of  us,  saying,  they 
would  call  towards  evening  for  him,  and  meanwhile 
put  up  at  the  Castle  Restaurant.  One  of  the  young 
men  came  forward,  and,  as  they  were  leaving,  laid 
his  hand  on  his  friend's  shoulder,  looked  at  him 
earnestly  and  affectionately,  and  said:  "Take  care 
of  yourself,  Felix."  Those  two  must  be  good 
friends,  thought  I,  and  was  pleased.  The  young 
men  then  went  off  towards  the  Castle  and  we  turned 
indoors. 

"Allow  me  now  to  introduce  myself  to  you,"  said 
the  young  man  as  we  entered  the  house.  "My  name 
is  Felix  Schmidt." 

"And  I  am  Frau  Buchholz,"  said  I.  "But  come 
in;  this  way  to  the  bedroom.  Here  is  a  house-coat 
of  my  husband's  and  here  are  trousers  and  waistcoat, 
and  here  a  night-shirt  and  socks.  His  slippers  you 
will  find  in  the  corner  over  there.  Just  change  your 
things  and  make  yourself  comfortable.  Shall  I  make 
you  a  cup  of  coffee,  or  would  you  like  some  spirit*?" 

"Well,  I  don't  think  I  should  be  any  the  worse  for 
a  little  spirit." — "You  shall  have  some  then,  but 
now  make  haste  and  get  out  of  your  wet  things." 

I  went  into  the  kitchen  and  made  up  a  good  fire. 

[168] 


BETTIS      FATEFUL      ENCOUNTER 

After  a  while  the  door  leading  from  the  bedroom  into 
the  kitchen  was  opened,  and  Herr  Felix  Schmidt 
stood  on  the  threshold. 

"I  am  giving  a  great  deal  of  trouble,  I  fear,"  he 
said,  embarrassed. 

"Not  at  all,"  said  I,  taking  him  by  the  arm;  "but 
come  this  way  to  the  sitting-room." 

I  got  him  to  sit  in  the  large  armchair  and  looked 
at  him  as  he  sat  there.  In  outward  appearance  he 
might  have  been  my  Carl,  and  yet  again  he  was  not. 
My  Carl  is  dark,  this  young  man  is  fair;  my  Carl 
wears  whiskers,  whereas  he  has  a  brown  moustache, 
which  suits  him  very  well  indeed.  And  yet  they 
are  alike,  for  my  Carl  looked  just  as  fresh,  and  as 
young  and  blooming,  when  we  first  met  each  other, 
and  when  as  yet  I  had  never  dreamt  how  much  I 
should  one  day  love  him. 

Meanwhile  the  kettle  had  boiled.  The  woman 
from  the  other  side  of  the  cottage  was  waiting  for 
me  in  the  kitchen,  and  asked  whether  she  could  be 
of  any  help.  I  was  sorry  now  that  I  had  always 
kept  her  at  a  little  distance,  and  actually  felt  a  little 
ashamed  to  think  of  it,  but  I  gladly  accepted  her 
offer  to  assist  me. 

So  we  fetched  Herr  Schmidt's  wet  clothes,  wrung 
them  out,  and  hung  them  on  the  line  in  the  garden, 
in  the  sun.  His  boots  we  stuck  upon  two  poles. 
They  had  been  full  of  water,  and  there  was  a  large 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

pool  of  water  on  the  floor  where  he  had  stood.    The 
woman  brought  a  mop  and  dried  up  the  wet. 

It  was  a  blessing  that  Carl  had  brought  out  a  bot- 
tle of  good  Meuckow  cognac,  for  I  could  now  brew 
the  young  fellow  a  delicious  glass  of  grog.  And  so 
I  did.  For  ourselves  I  made  some  strong  coffee; 
we  had  had  some  already  that  afternoon,  it  is  true, 
but  needed  something  after  our  fright  and  excite- 
ment. 

There  in  the  sitting-room  were  Felix  Schmidt  and 
Betti  when  I  entered  with  the  grog.  The  two  were 
talking  away  quite  gaily  together.  I  told  him  that 
I  considered  he  had  to-day  saved  a  family  from  a 
great  sorrow.  He  replied  that  any  one  would  have 
done  the  same  in  his  place.  He  said  he  had  seen  how 
the  boy  fell  into  the  water  and  happened  to  be 
nearest  the  spot. 

Betti  asked  if  he  had  noticed  how  the  boy  got  into 
the  water. 

Herr  Felix  Schmidt  did  not  answer  at  once,  but 
then  asked  was  there  not  another  boy  on  the  pier 
beside  him*? 

"Yes,  there  was,"  said  Betti. 

"Do  you  know  the  boy?" 

"Oh,  yes,"  said  I,  "and  a  regular  good-for-noth- 
ing he  is." 

"I  should  not  let  him  go  about  alone  unless  prop- 
erly looked  after,"  said  Herr  Schmidt. 
[170] 


BETTIS   FATEFUL   ENCOUNTER 

"Why  not?"  I  asked. 

"He  might  fall  in  himself  some  day,"  he  replied 
briefly. 

"Oh,  no,"  said  I,  smiling,  "weeds  are  not  so  easily 
got  rid  of." 

Herr  Schmidt  had  finished  his  first  glass,  and  so 
I  went  to  mix  him  a  second.  The  sun  had  mean- 
while gone  round  a  little,  so  the  woman  and  I  had 
to  move  the  wet  clothes.  They  were,  however,  dry- 
ing fairly  well.  His  linen  would  soon  be  ready  for 
ironing,  so  I  put  the  heaters  in  the  fire.  Betti  came 
in  and  said  that  Herr  Schmidt's  cigars  had  all  got 
soaked,  and  he  would  very  much  like  a  smoke. 

"How  do  you  know  that*?" 

"Because  I  asked  him." 

"What  made  you  think  of  that?" 

"Well,  Emil  never  could  be  a  quarter  of  an  hour 
without  smoking." 

"Your  father's  cigars  are  on  the  top  of  the  ward- 
robe. Take  in  this  brandy  and  water  to  him,  and 
this  bread-and-butter  also — he  must  be  hungry." 

I  could  have  shouted  for  joy  when  she  was  gone, 
for  this  was  the  first  time  for  many  weeks  that  Betti 
had  mentioned  Emil's  name,  and  generally  she  was 
upset  the  moment  any  one  spoke  of  him.  So  perhaps 
she  is  becoming  indifferent  to  him — at  last. 

The  heaters  were  now  red  hot,  and  I  set  about  the 
ironing.  His  linen  could  not,  of  course,  be  made  to 

[171] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

look  as  nice  as  it  might  have  done  if  newly  starched, 
but  I  could,  at  all  events,  show  I  was  perfectly 
up  in  the  art.  His  underclothing  was  good  and 
neatly  marked.  The  young  man  was  tidy,  that  one 
could  see.  His  waistcoat  I  ironed  too.  My  Carl 
always  wears  white  waistcoats  in  summer,  and  main- 
tains that  they  are  never  so  nice  as  when  I  do  them 
up  for  him.  Betti  came  in  again  with  Herr  Schmidt's 
watch,  which  was  full  of  water  and  wouldn't  go. 
"Does  the  time  seem  so  long  to  him?"  I  asked. 
"No,"  she  replied,  "we  were  only  saying  how  quickly 
it  was  passing,  and  this  made  him  look  at  his  watch." 
I  hung  the  watch  up  above  the  fireplace;  it  was  a 
valuable  gold  watch,  not  a  mere  latchkey  such  as  I 
once  found  hanging  at  the  end  of  Emil  Bergfeldt's 
watch-chain.  The  Bergfeldts  were,  in  fact,  an  utter 
mistake. 

The  woman  of  the  house  I  had  sent  out  to  the 
butcher's,  and  she  now  came  in  with  the  cutlets,  and 
set  about  peeling  the  potatoes.  The  clothes  were 
getting  dry,  and  wherever  I  could  I  made  the  irons 
help  in  this.  It  seemed  to  me  almost  as  if  I  had 
been  working  for  that  beloved  Carl  of  mine,  and 
to  work  for  him  is  my  greatest  pleasure  in  life. 
When  ready,  I  laid  the  clothes  tidily  on  my  bed, 
and  the  boots  were  put  beside  it;  the  woman  had 
given  them  a  brush  and  made  them  look  as  bright 
as  was  possible. 


BETTIS      FATEFUL      ENCOUNTER 

"Herr  Schmidt,"  said  I,  on  going  into  the  sitting- 
room,  "everything  now  is  in  the  loveliest  state  of 
confusion" — I  didn't  see  why  I  mightn't  make  a 
little  joke — "so  this  masquerading  can  now  come  to 
an  end." 

He  was  astonished  to  find  how  quickly  we  had  put 
everything  to  rights  for  him;  but  then,  do  men  un- 
derstand anything  about  ironing,  I  should  like  to 
know*? 

Betti  and  I  now  laid  the  cloth  in  the  front  room, 
and  moreover  we  laid  places  for  seven  persons — for 
Herr  Schmidt  and  his  four  companions  and  our  two 
selves.  Wine  we  had  in  the  house,  and  the  woman 
provided  us  with  glasses  and  plates.  She  behaved 
admirably,  and  I  determined  to  be  more  sociable 
with  her  in  future. 

When  Herr  Felix  had  changed  his  things  and 
came  in  to  us  he  looked  as  if  he  had  just  stepped 
out  of  a  band-box,  so  trim  and  neat  was  he.  Really 
a  splendid,  handsome  young  fellow!  His  neck-tie 
was,  however,  missing,  and  I  could  not  find  one  of 
Carl's.  A  happy  thought  struck  Betti.  She  took 
my  scissors  and  cut  a  strip  off  her  ghostly  veil  and 
manufactured  a  most  successful  neck-tie,  which  she 
was  obliged  to  put  on  for  him,  as  he  said  he  would 
not  wear  it  otherwise. 

By  the  time  his  friends  came  the  potatoes  were 
ready,  and  the  cutlets  were  soon  cooked  also.  They 

[173] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

all  seemed  to  enjoy  their  supper,  and  we  were  a  very 
merry  party.  Herr  Felix's  special  friend  raised  his 
glass  and  said  he  wished  in  the  name  of  all  his  com- 
rades to  drink  the  health  of  the  hospitable  family, 
and  to  thank  them  for  the  great  kindness  shown  to 
their  friend,  so  glasses  were  knocked  together,  and 
they  drank  to  the  welfare  and  happiness  of  the 
Buchholz  family.  I  proposed  a  toast  too,  and  said  I 
only  regretted  that  my  Carl  was  not  present,  and 
hoped  we  might  one  day  see  them  all  here  again. 
And  they  promised  to  come.  We  spent  a  delightful 
evening.  But  good-bye  had  to  be  said  at  last,  and 
Herr  Felix  seemed  really  sorry  to  have  to  return  to 
Berlin.  But  he  had  to  be  off  in  the  end,  and  so 
followed  the  others,  who  had  got  a  long  start  of  him. 

We  cleared  away  the  things  and  then  sat  down  a 
little  in  front  of  our  cottage.  It  was  wonderfully 
beautiful,  for  nature  does  not  go  to  sleep  during 
these  bright  summer  nights,  only  dozes  as  it  were,  for 
the  morning  comes  so  soon. 

The  trees  and  shrubs  threw  their  perfume  out  into 
the  night,  and  the  crickets  were  chirping  in  the 
hedges. 

I  put  my  arms  round  Betti  and  she  cuddled  up  to 
me  in  a  way  she  had  not  done  for  long.  We  did  not 
speak,  both  of  us  followed  our  own  thoughts,  and  it 
was  not  till  it  had  become  very  late,  and  the  sky  in  the 
east  had  begun  to  grow  light,  that  we  went  indoors. 

[174] 


CHAPTER  XIV 

A  HARVEST  FESTIVAL  AND  THE  DISCOVERY  THAT  THE 
DOCTOR  PROBABLY   REALLY  1MEANS   SOMETHING 


Frau  Buchholz  quickly  set  to  work  to  make^  if 
possible,  sure  of  the  hero.  She  proceeded  in  the 
usual  German  way  by  proposing  that  a  party  should 
be  invited  to  come  out  for  the  Sunday. 

I  DISCUSSED  this  plan  with  Betti,  and  then 
added  in  an  off-hand  way:  "How  would  it  be  if 
we  were  to  ask  Herr  Felix  and  his  friends  to  come 
out  and  see  us*?"  Betti  answered:  "I  should  say  it 
would  be  a  little  wanting  in  tact  to  give  them  a 
direct  invitation." — "But  they  promised  to  look  in 
upon  us  again,  that  evening  when  they  bade  us  good- 
bye."— "If  they  come  of  their  own  accord  I  should 
be  delighted,"  said  Betti,  "but  if  you  send  them  an 
invitation,  I,  for  one,  should  go  home." — "What 
should  you  wish  to  go  home  for?  Your  father  and 
Emmi  will  be  coming  here,  and  Uncle  Fritz  too." — 
"Nevertheless  I  should  go.": — "Betti,  do  be  reason- 

[175] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

able,"  said  I.  Betti  was  about  to  answer  again,  but 
before  she  could  open  her  mouth  I  had  left  the  room 
and  slammed  the  door  after  me.  If  I  hadn't  done 
it  at  first,  she  would  have  ended  in  slamming  it.  I 
wanted  her  to  judge  for  herself  what  an  abominable 
practice  it  was. — There's  nothing  more  effective  in 
education  than  example! 

In  the  afternoon  I  went  into  town  and  moreover 
alone,  as  Betti  was  out  of  humour,  and  on  the  jour- 
ney all  kinds  of  thoughts  flitted  through  my  mind: 
that  his  heart  is  in  its  right  place  has  been  proved, 
and  that  he  is  orderly  and  well-to-do  I  could  see  by 
his  clothes  and  his  linen.  He  is  in  the  retail  trade. 
My  Carl  began  in  a  small  way  too.  .  .  .  Why 
should  the  two  not  build  their  own  nest — a  shop  in 
front  with  a  room  at  the  back,  and  the  living-rooms 
upstairs  *? 

Yet  how  was  I  to  get  him  out  to  Tegel*? 

I  do  not  deny  the  existence  of  Providence,  and  so 
thought  to  myself:  "If  I  happen  to  meet  Herr  Felix 
accidentally,  then  that  meeting  I  shall  look  upon  as 
a  sign  from  Heaven."  And  as  there  is  no  reason 
why  one  should  not  assist  the  decrees  of  Providence, 
I  resolved  to  go  down  the  Konig  Strasse  and  to  see 
if  I  could,  by  chance,  find  him  at  his  place  of  busi- 
ness. He  was  not  there,  however.  Where  should  he 
be,  however,  but  at  our  house  in  eager  conversation 
with  my  Carl,  and,  moreover,  about  a  parcel  of 

[176] 


THE      HARVEST      FESTIVAL 

woollen  socks  which  his  principal  wished  him  to  pur- 
chase from  my  husband!  "This  is  verily  the  voice 
of  Heaven,"  said  I  to  myself,  and  waited  till  they 
had  settled  their  business  and  the  young  man  was 
about  to  go.  I  told  him  I  was  glad  to  see  him  again, 
and  added:  "Next  Sunday  is  harvest  festival  in 
Tegel." — "I  intend  to  be  there  if  the  weather  keeps 
fine  and  it  does  not  rain,"  he  replied,  colouring  up. 
"You  can't  be  afraid  of  wet,  I  should  think,"  said  I 
cheerily  as  he  bade  us  good-bye.  "Well,"  thought  I 
to  myself,  "if  the  weather  on  Sunday  is  fine,  that'll 
be  a  third  sign,  and  nothing  will  induce  me  to  act 
contrary  to  the  will  of  Providence." 

Carl,  who  had  been  glad  to  hear  from  me  how 
admirably  the  young  man  had  behaved,  now  also 
called  him  considerate  as  well,  for  it  was  he  who  had 
persuaded  his  principal  to  do  business  with  us,  and 
Carl  said  that  it  promised  to  work  well  for  the  fu- 
ture. "Carl,"  said  I,  "you  see  how  an  act  of  kind- 
ness can  yield  interest.  If  I  had  not  shown  him  the 
attention  I  did,  who  knows  whether  you  would  have 
got  him  to  take  the  socks  so  readily;  and  Betti, 
moreover,  seems  to  have  taken  a  liking  to  him." 
Carl  flew  up  at  this,  and  exclaimed :  "My  daughter 
is  worth  more  to  me  than  a  parcel  of  socks.  Have 
you  not  had  enough  with  your  match-making  yet, 
Wilhelmine'?" — "Carl,"  I  replied,  with  quiet  dig- 
nity, "what  is  settled  in  Heaven  will  come  to  pass 

[177] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

on  earth.  The  young  man's  business  is,  moreover, 
in  your  line.  We  have  but  the  two  daughters — how 
nice  it  would  be  if  at  some  future  day  we  could 
speak  of  'Buchholz  and  Son,  wholesale  dealers  in 
woollen  wares  and  fancy  articles' !"  Carl  considered 
for  a  little,  and  then  replied:  "If  you  will  promise 
me  to  keep  your  hands  out  of  the  matter,  I  will  not 
act  contrary  to  your  wishes." 

"That  I  will  promise  you,"  said  I,  "but  I  have 
already  given  him  a  half-and-half  sort  of  invitation 
for  Sunday  next." — "See  how  incorrigible  you  are, 
Wilhelmine ;  but  this  time  I  shall  keep  my  eyes  open, 
remember." 

So  I  packed  up  such  things  as  might  be  necessary 
for  our  guests  on  Sunday,  and  then  went  round  to 
Uncle  Fritz  to  tell  him  to  come  and  bring  a  friend 
or  two.  I  did  this  so  that  I  might  have  some  excuse 
to  make  to  Betti  for  all  the  plates,  knives,  forks  and 
spoons  I  brought  back  with  me. 

On  Sunday  the  weather  was  magnificent ! 

My  husband  had  come  on  the  Saturday  evening. 

Fritz  and  Herr  Kleines  were  to  come  the  follow- 
ing afternoon,  and  Emmi  was  to  bring  the  Police- 
lieutenant's  daughter  Mila  out  with  her. 

We  waited  for  some  time  for  Emmi,  but  in  vain, 
and  Uncle  Fritz  also  did  not  turn  up,  so  there  was 
nothing  to  be  done  but  go  to  the  village  without 
them.  We  did  this,  and  saw  the  gaily  decorated 

[178] 


THE      HARVEST     FESTIVAL 

harvest-waggon  pass  with  the  harvest-folk,  carrying 
their  tools.  The  procession  was  very  pretty,  but  it 
did  not  give  me  much  pleasure,  for  I  was  anxious 
about  Emmi's  not  coming;  and  Uncle  Fritz  and  his 
friends  had  also  not  come.  At  last  there  came  Emmi, 
but  alone.  "Where  is  Mila?"  I  asked.— "She  said 
she  had  no  proper  dress." — "What  nonsense !  And 
why  are  you  so  late1?"- — "I  was  watching  the  tram- 
way being  laid  in  the  Franzosische  Strasse." — 
"Emmi,"  said  I,  "and  what  took  you  to  the  Franz- 
osische Strasse,  and  what  have  you  got  to  do  with 
tramways?" — "Oh,  Mamma,  it  is  so  interesting!"' — 
".You  never  used  to  think  so." — "But  when  every- 
thing is  so  well  explained,  it  is  delightful !" — "And 
who  has  been  explaining  tramways  to  you?  Out 
with  what  you  have  got  to  say." — "Doctor  Wrenz- 
chen,"  she  said  shyly. — "What's  that  you  say?" — 
"The  new  line  goes  right  past  his  house." — "How 
do  you  come  to  know  that?" — "I  met  him  in  a 
tramcar  the  other  day." — "Who?" — "Doctor 
Wrenzchen;  it  was  quite  accidental." — "And  to-day 
again  accidentally?"  I  asked. — "No,  he  fetched 
me." — "To  see  the  tramway?" — "Yes;  and  then  we 
drove  to  the  Halle  gateway  and  back." — "Did  he 
invite  you  to  take  the  trip?" — "Yes,  but  I  paid  the 
fare  myself;  he  never  pays  for  me  when  we  go  by 
tramway." — "And  so  you  make  appointments,  do 
you?  Do  you  not  remember  how  rude  he  was  to  me 

[179] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

lately*?" — "Mamma,  you  quite  misunderstood  him; 
he  is  so  good!" — "We  shall  have  to  return  to  this 
subject,"  said  I;  "but  I  cannot  understand  your  al- 
lowing a  man  to  make  you  advances,  when  he  has 
already  shown  you  the  cold  shoulder  more  than  once ; 
and  to  think  of  your  meeting  him  in  tramcars!  I 
shall  have  to  keep  you  out  at  Tegel  with  me." 

And  now  I  ask  any  one  to  make  out  what  that  Dr. 
Wrenzchen  means.  I  give  him  the  finest  of  roast 
veals,  and  he  does  not  allow  me  to  notice  anything, 
yet  scarcely  have  I  turned  my  back  when  he  goes 
philandering  after  the  innocent  child.  Thank  good- 
ness, in  the  tramcars  they  are  under  supervision! 

The  gentlemen  had  gone  on  before;  I  and  my 
daughters  followed  them  to  the  Castle  Restaurant, 
where  the  festival  was  in  full  swing;  and  there  too 
we  found  Herr  Felix  and  his  friend  Max.  We  ex- 
changed greetings,  engaged  a  table,  and  ssat  down 
comfortably. 

We  others  enjoyed  ourselves  for  some  time  after- 
wards. Betti  bloomed  like  a  rose,  and  Uncle  Fritz 
danced  away  like  a  madman  with  the  peasant  girls. 
Herr  Max,  Felix's  friend,  was  rather  quiet;  and 
when  I  asked  him  why  he  was  so  serious,  he  said 
that  he  was  enjoying  his  friend's  happiness.  I  did 
not  make  any  reply,  but  inwardly  I  was  sounding  a 
trumpet  to  myself  for  sheer  joy.  The  two  friends 
must  have  had  a  talk  together,  and  what  it  was 

[180] 


THE      HARVEST     FESTIVAL 

about  I  knew  well  enough  without  being  told.  I've 
learned  so  much  long  since. 

Later,  when  we  were  returning  to  our  modest 
little  summer  quarters,  Carl  said  to  me:  "Wilhel- 
mine,  I  think  the  firm  Buchholz  and  Son  would  do 
very  well.  He  is  a  splendid  fellow — but  do  me  the 
one  favour,  and  do  not  drive  at  them." — "Carl," 
said  I,  "just  as  you  think  best.  I  have  come  to  see 
that  a  good  thing  must  bide  its  time.  But  I  must  tell 
you  I  wish  Emmi  to  remain  in  Tegel  with  me.  If 
the  doctor  means  it  seriously,  he  will  know  where  to 
find  her." 

"What's  the  matter  with  the  doctor,  Wilhel- 
mine'?" 

"You  just  wait  and  see;  I  shall  be  his  mother-in- 
law  yet,  and  then  we  can  settle  our  accounts;  he  is 
pretty  deeply  in  my  books." 

We  were  very  merry  till  the  gentlemen  had  to  be 
off  to  town. — In  the  night  I  dreamt  that  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen  and  Emmi  were  off  in  a  tramcar  together,  and 
that  I  ran  after  it  without  being  able  to  catch  them. 
It  is  to  be  hoped  that  this  dream  does  not  forebode 
evil. 


CHAPTER   XV 


WHEN  children  are  small  it  is  not  difficult  to 
get  at  their  little  secrets  without  their  notic- 
ing it;  one  has,  in  fact,  to  be  careful  that  they  do  not 
drop  out,  like  the  petals  off  a  rose  that  has  long  been 
on  its  stalk.  As  children  grow  bigger,  however,  they 
learn  to  take  better  care  of  themselves,  and  manage 
to  keep  a  secret,  although  their  whole  being  betrays 
the  possession  of  that  which  their  little  hearts  can- 
not lock  up  firmly  enough.  But  when  they  have 
become  grown  up  and  have  learned  to  love  some- 
thing beyond  their  God  and  their  parents,  then  they 
are  as  silent  about  their  secrets  as  the  mountain  that 
concealed  the  enchanted  prince.  And  if  a  mother 
wants  to  know  that  prince's  Christian  and  family 
name,  she  will  have  to  wait  for  some  stray  chance, 
and  follow  its  track  like  a  private  detective.  We 
have  all  been  young,  and  know  quite  well  how  it  is ! 


STRANGE     DOINGS 


My  two  daughters  had  provided  themselves  in 
good  time  with  the  materials  necessary  for  their 
embroidery  work  for  Christmas;  and  as  nowadays 
not  only  are  towels  and  dusters,  but  even  wash- 
cloths adorned  with  modern  old-German  cross-stitch 
patterns,  of  course  I  had  nothing  to  say  against  such 
work.  It  is  the  fashion,  and  is  at  any  rate  better 
than  that  time-squandering  reading  of  novels,  for,^ 
after  all,  what  does  it  matter  whether  a  certain 
couple  one  doesn't  know,  manage  to  make  it  up  or 
whether  they  don't? 

The  girls  were  very  busy,  especially  Emmi.  If  I, 
once  in  a  way,  forgot  myself  and  said:  "Well, 
Emmi,  you  seem  to  be  preparing  some  very  extraor- 
dinary surprise  for  us  this  Christmas!" — she  was  a 
little  put  out  and  replied:  "Only  don't  expect  too 
much,  Mamma;  you  know  the  proverb:  'Let  it  be 
little,  but  from  the  heart/  " — But  as  I  knew  that  she 
sat  up  half  the  night,  I  could  not  get  my  mind  at 
rest,  and,  therefore,  as  is  the  duty  of  every  mother, 
I  took  to  playing  the  spy. — Yet,  carefully  as  I 
watched,  she  was  too  cunning  for  me,  and  although 
I  was,  day  by  day,  more  firmly  convinced  that  she 
was  keeping  some  secret  from  me,  apart  from  em- 
broidered handkerchiefs  and  things,  still  I  did  not 
manage  to  obtain  any  clue.  If  I  asked  Betti  about 
the  matter,  her  answer  was:  "She  doesn't  tell  me 
anything  either  of  what  she's  about,"  and  with  Carl 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

I  did  not  care  to  discuss  the  subject,  for  he  had  lat- 
terly been  in  such  particularly  good  spirits  that  I  did 
not  wish  to  upset  him  with  family  quibblings.  I 
now  wish  I  had  spoken  to  him,  however,  although 
all  has  turned  out  for  the  best.  Still  there  would 
have  been  one  angry  body  the  fewer. 

One  evening  Emmi  and  Betti  were  sitting  in  their 
room  working  at  their  Christmas  presents,  and  I  was 
giving  audience  to  my  own  thoughts,  when  the  door- 
bell rang.  I  was  out  like  a  shot,  for  I  had  firmly 
made  up  my  mind  not  to  leave  the  smallest  trifle 
uncontrolled  in  the  house — therefore  I  opened  the 
door  myself.  "Am  I  right  here  for  the  Buchholzes*?" 
asked  a  young  man  who  looked  like  a  tradesman's 
apprentice. — "Yes,  certainly,  the  Buchholzes  live 
here." — "Well,  then,"  he  replied,  "can  I  speak  to 
Miss  Emmi  a  minute*?"  All  at  once  the  scales 
seemed  to  drop  from  my  eyes.  "Here's  the  key  to 
the  secret,"  seemed  to  be  called  out  within  me,  so 
without  further  ado,  I  replied:  "That's  all  right — 
I'm  Miss  Emmi  myself." — "You'll  have  been  lying 
a  goodish  time  on  the  shelf  then,  but  maybe  the 
braces  'ull  help  you  yet,"  said  the  impudent  wretch, 
and  he  brought  out  a  parcel  containing  a  pair  of  half- 
finished  braces  which  he  threw  over  his  shoulders  as 
if  to  show  them  off.  "Master's  compliments,  and 
he  thinks  surely  never  was  a  body  long  enough  for 
these,  unless  he's  a  born  giant.  Or  maybe  the  gentle- 


STRANGE     DOINGS 


man  means  to  use  the  braces  as  trouser-straps  as 
well." 

"They  do  seem  too  long,  it's  true,"  I  replied  as 
calmly  as  I  could.  "I'll  go  and  measure  them  again. 
Call  back  in  half  an  hour.  Here  are  a  couple  of 
pence  for  you." — "You'll  do  better  to  keep  them  till 
I  come  back  and  get  paid  for  the  whole.  Good- 
evening,  mum !" 

The  insolent  fellow  then  made  off.  I  took  a  look 
at  the  braces.  They  were  embroidered  with  the 
finest  silk,  a  lot  of  rosebuds  and  forget-me-nots;  a 
desperately  troublesome  bit  of  work,  and  at  least  half 
a  yard  too  long. — For  whom  could  Emmi  have  been 
plaguing  herself  so? — I  was  determined  to  find  this 
out!  So  upstairs  I  went  to  my  daughters'  room, 
and  knocked  so  that  they  might  have  time  to  hide 
their  Christmas  secrets.  I  entered  then  as  if  I  knew 
nothing  whatever.  "Emmi,"  I  said,  "a  youth  has 
brought  these  braces  with  a  message  that  they  are 
far  too  long." — Emmi  looked  at  me  perfectly  aghast 
and  exclaimed:  "Now  it's  all  spoiled!" — "What  is 
all  spoiled?"  I  cried,  terrified. — "And  we  had  all  so 
looked  forward  to  it!"— "But,  child " 

"You  see,  Mamma,  what  it  comes  to  when  you 
persist  in  mixing  yourself  up  with  everything!"  said 
Betti  to  me  reproachfully.  "How  so?" — "Well, 
there's  no  use  now  in  keeping  it  a  secret  any  longer. 
You'd  never  rest  till  you  knew  every  detail.  Emmi 

[185] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

is  engaged  to  Dr.  Wrenzchen ;  Papa  has  given  his 
consent,  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen's  parents  have  also 
agreed  to  it,  and  we  wanted  to  present  the  couple  to 
you  as  a  Christmas  surprise.  The  braces  are,  of 
course,  for  the  doctor,  who  always  wears  his  trousers 
so  fearfully  short,  and  in  trying  to  remedy  the  evil 
the  braces  have  been  made  too  long.  There,  now 
you  know  all;  those  stupid  things"  (here  she  pointed 
to  the  roses  and  forget-me-nots)  "would  in  any  case 
have  soon  put  you  on  to  the  right  track." 

I  had  to  sit  down.  Emmi  engaged  to  the  doctor ! 
And  behind  my  back !  Without  my  knowing !  My 
feelings  must  have  been  like  those  of  a  king  who 
has  been  robbed  of  his  authority.  My  authority  in 
the  family  was  undermined.  And  by  whom  ?  By  a 
stranger.  By  that  doctor,  who  had  so  often  thwarted 
me,  and  had  now  deceitfully  won  Carl  over  to  his 
side.  This  was  too  much  for  me.  If  I  had  dashed 
my  head  in  full  swing  against  the  wall,  I  could  not 
have  felt  more  dazed  than  I  did. 

My  first  feeling  was  to  burst  out  into  a  loud  laugh, 
but  I  controlled  myself  as  my  child's  happiness  de- 
pended upon  what  I  did  now.  Moreover,  I  could 
pluck  the  crow  in  question  with  the  doctor  till  the 
bitter  end  at  some  future  day.  I  therefore  composed 
myself,  rose,  and  went  up  to  Emmi  much  moved, 
and  embraced  and  kissed  her.  "You  have  my  bless- 
ing, dear  child,"  said  I,  "and  if  the  doctor  were 

[186] 


STRANGE     DOINGS 


here  ...  I  would  give  him  my  blessing  too." — 
"Very  well,  Mamma,"  cried  Betti,  smiling,  and  ran 
out  of  the  room. 

I  was  thus  left  alone  with  Emmi,  and  the  girl 
poured  her  whole  heart  into  her  mother's  breast. 
With  a  kiss  I  silenced  the  little  chatterer.  And  she 
seemed  just  made  for  kissing,  as  she  stood  there  with 
beaming  eyes,  and  her  bright  colour,  so  young,  so 
happy  and  full  of  life,  glowing  in  the  first  blush  of 
love !  I  must  say  I  grudged  giving  her  to  the  doctor 
a  little,  but  as  they  love  each  other,  I  am  powerless. 

Betti  returned,  and  saic  that  she  had  sent  for  Dr. 
Wrenzchen,  so  that  he  might  get  his  share  of  my 
blessing,  but  the  message  sent  back  was  that  he 
would  be  engaged  till  nine  o'clock  with  his  profes- 
sional duties,  and  that  after  nine  he  could  not  go  out 
as  his  staircase  was  being  painted. — "Why  can't  he 
make  use  of  the  back  stairs'?"  I  asked.  "He  hasn't 
got  a  second  staircase  in  his  house,  Mamma,  com- 
fortable as  it  otherwise  is,"  was  Emmi's  answer. — 
"So  you've  been  to  his  house,  it  seems." — ".Yes,  with 
Papa  and  the  old  Wrenzchens.  Oh,  they  are  such 
dear,  delightful  people!" 

"Without  me?"  I  exclaimed  indignantly. 

"Yes,  Mamma.  You  always  wanted  so  much  to 
have  him  as  a  son-in-law,  and  so  we  meant  to  have 
presented  him  to  you  at  Christmas,"  said  Emmi. 
"Whose  was  that  low  idea?"  I  asked.  "It  was  Dr. 

[187] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Wrenzchen's,  of  course.  Oh  Mamma,  he  is  so  clever 
and  wise,"  cried  Emmi;  "and  if  you  knew  how  lov- 
ing he  can  be " 

"Emmi,"  I  cried  sorrowingly,  "is  your  mother 
nothing  to  you  now,  and  is  this  doctor  who  has 
broken  into  the  fold — is  he  everything?  Is  this  all 
the  thanks  I  get  for  having  borne  you,  and  for  bring- 
ing you  up,  for  having  guarded  you  like  the  apple 
of  my  eye — and  are  you  all  going  to  prove  yourselves 
cold  to  me  for  the  sake  of  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen? 
Perhaps  it  is  just  as  well  that  the  paint  on  his  stair- 
case prevents  his  coming  till  to-morrow;  who  knows 
but  what,  if  I  had  him  here " 

Emmi  laid  her  arms  gently  on  my  shoulder.  "Did 
Grandmamma  scold  in  this  way  when  you  were 
engaged  to  Papa?"  she  asked  and  looked  at  me  with 
the  happiest  of  smiles.  "No — no,  child — and  I'm 
not  scolding.  Only  your  not  letting  me  take  part  in 
your  happiness  long  since — it's  that  that  vexes  me." 

"And  we  only  meant  to  give  you  a  treat  such  as 
you  had  never  had  before — it  was  out  of  pure  love 
that  we  didn't  say  anything." 

The  child  was  right,  and  so  I  admitted  myself 
satisfied.  When  the  shop-boy  returned  I  handed  him 
the  braces  and  gave  him  Carl's  measurement.  Carl 
is  a  head  taller  than  the  doctor,  so  that  the  length 
will  be  right  enough  if  he  straps  them  up  high.  My 
Carl  did  not  come  home  from  his  district  meeting  till 

[188] 


STRANGE      DOINGS 


later.  And  I  did  not  show  myself  altogether  amiable 
towards  him  of  course,  for  he  had  to  feel  that  a  hus- 
band cannot  ignore  his  wife  without  being  the  worse 
for  it,  Christmas  surprises  or  not,  which  had  come 
to  an  end  as  it  was. 

The  next  evening,  when  the  doctor  was  at  last  to 
come  and  see  me,  Emmi  was  very  restless,  but  brides 
always  are  when  their  divinity  is  about  to  appear. 
Uncle  Fritz  then  came  in.  I  knew  what  was  going 
to  be  done,  for  the  formal  betrothal  I  had  always  put 
off,  and  had  arranged  with  Uncle  Fritz  that  the  doc- 
tor should  be  smuggled  into  the  house  quietly  on 
Christmas  Eve.  But,  of  course,  thought  I,  if  he  is 
to  be  put  among  the  Christmas  gifts,  that  is  my 
business,  and  I  mean  to  attend  to  it.  So  I  went  un- 
observed into  the  room  where  the  tree  stood,  and  the 
presents  were  all  laid  out,  and  where  Uncle  Fritz 
had  secretly  let  the  doctor  in.  And  there  he  stood 
like  a  very  burglar!  I  shook  hands  with  him,  and 
he  wished  me  a  good-evening,  but  he  hardly  knew 
how  to  excuse  himself  for  being  found  in  the  room. 
"Help  me  to  light  the  tree,"  said  I  to  him  cheer- 
ily, and  gave  him  a  taper.  He  was  so  quick  at  it 
that  I  said  jocosely:  "You  are  a  born  paterfa- 
milias" Then  he  took  his  seat  in  an  armchair  cov- 
ered with  flowers,  in  front  of  the  table  upon  which 
the  tree  stood,  and,  as  I  gazed  at  him,  he  really 

[189] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

looked  splendid — almost  as  presentable  as  a  church- 
warden ! 

Thereupon  I  opened  the  door  and  surprised  them 
with  the  lighted  tree  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen.  They  had 
not  expected  this,  and  Emmi  cried  out  at  once: 
"There  he  is!"  and  flew  to  him,  and  we  others  all 
rejoiced  over  the  two  young  people  who  had  plighted 
their  troth,  and  over  whom  the  Christmas-tree  was 
shedding  its  light.  But  the  girl's  eyes  sparkled  with 
something  brighter  and  more  brilliant  than  the  light 
of  the  candles.  It  was  love.  Carl  went  up  to  Dr. 
Wrenzchen,  held  out  his  right  hand  to  him,  which 
the  doctor  took  heartily,  and  said:  "This  is  your 
first  Christmas  Eve  in  our  family,  which  will  hence- 
forth be  yours  too,  dear  Dr.  Wrenzchen.  May  this 
kindly  festival  draw  the  bond  between  us  closer  still. 
Let  us  be  one  in  joy  and  one  in  sorrow.  We  now 
belong  to  one  another." 

I  was  quite  upset  at  hearing  my  Carl  speak  like 
this,  but  did  not  allow  any  one  to  notice  it,  and  said : 
"Now,  let  us  see  what  Father  Christmas  has 
brought." — Things  of  all  kinds  were  discovered. 
The  doctor  was  delighted  with  his  well-piled-up 
table.  I  was,  however,  annoyed  at  one  present  which 
Uncle  Fritz  had  put  upon  it  without  my  knowledge 
— namely,  an  elegant  skat-block  with  the  motto — 
"Who  stakes'?"  Fritz's  present  to  me  was  a  dra- 
matic piece  entitled  "Receipt  against  Mothers-in- 
[190] 


STRANGE      DOINGS 


law,"  which  I  at  once  laid  aside.  Emmi  got  from 
him  a  miniature  tramcar,  which  did  not  vex  her  at 
all.  The  doctor  too  had  exerted  himself,  and  sur- 
prised Emmi  with  a  splendid  chain  and  locket  con- 
taining his  photograph ;  in  fact,  I  had  to  take  him  to 
task  a  little  for  his  extravagance ;  but  he  replied  that 
the  things  would,  of  course,  keep  their  value. 

We  toasted  away,  so  to  say,  reverently.  Uncle 
Fritz,  however,  did  not  cease  with  his  joking,  and 
several  times  looked  at  his  watch,  exclaiming:  "Doc- 
tor, if  you  want  to  'catch  a  salmon,'  you'd  better 
be  off!"  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  however,  maintained  that 
he  couldn't  get  away,  as  his  bride  was  holding  him 
so  firmly  by  the  hand. — How  nice  it  sounded  to  hear 
him  call  Emmi  his  bride ! — It  is,  after  all,  the  great- 
est reward  a  mother  can  have  when  all  her  cares,  all 
her  love,  all  her  training  and  the  many  expenses  are 
crowned  by  the  wedding  wreath.  If  Dr.  Wrenzchen 
loves  Emmi  truly,  with  his  whole  heart,  he  is  sure 
to  give  up  card-playing,  and  even  the  most  cautious 
betting. — I,  for  my  part,  shall  not  cease  working  to- 
wards his  improvement. 

A  few  days  after  their  formal  betrothal,  the  young 
people  told  me  that  they  had  made  up  their  minds 
not  to  put  off  their  wedding  to  any  very  distant  day. 
"Why  such  hurry  ?"  I  asked.  "Courting-time  is  such 
a  happy  time  that  it  would  be  wrong  to  shorten  it. 
Does  it  not  give  young  people  leisure  for  getting  to 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

know  each  other  properly*?  Does  it  not  give  the 
bridegroom  the  opportunity  of  proving  himself  at- 
tentive to  his  bride  *?  And  then  there  are  many  prep- 
arations to  make  that  the  new  household  may  look 
as  if  things  had  come  fresh  from  the  warehouse." 
Dr.  Wrenzchen,  however,  declared  that  he  person- 
ally objected  to  any  fuss,  and  that  his  practice  did 
not  leave  him  time  for  any  superfluous  love-making. 

"Dear  son-in-law,"  said  I  in  reply,  "to  make  one- 
self agreeable  to  a  fellow-creature  is  never  superflu- 
ous, especially  when  circumstances  draw  them  into 
close  relationship  with  each  other.  I,  for  my  part, 
claim  no  further  consideration,  beyond  that  which 
can  and  ought  to  be  demanded  by  any  mother-in-law 
who  has  the  welfare  of  her  daughter  at  heart."  To 
this  the  doctor  replied,  that  he  had  great  regard  for 
me,  and  would  gladly  do  as  I  wished  in  all  reason- 
able things,  but  that  in  all  other  matters  his  will 
would  have  to  be  regarded  as  decisive.  That  it  was 
his  wish  also  to  make  Emmi  happy,  but  not  accord- 
ing to  the  prescriptions  of  other  people,  and  not  at 
the  cost  of  his  own  personal  freedom.  I  knew,  of 
course,  that  by  "other  people,"  he  meant  only  me, 
but  I  controlled  myself  and  said :  "Very  well,  then, 
let  it  be  as  you  like,  but  I  will  not  have  the  outfit 
got  in  too  great  a  hurry.  I'm  the  mother  there." 

Such  hurry  I  detested,  but  then  everything  now- 
adays goes  at  galloping  speed. 
[192] 


STRANGE      DOINGS 


The  doctor  lives  very  comfortably,  but  the  house 
is  an  old  one,  and  he  hasn't  got  a  sufficient  number 
of  rooms.  He  needs  a  waiting-room  and  a  consult- 
ing-room for  professional  purposes  alone.  Where 
then  was  the  best  room  to  be?  This  naturally  led 
to  disputes  between  us.  He  considered  that  when 
he  was  not  using  his  consulting-room,  his  wife  could 
make  herself  as  comfortable  as  she  liked,  either  in 
the  consulting-room  or  in  his  study.  That  is  a  very 
pretty  supposition,  thought  I,  and  maintained  that 
it  would  be  necessary  for  him  to  rent  the  upper  floor 
as  well.  His  reply  was  that  he  had  absolutely  no 
wish  to  work  himself  to  death  for  the  landlord.  The 
upper  floor  was  not  likely  to  run  away,  and  could  be 
had  at  some  future  day. — "But  what  about  the  best 
sitting-room?"  cried  I  in  dismay. — "What,"  he 
asked,  "do  we  want  with  a  room  to  show  off  a  lot  of 
furniture?  Show-rooms  that  are  used  but  once  in  a 
year  on  festive  occasions  are  a  stupid  piece  of  lux- 
ury for  the  middle  classes.  The  family  pokes  about 
in  back  rooms  to  make  place  for  a  furniture  shop  in 
front,  that  exists  only  to  make  work  for  scrubbing 
and  cleaning.  I'm  not  going  to  join  in  any  such  tom- 
foolery."— "If  you  mean  to  turn  the  world  upside 
down,  I  suppose  we  shall  have  to  submit,"  I  replied 
sharply;  but  I  did  not  urge  him  further,  as  the  civil 
court  had  not  yet  uttered  its  final  word.  I  quietly 
promised  myself,  however,  to  have  my  own  way 

[193] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

when  once  the  doctor  had  been  firmly  tied.  There  is 
so  much  uncertainty  about  engagements  nowadays, 
that  one  cannot  breathe  freely  till  the  civil  court 
and  the  Church  have  done  their  part.  I  am  for  both, 
as  things  are  made  doubly  secure. 

Nor  would  the  doctor  listen  to  my  proposal  that 
he  should  move  to  another  house.  "My  patients 
know  where  to  find  me,"  he  said,  "and,  believe  me, 
it  is  very  difficult  for  a  young  medical  man  to  get  a 
practice  in  Berlin;  there  are  close  upon  fifteen^ hun- 
dred doctors  in  the  town." — "That's  positively 
frightening,"  I  exclaimed.  "How  can  they  all  ex- 
pect to  exist"?  Is  there  enough  ill-health  for  them 
all  to  make  a  living  out  of  it?  Berlin,  truly,  is 
enough  to  make  one's  hair  stand  on  end."  When  I 
heard  what  competition  there  was,  I  no  longer 
dreamt  of  persuading  him  to  change  his  abode.  One 
need  thank  God  for  allowing  people  to  get  ill;  and 
if  Heaven  shows  an  interest  in  the  doctors  and  pro- 
vides for  the  sick  folk,  it  would  be  downright  wicked 
for  others  to  make  it  difficult  for  patients  to  find  the 
doctors. 

Still,  newly  furnished  the  house  would  have  to  be, 
orderly  though  it  is;  for,  however  nice  a  bachelor 
may  have  had  his  abode,  it's  a  very  different  thing 
when  a  wife  comes  into  the  house.  "Dear  doctor," 
said  I  one  day,  "the  furnishing  will  be  our  business, 
simple  but  substantial;  or  do  you  like  the  modern 
[194] 


STRANGE     DOINGS 


fashionable  style  of  things  better?"  He  replied  that 
the  stylish  furniture  seemed  made  more  for  being 
looked  at  than  for  use,  but  that  he  should  like  the 
dining-room  after  the  present  fashion,  although  oth- 
erwise he  certainly  preferred  the  comfort  of  the  old 
style.  And  as  regards  bedsteads  he  liked  genuine 
carpenter's  work  to  all  the  new-fangled  substitutes. 
"You  may  make  your  mind  easy  about  them,"  I  re- 
plied, "the  beds  shall  be  an  abode  in  themselves. 
I  shall  have  them  made  expressly,  for,  to  my  mind, 
ready-made  things  are  not  to  be  depended  upon.  I 
remember  a  brand-new  bedstead  breaking  down  with 
me  once  when  we  had  a  trip  out  to  Biesenthal  and 
we  remained  there  overnight."  He  expressed  his 
regret  that  this  should  ever  have  happened  to  me, 
and  added  that  he  anticipated  the  best  possible  ar- 
rangement in  all  the  household  matters  from  one  so 
experienced  as  myself,  more  especially  as  regards 
the  kitchen  utensils,  of  which  he  had  no  knowledge 
whatever. 

"But  where  shall  the  sideboard  be  placed?"  said 
I,  when  we  were  looking  over  his  rooms  with  a  view 
to  the  new  furnishing.  "I  think  if  we  were  to  move 
that  bookcase  up  to  the  loft  we  should  obtain  a  suit- 
able place." — "My  books  I  cannot  part  with,"  he 
explained.  I  took  out  one  of  the  old  volumes  just 
to  show  him  how  much  space  they  ran  away  with, 
and  in  doing  so  opened  the  book.  "Doctor,"  I  cried 

[195] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

out,  when  sufficiently  recovered  from  my  horror, 
"what  do  you  want  books  for  with  pictures  of  hu- 
man beings  with  their  skins  stripped  off1?  As  far  as 
I  know  no  doctor  ever  strips  the  skin  off  people,  and 
you  have  long  since  passed  your  examinations.  Why 
need  such  hideous  books  be  in  the  room  where  Emmi 
will  be  when  you  are  out?  Think  what  it  would  be 
if  the  child  were  accidentally  to  get  this  book  into 
her  hands.  It  might  be  the  death  of  her.  Those 
medical  books  must  go  up  to  the  loft."  He  main- 
tained that  Emmi  would  soon  get  accustomed  to  the 
books.  "Never!"  said  I.  He  was  annoyed  at  this, 
and  answered  sharply:  "I  know  better;  the  books- 1 
require,  and  they  shall  remain  where  they  are!" — 
"As  you  like,"  said  I,  and  took  up  my  bonnet  and 
shawl.  "A  pretty  serpent  I  have  taken  to  my 
bosom/*  thought  I  to  myself.  "But  patience,  my 
good  doctor.  No  best  room,  and  all  those  abomina- 
ble books  about,  it  would  indeed  be  too  delightful !" 
And  there  at  home  sat  Emmi,  radiant  with  joy, 
sewing  at  her  trousseau.  "If  only  you  knew  what  is 
awaiting  you,  you  poor  child,"  sighed  I  to  myself. 
"But  be  not  troubled;  you  have  a  mother  who  will 
protect  her  young  like  a  lioness.  As  soon  as  the  time 
comes,  I  know  where  the  books  will  be  put !" 


[196] 


CHAPTER  XVI 

THE  LAST  PARTY  BEFORE  THE  WEDDING,  AND 
REFLECTIONS  ON    MOLOCH 


WHEN  I  was  a  little  girl  we  had  of  course  been 
taught  at  school  about  Moloch;  but  in  those 
innocent  days,  when  I  was  only  between  six  and 
seven  years  old,  naturally  I  could  not  imagine  the 
feelings  of  those  mothers  who  had  to  place  their 
little  darlings  as  sacrifices  into  the  red-hot  arms  of 
the  coke-heated  monster,  great  as  were  the  efforts 
our  master  made  to  arouse  our  horror  of  the  false 
gods.  Now,  however,  as  the  day  draws  nearer  upon 
which  I — the  passive  mother  of  the  bride — shall 
have  to  hand  over  my  sweet  Emmi  to  the  doctor, 
I  begin  to  understand  about  Moloch.  A  bridegroom 
does  indeed  always  promise  to  cherish  his  intended, 
and  to  take  her  future  into  his  hands;  but  what  sort 
of  hands  are  they? — Moloch's  claws! 

One  day  lately  we  had  our  last  reading  at  the  Po- 
lice-lieutenant's house.     These  evenings  have  been 

[197] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

so  enjoyable,  and  especially  improving  to  the  mind, 
for  when  we  were  all  sitting  round  the  large  table 
reading  a  classic  piece,  each  taking  a  part,  we  al- 
ways felt  the  grandeur  of  our  poets,  more  so  even 
than  when  we  had  seen  the  pieces  played  on  the 
stage;  for  it  will  be  found  that  critics  are  unani- 
mously agreed  in  thinking  that  actors  are  never  suf- 
ficiently imbued  with  the  spirit  of  classicism.  Of 
course  gentlemen  had  been  quite  excluded  from  these 
meetings;  had  they  been  admitted  other  interests 
would  immediately  have  arisen,  and  the  whole  thing 
would  probably  have  ended  in  an  impromptu  dance. 
Without  gentlemen,  on  the  other  hand,  one  feels  the 
influence  of  the  author's  genius,  and  culture  flows  in 
an  undiluted  stream  into  the  youthful  minds.  We 
elderly  ladies  took  the  lovers'  parts  by  way  of  pre- 
caution. 

"You  hear,  Emmi,"  I  said,  "how  kindly  the  Po- 
lice-lieutenant's wife  has  acted  towards  you.  Have 
you  thanked  her  for  having  made  that  excellent  pud- 
ding specially  for  you?" — Emmi  was  quite  touched 
and  replied  that  the  Police-lieutenant's  wife  had  al- 
ways been  extremely  kind  to  her ;  that  she  did  not  at 
all  know  how  she  could  ever  make  her  any  proper 
return. — "Keep  us  in  loving  remembrance,"  was  her 
reply;  "your  new  surroundings  will  be  only  too  likely 
to  separate  you  from  your  old  friends." — How  right 
she  was ! 

[198] 


BEFORE     THE      WEDDING 


Two  of  the  young  ladies  now  rose  and  fetched 
something  from  the  next  room,  rolled  up  in  tissue 
paper,  and  placed  it  on  the  table  with  much  solem- 
nity. The  elder  of  the  two — Amanda  Kulecke,  the 
girl  that  Uncle  Fritz  used  to  rave  about — then  made 
a  short  speech  in  which  she  said  that  games  and 
dancing  would  soon  come  to  an  end  for  Emmi.  But 
whatever  shape  the  future  might  take,  however  much 
of  joy  or  sorrow  might  be  concealed  in  its  horn  of 
plenty,  the  realm  of  the  ideal  would  now  be  revealed 
to  her,  a  realm  which  Schiller  had  opened  up  to  her 
and  which  had  become  so  wholly  her  own  at  these 
evening  readings.  In  remembrance  of  the  hours  that 
had  been  dedicated  to  these  higher  thoughts,  her 
friends  now  wished  to  offer  Emmi  a  small  parting 
gift.  With  these  words  the  tissue  paper  was  re- 
moved, and  there  stood  a  pretty  little  bust  of  Schil- 
ler, with  a  touch  of  verdigris  about  his  hair,  standing 
on  a  black  pedestal,  on  the  one  side  of  which  was 
attached  a  thermometer;  the  gift  therefore  might 
stand  on  a  writing-desk  and  be  of  practical  use  as 
well.  Amanda  wound  up  her  little  speech  with  the 
words:  "Es  priife  was  sick  ewig  bindet"  (Prove 
ye  each  other  well,  who  would  be  joined  for  aye), 
and  then  flew  into  Emmi's  arms  and  kissed  her.  All 
the  others  too  came  and  kissed  her  amid  tears,  and 
Emmi  herself  was  quite  overcome. 

Scenes  like  this  had  been  recurring  constantly  lat- 

[199] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

terly,  not  only  at  the  reading-parties,  but  also  at  their 
Holbein  Society,  where  the  girls  met  to  do  embroi- 
dery in  the  Old  German  style,  also  at  their  Saturday 
Meetings  for  English  Conversation,  and  the  many 
other  little  undertakings  the  girls  pursued  for  im- 
proving themselves  in  things  of  which  we  older  peo- 
ple never  dreamt  in  our  young  days. 

It  was  but  natural  that  we  should  want  to  have 
our  revenge,  for  one  doesn't  dine  or  sup  with  other 
people  without  giving  them  something  in  return.  So 
I  said  to  Emmi :  "Let  all  of  your  friends  be  invited 
to  a  splendid  coffee-party,  it  will  be  the  last  one  I 
shall  give  in  your  honour."  She  asked  if  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen  might  be  asked  also. — "That  would  be  a  pretty 
thing,"  I  exclaimed,  "one  gentleman  cannot  surely 
be  asked  to  join  a  ladies'  coffee-party!" — She  said 
that  if  the  doctor  couldn't  be  asked,  she  didn't  care 
a  bit  to  have  a  party.  She  said  it  would  have  been 
so  nice  to  show  him  to  her  friends,  and  it  could  quite 
well  be  done,  if  the  brothers  and  their  friends  were 
allowed  to  come  and  fetch  their  sisters  home. — "But 
supposing  some  have  no  brothers,  like  Amanda  Ku- 
lecke*?"  said  I. — "Then  we  will  get  Uncle  Fritz  to 
bring  Herr  Kleines,  and  he  can  accompany  Amanda 
home,  as  far  as  the  Biilow  Strasse." 

In  my  time  it  was  the  custom  for  the  bride's 
friends  to  come  shortly  before  the  wedding-day  and 
to  help  in  sewing  the  wedding-dress.  Every  one  put 
[200] 


BEFORE     THE      WEDDING 


in  a  few  stitches  at  the  hem,  or  wherever  else  any- 
thing remained  to  be  done.  This  they  did  to  show 
their  affection,  and  I  think  the  old  custom  a  very  nice 
one,  for  there  clings  to  the  dress,  afterwards,  the 
thought  that  friends  helped  to  make  it,  and  it  is  also 
the  last  loving  service  rendered  by  the  companions 
of  the  circle  she  is  about  to  leave;  yet  the  good  old 
custom  does  certainly  most  painfully  remind  one  of 
the  preparation  for  the  sacrifice. 

When  I  expressed  these  views  of  mine  to  Carl,  he 
found  fault  with  me  and  said,  I  rummaged  too  much 
about  in  my  feelings;  that  my  duty  was  to  see  that 
the  little  festival  went  off  cheerfully. — But  a  father 
is  never  a  mother,  and  what  can  he  knew  of  Moloch"? 

I  must  admit  that  on  the  afternoon  when  all  the 
young  girls  had  assembled,  the  sight  was  an  exceed- 
ingly pretty  one.  Chairs  had  been  placed  in  a  semi- 
circle in  the  middle  of  the  room,  facing  the  window, 
and  there  sat  all  those  who  were  at  the  moment  en- 
gaged with  the  wedding-dress,  which  in  its  snowy 
whiteness  lay  in  their  midst  like  a  soft  cloud.  The 
other  girls  were  sitting  about  just  as  they  pleased 
and  busy  with  some  kind  of  handiwork,  and  were 
chatting  away  merrily  to  their  hearts'  content.  I 
went  about  among  them  with  the  coffee-pot  and  cake- 
plate.  How  pleasant  a  sight  it  is  to  see  such  bloom- 
ing young  creatures  in  loving  companionship  with 
one  another!  One  feels  as  if  one  were  walking  in 

[201] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

a  shady  wood  in  spring-time,  with  the  sun  shining 
upon  the  tender  young  leaves,  and  little  birds  twit- 
tering and  singing  in  and  out  among  the  branches. 
I  forgot  altogether  that  I  had  reached  a  sedater  age, 
and  found  myself  joining  in  the  girls'  fun,  and  jok- 
ing and  laughing  as  if  I  had  been  one  of  them  my- 
self. And  how  affectionate  they  were  to  Emmi! 
One  of  them  always  had  her  arm  round  her  waist, 
sometimes  even  two  at  a  time  were  doing  this,  and 
kept  kissing  and  looking  up  at  her  as  though  they 
had  been  her  sisters.  "Just  like  turtle-doves,"  said 
I  to  myself;  "and  down  into  this  charming  dovecot 
swoop  the  hawks  and  disturb  its  peace !" 

The  doctor  had,  it  is  true,  sent  a  beautiful  almond 
cake  for  "those  who  worked  at  the  bride's  dress;" 
but  my  eyes  are  not  to  be  blinded  by  cakes;  I  see 
beyond,  and  know  well  enough  that  he  is  an  egoist, 
otherwise  he  would  not  oppose  me  in  so  many  things 
that  I  consider  indispensable  for  my  child's  welfare. 
He  won't  even  take  a  wedding-trip,  because,  as  he 
says,  his  patients  cannot  be  left.  Rubbish ! 

When  the  dress  was  finished  it  had,  of  course,  to 
be  tried  on.  Nay,  but  how  bewitching  Emmi  did 
look  as  she  came  into  the  room,  conscious  of  looking 
well,  and  beaming  with  joyful  excitement;  it  sur- 
passed all  conception,  and  could  only  be  painted! 
None  of  the  girls  ventured  to  go  very  near  her,  but 
gazed  at  her  in  silent  admiration  from  a  distance. 
[202] 


BEFORE      THE      WEDDING 


Betti  alone  clasped  her  in  her  arms  and  bent  her 
head  mournfully  upon  her  sister's  cheek. 

Could  she  be  thinking  of  Emil  Bergfeldt?  I 
hardly  liked  to  ask  myself  the  question;  but  if  any 
of  that  family  had  come  within  my  reach  at  the  mo- 
ment, something  would  assuredly  have  happened. 

Betti  has  strength  of  character,  and  raising  hec 
head,  said  to  the  other  young  girls:  "Does  not  my 
darling  sister  look  sweet  ?"  The  others  then  be- 
gan to  praise  the  dress  and  to  declare  it  angelic. 
However,  it  was  not  the  dress  that  made  the  angelic 
impression,  it  was  Emmi's  own  self.  She  was  as 
beautiful  as  all  the  rest  put  together,  and  even  a  lit- 
tle lovelier  still ! 

Just  as  twilight  was  setting  in,  the  doctor  came. 
Emmi,  who  had  long  since  taken  off  her  wedding- 
dress,  looked  radiantly  happy  as  they  walked  arm- 
in-arm  from  one  group  of  her  friends  to  another,  and 
I  must  say  the  doctor  stood  the  ordeal  of  being  sub- 
jected to  the  critical  gaze  of  a  number  of  girls  very 
well ;  still  it  was  easy  to  see  that  they  had  nothing  to 
find  fault  with  in  him.  Amanda  Kulecke,  however, 
said  aloud,  that  a  doctor  would  not  be  her  choice,  for 
when  patients  sent  for  him  he  would  have  to  be  off, 
and  it  was  half  stuff  and  nonsense. 

My  answer  to  this  remark  of  hers  was  that  to  help 
suffering  people  was  a  very  noble  profession,  and 

[203] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

in  any  case  better  than  poisoning  people.  That  was 
one  for  her — for  the  Kuleckes  are  distillers. 

Later  in  the  evening  Uncle  Fritz,  Herr  Kleines 
and  a  number  of  young  men  came,  related  to  the  girls 
either  as  brothers  or  cousins.  Games  were  played  till 
supper  was  ready,  and  the  doctor  had  to  pay  most 
forfeits  as  he  was  always  engrossed  with  Emmi  and 
not  paying  attention  to  the  game.  How  delighted 
we  all  were  when  he  was  called  upon  to  do  extraor- 
dinary things  to  redeem  his  forfeits,  and  how  hot 
he  got  when  he  had  "to  fall  into  the  well,"  and  to  be 
on  his  knees  till  Emmi  released  him!  It  was  too 
funny.  Herr  Kleines,  who  was  for  ever  proposing 
something  with  kissing,  was,  at  last,  not  asked  again. 
He  really  seems,  sometimes,  not  to  know  where  he  is 
— amusing  as  he  can  be  at  other  times. 

After  supper  the  dancing  began.  Uncle  Fritz  had 
sent  us  crackers  with  costumes  in  tissue  paper,  and 
contrived  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen  got  a  hat  the  shape 
of  a  huge  slipper,*  at  which  even  Carl  was  greatly 
amused.  The  doctor  enjoyed  the  joke  himself,  but 
said  it  was  only  external.  I  fear,  however,  he  will 
not  give  in  to  her  much;  and,  when  he  has  made 
the  girl  unhappy,  will  again  merely  declare  that  it's 
— only  external ! 

When  all  had  gone,  and  my  daughters  had  re- 

*  Den  Mann  unter  dent  Pantoffel  haben  (To  have  a  husband 
under  one's  slipper)  is  the  German  proverbial  expression  for  a 
wife  having  the  upper-hand. 

[204] 


BEFORE     THE      WEDDING 


tired  to  bed,  Carl,  Uncle  Fritz  and  I  remained  up  a 
little  while.  Carl  declared  he  liked  the  doctor  better 
every  day,  and  that  he  had  been  specially  pleased  to 
see  him  to-day  joining  so  merrily  in  the  innocent 
mirth  of  the  party  of  young  girls.  "He  and  inno- 
cent mirth!"  I  exclaimed. — "I  can't  comprehend 
your  aversion  to  the  doctor,  Wilhelmine,"  said  Uncle 
Fritz;  "you  used  in  every  possible  way  to  try  and 
catch  him." — "Because  I  didn't  know  what  he  was," 
I  replied.  "Wait  till  the  Moloch  is  heated  and  then 
see!" — "I  don't  understand  you,  Wilhelmine — you 
are  quite  foolish,"  said  my  Carl.  "I  foolish !  Not 
I.  But  neither  of  you  care  a  bit  whether  I  am  made 
a  sacrifice  as  well  as  Emmi.  Not  till  I'm  buried  in 
my  grave  will  you  discover  what  I  have  been  to  you. 
You  will  see  then  that  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen  will  rub 
his  eyes  externally  with  onions  and  internally  rejoice 
that  I'm  gone.  But  good-night.  You'll  both  see 
soon  enough  what  will  be  the  end  of  it  all." 


CHAPTER  XVII 

THE  WEDDING  OF  THE  DOCTOR  AND  EMMI,  AND  THE 
TRAGEDY  OF  A  PERFUME 


WHY  did  you  not  come  to  the  wedding  of  my 
youngest  daughter  with  Dr.  Wrenzchen? 
It  is  a  pity  you  were  not  there,  for  I  am  convinced 
you  would  have  been  pleased,  although,  for  my  own 
part,  I  hadn't  much  pleasure  out  of  it,  for  a  bride's 
mother,  in  fact,  can  never  be  pleased.  She  may  smile 
and  look  uncommonly  happy  in  her  new  Bordeaux 
silk  with  real  lace,  she  may  even  declare  that  she 
is  quite  content;  but  inwardly  she  has  her  thorns  and 
thistles. 

And  what  a  trouble  it  is  before  one  gets  all  ready ! 
First  there's  the  re-furnishing  of  the  house  for  the 
young  couple.  There  would  be  absolutely  no  diffi- 
culty about  such  a  thing,  if  only  the  doctor  would 
be  agreeable,  and  allow  a  careful  mother-in-law  her 
way,  when  he  knows  she  is  sure  to  act  for  his  good. 
But  when  he  proves  obstinate,  and  is  for  ever  put- 

[206] 


THE     TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

ting  in  his  word,  and  objecting  to  the  most  neces- 
sary articles,  simply  because  he  fancies  that  a  din- 
ing-table  for  twenty-four  persons  is  a  luxury,  and 
that  there  is  no  space  for  a  lady's  writing-desk — 
then,  naturally,  there  is  vexation  about  every  article. 
I  do  admit  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen's  rooms  are  now  a  lit- 
tle closely  packed  with  the  new  furniture,  but  then 
he  ought  to  think  of  the  rooms  he  will  have  to  have 
later;  but  this — just  to  spite  me — he  won't  do.  And 
no  best  room !  I  never  heard  of  such  a  thing ! 

The  largest  room  he  insists  upon  having  made  the 
bed-room,  for  hygienic  reasons.  That  is  again  a  new- 
fangled piece  of  nonsense !  We  have  all  grown  up 
without  hygiene. 

I  had  to  give  in  to  him,  of  course,  but  still  could 
not  refrain  from  saying:  "Dear  doctor,  I  can  only 
wish  that  you  may  be  happy  with  your  new-fash- 
ioned notions.  As  regards  my  daughter,  she  knows 
that  her  parents'  old-fashioned  house  will  always  be 
open  to  her,  even  after  eleven  o'clock  at  night." 

He  muttered  something  at  this  that  I  couldn't  un- 
derstand. It's  a  blessing,  I  believe,  that  he  did  no 
more  than  mutter,  for  patience  is  a  barrel  with  but 
a  very  thin  bottom.  I  had  also  hoped  that  he  might 
still  decide  to  take  a  wedding-trip ;  but,  when  I  gave 
him  to  understand  that  even  cooks,  when  they  got 
married,  went  at  least  as  far  as  Bernau  or  Biesenthal, 
he  would  promise  nothing,  and  maintained  that  his 

[207] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

practice  would  not  allow  of  his  making  any  trip, 
for  he  had  one  patient  seriously  ill  whom  he  could 
not  leave,  and  whom  it  was  a  matter  of  pride  with 
him  to  bring  round.  To  this  also  I  had  to  give  in, 
but  did  so  somewhat  snappishly. 

Then  there  were  the  invitations  to  the  wedding 
to  send  out.  Who  was  to  be  asked  and  who  was 
not*?  He  has  his  own  circle  of  friends,  and  we  ours. 
If  my  Carl  had  not  made  the  sensible  remark,  "Let 
us  rather  send  out  a  few  invitations  too  many,  than 
give  people  offence,"  I  believe  we  should  still  be  de- 
liberating about  one  person  and  another;  so  his 
eleven  medical  friends  were  allowed  to  pass.  One 
needs  dancing  men,  to  be  sure. 

The  wedding  morning  came  at  last;  to  many,  very 
many,  it  was  an  ordinary  work  day,  to  me  a  day  of 
anguish,  and  to  my  child  a  day  of  joy.  Emmi  was 
all  happiness.  When  she  came  to  bid  me  good-morn- 
ing, and  threw  her  arms  round  me,  and  kissed  me, 
her  eyes  beaming  with  a  blissful  look  of  faith — as  if 
the  future  were  to  be  one  long  day  of  brightness  and 
light,  and  the  way  along  which  she  was  to  wander 
with  Dr.  Wrenzchen  a  smooth,  soft  pathway,  from 
which  busy  little  angels  had  swept  away  every  dis- 
comfort— then  even  I  too,  for  a  moment,  thought  it 
could  not  be  otherwise  than  well  for  her.  But  such 
thoughts  are  mere  hopes — powdered  sugar  to  the  rhu- 
barb of  human  life. 

[208] 


THE      TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

At  one  o'clock  Dr.  Wrenzchen  came  with  his 
friend  Dr.  Paber,  who  was  to  be  one  of  the  witnesses, 
and  fetched  Emmi  to  go  to  the  Registrar's  office. 
My  Carl  and  Uncle  Fritz  were  to  act  as  witnesses 
also,  and  accompanied  the  others.  I  did  not  go, 
as  I  had  important  matters  to  attend  to. 

Was  the  child  to  enter  her  new  life  without  any 
poetic  accompaniment  whatever?  No!  there  must 
be  some  compensation  to  her  for  the  wedding-trip 
which  had  to  be  given  up;  and  this  I  meant  to  ac- 
complish by  secretly  decorating  Dr.  Wrenzchen's 
house  with  flowers.  The  happy  thought  had  origi- 
nated with  Augusta  Weigelt,  and  the  good  creature 
helped  me  in  decorating  the  house,  while  Emmi  was 
being  legally  conveyed  to  the  doctor  by  the  heartless 
officials  of  the  State.  Round  the  banisters  and  door- 
ways we  wound  wreaths  of  green.  The  sitting-room 
we  turned  into  a  regular  flower-garden,  and  their 
bedroom  became  a  perfect  palm-house.  It  all  looked 
wonderfully  beautiful,  and  Augusta  declared  she  had 
never  seen  anything  so  exquisite  in  all  her  life.  The 
counterpanes  looked  as  fresh  and  bright  as  newly- 
fallen  snow,  and  literally  shone  through  the  green 
plants  that  we  had  raised  in  the  form  of  a  pyramid 
in  front  of  the  beds. — "When  the  lamp  is  lit  the  ef- 
fect will  be  like  something  out  of  the  'Arabian 
Nights'!"  said  I. 

£209] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Just  like  fairy-land,"  Augusta  declared,  "if  only 
the  pots  hadn't  the  musty  smell  of  a  hot-house." 

"I  tell  you  what,  Augusta,"  I  cried,  "run  quickly 
round  to  the  perfume  shop,  and  fetch  me  a  bottle  of 
essence  of  orange-blossom,  we  will  sprinkle  the  plants 
with  it,  and  when  the  two  enter  the  room  they  will 
fancy  themselves  in  Nice.  I  remember  well,  in  Italy, 
how  enchanting  the  scent  of  the  orange-blossoms 
was." 

The  idea  pleased  Augusta  immensely;  I  gave  her 
money,  and  off  she  ran. 

While  she  was  away  I  looked  carefully  round  to 
see  that  nothing  was  wanting  about  the  house.  It 
was  a  perfect  doll's  house,  everything  looked  so  ex- 
ceedingly trim  and  neat.  There  was  even  a  brand- 
new  boot-jack;  I  had  asked  Uncle  Fritz  to  get  it. 

Augusta  had  hurried,  and  we  now  quickly  sprin- 
kled the  essence  about,  and  then  left.  For  there  was 
to  be  a  simple  luncheon  at  our  house,  as  the  ceremony 
was  not  to  take  place  till  four  o'clock,  and  the  mar- 
riage feast  was  tc  be  held  in  the  Englisches  Ha.us  at 
five. 

The  luncheon  went  off  very  pleasantly.  Dr.  Pa- 
ber  proposed  the  welcome  toast  of  health  and  happi- 
ness to  the  young  couple,  in  which  we  all  heartily 
joined,  and  then  conversed  till  it  was  time  to  dress. 

Meanwhile  all  sorts  of  wedding  presents  had  been 
coming  in :  a  number  of  useful  things,  and  also  many 
[210] 


THE      TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

that  were  useless;  for  instance,  two  champagne-cool- 
ers, as  Dr.  Wrenzchen  rather  objects  to  buying  his 
champagne;  the  eleven  doctors  gave  two  very  hand- 
some silver  candlesticks;  Heir  Kleines'  present  was 
a  glass  globe  with  gold  fish,  which,  I  know,  Emmi 
cannot  bear.  Uncle  Fritz  advised  her  to  cook  the 
fish  green,  and  to  use  the  bowl  for  bottling  plums. 
The  Police-lieutenant's  wife  sent  a  magnificent  bridal 
bouquet  of  myrtle  and  orange-blossoms,  just  as  the 
couple  were  starting  off  in  the  bride's  carriage. 

How  charming  the  two  looked  in  the  elegant 
equipage !  Emmi,  in  her  white  dress  and  gauzy  veil, 
and  the  green  wreath  in  her  golden  fair  hair,  looked 
as  lovely  as  only  a  bride  can  look  on  her  wedding- 
day;  and  the  doctor  so  spruce  and  neat,  brand-new 
from  top  to  toe,  looked  as  solemn  as  a  newly-bound 
hymn-book.  There  was  really  nothing  to  find  fault 
with  in  him,  everything  sat  well  upon  him. 

Then  the  bridesmaids  and  their  bouquets,  and  the 
many  other  ladies  in  elegant  toilettes,  and  the  gen- 
tlemen all  in  ball-costume — it  was  a  silent  splen- 
dour !  I  had  never  imagined  that  the  scene  would  be 
as  gorgeous.  All  the  Landsbergerstrasse  had  their 
heads  out  of  the  windows  when  we  drove  off  to 
church. 

When  the  two  were  standing  at  the  altar  I  felt 
greatly  affected.  For  a  mother,  after  all,  thinks  of 
the  future.  Would  Dr.  Wrenzchen  always  be  as 

[211] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

good  to  Emmi  as  my  Carl  had  been  to  me"?  And 
what  if  they  did  not  agree,  and  happiness  forsook 
them?  What  then?  What  then? 

When  their  rings  were  being  exchanged  and  the 
clergyman  joined  their  hands,  the  sun  streamed  in 
sideways  through  the  window  and  threw  its  golden 
light  upon  the  two  young  people.  The  organ  rolled 
forth  its  rich  tones  through  the  large  body  of  the 
church,  as  if  rejoicing  in  their  happiness  and  joy. 
I  too  felt  in  some  measure  comforted,  and  thought: 
"The  good  God  will  watch  over  them;  and  in  other 
things,  Wilhelmine,  you  will  yourself  see  that  all's 
as  it  should  be." 

The  congratulating  then  began;  and  what  a  lot 
of  kissing  and  shaking  of  hands  there  was,  amid  sun- 
shine and  music  from  the  organ ! 

When  we  were  about  to  drive  back,  Emmi  came 
up  to  me  and  whispered :  "Mamma,  please  take  my 
bouquet  and  let  me  have  yours." — "Why,  Emmi?" 
— "Mine  is  almost  all  orange-blossoms." — "Yes; 
but  .  .  ." — "Don't  you  remember  that  Franz  can- 
not bear  the  smell;  it  gives  him  headache?" 

I  stood  there  like  one  petrified,  long  after  they  had 
driven  off.  "Good  heavens,"  thought  I,  "and  we 
have  sprinkled  all  those  plants  with  essence  of  or- 
ange-blossoms !" — "Augusta,"  I  cried,  "Augusta,  we 
must  go  and  air  the  room !" 

How  I  got  to  the  Englishes  Haus,  where  the  wed- 
[212] 


THE      TRAGEDY      OF     A      PERFUME 

ding  feast  was  to  be,  I  don't  remember.  I  was  for 
ever,  in  imagination,  throwing  open  the  windows  in 
Dr.  Wrenzchen's  house;  my  mind  refused  to  soar 
beyond  this.  At  last  we  were  all  seated  round  the 
table  eating  and  drinking.  Every  one  seemed  to 
enjoy  what  was  set  before  them,  and  as  the  day  was 
pretty  warm  the  repast  was  washed  down  freely  and 
merrily,  as  became  the  festive  occasion.  I  was  the 
only  one  who  could  not  join  in  the  general  merri- 
ment, and  took  but  little  of  the  many  dishes  that 
went  round,  and  did  this  only  to  see  what  the  peo- 
ple had  provided  for  us.  To  eat  much  was  out  of 
the  question. 

I  had  an  excellent  place.  Old  Herr  Wrenzchen 
took  me  in  to  dinner,  and  my  Carl  took  Franz's 
mother.  She  is  a  gentle  kindly  soul,  and  thinks  no 
end  of  him.  She  told  me  many  things  about  his  boy- 
hood— how  he  had  worked  his  way  quickly  through 
the  Gymnasium,  and  had  always  brought  home  the 
best  testimonials,  and  that  later  at  the  University 
he  had  been  steady  and  industrious,  yet  was  of  a 
cheerful  and  frank  disposition.  All  this  I  was  most 
glad  to  hear,  but  could  not  help  thinking  to  myself, 
Of  what  use  in  married  life  are  the  best  testimonials 
from  school,  and  the  most  praiseworthy  steadiness 
at  the  University*?  Things  are  often  very  different 
later. 

Emmi  and  the  doctor  looked  charming  side  by  side 

[213] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

behind  the  large  bouquets  which  had  been  placed  on 
the  table  in  their  honour;  but  whenever  I  looked  at 
the  flowers  they  seemed  to  strike  me  to  the  heart,  for 
they  reminded  me  of  the  essence  of  orange-blossom 
I  had  sprinkled  about  the  bedroom.  Augusta — the 
good  soul ! — assured  me,  it  is  true,  that  all  the  win- 
dows had  been  opened  as  wide  as  possible,  and  that 
the  smell  had  almost  vanished  already,  still  I  could 
not  rid  myself  of  an  inward  feeling  of  uneasiness. 
It  had,  indeed,  occurred  to  me  to  get  the  gardener 
to  remove  all  the  green,  but  that  couldn't  be. — 
What  would  the  neighbours  have  thought  of  such 
doings'?  The  plants  had  been  hired  for  a  week,  and 
I  had  settled  the  amount  in  advance. 

The  table  really  looked  perfectly  delightful.  First 
of  all,  there  were  the  eleven  doctors  whose  superior 
culture  might  be  recognised  even  at  a  distance;  be- 
tween them,  alternately,  was  a  young,  or  at  least,  a 
youngish  lady;  then  there  was  also  the  Police-lieu- 
tenant in  his  Sunday  uniform,  in  which  he  looked 
very  fine;  and  we  others.  Herr  Weigelt  had  on  a 
coat  of  wondrous  shape,  it  is  true,  and  Augusta  had 
made  his  white  necktie  a  little  too  blue — for  she 
washes  the  small  things  in  a  hand-basin — but  he  was 
so  utterly  happy  and  smiled  away  so  pleasantly  to 
himself,  that  his  outward  appearance  did  not  seem 
to  matter.  And  he  hadn't,  of  course,  as  much  money 
to  spend  on  it  as  some  people.  Uncle  Fritz,  on 
[214] 


THE      TRAGEDY      OF     A      PERFUME 

the  other  hand,  was  spruce  from  top  to  toe ;  his  tail- 
coat of  the  latest  fashion,  and  patent  leather  boots  on 
for  the  first  time. 

There  was  another  engagement  I  would  gladly 
have  heard  announced,  but  there  was  no  chance  of  it. 
I  had  sent  Herr  Felix  an  express  invitation  in  a  very 
long  letter,  but  he  declined  nevertheless.  I  could 
not  account  for  this.  When  I  told  Betti  of  Herr 
Felix  having  declined  my  invitation  she  did  not,  in- 
deed, say  anything,  but  I  noticed  her  change  colour, 
and  become  pale,  deadly  pale,  which  quite  frightened 
me.  Still  she  recovered  herself  almost  directly,  and 
attempted  to  smile.  But  she  went  off  to  her  own 
room  and  busied  herself  among  her  possessions,  and 
then  returned  looking  as  usual. — What  can  be  the 
matter  with  him"? 

A  number  of  very  good  speeches  were  made,  both 
serious  and  merry,  and  others  that  were  nothing  at 
all,  because  the  speakers  always  wandered  from  the 
point  they  were  aiming  at.  Dr.  Paber,  who  spoke 
in  the  name  of  his  colleagues,  ended  his  speech  by 
saying  that  they  all  hoped  Dr.  Wrenzchen  would 
not  forget  his  old  friends  in  his  newly-found  happi- 
ness, and  referred  specially  to  their  pleasant  scien- 
tific evening-meetings. — Dr.  Wrenzchen  replied  and 
promised  always  greatly  to  value  the  friendships  he 
had  made  at  school  and  the  University;  and  added 
that  he  felt  sure  his  wife  would  be  glad  to  see  him 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

furthering  the  interests  of  science  in  the  company  of 
his  colleagues. — And  this  he  coolly  proclaimed  be- 
fore all  the  assembled  guests. — I  know  what  that  sci- 
ence is. — Skat) — that's  its  name!  But  this  comes 
of  school  and  University  doings.  Will  his  good 
testimonials  make  Emmi  happy  when  he  goes  off  to 
a  restaurant,  and  she  is  left  alone  at  home  *? — Never ! 

I  was  glad  when  the  dinner  was  over.  While  the 
table  was  being  cleared,  we  had  coffee  in  the  adjoin- 
ing room,  and  then  the  dancing  commenced. 

The  ball  was  opened  by  Emmi  and  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen,  then  came  the  eleven  doctors,  with  the  brides- 
maids and  other  young  ladies.  Uncle  Fritz  had  ar- 
ranged this  because,  as  he  said,  he  wanted  to  see  a 
dozen  doctors  dancing  one  after  the  other.  Truly  it 
was  a  sight  rarely  to  be  seen! 

We  elderly  folk,  of  course,  took  part  in  the  danc- 
ing also.  My  Carl  and  I  danced  a  solemn  valse  in 
remembrance  of  our  own  wedding-day, — "Carl," 
said  I,  "we  have  both  become  a  little  weightier  than 
we  were  then." — "Yet  as  happy  as  ever,"  he  replied. 
I  was  silent.  Could  I  tell  him  of  all  my  sorrow? 
No,  it  would  have  been  cruel.  "Woman,"  thought 
I,  "is  born  to  suffer  and  to  endure." 

It  must  be  admitted  that  the  eleven  doctors  added 
greatly  to  the  success  of  the  evening.  The  later  it 
got,  the  more  they  threw  off  the  serious  demeanour 
of  the  profession,  and  entered  into  the  fun  as  if  they 


THE      TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

had  been  a  set  of  merry  students.  How  well,  too, 
they  understood  how  to  amuse  the  ladies!  But  a 
learned  man  always  understands  more  about  the 
weather  and  the  theatre.  And  they  were  all  such 
good  dancers  too;  I  had  to  have  a  duty-dance  with 
every  one  of  them. 

When  the  night  was  pretty  well  advanced,  the 
doctor  wanted  to  be  off. — "Emmi  is  enjoying  herself 
so,"  said  I,  and  begged  him  to  remain,  at  least  till 
the  cotillon  was  finished.  Every  moment  was  pre- 
cious to  me  on  account  of  the  airing  of  the  room;  and 
he  gave  way. 

Then,  however,  came  Herr  Weigelt's  mishap.  He 
cannot  stand  anything,  it  is  true,  but  why  need  he 
always  be  asking  the  prettiest  young  girls  to  dance 
with  him?  And  so  it  happened  that  he  fell  rather 
awkwardly  with  the  Police-lieutenant's  daughter 
Mila,  and  was  rebuked  by  her  father.  He  did  not 
take  the  reprimand  quietly,  but  made  all  sorts  of  re- 
marks, and  then  danced  off  again.  Later,  when  he 
showed  himself  rather  too  affectionate,  Uncle  Fritz 
took  him  by  the  arm  and  led  him  away  to  the  gentle- 
men's room,  where  there  was  good  red  wine,  punch 
and  a  special  brew.  What  they  did  with  the  unfor- 
tunate creature  I  don't  know,  but  certainly  he  was 
in  a  pitiable  state  when  Augusta,  in  her  anxiety, 
fetched  me  to  him.  He  had  collapsed  altogether,  and 
was  calling  himself  an  unnatural  father  to  have  left 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

his  child  at  home  to  join  in  such  revelry.  He  de- 
clared they  had  better  bury  him  at  once,  and  asked 
Augusta  if  she  could  forgive  him.  Thank  God,  there 
were  eleven  doctors  at  hand!  The  one  prescribed 
ice,  the  other  black  coffee,  the  third  a  glass  of  beer, 
the  fourth  sal-volatile,  and  the  fifth  something  else. 
But  Herr  Weigelt  would  not  let  any  one  of  them 
go  near  him.  In  her  despair,  Augusta  went  and 
dragged  in  my  son-in-law,  and  Weigelt  seemed  to  be 
willing  to  trust  him.  When  Dr.  Wrenzchen  wanted 
to  be  off  again,  Weigelt  whimpered  and  implored  him 
to  stay,  and  caught  tight  hold  of  him.  It  had  be- 
come high  time  for  the  young  couple  to  leave,  for 
several  of  the  guests  had  already  taken  their  depar- 
ture. What  was  to  be  done"? 

Yet  what  is  my  son-in-law  a  doctor  for,  and  what 
are  the  eleven  other  doctors  for*? — "Has  any  one  of 
my  colleagues  a  morphia-syringe  by  him*?"  asked 
Dr.  Wrenzchen.  Luckily  half-a-dozen  were  at 
hand.  Thereupon  Herr  Weigelt  was  operated  upon, 
and  ten  minutes  afterwards  he  was  so  totally  uncon- 
scious that  he  could  be  transported  home,  by  cab, 
like  a  helpless  parcel,  accompanied  by  two  doctors. 
It  must  be  a  horrible  sight  to  have  any  one  brought 
home  in  such  a  condition. 

When  the  young  couple  left,  morning  was  already 
beginning  to  dawn,  for  they  were  almost  the  last  to 
leave.  Carl  declared,  that  night,  as  he  was  settling 
[318] 


THE     TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

to  sleep,  that  the  wedding  had  been  a  very  jolly 
one. — Jolly,  indeed!  Perhaps  for  some  people,  but 
not  for  me.  I  saw  the  sun  rise  before  falling  into 
a  kind  of  doze,  which,  however,  did  not  last  long, 
for  anxiety  woke  me  up  again  pretty  speedily. 

At  about  nine  o'clock,  next  morning,  I  started  off 
to  Emmi.  It  was  impossible  for  me  to  stay  at  home 
any  longer,  for  I  had  the  feeling  that  something 
dreadful  had  happened.  And  so  there  had.  My 
presentiments  have  never  deceived  me  yet! 

I  rang  the  bell,  and  when  the  servant-girl  opened 
the  door  I  saw  at  once  that  something  was  wrong; 
for  when  I  asked  her  whether  I  could  see  her  master 
and  mistress,  she  replied  in  a  long-drawn — "Oh,  yes. 
Frau  Doctorin  is  upstairs."  Alone,  thought  I,  as 
I  went  up.  How  horrified  I  was  when  I  saw  the 
child.  My  goodness!  There  she  sat  on  the  sofa, 
still  in  her  ball-dress,  crying;  it  was  enough  to  break 
one's  heart  to  look  at  her.  "My  child ! — Emmi !"  I 
cried — "whatever  is  the  matter?" — "Oh,  Mamma,  I 
am  the  most  miserable  creature  in  the  world!" — 
"What!  Has  he  been  striking  you?"— "Who?"— 
"Who,  but  your  husband,  the  hypocrite!" — "Mam- 
ma, not  a  word  against  Franz;  he  is  goodness  itself. 
Anything  you  say  to  offend  him  is  to  offend  me." 
She  said  this  in  a  very  determined  way,  and  ceased 
crying.  "But,  child,  tell  me  what's  the  matter!" — 
"It's  all  your  fault,  and  yours  only,"  she  exclaimed. 

[219] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"What  next,  I  wonder !  My  fault!  Mine!  What 
have  I  done?  Is  this  all  the  thanks  I  get  for  dec- 
orating your  house  so  poetically*?" — "I  know  you 
did  not  mean  any  harm,"  said  Emmi  reproachfully, 
"but  why  did  you  pour  orange-blossom  scent  over 
everything?" — "Come,  tell  me  all  about  it — what 
did  he  say?" — "When  we  came  in  last  night  he  was 
delighted  with  the  flowers  on  the  staircase,  and  took 
me  by  the  hand  and  led  me  into  the  sitting-room. 
'This  is  to  be  our  home,  my  dear  little  wife.  Hap- 
piness has  stepped  over  the  threshold  with  us,  and 
we  shall  manage  that  it  remains  with  us  always/ 
He  drew  me  towards  him  and  kissed  me.  Suddenly, 
however,  he  asked:  'Where  can  that  odious  smell 
of  orange-blossom  come  from?'  We  looked  about, 
but  could  not  find  out  whence  it  came.  At  last  he 
discovered  that  the  smell  came  from  the  palms  in  the 
bedroom." — "Was  he  angry?" — "He  merely  said 
that  you  had,  no  doubt,  meant  it  kindly,  but  that  the 
plants  must  be  moved." — "So  you  called  the  ser- 
vant?"— "Of  course  not;  we  didn't  want  her.  She 
would  only  have  made  us  feel  uncomfortable.  I 
helped  him,  and  we  dragged  the  pots  out  into  the  cor- 
ridor. It  was  very  funny,  and  we  had  our  laugh 
over  it.  When  we  had  got  them  all  out,  he  said  it 
was  very  nice  to  have  a  wife  who  wasn't  afraid  to 
work  for.  .  .  ."—"Well,  and  what  then?"— "There 
was  a  ring  at  the  door-bell,  and  he  had  to  go  off  to 
[220] 


THE      TRAGEDY     OF     A      PERFUME 

a  patient  who  was  seriously  ill." — "Well,  I  hadn't 
anything  to  do  with  that." — "He  called  out  as  he 
went  away:  'I  shall  be  back  as  soon  as  possible.' 
And  I  called  out  to  him:  'I  will  wait  up  for  you.' 
And  I  waited  and  waited,  but  he  did  not  come;  I 
walked  up  and  down,  but  he  did  not  come ;  I  looked 
out  of  his  study  window  for  him,  but  he  did  not 
come;  I  sat  down,  but  still  he  did  not  come.  I  be- 
gan to  cry,  but  checked  myself  by  thinking  of  the 
beautiful  words  the  clergyman  had  said  about  a  doc- 
tor's profession.  I  determined  to  be  a  true  doctor's 
wife,  but  it  was  difficult  beyond  all  measure.  In  or- 
der to  take  my  thoughts  away  from  myself  I  took  up 
a  book  and  turned  over  the  pages." — "One  of  his 
books?" — "Yes,  that  large  one  there;  and  I  opened 
it  at  a  picture  of  a  mutilated  human  body,  and 
screamed  aloud  in  my  horror." — "I  had  told  him 
that  he  ought  to  have  those  abominable  books  carried 
up  to  the  loft !" — "I  began  to  feel  terrified  at  being 
alone  with  those  books.  Oh,  you  cannot  think  what 
I  felt  like!"— "You  poor  child!  This  is  really 
dreadful !" — "At  half-past  six  he  sent  for  his  instru- 
ments, with  a  message  for  me  that  he  would  have 
to  perform  an  operation  when  the  time  came.  And 
he  has  never  yet  come  back."  And  with  this  she 
again  burst  into  tears. 

After  some  time  I  succeeded  in  consoling  her.    I 
helped  her  to  take  off  her  dress  and  persuaded  her 

[221] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

to  lie  down  a  little,  and  as  youth  cannot  do  without 
sleep,  she  was  soon  slumbering. 

When  she  was  fast  asleep  I  slipped  out  of  the 
room,  and  then  examined  the  bell-pull  of  the  night- 
bell.  It  was  an  ordinary  piece  of  wire.  "There  is 
no  use  waiting  till  the  doctor  comes  in,"  thought  I; 
"there  would  only  be  a  scene  again  about  his  not 
having  agreed  to  a  wedding-trip,  and  about  his 
abominable  books."  So  I  took  my  departure. 

Before  I  left,  however,  I  fetched  a  pair  of  scis- 
sors from  Emmi's  work-table,  and  snipped  the  wire 
of  the  night-bell  right  through,  just  below  the  front 
door. 

"Now,  let  them  ring !"  said  I  to  myself. 


[222] 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

THE    WRENZCHENS'    FIRST    PARTY    AND    THE    DISAS- 
TROUS  INSUFFICIENCY    OF    CRAWFISH 


I  AM  not  in  the  least  boastful,  but  I  may  say  that 
Emmi  has  had  an  education  that  she  needn't 
be  ashamed  of.  At  school  she  got  an  insight  into  the 
realm  of  the  ideal  through  the  classic  writers,  and 
learned  botany  and  drawing  also;  lessons  in  fine  nee- 
dlework she  had  from  the  widow  of  an  Imperial 
Councillor,  and  at  home  she  was  taught  practical 
things.  And  I  fancy  the  rissoles  I  taught  her  to  make 
the  doctor  will  not  need  to  call  improper  food.  My 
Carl  always  likes  them,  and  they  have  to  be  mixed 
with  bread. 

Party-giving,  however,  requires  some  experience, 
and  so  I  considered  it  my  duty  to  stand  by  my  child 
with  help  and  advice,  for,  although  the  doctor  is 
indifferent  to  what  other  people  think,  I  am  not  go- 
ing to  have  it  said  afterwards  that  the  party  wanted 
style. 

[223] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

First  of  all,  it  had  to  be  considered  who  were  to  be 
invited.  We  reckoned  that  there  were  twenty-two 
persons  whom  it  would  be  absolutely  necessary  to 
ask,  yet  that  couldn't  be  done,  for  there  were  only 
twelve  chairs,  so  the  doctor  determined  to  divide 
them  into  two  sets,  and  to  have  a  party  first  for  the 
younger  lot  and  then  one  for  the  older  people.  In 
other  words,  no  doubt,  he  meant  to  say:  "Worthy 
mother-in-law,  we  don't  mean  to  cook  for  you  on 
this  first  occasion."  I  replied,  with  the  last  remnant 
of  a  smile  I  had  at  my  command :  "Just  as  you  think 
best ;  and  there  need  not  be  so  much  fuss  made  when 
the  younger  ones  are  invited."  He  answered  that 
he  had  no  idea  whatever  of  cutting  things  short,  that 
there  must  be  a  respectable  turnout  such  as  the  mid- 
dle classes  of  Berlin  were  accustomed  to,  but  that 
there  was  no  need  to  do  more  than  that.  "What 
then  do  you  think  of  having,  for  instance*?" — "Craw- 
fish," said  he;  "they  are  still  in  first-rate  condition 
and  very  cheap;  most  people  fancy  they  are  over  in 
August,  but  Micha  will  let  me  have  the  best  he  has, 
for  we  are  good  acquaintances."  "Very  well,  then, 
cheap  crawfish;  and  what  then?"  I  asked. — "A 
goose,"  suggested  Emmi. — "A  goose  is  too  ex- 
pensive, and  doesn't  cut  up  well,"  said  the 
doctor;  "roast  veal  will  be  better,  especially  if 
there  is  plenty  of  sauce  and  potatoes."  "A  lot  of 
potatoes  is  very  ungenteel,"  I  ventured  to  remark. — 
[224] 


THE         WRENZCHENS'         FIRST         PARTY 

"Those  who  don't  consider  them  good  enough  eat- 
ing can  leave  them,"  replied  the  doctor.  "And  what 
about  pudding'?"  I  asked.— "Any  sort  of  milky 
ground  rice-pudding — it  goes  furthest,"  the  doctor 
answered  decisively.  "Why  not  rather  bluish  Plot- 
zensee  gruel*?"  *  I  exclaimed,  by  way  of  a  little  joke, 
in  rejecting  his  proposal. — "That's  a  matter  of 
taste,"  he  replied.  But  one  is  never  understood  in 
that  house. 

When  I  got  home  my  husband  asked  me  what  the 
result  of  the  preparatory  meeting  had  been.  "Carl," 
said  I,  "it  will  be  positively  ridiculous,  but  I  mean 
to  frustrate  that  notion  of  his  about  the  milk-sop. 
My  daughter  shall  not  be  exposed  to  ridicule." 

Emmi,  the  dear  unsuspecting  creature,  was  per- 
fectly delighted  at  the  thought  of  giving  her  first 
party,  and  was  therefore  willing  to  agree  to  anything 
he  wished,  for  when  I  said  to  her  that  she  must  at 
all  events  order  some  kind  of  tart,  she  replied  that 
she  had  already  made  some  pastry  by  way  of  trial, 
and  that  her  husband  had  thought  it  excellent,  es- 
pecially as  the  whole  dishful  only  cost  eight-pence. 
"Does  that  include  the  eggs'?"  I  asked.  Her  reply 
was  that  pastry  could  be  made  quite  well  without 
eggs.  There  is  no  possibility  of  altering  matters 
there. 

Full  of  anxiety,  therefore,  I  awaited  the  day  of 

*  Plotzensee  is  a  prison — hence  Frau  Buchholz  ironically  sug- 
gests prison  fare.  " 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

the  party.  My  Carl  and  I,  and  Betti,  were  invited : 
the  doctor  had  shown  proper  feeling  enough  not  to 
pass  over  his  wife's  relatives.  Then  there  were  the 
Weigelts,  Dr.  Paber,  Herr  Lehmann  and  his  wife, 
Herr  Kleines  and  Fraulein  Kulecke.  The  twelve 
chairs  were  all  occupied. 

"Why  in  all  the  world  did  you  ask  the  Weigelts  *?" 
I  asked  Emmi,  when  I  was  helping  her  to  lay  the 
cloth  in  the  afternoon.  "He  is  somewhat  of  a  bore, 
it  is  true,"  she  replied;  "but  Franz  thinks  he  plays 
skat  very  well."  "Skat!"  I  exclaimed,  horrified. 
"Well,  yes,"  said  Emmi,  "there  are  just  exactly  the 
right  number  for  two  sets." — "And  what  are  we  la- 
dies to  do  while  the  gentlemen  have  neither  eyes  nor 
ears  for  anything  but  their  detestable  game1?" — "He 
asked  Amanda  Kulecke,  that  she  might  recite  some- 
thing to  us — she  has  a  wonderful  voice." — "Just  like 
a  sergeant's,"  said  I  bitterly. 

At  eight  o'clock  the  first  guests  arrived;  of  course 
we  Buchholzes  had  come  a  little  earlier,  in  order  to 
do  the  honours  if  necessary.  It  cannot  be  denied 
that  the  rooms  looked  splendid. 

Everything  was  new  and  as  it  ought  to  be.  There 
was  green  in  front  of  the  windows,  a  basket  of  flow- 
ers on  the  table  before  the  sofa;  the  lamps  were 
bright  and  cheerful,  and  Emmi,  looking  charming, 
although  a  little  timid,  awaiting  her  guests. 

The  Weigelts,  in  a  somewhat  ungenteel  fashion, 
£226] 


THE        WRENZCHENS  FIRST        PARTY 

came  in  just  as  the  clock  struck  the  hour.  Emmi  em- 
braced Augusta  very  heartily,  and  Heir  Weigelt 
said  a  few  words  about  their  having  considered  them- 
selves highly  honoured  in  receiving  an  invitation. 
Of  course  he  again  had  on  a  necktie  such  as  not  a 
creature  ever  wears  nowadays.  Then  came  Fraulein 
Kulecke,  who,  in  her  deep  voice,  remarked  that  the 
rooms  looked  exceedingly  poetic;  she  was  followed 
by  Dr.  Paber,  who  always  has  a  few  friendly  words 
for  me,  and  said  that  he  found  me  looking  wonder- 
fully younger  and  brighter  than  when  he  last  saw 
me. 

Herr  Lehmann,  a  lawyer,  and  one  of  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen's  most  intimate  friends,  had  squeezed  himself 
into  a  dress-coat,  while  the  other  gentlemen  wore 
frock-coats;  this  induced  the  doctor  to  make  some 
jokes  at  his  expense,  which  seemed  to  make  Herr 
Lehmann  feel  more  uncomfortable  than  he  had  been 
on  first  coming  in.  His  wife  did  not  speak  much 
either. 

Herr  Kleines  came  last,  and  had  on  a  pair  of  rud- 
dy-brown gloves,  and  thus  looked  for  all  the  world 
as  if  he  had  just  come  from  a  slaughter-house. 
Heaven  only  knows  what  sort  of  people  he  means 
to  astonish  by  such  outward  arrangements ! 

"Now,"  said  I  to  Emmi,  "we'd  better  put  on  the 
craw-fish;  the  young  people  have  all  come.  ,You 
stay  here  with  your  guests." 

[227] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"Are  these  all  the  craw-fish  you  have?"  said  I  to 
the  girl  in  the  kitchen. — "Yes,  ma'am." — "There's 
not  enough  to  go  round,"  said  I. — "There's  roast 
meat  and  pudding  also." — "Where's  the  pudding?" 
— "In  the  larder." — I  took  a  light  and  went  in  to 
look. — Yes,  there  stood  the  three  dishes  with  the 
milk-sop.  I  tasted  it,  and  found  neither  substance 
nor  flavour  about  it,  one  might  as  well  have  hung 
one's  tongue  out  of  the  window. — "Well,"  thought 
I,  "it's  the  doctor's  will,  of  course." 

As  I  stood  there  shaking  my  head  at  those  three 
wretched  bowls,  I  heard  a  scraping,  shuffling  noise 
near  me.  "What's  this?"  thought  I,  and  looked 
about.  The  noise  came  from  a  basket  below  the 
table.  What  should  I  find  on  taking  off  the  lid,  but 
— craw-fish !  And  such  ones,  regular  monsters ! 

"There  are  more  craw-fish,"  I  cried  indignantly  on 
returning  to  the  kitchen,  "and  you  tell  me  those  are 
all  you've  got!" — "Those  mayn't  be  touched, 
ma'am;  the  doctor  picked  them  out  himself  for  to- 
morrow. He's  going  to  have  them  for  breakfast." 
"The  guests  have  got  to  be  considered  first,"  I  re- 
plied, and  was  about  to  throw  the  craw-fish  I  had 
discovered  into  the  pan,  when  the  impertinent  girl 
planted  herself  right  in  front  of  the  fire,  and  cried: 
"I'll  not  let  anybody  to  the  fire,  even  though  it 
were  the  devil's  own  mother-in-law!" — "We'll  see 
about  that,"  said  I,  and  went  to  fetch  Emmi. — I 

[228] 


THE         WRENZCHENS  FIRST         PARTY 

could  see  well  enough  that  it  was  the  doctor,  speak- 
ing out  of  that  girl;  but  such  a  creature  should  be 
taught  better,  Emmi  should  stand  by  her  mother. 
Emmi  came  at  once  when  I  called  her. — "Child," 
said  I,  when  we  were  in  the  passage,  "your  cook  has 
insulted  me  beyond  conception;  either  she  begs  my 
pardon  on  her  knees,  or  I  leave  your  house  on  the 
spot." — "Mamma,  what  has  happened*?" — I  ex- 
plained what  had  occurred. — "Mamma,  surely  you 
must  have  provoked  her." — "Do  you  mean  to  take 
that  wretched  girl's  part?" — "She  has  never  yet 
given  us  cause  to  find  fault  with  her." — "You  must 
at  once  give  her  notice  to  leave." — "Mamma,  that's 
impossible,  she  is  so  reliable  and  we  are  quite  satis- 
fied with  her." — "So  you  mean  to  sacrifice  your  own 
mother  for  that  disreputable  creature?  Very  well!" 
At  this  moment  the  doctor  appeared ;  he  had  won- 
dered why  the  craw-fish  had  been  so  long  in  being 
got  ready,  and  they  were  not  in  the  pan  yet. — "Doc- 
tor," said  I  with  dignity,  "you  will  surely  not  have 
me  insulted  in  your  house?" — "I? — not  likely,"  he 
replied;  "come  away  into  the  sitting-room,  not  a  soul 
shall  harm  you !" — Did  he  think  such  a  phrase  was 
sufficient  to  heal  the  wounds  which  that  wretch  of  a 
cook  had  given  me  ?  I  considered  it  my  duty  to  tell 
him  all  that  had  happened — how  I  had  heard  the 
craw-fish  shuffling  about  in  the  basket,  and  how  the 
impudent  girl  had  told  me  a  bare-faced  untruth; 

[229] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

how  I  had  been  bound  to  show  my  indignation ;  how 
she  had  prevented  me  approaching  the  fire,  and  what 
insulting  remarks  she  had  thrown  at  me.  And  he, 
what  did  he  say  to  it  all? — "That's  only  external, 
dear  mother-in-law.  Don't  be  too  sensitive,  but 
come  away  in." — "No,"  I  cried;  "either  that  girl 
goes,  or  I  go!" — Emmi  stood  there  bewildered  and 
not  knowing  what  to  do,  and  the  doctor  did  his  best 
to  console  her;  and  away  in  the  kitchen  was  that  fury 
of  a  cook  making  such  a  clatter  with  the  coal-shovel 
and  the  dishes,  one  might  have  fancied  some  sav- 
age creature  had  got  in  among  them. — "Just  listen  to 
the  noise  she  is  making,"  I  cried,  "and  you  keep 
her  in  your  house?  That  is  pretty  discipline !" 

Carl  now  came  to  see  what  was  detaining  us.  "It 
is  already  nine  o'clock,"  he  exclaimed,  "and  we  are 
all  hungry !" — I  told  him  what  had  happened,  what 
the  cook  had  said  to  me,  what  Emmi  had  said,  what 
the  doctor  had  said,  and  what  I  had  said,  and  wound 
up  by  saying:  "Here  I  do  not  intend  to  remain." — 
Carl  deliberated  a  moment,  and  then  said  quietly: 
"Wilhelmme,  do  not  spoil  the  young  couple's  first 
party.  Do  not  interfere  with  their  affairs.  You 
know  well  enough  that  in  the  early  days  of  our  mar- 
riage, things  did  not  go  as  smoothly  as  they  did  later 
on.  We  are  among  friends  here  who  think  less  about 
finding  all  the  arrangements  perfect,  than  that  they 
get  a  hearty  welcome." — "And  that  the  largest  craw- 
[230] 


THE    WRENZCHENS     FIRST    PARTY 

fish  are  kept  for  the  next  day's  breakfast!"  I  cried. 
— "Wilhelmine,  remember  that  we  are  guests  here! 
I  beseech  you  to  behave  in  a  friendly  way." — He 
took  my  arm  in  his  and  led  me  back  into  the  room 
where  the  guests  were  assembled. — Emmi  went  off 
to  the  kitchen. 

The  doctor  took  in  Frau  Lehmann;  Herr  Leh- 
mann,  Frau  Weigelt;  Herr  Kleines  my  Betti;  Carl 
Emmi;  Herr  Weigelt  Amanda  Kulecke;  and  Dr.  Pa- 
ber  me. 

The  few  craw-fish  were  soon  finished.  Emmi 
ate  one;  I  did  not  take  any,  so  that  there  might  be 
more  for  the  guests.  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  however,  did 
not  stint  himself,  and  declared  them  to  be  of  excel- 
lent flavour. 

"They  are  probably  the  very  last  of  the  season, 
Franz,"  said  Dr.  Paber,  when  I  pressed  him  to  help 
himself  to  another  from  the  dish,  which  had  come 
round  again  as  good  as  empty.  "They  may  be,  Pa- 
ber," replied  the  doctor;  "they  are,  of  course,  not  as 
plentiful  now  as  in  summer.  One  good  thing  is,  that 
one  is  not  likely  to  overload  oneself,  and  can  enjoy 
what  follows." 

"It  is  certainly  better  not  to  take  too  many,"  re- 
turned Dr.  Paber. — "Oh,"  said  I,  "some  people  eat 
a  quantity  for  breakfast."  Dr.  Paber  and  Emmi's 
husband  both  doubted  the  accuracy  of  my  remark. 
But  I  knew  what  I  knew.  The  hypocrite ! 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Then  came  the  roast  veal.  Emmi  might  have  told 
him  that  none  of  her  family  cared  for  veal,  although 
it  may  be  an  elixir  to  his  stomach. — The  roast  was 
better  than  I  expected  it  to  be;  but  there  was  too 
much  sauce,  and  it  was  too  thin.  Yet  they  keep 
a  cook  like  that !  Dr.  Paber  proposed  the  first  toast 
— that  is,  after  Dr.  Wrenzchen  in  the  customary  way 
had  addressed  a  few  words  of  welcome  to  his  guests. 
Dr.  Paber  speaks  very  well,  but  he  was  not  quite  up 
to  his  subject,  for  he  wished  the  young  household 
a  continuance  of  the  happiness  and  peace  which  had 
hitherto  prevailed. — I  joined  in  drinking  to  their 
happiness,  of  course,  for  I  am  not  an  unnatural 
mother ;  still,  I  could  not  help  inwardly  smiling  con- 
temptuously at  the  "peace"  that  Dr.  Paber  had  re- 
ferred to.  Peace,  indeed,  with  such  a  clatterer  in  the 
kitchen !  Ridiculous ! 

Herr  Kleines  then  made  a  speech  in  rhyme ;  every 
one  got  a  couplet.  To  me  he  addressed  the  lines : — 

"Mothers-in-law  are  often  Fluchholz, 
Excepting,  of  course,  Frau  Buchhols"  * 

All  laughed  at  this  except  Herr  Weigelt  and  I.  He 
didn't  because  his  mouth  happened  to  be  full  of 
potatoes  at  the  moment,  and  I  didn't  because  I  felt 
annoyed.  There's  no  such  word  at  all  in  German  as 

*  This,   as  will   be   seen   at  once,   is   a  play  upon  the   word 

Buchhols,  which,  being  literally  translated,  means  beech-wood. 

The  word  Fluchholz,  literally  curse-wood,  Herr  Kleines  invented 

to  serve  his  purpose  both  for  rhyme  and  a  hit  at  mothers-in-law. 

[232] 


THE    WRENZCHENS    FIRST    PARTY 

Fluchholz,  and  it  was  invented  only  as  a  bit  of  mal- 
ice and  for  the  sake  of  rhyme.  Is  poetry  to  be  used 
to  cause  unpleasantness  to  one's  fellow-creatures? 
Did  Lessing  ever  do  anything  of  the  kind?  No, 
he  was  tolerant.  If  Herr  Kleines  had  made  some 
such  rhyme  for  the  girl  Rieke  in  the  kitchen,  I  should 
not  have  minded,  and  he  would  probably  have  re- 
ceived a  pretty  substantial  reward  from  her  for  his 
poetic  effusion.  I  had  to  sit  still  and  suffer. 

That  the  ground-rice  pap  was  specially  distasteful 
to  me  in  this  state  of  mind  may  easily  be  imagined. 
Herr  Kleines,  however,  ate  of  it  like  a  veritable  Ger- 
man poet,  whose  hunger-belt — as  Dr.  Paber  admir- 
ably remarked — had  been  loosened.  Dr.  Paber's 
masculine  organ  of  taste,  of  course,  refused  to  be 
pleased  with  the  sloppy  pap.  "The  stuff  tastes  of 
that  Nothing  out  of  which  the  world  was  created," 
said  I. — "That  is  just  what  I  think  too,"  he  replied, 
"but  did  not  venture  to  say  so." — In  fact,  I  must 
say  Dr.  Paber  is  a  very  observant  and  cultivated 
man;  and  if  Betti  were  to  take  his  fancy,  I  might 
not  exactly  encourage  him,  but  should,  at  least,  not 
put  any  obstacle  in  his  way. — Those  who  hadn't 
had  enough  supper  could  make  up  the  deficiency 
with  bread-and-butter  and  the  cow's  cheese,  which 
was  already  somewhat  high.  However  offensive  the 
smell  may  be  to  the  olfactory  nerves  of  other  peo- 
ple, the  doctor  can't  do  without  it. 

[233] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

This  meal,  like  everything  else,  came  to  an  end  at 
last — but  not  the  milk-sop — there  was  enough  left 
for  a  peasant's  wedding-feast,  where  the  eating  and 
drinking  is  known  to  go  on  for  three  whole  days. 

After  supper  the  gentlemen  went  to  their  card- 
tables,  and  we  ladies  were  left  to  ourselves.  Frau 
Lehmann  had  meanwhile  thawed  a  little,  and  told  us 
a  number  of  delightful  little  anecdotes,  and  also 
knew  of  such  amusing  games  with  lucifer-matches — 
puzzling  enough  to  crack  one's  brains — that  the  time 
passed  pleasantly  enough. — How  sad  it  is,  thought 
I,  that  in  future  I  shall  enter  this  house  only  as  a 
visitor,  without  taking  off  my  bonnet,  when  drop- 
ping in  by  accident,  as  it  were. 

At  about  two  o'clock  we  all  left.  The  servant- 
girl  was  standing  at  the  front  door  holding  a  light, 
but  also  with  a  view  of  receiving  gratuities  from  the 
guests  for  what  they  had  received.  I  walked  haught- 
ily past  that  kitchen-fury  without  giving  her  as  much 
as  a  glance.  She  shall  learn  what  comes  of  rebelling 
against  a  mother  when  her  child  gives  her  first  party. 
A  pretty  state  of  things ! 


[234J 


EMMI   IS    URGED    BY    HER    MOTHER   TO   TAKE    A 
STRONGER   LINE   WITH   THE   DOCTOR 


The  second  part  of  "The  Buchholz  Family"  begins 
with  a  visit  by  Frau  Buchholz  to  Emmi's  flat,  where 
she  meets  a  Frau  Lehmann.  I  omit  the  conversation 
with  this  lady  as  being  of  interest  only  in  leading 
to  an  invitation  which,  as  we  shall  see,  Frau  Buch- 
holz accepts. 

AS  long  as  my  daughter  Emmi  was  still  unmar- 
ried, I  did  believe  that  she  might  become 
happy  with  the  man  who,  according  to  my  idea, 
Providence  had  selected  for  her.  But  now  I  think 
the  contrary,  and  can  only  suppose  that  human  life 
develops  as  many  varieties  as  the  balsams  we  sow 
in  flower-pots.  We  fancy  that  only  well-developed, 
rosy-red  blossoms  will  come  up;  but  when  they  do 
appear,  some  of  the  flowers  are  of  a  most  ordinary 
shade  of  violet,  others  are  red,  but  single;  whereas 

[235] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

not  more  than  two  or  three  show  blossoms  of  the  kind 
described  in  the  catalogue.  Some  do  not  come  up 
at  all,  or  if  they  do,  the  buds  drop  off  before  open- 
ing. 

Or  is  it  that  good  fortune  is  not  big  enough  for 
every  one  to  have  a  slice,  such  as  I  and  my  Carl 
have  had?  Why  is  it  that  we  are  happy  and  con- 
tent? Because  Carl  would  most  assuredly  have  had 
the  highest  respect  for  his  mother-in-law,  had  it  not 
been  that  she  died  before  our  marriage.  I  could 
swear  that  Carl  would  have  acted  very  differently 
towards  her  from  what  Dr.  Wrenzchen  does  towards 
me.  I  cannot,  indeed,  complain  that  he  is  wanting 
in  polite  speeches  and  phrases,  but  the  more  pleas- 
ant his  manner,  the  more  suspicious  he  appears  to 
me;  for,  according  to  what  cultured  people  say,  those 
who  excuse,  accuse  themselves.  If  he  meant  all  he 
said,  he  would  at  once  have  packed  off  that  cook  of 
his,  when  she  was  not  only  rude,  but  insolent  to 
me.  A  mother-in-law  has  as  much  right  in  the 
kitchen  of  her  newly-married  daughter  as  the  daugh- 
ter herself,  especially  when  the  young  wife  is  inex- 
perienced and  is  about  to  give  her  first  party;  for 
although  there  may  be  no  question  about  treating 
the  guests  to  a  surprise,  they  ought  at  all  events  to 
be  made  to  feel  some  degree  of  respect  for  the  house- 
hold arrangements.  Therefore  when  a  cook  hinders 
a  mother-in-law  in  this  duty,  planting  herself  in 

[236] 


EMMI     IS      EGGED     ON 


front  of  the  hearth,  and,  by  making  use  of  unculti- 
vated language,  forces  the  mother  of  her  mistress  to 
concentrate  herself  backwards  out  of  the  room,  then, 
I  say,  it  is  the  sacred  duty  of  the  son-in-law  at  once 
to  fetch  in  the  police,  and  to  have  the  wretched  crea- 
ture locked  up  with  all  possible  speed.  Now  as  the 
doctor  did  not  have  this  done,  I  know  well  enough 
what  to  think  of  his  polite  speeches  and  complacent 
remarks;  these  may  be  said  to  be  the  brazen  shield 
of  the  arch-fiend,  by  means  of  which  he  wishes  to 
thrust  me  off,  that  I  may  not  have  an  opportunity 
of  telling  him  the  truth  to  his  face.  But  he  will  find 
all  that  useless;  opportunities  cannot  be  thrust  aside 
for  ever.  When  once  they  do  come,  they  come  with 
the  certainty  of  the  multiplication  table.  And  then 
we  shall  see ! 

I  had  at  first  resolved  never  again  to  cross  the 
threshold  on  the  other  side  of  which  I  had  been  so 
shamefully  treated  without  provocation.  On  second 
thoughts,  however,  it  struck  me :  before  Frau  Buch- 
holz  submits  to  be  chased  away  by  a  fury  in  the 
kitchen,  things  would  need  to  be  very  different.  One 
does  not  so  readily  give  up  one's  innate  privileges. 
Of  course,  when  I  go  to  the  house  I  take  no  more 
notice  of  that  cook  than  if  she  were  mere  air;  not 
a  look  do  I  give  her,  not  a  "good-day,"  not  even  a 
condescending  smile;  I  pass  her  by  as  if  enshrouded 
in  icy  disdain,  like  a  wet  bathing-suit.  And  she — in 

[237] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

her  thick-skinnedness — takes  absolutely  no  notice  of 
all  this. 

Emmi  is  always  immensely  pleased  when  I  look  in 
of  an  afternoon  to  coffee.  Dr.  Wrenzchen  is  at  that 
time  out  on  his  rounds,  and  we  can  chat  away  un- 
disturbed about  things  that  men  can't  in  the  least 
understand.  What  astonishes  me  is  that  the  girl  has 
so  quickly  adapted  herself  to  her  position  as  a  doc- 
tor's wife.  She  writes  down  the  names  of  all  the 
people  upon  whom  he  has  to  call,  and  takes  great 
interest  in  his  different  patients;  at  times  even  she 
does  not  hesitate  to  make  a  bowl  of  strong  beef-tea 
when  the  case  is  urgent,  and  a  spoonful  of  soup  is 
more  needed  than  a  spoonful  of  medicine.  It  is  only 
on  Thursdays,  when  the  doctor  goes  to  his  Medical 
Society — where  he  plays  skat  till  midnight — that 
Emmi  feels  lonely  and  forsaken. 

"Child,"  said  I,  "this  is  a  misery  that  unfortu- 
nately you  may  have  to  endure  to  your  dying  day; 
but  still  you  may  consider  yourself  lucky,  for  there 
are  husbands  far  more  inconsiderate  than  yours,  in 
fact,  who  have  but  three  senses,  like  bears — those  of 
eating,  grumbling,  and  sleeping.  You  ought  never 
from  the  first  to  have  tolerated  those  Thursday- 
evening  goings-out.  I  am  afraid  now  that  it  may 
be  too  late  to  educate  him." 

"If  only  I  were  not  so  utterly  alone,"  said  Emmi, 
"you  cannot  think  how  wearisome  the  hours  are  when 

[238] 


EMMI      IS      EGGED     ON 


I  have  to  wait  for  him." — "Do  you  stay  up  for 
him?"— "No,  Franz  will  not  have  that!"— "So  he 
sends  you  to  bed,  does  he?" — "He  thinks  it  bet- 
ter for  me." — "And  all  your  worry  about  his  not 
coming  home  counts  for  nothing,  I  suppose*?  Or 
can  you  go  to  sleep  with  an  easy  mind,  while  he 
turns  night  into  day  with  his  beer-drinking  chums'? 
I  couldn't!"  "Mamma,  what  is  it  you  have  against 
Franz?" — "I?  Nothing  whatever,  except  these 
Thursday  evenings  and  the  cook."  "Oh,  don't  bring 
up  that  old  dispute,  mamma;  the  girl  has  had  her 
scolding  and  will  not  forget  herself  again.  As  to 
Franz,  he  bargained  for  these  Thursday  evenings 
from  the  very  outset,  and  I  agreed." — "If  you  are 
happy  as  things  are,  it  is  not  for  me  to  interfere; 
you  must  know  best  what  your  nerves  can  stand. 
But  what  is  the  use  of  my  talking  my  tongue  sore, 
if  you  will  neither  see  nor  listen?" 

Emmi  was  silent;  she  then  asked:  "What  harm 
is  there  in  his  spending  one  evening  in  the  week  with 
his  friends?  I  cannot  have  him  gilded  over  and 
rolled  up  in  wadding." — "Is  that  a  tone  in  which  to 
speak  to  me,  Emmi?" — "Mamma,  you  must  remem- 
ber I  am  a  married  woman  now,  and  do  not  need  to 
account  to  any  one  but  my  husband  for  what  I  do. 
You  know  I  love  you  dearly,  but  I  do  not  like  to  be 
treated  as  if  I  were  still  a  school-girl." — "And  can 
you  not  understand  that  I  am  acting  only  for  your 

[239] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

good*?"  I  exclaimed,  "do  you  think  I  do  not  notice 
that  you  are  not  as  happy  as  you  ought  to  be1?  Do 
you  mean  to  say  you  look  forward  to  your  Thurs- 
day evenings'?" 

Emmi  shook  her  head  almost  imperceptibly;  but 
I  saw  it.  After  a  time  she  said  cheerily :  "I  mean  to 
get  a  little  dog;  it  will  be  a  companion  for  me."  .  .  . 

"Your  husband  must  positively  be  made  to  sacri- 
fice his  Thursdays  to  you,"  I  replied,  with  decision; 
"and  in  any  case  you  can  arrange  to  spend  the  eve- 
nings with  us  when  he  goes  out  for  his  own  amuse- 
ment!" 

"Without  Franz?" 

"If  he  leaves  you  to  yourself,  you  can  surely  leave 
him  once  in  a  way !" 

"No  Mamma,  I  will  not  do  that. 

"I  mean  without  any  rudeness  on  your  part,  of 
course,"  I  continued.  "I  shall  send  you  both  an  in- 
vitation for  next  Thursday,  to  potatoes-in-their-skins 
and  herrings,  which  I  know  he  is  so  fond  of.  The  fol- 
lowing Thursday  the  Lehmanns  might  invite  you, 
and  so  on,  till  we  get  him  out  of  his  irregular  ways. 
He  must  be  gently  and  imperceptibly  chained  to  the 
family.  If  this  proves  unsuccessful  you  must  try  the 
plan  of  leaving  home  yourself  one  evening." 

She  shook  her  head  thoughtfully. — "Think  over 
what  I  have  said,"  I  added.  "If  he  does  not  give  in 
now,  he  never  will;  and  the  little  bit  of  happiness 
[240] 


EMMI     IS      EGGED     ON 


you  ought  to  get  out  of  your  lives  will  be  off  before 
you  know  where  you  are.  Think  it  over."  I  then 
brought  my  visit  to  a  close. 

That  same  evening  I  told  Carl  that  I  had  invited 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  and  Emmi  to  spend  next  Thursday 
evening  with  us.  "Do  not  be  surprised,  however," 
said  I,  "if  I  have  the  herrings  placed  on  the  table 
undivided." — "Why  such  a  new-fangled  idea1?" 
asked  Carl,  somewhat  puzzled.  "It  is  a  delicate 
piece  of  domestic  diplomacy,  Carl,"  was  my  reply, 
"by  leaving  the  herrings  whole,  Dr.  Wrenzchen  will 
be  unable  to  pick  out  all  the  middle  cuts  for  him- 
self, as  he  did  last  time;  he  will  have  to  eat  the  head 
and  tail  bits,  like  the  rest  of  us." — "But  supposing 
he  likes  the  middle  cuts  best?  You  are  generally 
disposed  to  give  your  fellow-creatures  what  they  like 
best,  Wilhelmine." — "I  do,  Carl,  gladly,  as  you 
know ;  but  in  the  present  case  it  is  a  matter  of  educa- 
tion. He's  not  nearly  old  enough  to  have  nothing 
but  middle  cuts." 


[241] 


CHAPTER  XX 

FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  AND  BETTI  EXPERIMENT  IN  ECON- 
OMY AND  DOMESTIC  ART  AND   FAIL  IN    BOTH 


WE  paid  a  visit  to  the  exhibition  of  cheap  fur- 
niture that  was  being  held  in  the  glass  build- 
ing of  the  late  Hygienic  Exhibition,  and  as  the  prices 
asked  for  some  of  the  articles,  of  really  good  work- 
manship, were  astonishingly  low,  we  purchased  a 
wardrobe  to  replace  the  large  clothes-press  which 
had  been  standing  in  the  passage.  The  lower  draw- 
ers of  the  old  one  would  never  open  properly  if  one 
wanted  anything  out  in  a  hurry,  and  then  too  the 
thing  was  worm-eaten.  Carl  approved  of  the  invest- 
ment, for  the  new  wardrobe  is  divided  in  the  middle, 
and  he  can  now  have  his  realm  all  to  himself,  and 
no  longer  needs  to  grumble  that  his  clothes  are  hung 
on  the  back  pegs,  and  that  when  he  wants  some 
particular  coat  he  is  sure  to  lay  hold  of  the  wrong 
one. 

When,  however,  the  new  wardrobe  was  put  up, 
[242] 


AN      EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

we  found  that  it  was  smaller  than  the  old  piece  of 
furniture,  and  hence  that  it  did  not  cover  the  same 
space  of  wall.  Now  the  piece  of  wall  covered  by 
the  old  press  had  never  been  papered,  for  I  remember 
we  bought  a  remnant  of  paper  cheap  and  it  proved 
hardly  sufficient  to  paper  the  whole  passage.  We 
could  not  get  it  matched  at  the  time,  and  thus  the 
wall  behind  the  press  was  left  in  its  original  condi- 
tion, a  bright  blue  in  oil  paint.  But,  of  course,  not 
a  trace  of  this  was  seen  when  the  old  cupboard  stood 
there. 

"The  whole  passage  will  have  to  be  repapered  for 
the  sake  of  that  new  piece  of  furniture,"  said  Carl; 
"what  shall  we  have  gained  by  the  change?" 

"Don't  trouble  about  that,  wait  and  see  how  clev- 
erly we  shall  manage  it." 

He  shook  his  head  as  he  went  off,  but  did  not 
venture  to  oppose  me  by  slighting  remarks. 

I  had  said  "we,"  meaning  not  only  myself,  but 
Betti  and  me,  for  without  her  help  I  should  not  have 
been  able  to  carry  out  my  idea. 

Betti  had,  in  fact,  taken  to  painting  lately,  for 
she  had  no  inclination  whatever  to  become  a  gov- 
erness, and  yet  did  not  wish  to  be  without  some  reg- 
ular occupation.  And  what  was  the  use  of  her  trying 
to  pass  a  hard  examination,  simply  to  keep  children 
tidy  and  to  teach  them  a  little  spelling*?  Uncle 
Fritz  too  dissuaded  her,  by  maintaining  that  "chil- 

[243] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

dren  are  horrid,  they  can  do  nothing  but  cry  or  sleep ; 
the  pleasantest  moments  in  family  life  are  when 
the  children  are  asleep." — My  reply  to  this  was: 
"You  will  talk  very  differently  some  day,  my  boy." 
— Whereupon  he  answered,  "I  have  certainly  had  to 
put  up  with  noise  enough  from  our  club-poets,  but 
I  shall  never  get  accustomed  to  infants'  music  un- 
less I  invest  in  a  pair  of  india-rubber  ears." 

"Children's  voices  are  like  angels'  voices,"  said  I, 
"but,  of  course,  they  need  be  one's  own  children. 
Your  vocal  society,  'The  Whooping-Cough,'  no 
doubt  makes  a  pretty  hullabaloo;  I  wonder  the  neigh- 
bours tolerate  such  uproar." — "They  gain  something 
by  it,  at  all  events;  they  would  scarcely  know  what 
a  mouse  was  like  if  they  hadn't  preserved  one  in  a 
glass  case." 

Betti  had  always  shown  a  taste  for  art.  Even  as 
a  child  she  would  cut  out  figures  from  the  fashion 
papers,  colour  them  neatly,  and  then  gum  them  into 
an  exercise  book.  And  painting  has  become  such  a 
favourite  occupation  with  ladies,  that  the  most  emi- 
nent artists  give  them  lessons  nowadays.  And  then 
to  think  what  prices  are  now  given  for  paintings! 
Menzel,  a  short  time  ago,  got  £4500  for  one  pic- 
ture, and,  as  Betti  says,  he  has  not  even  used  the  most 
expensive  colours.  Such  demands  we,  of  course, 
should  never  make,  although  naturally  one  would 
like  to  cover  one's  expenses. 
[244] 


AN      EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

Betti,  to  be  sure,  is  only  at  the  first  stage  yet,  and 
paints  upon  articles  of  wood;  still  I  must  say  she 
has  been  very  diligent.  She  has  painted  three  clothes- 
brushes — one  for  me,  one  for  her  father,  and  one 
for  Dr.  Wrenzchen — all  three  in  flowers.  They 
might  have  been  bought  at  a  shop,  they  are  so  artis- 
tically finished.  If  only  the  varnishing  did  not  come 
so  expensive.  Betti  tried  to  do  it  herself  at  first, 
but  she  never  succeeded  altogether,  and  could  not 
manage  to  get  a  smooth  surface  properly.  Smaller 
articles,  such  as  plates,  paper-knives,  pocket-books, 
and  little  boxes,  are  very  useful  for  giving  away  as 
presents ;  among  our  friends  and  acquaintances  there 
are  birthdays  enough  to  make  it  difficult  to  overtake 
them  all  with  any  show  of  respectability. 

So  on  the  day  in  question  I  said  to  Betti :  "There 
is  now  a  chance  for  you  to  give  a  proof  of  your  tal- 
ent, and  we  will  mightily  surprise  your  father.  What 
I  want  you  to  do  is  to  paint  in  the  pattern  of  the 
wall-paper  where  there  is  no  paper  on  the  wall,  and 
to  make  it  look  exactly  like  the  rest  of  the  wall. 
He  will  be  astonished  when  he  finds  that  he  can't 
distinguish  between  the  deception  and  the  reality, 
unless  he  examines  it  very  carefully." 

Betti,  it  is  true,  did  think  this  would  be  too  diffi- 
cult for  her,  as  she  had  never  yet  tried  wall  painting, 
a  branch  which  was  to  be  taken  up  later,  under 
Gussow,  when  she  had  finished  with  painting  on 

[245] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

wood,  and  had  passed  through  a  course  of  landscape 
painting,  which  is  very  carefully  taught  by  the  so- 
ciety of  Lady  Artists;  still  she  said  she  was  willing 
to  try.  From  the  outset  I  had  looked  forward  to  the' 
moment  when  I  should  be  able  to  say  to  Carl :  "Now, 
then,  what  do  you  say  to  that?  And  to  think  that 
the  expense  would  not  be  worth  speaking  about! 
Simply  an  instance  of  domestic  art." 

We  took  a  couple  of  old  cream  jars  and  went  to 
fetch  the  paint.  It  was  not  easy  to  find  the  right 
shades,  but  I  hurried  home  and  ripped  a  piece  of  pa- 
per off  the  wall  from  below  the  place  where  the  press 
had  stood.  This  I  gave  to  the  young  man  in  the  col- 
our-shop, and  it  enabled  him  to  understand  exactly 
what  we  wanted,  and  he  mixed  the  colours  accord- 
ingly. When  Betti  saw  this  she  was  most  anxious 
to  set  to  work,  a  proof  that  she  has  the  talent.  The 
young  man  also  selected  the  brushes,  a  large  one  for 
the  grounding,  and  several  smaller  ones  for  work- 
ing out  the  details.  That  same  evening  Betti 
sketched  out  the  pattern,  and  on  the  following  morn- 
ing, as  soon  as  Carl  had  gone  to  the  office,  we  set 
about  the  work.  That  is  to  say,  Betti  undertook  the 
artistic  part,  and  I  stood  by  to  assist  her  with  good 
advice.  However,  as  she  declared  she  could  do  noth- 
ing if  I  kept  watching  her,  I  went  off  to  the  kitchen. 
We  were  going  to  have  pigeons  for  dinner,  which 
Carl  likes  very  much  if  they  are  carefully  prepared, 

[246] 


AN     EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

and  cooked  briskly,  with  a  little  onion  and  parsley 
root;  so  I  had  enough  to  do.  Cooks  rather  dislike 
preparing  this  dish,  as  it  gives  some  trouble,  and, 
moreover,  they  are  apt  to  tell  lies  about  it,  by  de- 
claring that  there  were  no  pigeons  of  the  kind  to  be 
had  at  the  market. 

However,  before  the  last  bird  had  passed  through 
my  hands,  my  motherly  interest  in  Betti's  artistic 
work  induced  me  to  go  and  see  how  things  were  pro- 
gressing with  the  fresco  painting.  I  found  Betti  in 
a  not  very  amiable  state  of  mind,  for  when  I  ap- 
peared in  the  passage  she  said  rather  shortly :  "What 
is  it  you  want?" — I  noticed  at  once  that  something 
was  amiss,  for  when  Betti's  voice  has  a  snappish 
sound  she  is  not  given  to  be  amiable,  and  so  I  said 
with  the  utmost  gentleness:  "Well,  have  you  suc- 
ceeded in  accomplishing  anything,  my  child1?" 

Betti  came  down  off  the  kitchen  steps,  upon  which 
she  had  been  standing  while  pasting  up  the  pattern 
she  had  sketched,  and  then  examined  the  work  from 
a  prospective  distance. 

"Do  you  think  it  will  do?"  she  asked. 

What  could  I  say?  If  I  said  "No,"  she  was  quite 
capable  of  replying:  "Well,  then,  take  the  colours 
and  brushes  and  do  it  yourself."  If  I  said  "Yes," 
then  the  painting  would,  of  course,  remain  as  it  was, 
and  Carl  would  have  every  reason  to  find  fault,  for 

[247] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

the  result  of  Betti's  work  was  really  not  much  of 
anything. 

So  after  having  examined  her  work  from  different 
points  of  view,  and  with  some  show  of  artistic  appre- 
ciation, I  said:  "Betti,  the  pattern  seems  remark- 
ably like,  but  the  colours  do  not  quite  correspond. 
Do  you  not  yourself  think  that  the  colours  are  a  few 
shades  too  light*?" 

"It  is  all  too  light,"  replied  Betti,  "yet  how  can 
this  possibly  be  the  case  when  the  young  man  mixed 
the  colours  himself  so  carefully  according  to  your 
pattern*?  Can  it  be  the  light,  mamma'?  You  know 
artists  always  complain  that  unless  the  light  is  right 
it  spoils  their  best  paintings." — I  was  about  to  agree 
to  this  possibility  when  a  most  unwelcome  thought 
dawned  upon  me,  and  proved  to  be  right.  The  fact 
was,  I  had  taken,  as  a  pattern,  a  piece  of  the  wall- 
paper that  had  always  been  covered  by  the  old 
clothes-press,  and  which,  therefore,  had  retained  its 
original  and  lighter  colour. 

"Now,  mamma,"  said  Betti  in  a  tone  of  vexation, 
"why  do  you  interfere  with  things  when  you  know 
that  you  know  nothing  whatever  about  painting*?" 
— "No,  my  dear,"  I  replied,  "you  cannot  say  that 
of  me ;  have  I  not  climbed  nine  flights  of  stairs  in  the 
Vatican  to  see  the  genuine  Raphaels  and  the  other 
celebrities  in  oil4?" — "The  whole  Vatican  would  be 
of  no  use  to  us  here,  mamma,"  interposed  Betti;  "I 

[248] 


AN      EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

shall  have  to  go  and  get  the  proper  colours." — So 
she  stripped  off  a  piece  of  the  darkened  wall-paper 
and  flew  off  to  the  shop,  for  she  too  was  anxious  to 
have  finished  before  noon,  and  I  was  meanwhile  left 
to  my  own  thoughts.  It  seemed  clear  to  me  now  that 
Art  is  by  no  means  so  very  easy,  and  demands  a 
goodly  amount  of  genius  as  well. 

When  Betti  returned  she  said:  "Mamma,  the 
work  cannot  be  done  in  the  way  we  imagined.  First 
of  all,  a  background  has  to  be  washed  in,  and  when 
it  is  dry  the  pattern  has  to  be  painted  upon  it." 

"Who  told  you  so*?" — "The  young  man  in  the 
shop  explained  this  to  me;  he  has  been  at  the  Acade- 
my himself,  it  seems." 

"Has  he  studied  under  Gussow  then,  that  he  pre- 
tends to  know  so  much*?" — "I  did  not  ask  him  that, 
but  he  did  say  that  selling  colours  brought  in  more 
money  than  art." 

"He  told  you  that,  probably,  by  way  of  excusing 
himself.  Think  what  an  amount  it  would  represent 
for  Menzel  to  have  sold  £4500  worth  of  oil  colours 
and  floor  varnish !  He  would  need  to  have  been  sell- 
ing the  stuffs  day  and  night.  No,  one  cannot  be- 
lieve offhand  what  such  a  person  says,  and  need 
know  exactly  what  he  means." 

While  we  were  conversing  in  this  way  Betti  had 
painted  in  the  background  with  the  large  brush. 
There  was  some  paint  over,  so  I  used  it  in  trying 

[249] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

my  hand  at  painting  a  wooden  box,  and  did  not  find 
it  very  troublesome.  "Betti,"  I  exclaimed  in  glee, 
"we  shall  never  again,  after  this,  need  to  have  paint- 
ers in  the  house,  we  can  do  everything  ourselves,  and 
save  a  pretty  penny." 

When  Carl  came  in  to  dinner,  of  course  we  could 
not  conceal  the  painting  that  had  been  begun.  He 
looked  at  it,  shook  his  head,  and  said :  "Wilhelmine, 
I  am  afraid  the  difference  will  be  noticed.  You  had 
better  give  up  the  painting  and  have  the  whole  pas- 
sage repapered." 

"And  throw  money  out  of  the  window,"  I  ex- 
claimed. "No,  Carl,  I'll  not  have  that;  and  it's  no 
encouragement  to  art  to  find  fault  with  things  at 
the  very  outset,  in  a  hasty  way.  Wait  a  little,  and 
then  pronounce  your  judgment.  To-morrow  you 
will  have  a  very  different  piece  of  work  to  criticise !" 
This  proved  to  be  true,  but  unluckily  the  work 
turned  out  very  different  from  what  I  had  antici- 
pated. 

What  the  reason  was  I  do  not  know,  but  when 
Betti  on  the  following  morning  painted  in  the  pat- 
tern, the  wall  looked  stranger  than  ever.  "Betti," 
said  I,  "you  have  not  quite  the  right  knack  yet,  I 
think.  What  do  you  say  to  painting  the  whole  wall 
one  colour?  Papa,  it  is  true,  prefers  it  being  pa- 
pered, but  that's  because  he  hasn't  confidence  in  us; 
[250] 


AN      EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

he  is  sure  to  be  quite  satisfied  when  the  passage  is 
once  done,  and  looks  lovely." 

We  sent  the  girl  Doris  to  the  colour  shop  with  a 
pot  sufficiently  large  to  hold  paint  enough  for  the 
four  walls,  and  I  told  her  to  bring  another  good-sized 
brush  for  grounding,  as  I  meant  to  help  in  the  work 
myself.  We  had  decided  in  favour  of  sky-blue, 
having  got  the  idea  from  the  old  unpapered  patch  on 
the  wall,  and  because  everything  old-fashioned  is 
again  the  fashion  now. 

We  were  anything  but  idle.  Betti,  mounted  on 
the  kitchen  steps,  undertook  to  see  to  the  upper  re- 
gions, while  I,  on  my  knees  on  the  floor,  attended  to 
the  lower  parts.  When  we  got  to  the  end  of  our 
paint  Dorris  was  despatched  for  more.  It  was  a 
regular  hurry-scurry. 

"The  only  thing  wanting  now  are  visitors,"  said 
Betti  jocosely,  for  she  was  enjoying  the  painting 
as  much  as  I  was. — "That  would  be  a  pretty  mess!" 
I  exclaimed.  "Betti,  we  must  be  quick  and  see  that 
we  are  not  interrupted,  that  the  work  is  finished  at 
once,  before  papa  comes  in." 

Haste,  however,  is  both  exhausting  and  mischiev- 
ous. In  her  hurry  Betti  knocked  the  pot  of  paint 
off  the  steps,  and  the  good  blue  paint  splashed  over 
the  floor. 

There  is  nothing  more  horrid  than  upset  oil  paint. 
We  wiped  it  up.  But  it  always  seemed  to  come  out 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

again.  Nothing  we  could  do  would  remove  it  alto- 
gether. By  way  of  consolation  I  said  to  Betti :  "The 
floor  would  in  any  case  have  required  a  coat  of  var- 
nish. Doris  will  have  to  fetch  some  more  paint  soon, 
and  so  she  may  as  well  bring  back  some  brown  var- 
nish for  the  floor  at  the  same  time." 

"And  a  nice  bright  red  for  the  border  at  the  top 
and  bottom  of  the  wall,"  added  Betti. 

"Will  one  cupful  be  enough*?" — "Let  her  take  the 
large  office  jar,"  suggested  Betti,  and  off  Doris  went. 

Betti  was  right.  A  border  did  seem  necessary  to 
give  our  work  an  artistic  finish.  She  hoped,  as  I 
myself  did,  that  when  once  the  red  lines  were  drawn 
in,  the  unevenness  of  the  painting  would  not  be  so 
conspicuous.  Betti  again  mounted  the  ladder,  and, 
as  she  had  the  ruler  in  one  hand  and  her  brush  in 
the  other,  Doris  had  to  stand  below  to  hold  up  the 
paint  pot. 

After  a  time  Doris  ventured  to  remark:  "Miss 
Betti,  you  really  mustn't  let  the  paint  drop  so,  my 
jacket  and  my  whole  face  are  covered  with  paint." 
This  was  true  enough,  I  must  admit. 

"And  this  jacket  I  put  on  to-day  for  the  first 
time,"  Doris  continued  in  a  grumbling  tone. — 
"Well,  well,"  said  I,  "if  the  paint  won't  wash  out 
you  shall  have  a  new  one."  With  this  I  turned  to 
my  work  again.  A  few  powerful  strokes  with  the 
brush  and  I  could  exclaim:  "I've  finished!" 
[252] 


AN      EXPERIMENT      IN      ECONOMY 

But  before  I  had  got  so  far  Betti  had  been  mutter- 
ing: "Mamma,  I  can't  get  the  border  to  do,  it  keeps 
running  down  into  the  other  colours.  I  feel  quite 
desperate." 

I  must  confess  I  had  not  expected  very  much  from 
the  border  myself,  and  yet  I  have  never  in  my  life 
been  so  deceived  about  anything.  Sure  enough  there 
was  the  red  trickling  down  in  long  stripes  into  the 
blue,  for  all  the  world  like  the  choicest  of  fringes. 
We  tried  to  drive  the  red  lines  upwards  with  the  blue 
brush,  but  this  seemed  only  to  make  matters  worse. 

"We  shall  have  to  do  it  all  over  again  to-morrow, 
from  the  very  beginning,"  said  Betti  dolefully. 

"All  this  mess  over  again!"  I  exclaimed;  "just 
look  how  you  have  splattered  yourself  with  paint, 
Betti,  and  look  at  Doris !" 

"Sausage-making,  which  we  used  to  do  at  home, 
is  nothing  to  this !"  exclaimed  Doris. 

I  used  up  the  remaining  blue,  by  giving  a  final 
touch  to  the  wall,  Doris  cleared  away  the  pots  and 
brushes,  and  then  Betti  and  I  went  off  to  change  our 
dresses.  I  could  never  have  believed  that  oil-paint 
could  have  splashed  so  much,  some  had  settled  on 
the  very  back  of  my  neck.  And  how  difficult  it  is 
to  get  it  out  of  one's  finger-nails!  It  is  perfectly 
astonishing  what  a  speck  of  paint  accomplishes  when 
it  gets  on  to  the  wrong  place!  What  would  the 

[253] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

towels  be  like  ?  Things  no  longer  looked  very  prom- 
ising. 

We  had  scarcely  finished  dressing,  and  tidied 
things  up  as  far  we  could  in  the  hurry,  when  Carl 
and  Uncle  Fritz  came  in.  I  recognised  their  voices 
in  their  exclamations  at  our  handiwork. 

"Don't  let  us  go  out  to  them,"  I  whispered  to 
Betti,  "let  them  quietly  recover  from  their  first  im- 
pression, for  the  first  is  always  the  strongest." 

Then  they  came  in.  Carl,  as  I  could  at  once  see, 
was  not  in  the  best  of  humours,  but  Uncle  Fritz's 
eyes  actually  beamed  with  delight,  and  mischievous 
jokes  were  flickering  round  about  his  mouth. 

"Wilhelmine,  did  I  not  tell  you  .  .  .?"  Carl  be- 
gan, in  a  reproachful  tone.  Uncle  Fritz,  however, 
interrupted  him  with  a  laugh:  "No,  Carl,  old  fel- 
low, now  don't  prove  yourself  a  barbarian  in  art, 
there's  not  another  such  landing  as  yours  to  be  found 
in  the  wide  world.  Were  you  to  exhibit  it  at  the 
Cantian's  Platz,  you  would  assuredly  get  the  large 
gold  medal." 

"I  beg  you  not  to  make  any  such  insulting  re- 
marks," said  I;  "when  people  have  done  their  best, 
there's  no  need  to  cast  ridicule  upon  them." 

"You  no  doubt  took  the  blue  grotto  in  Capri  as 
your  model,  Wilhelmine,"  continued  Uncle  Fritz, 
paying  no  heed  to  my  remark.  "If  only  you  were 
[254] 


AN      EXPERIMENT     IN      ECONOMY 

to  tie  a  boat  to  the  wardrobe,  the  thing  would  be 
perfect!" 

"You  needn't  excite  yourself,"  I  replied,  "our 
main  object  was  economy,  and  that  is  quite  beyond 
your  comprehension  as  a  bachelor." 

"Economy!"  exclaimed  Carl,  "what  have  you 
spent  upon  all  this  m  ...  m  ...  manoeuvre?" 
(he  struggled  to  find  a  mild  expression,  the  dear, 
good  fellow). 

"The  work  itself  is  our  affair,  and  thus  will  not 
cost  a  farthing;  the  rest  of  the  things  I  have  had  put 
down  to  our  account." 

Carl  called  Doris,  intending  to  send  her  to  the 
colour  shop  for  the  bill.  Doris  came  at  once,  as 
she  heard  herself  called  sharply.  When  she  entered 
Uncle  Fritz  simply  gave  a  roar  of  delight.  The  girl 
hadn't  had  time  to  wash  off  all  the  red  paint,  and 
would  have  presented  an  alarming  appearance  to  any 
one  who  did  not  know  what  she  had  been  about. 
Even  Carl  said,  "Doris,  you  cannot  possibly  go  out 
like  that;  the  neighbours  would  think  you  had  com- 
mitted a  murder." 

I  was  uncommonly  glad  that  Doris  could  not  go 
out,  and  that  I  had  time,  by  carefully  leading  the1 
conversation,  to  get  Carl  off  the  subject  of  the  bill. 
For  as  appeared  afterwards,  we  had  managed  to 
squander  such  a  considerable  amount  of  paint,  that 
the  landing  might  as  well  have  been  repapered,  and 

[355] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

without  taking  at  all  a  cheap  paper,  as  had,  of 
course,  to  be  done  in  the  end.  I  did  not  tell  Carl 
about  Doris's  ruined  bodice  and  dress,  which  she  in- 
sisted upon  having  made  good  to  her,  till  the  whole 
affair  had  been  almost  forgotten,  and  I  had  solemnly 
promised  Carl  never  again  to  try  domestic  art  upon 
doors  or  walls,  but  to  employ  skilled  workmen,  who 
earned  their  livelihood  by  the  work.  I  had  never  im- 
agined that  economy,  under  certain  circumstances, 
could  lead  to  such  an  outlay  of  money. 

And  now  we  hear  again  of  Herr  Schmidt,  the  hero 
of  the  Tegel  lake,  who  had  mysteriously  disappeared 
from  the  family's  ken.  Frau  Euchholz  one  evening 
thought  she  saw  him  at  a  rather  dissolute  revel  at 
the  Bock,  but  was  not  sure.  If  so,  he  was  with  a 
fast-looking  girl  in  a  red  paper  cap.  Then  one  Sun- 
day every  one  went  to  the  Regatta,  Uncle  Fritz  with 
his  customary  convivial  thoroughness  having  become 
a  great  rowing  man,  and  there  Frau  Buchholz  met 
Herr  Max,  the  friend  of  the  errant  Schmidt,  of  whom 
Betti  was  still  thinking  too  tenderly.  Herr  Schmidt 
was  not  with  Max,  who  was  nervous  in  mentioning 
his  name,  and  stated  that  he  had  left  Berlin,  but 
added  that  he  was  not  at  liberty  to  go  into  details. 
Another  unsatisfactory  incident  of  the  afternoon  was 
the  spectacle  of  the  Bergfeldts  drinking  cham- 
pagne. 


CHAPTER  XXI 


FRAU    BUCHHOLZ   SITS  TO   A   FAMOUS   PAINTER  AND 
IS    BETRAYED   INTO   PREVARICATION 


//  will  be  remembered  that  when  Frau  Buchholz 
met  Professor  Paulsen  with  Dr.  Stinde  at  the  foot  of 
Vesuvius,  the  Professor  promised  to  'paint  her  por- 
trait. She  did  not  then  mean  it,  but  circumstances 
alter  cases.  Visiting  the  Exhibition  of  pictures  in  the 
Cantian  Platz  the  idea  occurred  again. 

THE  Exhibition  is  no  doubt  a  practical  kind  of 
building,  but,  as  its  principal  outward  charm 
— as  seen  from  the  City  line — seems  to  consist  in  its 
being  water-tight,  it  cannot  be  said  to  lay  claim  to 
actual  beauty.  It's  artistic  contents  we  determined 
to  examine  in  this  way :  that  both  of  us  were  quietly 
to  note  the  pictures  that  had  pleased  us  best,  so  that 
when  we  came  to  make  our  second  peregrination 
round  the  gallery  there  might  be  a  mutual  exchange 
of  opinion.  The  plan  failed,  however,  for  when  we 

[257] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

entered  the  first  room  we  caught  sight  of  the  life-size 
figure  of  a  man  in  uniform,  which  stood  out  from  a 
purple  curtain  with  a  rich  border  of  gold,  in  the  most 
lifelike  manner,  and  with  an  aristocratic  look.  "Who 
is  that*?"  I  asked  Betti,  forgetting  the  agreement  we 
had  made.  She  read  out  of  the  catalogue:  "Fried- 
rich  Franz  the  Second,  late  Grand  Duke  of  Meck- 
lenburg-Schwerin." — "I  could  see  at  once  that  it 
must  be  a  prince,"  I  replied.  "Who  painted  it1?" — 
"Fritz  Paulsen,"  she  said,  reading  on. — "Goodness, 
how  it  all  seems  to  rise  up  before  me !"  I  exclaimed. 
"Whatever  can  he  have  thought  of  me?" — "Why, 
mamma?" — "Well,  child,  when  I  was  in  Naples,  I 
asked  him  whether  he  would  paint  my  portrait  some 
day,  and  it  was  almost  arranged  that  he  should." — 
"How  very  nice,"  Betti  said,  interrupting  me;  "a 
picture  of  you  for  papa's  birthday.  .  .  .  You 
couldn't  give  him  anything  more  beautiful." — 
"Child,"  said  I,  "what  are  you  thinking  about? 
Haven't  I  just  had  a  most  excellent  photograph 
taken  of  myself,  at  Carl  Giinther's,  which  you  were 
all  delighted  with?" — "And  so  we  are  still,  but 
when  I  look  at  you,  mamma — well,  you  seem  just 
made  for  oils,"  said  the  girl,  laughing.  "How 
precious  the  picture  would  be  to  us  all!"  she  con- 
tinued in  a  more  serious  tone,  "when  .  .  ." — 
"When  I  am  old  and  ugly,"  I  added,  smiling. — "I 
did  not  mean  that,"  she  answered,  "but  we  might 

[258] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A      LIE 

not  always  be  with  you,  and  then,  in  looking  at  your 
portrait,  it  would  be  like  having  your  dear  self,  life- 
like before  us.  Mamma,  you  must  be  painted." — "If 
I  were  to  be  hung  on  my  son-in-law's  wall,  with  a 
somewhat  severe  expression  of  face,  Emmi  might 
possibly  be  the  better  for  it;  there  are  proofs  that 
the  sight  of  a  picture  has  roused  a  conscience  for  its 
own  good."  After  a  little,  I  added:  "Papa  would 
grudge  the  money,  I  am  afraid." — "It  wouldn't  be 
so  very  ruinous,  and,  mamma,  you  could  pay  for  it 
yourself." — "That  would  merely  be  taking  from  the 
debit  and  placing  it  in  the  credit,"  said  I,  putting 
her  off. — "All  the  little  money  I  have  put  by,  little 
by  little,  I  would  give  towards  it,"  urged  Betti. 
"Oh,  I  am  so  delighted  at  the  thought  of  the  pic- 
ture!" 

"We  shall  have  to  think  the  matter  well  over 
again,"  said  I,  putting  an  end  to  the  conversation. 
"But  come  now,  Betti,  and  let  us  look  at  the  pic- 
tures, as  we  proposed  to  do." 

While  wandering  from  one  long  room  to  another, 
I  was  conscious  that  my  thoughts  were  not  paying 
proper  heed  to  the  pictures  before  me,  but  were  more 
actively  engaged — than  I  myself  wished — with  my 
future  portrait.  As  often  as  I  caught  sight  of  the 
likeness  of  any  lady,  I  asked  myself,  why  was  her 
portrait  painted,  and  was  she  justified  in  having  it 
done?  In  a  good  many  cases  the  portrait  had  cer- 

[259] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

tainly  not  been  painted  for  the  sake  of  beauty,  more 
probably  for  the  sake  of  a  likeness.  Several  were 
hung  so  high  that  it  was  impossible  to  judge  in  their 
case.  When  I  came  to  think  the  whole  matter  over 
— my  half-binding  inquiry  of  Professor  Paulsen  in 
Naples,  Betti's  anxious  wish,  my  Carl's  surprise  on 
his  birthday,  and  the  fact  that  I  was  not  growing 
younger — made  me  see  that  I  ought  to  give  in  with- 
out more  ado.  I  beckoned  to  Betti  and  said,  "I  am 
wavering  about  giving  in  to  all  your  wishes." — 
"Oh,  how  good  of  you !"  exclaimed  Betti  in  glee. — 
"But,  Betti,  I  haven't  sufficient  artistic  enthusiasm 
to  make  my  heart  take  the  decisive  leap,  I  must  find 
some  picture  that  will  disperse  this  last  bit  of  un- 
certainty."— "Let  us  look  for  it,  mamma,  I  will  help 
you." 

It  cannot  be  denied  that  a  great  number  of  un- 
usual pictures  attracted  our  attention,  and  we  could 
scarcely  say  enough  in  admiration  of  the  modern 
masterpieces.  Betti  thought  that  the  portraits  in 
black — as  if  washed  over  with  liquorice — seemed  to 
be  the  most  fashionable;  but  I  was  not  in  favour  of 
that  funereal  style. — "What  do  you  say  to  this?" 
she  asked  me,  pointing  to  a  portrait  representing  a 
tall  lady  in  an  olive-green  velvet,  and  looking  as  if 
she  would  have  a  friendly  reply  for  any  one  that  ad- 
dressed her. — "Ah,  that  would  be  exactly  to  my  lik- 
ing," said  I;  "only,  I  fancy  my  brown  rep  would 
[260] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A      LIE 

suit  me  better,  and  then  only  about  half  as  large; 
the  smaller  frames  are  sure  to  be  less  expensive." — 
"Well,  have  you  quite  decided  now,  mamma1?" 
asked  Betti. — "If  you  think  that  papa  .  .  ." — 
"That's  sure  to  be  all  right,"  she  said,  rejoicing,  put- 
ting her  arm  round  me ;  "you  dear,  good  mother,  and 
so  you're  really  going  to  be  painted!" — "Child, 
child,"  said  I,  "you  are  crushing  me  to  bits.  Now 
let  us  see  who  painted  that  portrait." — "Here  it  is 
in  big  letters  in  the  corner,"  she  replied,  pointing  to 
the  name.  "Fritz  Paulsen!"  said  I,  reading  it.  It 
was  quite  clear  to  me  now ;  it  was  the  decree  of  fate. 

By  the  time  we  left  the  Exhibition  I  had  made  up 
my  mind  that  Carl  should  have  the  surprise  on  his 
birthday,  for  Betti  assured  me  that  paintings  were 
not  only  of  lasting  value,  but  that  their  value  in- 
creased year  by  year. — "If  they  do  that,  then  there 
can  be  no  loss,"  I  replied;  "and  we  haven't  got  to 
feed  them.  .  .  ." 

Frau  Buchholz  therefore  called  on  Professor 
Paulsen  at  his  studio.  She  was  received  by  his  wait" 
ing-woman,  Bachmann,  who  is,  I  imagine,  drawn 
from  life,  Stinde  and  Paulsen  being  such  intimate 
friends. 

We  sat  down  in  a  comfortable  corner.  The  Pro- 
fessor asked  me  whether  I  had  had  lunch,  and  would 
not  hear  of  my  declining  to  partake  of  some  refresh- 
ment. The  woman  Bachmann  was  ordered  to  bring 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

me  something;  a  good  cup  of  soup  and  a  little  cold 
meat.  While  taking  our  lunch  we  discussed  the 
portrait;  Heir  Paulsen  was  not  in  favour  of  my 
brown  rep  from  an  artistic  point  of  view ;  he  thought 
some  decided  colour  would  suit  me  better.  So  then 
I  suggested  my  claret  coloured  dress,  which  he  ap- 
proved of.  I  was  to  give  him  my  first  sitting  the 
following  day,  and  in  order  that  my  Carl  might  not 
notice  anything,  he  proposed  that  I  should  send  my 
dress  to  his  house,  where  it  would  be  carefully  placed 
in  the  old  German  cabinet.  The  woman  Bachmann, 
he  said,  would  help  me  to  arrange  my  dress,  as  she 
was  accustomed  to  do  this.  I  asked  if  Betti  might 
come  with  me,  for  it  occurred  to  me  that  my  daugh- 
ter might  gain  something  by  watching  him  paint, 
and  perhaps  get  some  artistic  hints.  However,  he 
said  he  would  prefer  that  she  did  not  come  till  after 
the  third  sitting,  when  she  would  be  able  to  judge 
of  the  likeness.  He  would,  he  said,  be  very  glad  to 
see  her  then.  .  .  . 

The  picture  went  on  very  satisfactorily,  and  after 
a  few  sittings  the  Frau  again  lunched  with  the 
painter. 

The  little  refreshment  did  me  good,  and  the  wine 
was  excellent;  I  could  not  remember  to  have  ever 
tasted  anything  like  it,  and  therefore  asked  where  it 
came  from.  It  struck  me  that  if  the  price  were  not 
too  exorbitant,  I  might  tell  Carl  to  get  some  for  his 
[262] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A     LIE 

birthday.  "This  Johannisgarten  I  get  direct  from  a 
friend  of  mine,  Otto  Sartorius,  the  proprietor  of  a 
vineyard  in  Mussbach  in  the  Rhenish  Pfalz,"  he 
replied. — "Does  your  friend  supply  other  people  as 
well*?" — "Send  him  an  order  and  see;  you  will  be 
satisfied  with  what  he  sends  you,  I  am  sure.  .  .  ." 

I  could  not  conceal  from  myself  the  fact  that  I 
should  be  too  late  for  dinner,  a  thing  that  otherwise 
never  occurred.  So  I  had  to  think  of  excuses  to  give 
Carl ;  but  he  always  notices  directly  when  things  are 
not  straightforward,  so  that  I  am  not  at  all  a  good 
one  at  inventing  stories.  .  .  . 

At  home  I  found  them  waiting  for  me.  Carl, 
however,  when  he  saw  my  embarrassment,  welcomed 
me  with  the  words:  "Was  the  bridge  drawn  up  that 
you  couldn't  pass?  or  did  you  get  into  a  wrong 
tramcar*?" — "No,"  I  answered  hotly,  "you  needn't 
imagine  me  so  stupid  as  that.  I  have  been  trying  to 
find  out  where  we  can  get  a  good  and  proper  sort  of 
wine." — Carl  looked  at  Betti,  and  Betti  looked  at 
him,  and  both  burst  out  laughing,  which  made  me 
feel  very  uncomfortable.  "What  are  you  giggling 
at*?"  I  asked,  a  little  put  out. — "So  she's  been  wine- 
tasting!"  said  Carl  gaily. — "Yes,  that  she  has!"  I 
exclaimed,  angered  by  the  ridicule,  and  threw  the 
address  of  the  wine  merchant  upon  the  table. 
"Here's  the  address  if  you  want  to  have  it,  and  you 
may  order  the  wine  for  your  birthday  yourself,  it 

[263] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

will  give  me  no  pleasure  now  to  do  it  after  the  way 

you  have  met  me." "Wilhelmine,  if  I  had  only 

known "  Carl  began  by  way  of  excusing  him- 
self.— "It's  the  nature  of  you  men;  you  are  for  ever, 
with  your  rough  hands,  destroying  the  delicate 
threads  of  affection  that  women  weave  for  you.  But 
I'll  forgive  and  forget,  if  only  you  send  off  the  order 
to-day.  You  may  as  well  order  wine  for  punch  at 
the  same  time.  Come,  don't  crumple  the  address  in 
that  way !  And  now  let  us  have  dinner." 

We  were  pretty  silent  during  dinner.  I  was  sorry 
to  have  drawn  such  a  thunderstorm  down  upon  Carl, 
but  if  I  hadn't,  he  would  assuredly  have  got  to  the 
bottom  of  the  secret  about  the  portrait,  and,  more- 
over, I  should  have  had  double  trouble  in  getting 
him  to  order  the  wine.  If  Professor  Paulsen  pays 
us  a  visit,  we  can't  offer  him  anything  less  good  than 
what  he  is  accustomed  to. 

Carl  took  his  dinner  hurriedly,  and  said  "Geseg- 
nete  Maklzeif  before  we  others  had  had  our  second 
helping.  I  was  about  to  run  out  after  him,  to  tell 
him  that  things  were  not  as  bad  as  they  seemed, 
when  Betti  began:  "Why  were  you  so  angry,  mam- 
ma'?"— "I  angry?" — "Well,  you  seemed  so,  at 
least." — "And  I  had  good  reason  to  be  annoyed." — 
"No,  mamma,  you  hadn't."— "Indeed !"— "What  I 
mean,  is,  that  when  you  were  so  long  in  coming 
home,  papa  got  anxious,  and  kept  on  saying :  'Where 

[264] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A      LIE 

can  mamma  be1?'  I  tried  to  make  excuses,  but  you 
know  that  when  papa  is  serious  and  asks  a  question 
point-blank,  one  has  to  tell  him  the  truth." — 
"Well1?" — "So  I  told  him  that  he  must  remember 
that  his  birthday  was  in  a  day  or  two." — "Betti, 
how  could  you  go  and  tell  tales'?" — "I  knew  that 
papa  would  be  content  with  that,  and  it  was  the 
truth  also.  If  you  had  met  his  jokes  in  a  cheery  way, 
all  would  have  been  well.  Really,  this  time  I  do 
not  know  who  acted  most  stupidly." — "Betti !  is  that 
the  way  to  speak  to  me?" — "I  did  not  mean  to  be 
rude,  mamma,  but  I  am  old  enough  now  to  see  that 
you  would  have  gained  more  by  giving  in." — "It's 
a  new  thing  to  hear  such  remarks  from  you,  Betti," 
said  I. — She  got  up,  and  said  in  a  low  voice :  "I  once 
thought  there  was  some  happiness  for  me  in  life — 
we  never  spoke  about  it,  mamma — but  it  has  all 
passed  away  now;  we  have  both  of  us  been  silent 
about  it,  you  and  I;  what  was  the  use  of  words'? 
You  know  it  as  well  as  I.  The  love  I  thought  of 
giving  to  that  one  person,  I  mean  now  to  divide 
between  you  all,  as  well  as  I  can.  Now  you  know 
why  I  have  come  to  look  at  things  differently  from 
what  I  did.  Forgive  me,  mamma,  if  I  hurt  you  by 
what  I  said.  I  did  not  intend  to." 

She  went  away  and  I  was  left  alone  with  a  heavy 
heart.  Betti  had  resigned  herself  to  her  fate;  the 
spring  of  her  life  was  past !  It  was  well  that  no  one 

[265] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

saw  how  I  cried.  When  I  recovered  I  determined 
that  henceforth  her  life  should  be  made  as  pleasant 
as  it  was  in  my  power  to  make  it.  Not  an  unkind 
word  should  ever  cross  my  lips;  and  if  any  one 
should  worry  her  again,  they'd  suffer  for  it! 

Carl  had  gone  to  lie  down,  as  was  his  usual  way 
after  dinner;  we  had  knitted  him  a  large  sofa  blanket 
for  these  after-dinner  naps.  I  went  to  him.  When 
I  opened  the  door  he  raised  his  eyes.  "Carl,"  said  I, 
"if  you  don't  care  about  ordering  that  wine,  leave  it." 
— "What  is  it,  Wilhelmine ?"  said  he,  without  much 
interest. — "You  hadn't  any  appetite  to-day,  Carl 
dear?"— "No,  I  hadn't."— "Was  it  my  fault?"  — 
"I  didn't  say  it  was." — "Carl,  I  was  a  little  excited." 
— "It  seemed  to  me  you  were.  I  would  advise  you, 
in  future,  not  to  go  in  for  wine-tasting,  you  cannot 
stand  a  mixture  of  things." — "Now,  Carl,  that's  a 
return  shot  at  me.  Are  you  angry,  Carl1?" — "No, 
I'm  not ;  for  you  can't  alter  your  natural  disposition. 
Why  should  I  be  angry?"— "Carl,"  said  I,  "you've 
been  a  very  jewel  all  your  born  days.  I  confess  I 
was  more  violent  than  need  be ;  but  still,  have  I  ever 
wished  my  children  a  better  father  than  you?  The 
hour  will  come  when  I  shall  stand  justified  before 
you;  it  is  not  very  far  off,  believe  me.  Now  this 
evening  you  shall  have  the  best  of  beefsteaks  for 
supper,  as  you  ate  no  dinner.  Will  you  have  it 
cooked  with  onions  or  with  egg,  Carl  dear?" — 
[266] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A      LIE 

"With  both?" — "And  I'll  have  a  glass  of  genuine 
Munich  beer  fetched  for  you;  nobody  shall  say  I 
haven't  a  warm  heart  for  you.  Now  shut  your  eyes 
for  a  little  more  sleep;  when  it's  time  for  you  to  be 
off  to  the  office,  I'll  come  and  wake  you." — Before 
I  went  I  gave  him  a  kiss,  which  pleased  him  very 
much.  The  angel  of  reconciliation  had  descended 
upon  us  and  held  watch  by  his  couch.  He  was  well 
tucked  up,  too  .  .  . 

A  few  more  sittings  and  the  portrait  was  done. 

A  slight  degree  of  stage-fever  seized  me,  however, 
when  the  day  came  upon  which  Carl  was  to  be  sur- 
prised. On  the  previous  afternoon  Professor  Paul- 
sen  came  himself,  when  the  picture  was  to  be  hung 
up  in  our  best  sitting-room;  he  wished  to  see  it  placed 
in  a  proper  light,  so  that  even  in  this  respect  nothing 
was  omitted.  Afterwards  I  locked  the  door  and 
took  away  the  key.  Betti  was  all  expectation,  and 
kept  singing  to  herself,  a  thing  I  had  not  heard  her 
do  for  long. 

In  the  morning  we  had  our  coffee  with  a  cake,  as 
upon  any  other  birthday,  and  we  gave  Carl  several 
useful  things,  which  pleased  him  very  much.  Then 
I  went  and  unlocked  the  room  and  called  through 
the  door,  "Carl,  there's  some  one  in  the  best  room 
wanting  to  see  you." — He  seemed  a  little  vexed  at 
being  disturbed,  but  hurried  out  and  we  followed 
him  on  tiptoe  quietly.  There  he  stood  as  if  lost  in 

[267] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

contemplation  of  the  picture,  but  Betti's  shoes 
creaked  and  he  turned  round  and  saw  us.  "Wil- 
helmine,"  he  said,  with  emotion,  "my  good  wife, 
you  could  not  have  given  me  a  greater  pleasure  than 
this."  He  drew  me  to  him  and  kissed  me  on  the  fore- 
head and  mouth.  Betti  clapped  her  hands  in  de- 
light. "Was  I  not  right,  mamma?  If  only  parents 
would  always  follow  their  children's  advice !" — Carl 
turned  to  her  and  smiled,  and  then  put  his  other  arm 
round  her.  This  was  a  birthday  such  as  we  had 
never  had,  we  were  so  utterly,  so  heartily  happy  and 
content. 

"Do  you  like  the  portrait,  Carl*?"  said  I,  for  of 
course  one  likes  to  have  an  opinion.  "Do  you  think 
the  likeness  good?" — "It  is  you  to  a  nicety,"  was  his 
answer,  "and  yet  there  is  something  more  in  it  than 
that;  it  seems  to  me  as  if  I  had  you  there  again  as 
you  were  when  my  bride,  as  you  looked  in  the  days 
of  our  first  love,  do  you  remember1?" — "You  mean  I 
look  too  youthful  there,  Carl?" — "No,  not  at  all, 
but  it  awakens  my  old  recollection,  and  now  when 
I  look  at  you  yourself,  I  see  exactly  the  same  expres- 
sion still  in  your  features.  The  artist  has  succeeded 
in  bringing  it  out  more  distinctly  than  we  are  accus- 
tomed to  see  it." — "So  now  you  are  no  longer  vexed 
about  my  having  been  late  for  dinner  that  day?  I 

had  just  returned  from  my  first  sitting "     He 

laid  his  hand  gently  on  my  mouth.     "The  storm 
[268] 


THE      PORTRAIT AND     A     LIE 

passed  by  very  quickly,  and  it  has  never  really  come 
down  upon  us,  although,  at  times,  there  has  seemed 
a  good  deal  of  thunder  in  the  air." — "Carl,  rem^rn- 
ber  I  have  often  had  the  big  washing  in  my  head, 

and " — "Wilhelmine,  is  the  picture  to  have  its 

laugh  at  you  *?  Look  how  kindly  and  pleasantly  the 
painted  Frau  Buchholz  can  look  down  at  me." — I 
laughed  and  said:  "Well,  I  have  hung  up  a  nice 
warning  to  myself." — The  door  bell  then  rang. 
"Children,"  I  exclaimed,  "there  are  visitors  coming 
— probably  Emmi  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen !" 

And  so  it  was.  My  son-in-law  wanted  to  offer 
his  good  wishes  before  going  off  on  his  rounds,  and 
left  Emmi  with  us  for  the  whole  day.  The  portrait 
pleased  them  immensely.  Dr.  Wrenzchen  asked  me 
in  private  what  it  cost;  I  pacified  him  by  saying  that 
it  might  one  day  be  his.  In  the  evening  we  had  a 
pretty  large  gathering  of  friends,  and  Carl — that 
best  of  men ! — had  actually  arranged  for  us  to  have 
" Johannisgarten ;"  this  came  as  a  surprise  for  me, 
and  so  the  merriment  lasted  far  into  the  night. 

Before  getting  into  bed  I  went  to  take  a  last  look 
at  my  portrait,  and  said:  "I  will  do  my  utmost — 
this  I  vow ;  but  to  be  superhuman  is  a  thing  that  can't 
be  expected  of  me,  not  by  any  portrait  in  the  world." 
Carl,  who  came  to  see  what  was  keeping  me,  said: 
"Why,  Wilhelmine,  this  is  ghostly  in  the  extreme; 
you  look  as  if  you  were  playing  the  part  of  the 

[269] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

White  Lady,  in  the  picture  gallery  among  the  por- 
traits of  her  ancestors!"  However,  I  could  not  re- 
veal my  deeper  feelings  to  him  at  the  moment — he 
was  in  too  jocose  a  mood. 


[270] 


CHAPTER    XXII 

THE  BUCHHOLZES  MAKE  AN  ENTRY  INTO  FASHION- 
ABLE SOCIETY  AND  RETURN  FAMISHED 


A  FORTNIGHT  ago  we  received  a  card  the 
size  of  a  calendar  for  hanging  on  a  wall,  with 
the  words: 

"Assessor  Lehmann  and  his  wife  do  themselves 
the  honour  of  inviting  Herr  and  Frau  Buchholz  and 
daughter  to  tea  on  the  evening  of  Saturday,  the  lyth 
of  January,  at  8.30  o'clock.  R.  S.  V.  P." 

"Carl,"  said  I,  "this  is  a  case  of  a  dress-coat  and 
a  white  tie  for  you,  and  a  very  important  matter  as 
regards  dress  for  Betti  and  me.  I  can  manage  easily, 
for  I  shall  only  need  to  have  my  claret-coloured  silk, 
the  one  I  had  for  the  wedding,  a  little  altered.  As 
to  Betti,  we  have  found  in  the  last  number  of  the 
Modenwelt  a  gem  of  a  dress,  which  will  do  admira- 
bly for  the  season." 

"Season,"  exclaimed  Carl,  "what  do  you  know 
about  the  season?" 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

"If  the  Lehmanns  give  a  tea  party,  then  it's  the 
season,"  I  replied;  "Frau  Lehmann  herself  told  me 
that  they  had  to  do  as  others  did,  their  social  posi- 
tion demanded  it." — "Isn't  it  more  likely  that  she 
persuades  herself  to  believe  such  things'?" — "Carl, 
they  have  an  old  Excellency  in  the  family  and  want 
to  show  him  off;  whether  they  give  their  guests  any 
enjoyment  by  it,  we  had  better  not  say." — Carl 
laughed,  and  replied:  "Excellencies  are  always  well 
worth  seeing." — Whereupon  my  remark  was:  "I 
heartily  wish  them  joy  of  their  Excellency.  Heaven 
knows  what  good  they  get  of  such  things.  Costly 
surroundings  and  a  very  meagre  effect !" 

The  Wrenzchens  were,  of  course,  invited  too. 
Emmi,  who  did  not  know  whether  we  had  all  been 
invited  from  the  Landsbergerstrasse,  came  round  to 
inquire;  she  wanted  also  to  leave  her  little  dog  at 
our  house  while  she  was  out,  as  the  animal  cannot 
bear  being  left  with  the  cook.  "Emmi,"  said  I, 
"that  innocent  creature  might  be  a  warning  to  you 
from  higher  regions,  that  your  cook  is  a  bad  char- 
acter, and  it  would  be  wise  for  you  to  give  her  no- 
tice to  leave.  Dogs  have  a  very  fine  knowledge  of 
mankind;  your  cook  must  one  day  have  given  the 
creature  a  secret  kick  in  its  ribs,  which  it  cannot  for- 
give. I  can  sympathise  with  it  there." 

"Mamma,"  replied  Emmi,  "Maffi  does  not  really 
like  anybody  except  Franz  and  me,  and  is  so  fond 
[272] 


FASHIONABLE      SOCIETY 


of  barking  that  he  snarls  at  every  one,  especially 
when  my  husband  is  called  out  of  an  evening  to  a 
patient. 

All  this  trouble  about  the  pug  the  doctor  puts  up 
with,  owing  to  those  Thursday  evenings;  he  even 
went  himself  with  Emmi  to  choose  the  material  for 
a  new  dress,  and  was  not  as  stingy  as  usual.  When 
I  praised  him  for  this  in  a  jocose  way  by  saying, 
"Now,  now,  my  dear  son-in-law,  such  outlays  are 
altogether  out  of  keeping  with  your  domestic  ar- 
rangements," he  replied:  "They  would  be  double 
what  they  are  had  we  gone  into  a  large  house,  as 
somebody  suggested."  I  knew  very  well  that  that 
was  a  hit  at  me,  but  I  smiled,  saying:  "If  the  house 
is  small,  there  are  beer  parties  enough  to  make  up 
for  it!" — And  thus  he  got  what  he  deserved;  but  in 
spite  of  my  momentary  triumph,  I  felt  more  con- 
vinced than  ever  that  before  long  there  will  be  a 
clash  between  us,  and  neither  the  pug  Maffi  nor  Em- 
mi's  dress  will  prevent  it.  But  Emmi  will  then 
know  what  she  owes  to  herself  and  to  her  family. 

As  our  invitation  was  for  half-past  eight  o'clock, 
we  went  at  about  ten  o'clock,  and  arrived  in  very 
good  time,  for  the  grander  an  evening  is  to  be,  the 
more  abominably  late  the  guests  appear.  We  were 
far  from  being  the  last  to  arrive,  but  his  old  Ex- 
cellency was  already  there,  and,  to  a  certain  extent, 
formed  the  brilliant  centre  of  light,  owing  to  his 

[273] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

bald  head  and  his  numerous  decorations.  We  were 
presented  to  him  at  once,  and  His  Excellency  ex- 
pressed himself  as  being  very  pleased  to  have  the 
privilege  of  making  our  acquaintance.  Whereupon 
I  replied,  with  the  most  formal  of  curtseys  and  visi- 
ble solemnity,  that  the  privilege  was  all  on  our  side. 
By  so  doing  I  wished  him  to  see  that  although  we 
belonged  only  to  the  middle  class,  we  were  by  no 
means  overawed  by  Excellencies.  His  Excellency 
then  entered  upon  a  long  talk  with  my  Carl  about 
business  in  general,  which  I  considered  wanting  in 
tact,  as  he  might  have  known  that  ladies  took  no 
great  interest  in  such  subjects.  I  moved  aside,  there- 
fore, with  a  less  deep  but  well-measured  curtsey,  and 
amused  myself  by  watching  the  other  guests.  The 
number  of  persons  the  Lehmanns  had  invited  was 
endless.  To  remember  them  all  one  would  need 
have  been  born  with  a  memory  the  size  of  an  om- 
nibus. 

After  a  time  I  found  myself  near  the  seats  of  hon- 
our, namely,  round  about  the  sofa  where  the  elderly 
and  most  voluminous  ladies  made  a  solemn  impres- 
sion by  their  very  dignified  appearance  and  the 
brand-new  ribbons  of  their  caps.  Tea  was  taken 
without  so  much  as  the  sound  of  a  word,  and  with 
it  there  was  handed  round  a  fruit  tart  and  small 
narrow  knives  to  eat  it  with. 

What  was  there  to  talk  about?    All  of  us  being 

[274] 


FASHIONABLE      SOCIETY 


perfect  strangers  to  one  another,  no  one,  of  course, 
cared  to  open  their  mouths  with  a  remark  about  the 
weather;  then  one  doesn't  seem  to  know  enough 
about  the  theatres;  and  household  affairs  are  nat- 
urally too  inferior  a  subject  for  the  occasion.  Guests 
were,  moreover,  still  coming  in,  and  the  crush  was 
so  great,  one  might  have  supposed  the  Lehmanns 
had  annexed  the  waiting-room  of  a  railway  station, 
and  that  some  official  would  presently  be  ringing  a 
bell  and  calling  out:  "Take  your  seats,  please!" — I 
kept  thinking  to  myself:  "I  wonder  what's  to  happen 
next?  If  we  had  been  in  the  Landsbergerstrasse  we 
should  all  long  since  have  been  sitting  round  the 
supper-table,  and  would  know  what  we  had  been 
invited  for." 

The  room  was  now  crammed  full,  and  I  was  se- 
cretly beginning  to  denounce  the  season  and  these 
fashionable  gatherings,  when  some  one  began  to  play 
on  the  piano.  The  Lehmanns  had  managed  to  secure 
the  services  of  a  youth  from  one  of  the  conserva- 
toires; he  wore  huge  linen  cuffs,  only  three  pairs  of 
which  could  go  to  the  dozen.  This  youth  then  at- 
tacked Mozart  and  the  audience  too ;  it  was  a  perfect 
banging.  This  roused  the  canary  out  of  its  sleep, 
and  it  forthwith  began  singing  at  the  top  of  its  voice 
and  utterly  drowned  the  music  that  followed.  In 
fact  the  musical  entertainments  could  not  be  con- 
tinued till  the  bird's  cage  had  been  covered  over. 

[275] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

A  young  lady  then  rose  and  filled  the  room  with  her 
shouting.  Of  melody,  in  my  opinion,  there  was  noth- 
ing to  be  heard,  but  the  effect  was  all  the  more  mel- 
ancholy. As  soon  as  the  applause  ceased,  she  com- 
menced a  second  performance.  It  was  of  the  same 
doleful  colour,  enough  to  give  a  drill-sergeant  the 
blues.  When  the  accompanyist  had  wrung  out  a 
few  melancholy  chords  by  way  of  conclusion,  I  said 
to  the  lady  on  my  right:  "There  now,  the  second 
child's  dead  too!" — "Whatever  do  you  mean?"  she 
asked. — "Oh,"  I  replied,  "that's  what  we  say  when  a 
mournful  piece  of  music  comes  to  an  end." — "It  was 
my  daughter  that  was  singing,"  she  retorted  in  a 
stinging  way,  and  turning  her  back  upon  me. 

In  order  to  show  her  that  her  behaviour  had  left 
me  perfectly  cool  and  indifferent,  I  turned  to  the 
lady  on  my  left  and  endeavoured  to  start  a  conver- 
sation with  her,  and  began  by  speaking  of  a  flaxen- 
haired  youth,  above  life-size,  who  had  at  that  mo- 
ment entered  the  room,  and  seemed  a  fitting  subject 
for  remark. — "What  kind  of  genius  is  that,  I  won- 
der?" said  I. — "Whom  do  you  refer  to?"  replied 
the  lady. — "That  very  long  young  man  standing 
there  at  the  door,"  said  I;  "you  just  wait  and  see  if 
he  doesn't  cause  mischief." — "I  am  not  aware  that 
my  son  has  given  you  any  reason  for  such  a  re- 
mark," she  answered  snappishly. — "Pardon  me  that 
ever  I  was  born,"  I  replied,  remembering  that  what 

[276] 


FASHIONABLE      SOCIETY 


one  calls  out  into  a  wood,  the  echo  brings  one  back. 

I  vowed  to  myself  not  to  utter  a  single  word  more, 
as  I  could  not  possibly  know  in  what  relation  all 
these  people,  whom  the  Lehmanns  had  collected  in 
honour  of  His  Excellency,  stood  to  one  another;  so 
I  allowed  my  thoughts  to  speculate  about  the  ways 
of  fashionable  society.  From  these  gloomy  reflec- 
tions I  was  fortunately  aroused  by  supper  being  an- 
nounced. 

In  the  next  room,  which  had  been  kept  locked  all 
the  evening,  a  side  table  had  been  arranged  with  all 
possible  kinds  of  eatables,  and  presented  a  very  invit- 
ing appearance  when  the  doors  were  thrown  open. 
The  gentlemen  hurried  in  and  gallantly  attended  to 
the  ladies.  Those  ladies,  however,  who  had  no  spe- 
cial gentleman  to  attend  to  them,  and  who  did  not 
choose  to  push  themselves  forward,  got  nothing.  I 
was  among  the  last  to  reach  the  manger,  and  suc- 
ceeded only  in  snatching  hold  of  a  small  dessert 
plate  and  a  knife  and  fork,  at  the  same  time  I  saw 
that  all  such  dainties  as  caviare,  pates  de  foie  gras, 
and  chicken,  had  already  vanished.  Of  the  turkey 
nothing  was  left  but  the  skeleton,  and  of  the  fillet  of 
veal  only  the  mark  on  the  dish  where  it  had  been. 
There  was,  however,  still  some  Italian  salad  to  be 
had,  also  some  cold  sliced  meat  which,  upon  closer 
inspection,  proved  to  be  American  tinned  meat  and 
Brunswick  sausage.  The  jellies,  too,  had  scarcely 

[277] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

been  touched.  I  took  a  small  helping  of  what  was 
left,  and  while  eating  it  in  discomfort  in  the  midst 
of  a  standing  crowd,  it  struck  me  that  one  needed 
experience  in  this  kind  of  stand-up  supper,  as  not  a 
soul  thinks  of  pressing  one  to  take  anything;  in  fact, 
the  whole  proceeding  seemed  to  me  a  kind  of  mur- 
derous attack,  and  so  I  quietly  envied  the  sub-lieu- 
tenants who  had  been  in  front  of  the  battle.  Betti 
told  me  afterwards  that  her  lieutenant  had  brought 
her  a  delicious  bit  of  the  breast  of  a  chicken,  while  he 
had  preferred  venison  with  a  goodly  supply  of 
caviare.  The  younger  folks  had,  it  seemed,  been 
making  engagements  with  one  another,  as  there  was 
to  be  dancing  later.  The  Lehmanns  thought  it  bet- 
ter taste  to  let  His  Excellency  depart  first,  so  there 
was  a  little  delay.  Wine  and  punch  was  handed 
round,  and  this  brought  more  life  into  the  conver- 
sation; His  Excellency  was  meanwhile  standing  be- 
neath the  chandelier,  holding  a  kind  of  audience. 

At  the  beginning  of  the  evening  I  had  stated  that 
that  unusually  tall  young  man  would  be  likely  to 
create  trouble,  and  I  proved  to  be  right.  When  I 
have  a  presentiment  of  anything,  it  always  comes 
true,  and  moreover,  so  precisely  like  what  I  had  im- 
agined, that  I  should  assuredly  have  been  anointed 
a  prophet  had  I  lived  in  the  Old  Testament. 

All  of  a  sudden  a  fluttering,  flapping  noise  passed 
through  the  rooms,  and  it  very  soon  turned  out  that 

[278] 


FASHIONABLE      SOCIETY 


the  canary  had  escaped.  The  young  man  just  men- 
tioned, having  nothing  better  to  do,  no  doubt  meant 
merely  to  amuse  himself  with  the  little  creature,  but 
his  huge  awkward  hands  must  have  so  bent  the  cage 
door  that  it  would  not  close  again. 

And  now  the  fuss  that  was  made  in  trying  to  catch 
the  bird.  Several  brooms  and  a  pair  of  steps  were 
fetched,  and  an  endeavour  was  made  to  drive  the 
creature  into  the  adjoining  room  so  as  to  catch  it  if 
it  were  to  settle  on  the  cornice.  The  bird,  however, 
would  neither  go  into  the  next  room  nor  on  to  the 
cornice.  The  chase  became  more  and  more  eager 
and  determined,  and  the  bird  became  the  more  be- 
wildered. The  young  man  who  had  caused  the  mis- 
chief took  part  in  the  chase,  and  in  this -way  tried  to 
make  up  for  his  awkwardness;  but  just  as  he  was 
about  to  make  a  very  vehement  thrust  with  a  broom, 
as  if  he  were  playing  billiards  in  the  air,  he  acci- 
dentally struck  the  glass  chandelier  beneath  which 
His  Excellency  was  standing,  and  fragments  of  glass 
came  pouring  down  upon  His  Excellency's  shining 
pate. 

Although  His  Excellency  was  in  no  way  injured, 
he  at  once  intimated  a  wish  to  withdraw,  and  thus 
left  the  company  which  harboured  so  dangerous  an 
individual.  This  greatly  distressed  the  Lehmanns, 
who  seemed  quite  to  lose  their  heads.  They  ac- 
companied His  Excellency  to  the  door,  and  the 

[279] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

Hamburg  doctor  meanwhile  caught  the  bird,  and  the 
dancing  commenced.  The  young  people  enjoyed 
themselves  immensely,  as  usual  on  such  occasions, 
but  I  did  not  breathe  freely  till  we  were  on  our  way 
home  in  a  2nd  class  "rib-breaker,"  leaving  the  stifling 
heat,  the  badly  arranged  refreshments,  the  host  of 
people  to  whom  we  were  utterly  indifferent,  in  one 
word,  fashionable  society,  behind  us. 

When  we  reached  home,  my  Carl  said:  "Wil- 
helmine,  if  you  feel  as  I  do,  you'd  butter  us  some 
bread  and  let  us  have  a  couple  of  bottles  of  wine. 
I'm  quite  hungry." — "That's  just  what  I  do  feel,"  I 
answered.  So  there  we  sat  down  at  three  o'clock  of 
a  dark  winter's  morning,  in  a  cold  room  with  ice  on 
the  windows,  and  refreshed  ourselves  after  all  the 
hardships  we  had  endured. 


[280] 


CHAPTER    XXIII 

A    TERRIBLE    DISASTER    OCCURS     AT     THE     DOCTOR'S 

HOUSE,  AND  FRAU  BUCHHOLZ  MAKES 

THINGS  WORSE 


A  LITTLE  before  supper  time  Emmi  came  in, 
2\.  and  I  at  once  noticed  that  something  was 
wrong.  Here  we  have  it,  at  last,  thought  I.  I  took 
her  into  the  adjoining  room,  where  supper  was  laid, 
and  said :  "Well,  have  you  come  to  blows,  already*?" 
"I  was  weary  at  home,"  she  replied,  "and  if  Franz 
chooses  to  go  out  to  play  skat^  surely  I  may  go  out 
too  if  I  please." — "Haven't  I  always  told  you  that? 
You  ought  long  since  to  have  shown  more  spirit. 
Is  he  coming  to  fetch  you  later?"  She  shook  her 
head  negatively.  "Have  you  really  had  a  quarrel, 
Emmi?" — "No,  not  exactly;  but  is  he  always  to  be 
in  the  right?"— "Why,  I  should  think  not!"— "You 
know,  Mamma,  that  I  conscientiously  keep  an  exact 
account  of  every  small  purchase  I  make,  even  the 
milk  for  Maffi." — "By  the  way,  did  you  bring  the 

1*813 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

creature  with  you*?" — "No,  he  was  sleeping  when  I 
came  away,  and  I  did  not  care  to  spend  money  for 
a  cab  on  his  account.  But  I  want  to  tell  you  that 
Franz  maintains  it's  not  the  writing  down  all  the 
items  that  makes  a  good  housewife,  he  says  it's  in 
keeping  down  the  accounts." — "Was  it  about  that 
you  got  angry1?" — "I  merely  said  he  could  go  and 
look  in  the  store-room,  and  he  would  know  where 
the  money  had  all  gone  to.  I  had  got  in  two  hams, 
the  string  of  sausages,  butter,  and  a  lot  of  other 
things  besides." — "But,  Emmi,  what  makes  you  buy 
so  much  at  a  time,  when  you  can  have  things  in  fresh 
when  you  need  them  *?  If  you  have  too  much  in  the 
house,  the  things  will  only  spoil." — "Our  cook 
thought  we  hadn't  enough  provisions  in  the  house, 
and  Franz  doesn't  understand  these  things.  It  was 
she,  too,  who  advised  me  to  go  out  this  evening,  for 
she  said  it  would  be  the  best  way  of  putting  an  end 
to  such  disputes." — "Emmi,  I  cannot  honestly  say 
that  your  husband  is  wrong  in  the  present  case,"  said 
I,  for  I  had  no  wish  to  take  the  cook's  part.  "One 
thing,  however,  I  do  approve  of  is,  that  you  have 
made  a  beginning  in  showing  him  that  you  can  take 
refuge  in  your  parents'  house.  You  just  wait  and 
see  if  we  shall  not  all  of  us  remember  this  Thurs- 
day." And  verily  we  did  remember  it.  The  day  is 
one  that  will  dwell  in  the  memories  of  us  all,  how- 
ever old  we  may  live  to  be.  How  I  do  repent  ever 

[282] 


A      TERRIBLE      DISASTER 


having  advised  Emmi  to  give  tit  for  tat,  in  order  to 
get  her  husband  under  her  thumb.  How  terribly  I 
had  to  atone  for  it  all  afterwards.  And  yet  I  had  no 
presentiment  whatever  that  the  tragedy  would  be- 
gin that  very  evening;  otherwise  I  should  assuredly 
have  said:  "Emmi,  you  had  better  go  home,  things 
are  looking  rather  askew." 

Emmi  herself  did  not  seem  to  be  feeling  alto- 
gether comfortable.  She  had  no  appetite,  and  the 
later  it  got  the  more  restless  she  became.  It  was 
somewhat  the  same  with  me  also.  I  kept  thinking, 
"What  if  Dr.  Wrenzchen  should  get  wild  with  rage? 
They  had  hitherto  lived  in  the  utmost  harmony — 
that  is  to  say,  all  excepting  his  Thursday  evenings 
out.  Yet,  had  he  not  stipulated  for  them  at  the 
outset?"  A  chilly  feeling  would  creep  up  my  spine 
when  I  thought  that  if  anything  happened  I  should 
be  blamed  for  it  all,  and  should  never  again  venture 
to  look  my  Carl  in  the  face.  I  was  on  the  point  of 
saying  to  Emmi:  "Don't  you  think  you  had  better 
be  going?  Uncle  Fritz  will  see  you  home,"  when  we 
heard  a  violent  ring  at  the  front  door.  Emmi  stared 
at  me,  and  I  at  her.  It  was  only  misfortune  that 
could  have  rung  the  bell  in  that  way. 

My  Carl,  who  saw  that  neither  of  us  were  capable 
of  moving,  and  had  long  since  noticed  that  things 
were  not  all  square,  went  out  to  see  who  was  there. 
He  was  a  horribly  long  time  in  coming  back,  so  it 

[283] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

seemed  to  me ;  and  when  he  did  return,  he  called  me 
out  of  the  room.  I  had  made  up  my  mind,  of  course, 
that  I  should  probably  have  to  face  Dr.  Wrenzchen 
in  some  degree  of  wrath;  in  place  of  this  I  found  a 
policeman  standing  in  our  entrance;  he,  in  a  very 
formal  way,  gave  us  to  understand  that  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen's  house  had  been  broken  into,  and  added  that  he 
had  been  requested  to  see  that  the  Doctor's  wife  was 
informed  of  the  fact  in  as  gentle  a  way  as  possible. 
The  Doctor  had  also  commissioned  him  to  say  that 
if  the  lady  were  at  all  afraid,  she  was  to  remain  over 
night  at  the  Landsbergerstrasse. 

Emmi,  who  had  hurried  out  of  the  room  after  us, 
heard  all  the  policeman  had  said,  but  nothing  would 
induce  her  to  remain  with  us.  So  a  cab  was  quickly 
procured,  and  without  even  bidding  the  Krauses 
good-night,  we  drove  off  to  Dr.  Wrenzchen's  house. 

We  found  a  pretty  state  of  things  there.  Dr. 
Wrenzchen  was  trying  to  discover  what  had  been 
stolen;  one  policeman  helped  him  in  this,  another 
kept  watch  at  the  door,  and  a  third  was  examining 
the  rooms,  and  entering  notes  in  a  pocket-book. 
Emmi  flew  to  Franz,  who  greeted  her  at  once  with 
the  words:  "Things  are  not  so  very  bad  after  all. 
They've  not  carried  off  much  money ;  luckily  I  went 
to  the  bank  this  morning,  and  the  other  things  can 
be  replaced  in  time."  She  was  about  to  beg  forgive- 
ness for  having  left  the  house,  but  he  called  it  a 

[284] 


A      TERRIBLE      DISASTER 

lucky  accident  that  she  happened  to  be  out,  as  other- 
wise she  might  have  fared  as  badly  as  the  servant 
girl,  whom  the  robbers  had  gagged  with  a  towel  to 
prevent  her  calling  out,  and  had  also  locked  her  up 
in  a  room  bound  hand  and  foot;  he  had  found  her 
half  unconscious,  in  this  state,  when  he  came  in. 

Their  rooms  did,  indeed,  present  a  most  murder- 
ous appearance.  In  place  of  newly-married  neat- 
ness and  order,  that  affects  the  very  bones  in  the 
larder,  everything  was  in  a  state  of  confusion,  as  if 
an  auction  were  being  held.  The  robbers  had  pushed 
away  the  escritoire  from  the  wall,  and  had  damaged 
the  writing- table.  The  doors  of  a  wardrobe  were 
standing  open,  and  clothes  were  lying  about  on 
chairs  and  on  the  floor.  The  doctor's  best  dress  suit 
had  been  taken,  and  an  older  suit  left  for  him  to 
wear.  All  the  silver  was  gone,  except  the  candelabra 
presented  to  the  Doctor  at  his  wedding.  Uncle  Fritz 
noticed  this,  and  called  out  triumphantly,  "Now  you 
see  they  are  only  plated  goods!"  The  store  room 
had  been  ransacked:  the  hams  and  sausages  were 
gone.  The  thieves  had  not  shown  a  spark  of  rever- 
ence for  anything. 

In  consequence  of  the  men's  muddy  boots,  more- 
over, the  house  looked  as  if  a  caravan  had  marched 
through  it.  Perfectly  dreadful!  And  then  the  un- 
pleasant consciousness  that  the  robbers,  with  their 
thieving  hands,  had  been  rummaging  about  in  boxes 

[285] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

and  drawers,  doing  so  probably  amid  rude  jokes, 
and  ridiculing  things  that  were  of  no  value  to  them, 
but  precious  to  the  young  people  for  recollection's 
sake.  On  all  sides  there  were  traces  of  the  thieves, 
and  the  place  even  smelt  of  them.  The  poet,  it  is 
true,  says:  "Sacred  unto  all  time  are  the  abodes  of 
good  men";  but  I  would  say,  any  abode  that  has 
been  touched  by  bad  men  one  will  not  readily  like 
again  in  one's  life.  The  Doctor  will  have  to  move; 
no  long  day  of  cleaning  and  scrubbing  would  ever 
destroy  the  picture  of  horror  and  desolation  those 
rooms  presented.  And  the  burglars — where  were 
they?  They  had  vanished  like  any  lovely  dream. 

The  police  forthwith  took  a  statement  of  what 
had  occurred.  The  servant-girl  was  called,  and  came 
in  with  a  pocket-handkerchief  at  her  eyes.  The  peo- 
ple on  the  floor  above,  too,  a  Herr  Greve  and  his 
wife  and  daughter,  were  asked  to  come  down  and 
state  what  they  knew  of  the  matter. 

The  result  of  all  the  questionings  and  answers 
was — that  as  soon  as  Frau  Wrenzchen  had  left  the 
house,  a  man  came  to  fetch  the  Doctor  to  see  some 
sick  person.  The  servant-girl  had  told  him  where 
the  Doctor  was  to  be  found,  whereupon  the  man  had 
replied  that  perhaps  it  would  be  time  enough  if  the 
Doctor  came  early  in  the  morning,  and  asked  to  be 
allowed  to  write  down  the  address.  The  girl  said 
that  she  let  the  man  in,  but  that,  at  the  same  mo- 

[286] 


A      TERRIBLE      DISASTER 

ment,  a  second  man  had  forced  his  way  in,  and 
clapped  his  hand  tightly  over  her  mouth  to  prevent 
her  screaming;  she  said  she  became  unconscious  then 
from  fright,  and  when  she  recovered  found  that  she 
could  neither  scream  nor  move,  as  she  was  gagged 
and  bound  hand  and  foot.  The  Doctor  had  found 
her  in  this  state  when  he  came  in.  Dr.  Wrenzchen 
corroborated  the  girl's  statement,  but  expressed  his 
astonishment  at  having,  when  he  came  in,  found  all 
the  doors  unlocked,  though  closed.  When  he  saw 
what  had  occurred,  he  at  once  called  a  watchman, 
and  then  hurried  to  summon  the  police ;  they  imme- 
diately declared  that  the  gagging  and  fettering  of 
the  girl,  as  well  as  the  robbery,  must  have  been  com- 
mitted by  several  persons;  that  this  was  proved  alone 
by  the  heavy  escritoire  having  been  moved  from  the 
wall.  Herr  Greve  and  his  wife  maintained  that 
they  had  not  heard  any  noise  in  the  slightest  degree 
suspicious. 

"What  did  the  rascals  look  like?"  the  girl  was 
then  asked.  She  said  she  couldn't  exactly  say,  but 
remembered  that  both  of  them  had  full  black  beards. 
"How  could  you  be  so  careless  to  let  in  suspicious- 
looking  men,  with  black  beards  like  swindlers'?"  said 
I  to  her.  The  impertinent  creature  answered  that  she 
couldn't  tell  what  people  were  by  looking  at  their 
noses.  "Why  did  you  not  call  for  help*?"  She  re- 
plied that  as  I  wasn't  a  police-inspector,  she  didn't 

[287] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

need  to  answer  me.  "If  you'd  a  clear  conscience  you 
wouldn't  be  so  insolent,"  I  replied. — What  did  I 
mean  by  that? — I  might  have  my  own  ideas;  per- 
haps the  provisions  were  bought  expressly  for  the 
thieves'? — I  should  have  to  give  an  account  of  such 
speeches. — "With  pleasure,"  said  I;  "I  know  you 
well,  and  think  you  capable  of  anything."  The 
doctor  was  about  to  interfere,  but  I  exclaimed :  "De- 
pend upon  it,  she's  had  her  hand  in  this  business; 
nobody  will  make  me  believe  otherwise."  The  girl 
then  flew  into  a  passion,  and  I  can't  say  what  my 
answers  to  her  were,  for  she  was  so  utterly  wanting 
in  respect.  She  called  the  police  and  Herr  and  Frau 
Greve  to  be  witnesses  that  I  had  insulted  her,  and 
attacked  her  honour  as  a  respectable  servant.  The 
police  replied  that  all  this  would  be  enquired  into 
when  the  case  came  to  be  investigated. 

The  police  then  withdrew,  leaving  us  in  the  ut- 
most state  of  excitement.  The  girl  was  despatched 
to  make  coffee,  and  we  tidied  up  the  rooms,  in  order 
that  they  might  recover  some  sort  of  physiognomy. 
The  thieves  did  not  seem  to  have  entered  the  bed- 
room; but  when  we  came  to  look  and  see  whether 
one  or  other  might  not  have  crept  under  the  bed- 
steads, we  found  Maffi  Pamph  lying  there  dead,  with 
a  cord  round  its  neck.  They  had  murdered  it,  no 
doubt,  amid  cold  smiles.  Herr  Greve  now  remem- 
[288]; 


A      TERRIBLE      DISASTER 


bered  to  have  heard  the  dog  barking,  but  had  not 
thought  anything  further  about  the  matter. 

While  we  were  drinking  our  Mocha,  which  the 
girl  brought  in,  casting  a  wrathful  look  at  me,  Un- 
cle Fritz  said:  "You'll  see,  Wilhelmine,  that  that 
girl  will  bring  an  action  against  you." — "She  would 
never  presume  to,"  said  I,  laughing  at  the  idea. 
"You  were  more  excited  than  you  had  any  right  to 
be,"  said  Carl  reproachfully.  "Carl,"  said  I,  "if  she 
had  met  you  as  she  did  me  about  those  craw-fish, 
you'd  never  have  kept  quiet  so  long.  She  had  to 
catch  it  from  me,  and  that  pretty  smartly." 

Dr.  Wrenzchen  was  most  affectionate  and  gentle 
towards  Emmi,  and  declared  it  to  be  a  merciful  dis- 
pensation that  his  wife  should  have  taken  it  into 
her  head  to  pay  us  a  visit  on  that  very  evening,  and 
that  a  great  catastrophe  had  perhaps  been  thus 
warded  off. 

"Just  so,"  said  I,  and  smiled  at  Emmi  in  a  know- 
ing way.  We  two,  of  course,  knew  all  the  ins  and 
outs  about  that  "dispensation,"  and  how  it  had  been 
set  to  work.  It  had  been  set  agoing  by  Frau  Buch- 
holz,  who  at  that  moment  was  dipping  a  bit  of  cake 
into  her  coffee. 


[289] 


CHAPTER  XXIV 


FRAU    BUCHHOLZ   SUDDENLY    BECOMES   A   CRIMINAL 
AND  IS  PLUNGED  INTO  DESPAIR  AND  SHAME 


THE  investigations  concerning  the  robbery  at 
Dr.  Wrenzchen's  house  had  been  concluded, 
and  had  led  to  no  further  result  than  that  a  safety 
chain  and  a  new  lock  were  put  on  his  front  door. 
The  Police-lieutenant's  wife  told  me  that  the  rob- 
bery had  been  done  according  to  the  usual  method 
of  house-breakers,  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen  had  no  choice 
but  to  submit  to  the  loss  of  his  silver.  I  advised 
him  to  ask  a  somewhat  higher  fee  from  his  patients, 
so  as  gradually  to  recover  his  loss,  but  this  he  re- 
fused to  do;  so  now  they  take  their  meals  with 
plated  goods,  which  is  in  keeping  with  their  candle- 
sticks. 

The  cook  gave  notice  that  she  wished  to  leave,  and 

to  my  great  relief,  they  did  not  persuade  her  to 

remain,  especially  as  the  girl  gave  as  her  reason  for 

wishing  to  leave,  that  she  did  not  mean  on  every  oc- 

[290] 


THE     CRIMINAL 


casion  to  be  pulled  up  by  the  mother-in-law,  and 
that,  moreover,  she  meant  to  show  that  lady  that 
there  was  justice  to  be  had  in  Berlin.  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen  tried  to  persuade  the  girl  to  be  reasonable,  but 
her  answer  was  that  she  had  been  called  "a  base 
deceiver,"  and  that  she  wasn't  likely  to  forget  that. 

I  myself  doubted  whether  she  could  have  accused 
me  of  using  such  words;  yet  Dr.  Wrenzchen  de- 
clared he  had  heard  me  say  something  of  the  kind, 
amid  other  invectives,  and  he  came  round  to  ask  me 
to  offer  the  girl  some  compensation  in  money,  so  as 
to  induce  her  not  to  make  any  further  fuss. — "Do 
you  mean  to  think  that  I  would  eat  humble  pie  for 
that  wretched  creature*?"  I  answered  indignantly; 
"if  I  were  to  do  that,  it  would  seem  as  if  I  ac- 
knowledged myself  in  the  wrong." — "Do  as  you 
please,  dear  mother-in-law,  but  as  the  girl  was  ac- 
quitted of  the  charge  of  conniving  .  .  ." — "She's 
nevertheless  far  from  being  innocent  in  my  eyes." — 
"I  would  advise  you  to  withdraw  your  accusations." 
— "I  shall  not  demean  myself  by  any  such  act  of 
submission;  it  would  be  an  unheard  of  proceeding 
for  her  to  bring  an  action  against  me.  It's  perfectly 
impossible !" 

It  proved  however  to  be  perfectly  possible.  One 
morning  after  Carl  had  gone  to  his  business,  a  letter 
was  handed  in  for  me,  a  larger  one  than  I  had  ever 
received  in  my  life  before,  and  its  very  outward  ap- 

[291] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

pearance,  the  very  look  of  the  envelope  made  me 
suspect  some  terrible  communication.  With  trem- 
bling hands  I  subscribed  my  name  to  the  paper  the 
postman  had  handed  in  for  a  receipt,  and  then  I 
opened  the  letters.  Inside  were  the  words :  Respect- 
ing the  case  of  the  private  action  presented  by  Maria 
Johanna  Band,  spinster,  against  Frau  Wilhelmine 
Buchholz  for  abusive  language.  ...  I  could  not 
read  a  word  more.  The  letters  I  could  see,  of  course, 
but  could  not  make  the  slightest  sense  out  of  them, 
they  so  danced  before  my  eyes.  This  alone  seemed 
clear,  I  was  summoned  to  appear  in  court. 

There  was  no  help  for  it,  I  had  to  go  to  Carl,  and 
yet  when  I  stood  before  the  office  door  with  the 
letter  in  my  hand,  I  hadn't  the  courage  to  enter.  I 
took  hold  of  the  bell,  and  then  let  go  again;  I  again 
took  hold  of  it,  but  felt  I  did  not  dare  to  ring.  Carl 
had,  as  yet,  no  idea  what  a  disgrace  was  hanging 
over  our  heads,  and  that  a  public  accusation  had 
been  brought  against  his  hitherto  blameless  wife. 
But,  of  course,  I  could  not  stand  there  for  ever.  I 
opened  the  door  gently  and  tottered  up  to  his  desk. 
"Carl,"  said  I,  timidly,  "do  read  this  extraordinary 
document — it  is — it  has — I  can't  understand  it." 
Carl  read  the  paper,  and  his  face  assumed  a  stern 
expression.  "This  is  vexatious,"  he  exclaimed, 
"more  than  vexatious!  There  are  nine  charges." — 
"Nine*?"  I  cried  out  in  amazement,  interrupting 
[292] 


THE      CRIMINAL 


him. — "Yes,  nine  several  points;  they  are  mentioned 
singly;  there,  you  can  read  it  yourself." — "Carl,  the 
girl's  impertinence  surpasses  belief;  I  merely  said 
that  she  ought  to  have  taken  more  care." — "Wil- 
helmine,  you  quite  forgot  yourself  that  day  in  your 
anger." — "I  said  no  more  than  I  had  a  right  to." — 
"That  will  be  proved  when  the  case  is  investigated!" 
— "Carl,  need  it  come  to  that?" — "Well,  perhaps, 
it  may  be  settled  without  your  appearing  in  court. 
Before  the  case  is  investigated  an  attempt  might  be 
made  to  settle  things  amicably.  You  will  have  to 
admit  having  done  wrong,  pay  the  girl  some  small 
compensation,  and  there's  an  end  of  it.  Are  you  pre- 
pared to  do  this?"— "Yes,"  I  sighed.— "Don't  be 
down-hearted,  Wilhelmine,  and  do  not  worry  un- 
necessarily; but  now,  old  wine,  you  must  leave  me, 
business  is  very  brisk,  and  I  have  a  good  deal  to  at- 
tend to." 

Not  to  be  down-hearted  is  easily  enough  prescribed 
but  not  so  easily  managed.  Since  that  legal  docu- 
ment entered  our  house,  my  life  was  nothing  but 
trouble  and  anxiety;  I  felt  as  if  a  guillotine  were 
perpetually  hanging  over  my  head,  and  I  could 
hardly  swallow  my  food.  I  could  not  get  rid  of  the 
thought  that  Carl  merely  pretended  to  regard  the 
matter  lightly,  so  as  to  conceal  the  terrible  truth 
from  me.  One  afternoon,  therefore,  I  went  to  Uncle 
Fritz,  who  is  very  far  from  being  Carl's  equal  in 

[293] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

kindness  and  consideration,  and  hence  I  hoped  to 
learn  the  true  state  of  affairs  from  him.  When  he 
had  read  the  document,  he  said:  "Wilhelmine,  the 
case  is  ticklish.  You  abused  the  girl  so,  and  she  must 
feel  pretty  sure  of  her  case,  for  she  has  as  witnesses 
the  two  policemen  who  were  present,  also  Herr 
Greve  and  his  wife,  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen." — "The 
Doctor  against  me*?" — "It  says  so  here.  He  can,  of 
course,  refuse  to  stand  as  a  witness,  being  your  son- 
in-law,  but  who  can  tell  but  that  he  may  not  choose 
to  let  slip  a  lovely  opportunity  of  having  his  re- 
venge, once  in  a  way.  You  have  had  your  fling  at 
him  often  enough!" — "Fritz,  do  you  really  think 
him  capable  of  such  malice'?" — "He  might  possibly 
be  mollified  if  you  were  to  promise  for  ever  to  re- 
nounce your  guardianship  over  him  as  a  mother-in- 
law." — "I  will  promise  no  such  thing,"  I  answered 
angrily;  "now  what  I  want  you  to  tell  me  is  whether 
you  think  it  likely  I  shall  lose  the  case." — "You 
may  depend  upon  it,  you  will ;  for  remember  the  po- 
licemen with  their  official  oaths  are  against  you." 
I  had  often  heard  of  the  danger  of  official  oaths,  and 
that  if  they  were  against  one,  one's  case  might  be 
considered  as  good  as  lost.  "Fritz,"  said  I,  "what 
am  I  to  do?  What  can  I  do*?" — "The  one  means  of 
escape  you  had,  you  have  unfortunately  neglected." 
— "I  will  make  up  for  it  now,  Fritz;  only  tell  me 
what  I  can  do.  Most  assuredly  I  will  make  up  for 

[294] 


THE      CRIMINAL 


it  now." — "Well,  you  might  maintain  that  you  were 
drunk  on  the  occasion,  and  plead  extenuating  cir- 
cumstances." 

That  was  too  much  even  for  my  patience.  "Oh — 
you — you — cannibal!"  I  exclaimed,  flaring  up;  "do 
you  hold  nothing  in  reverence,  not  even  your  own 
sister's  tribulation?" — "Come  now,  Wilhelmine, 
don't  go  on  like  that.  Probably  they'll  let  you  off 
on  some  of  the  smaller  points,  and  there's  little  like- 
lihood of  your  being  sent  to  prison." — "Carl  quite 
expects  the  matter  can  be  settled  by  accommodation, 
what  do  you  think?" — "If  your  accuser  had  con- 
sulted a  right  sort  of  solicitor,  possibly  there  might 
have  been  a  reconciliation ;  but  she  seems  to  have  got 
hold  of  a  left-handed  sort  of  individual;  he  will 
probably  persuade  her  to  carry  matters  to  an  ex- 
treme to  suit  his  own  purposes." — "But  how  will  the 
girl  be  able  to  pay  the  cost  of  it  all." — "The  party 
that  loses  has  to  fork  out;  you'll  have  to  do  that, 
my  dear." — "Oh,  how  mean,  how  shameful!  To 
accuse  me  thus  at  my  own  expense.  Is  that  justice?" 
i — "The  law  precisely." — "Then  the  law  ought  to  be 
upturned.  Fritz,  I  shall  never  survive  this  dis- 
grace! My  days  are  numbered!" — "Console  your- 
self, Wilhelmine;  every  second  respectable  person 
has  been  punished  once  in  his  life.  Cheer  up!" 

"Is  that  your  advice  too!"  I  exclaimed  bitterly; 
"if  you've  nothing  better  to  say,  you  may  as  well  go 

[295] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

and  get  yourself  embalmed !  I  spurn  such  advice  as 
your  'cheer  up !' '  Winged  with  wrath,  I  left  Uncle 
Fritz,  and  blamed  myself  for  having  exposed  myself 
to  being  the  wretched  target  of  his  taunts.  Yet, 
when  people  lose  their  heads,  they  are  apt  to  act 
senselessly. 

Uncle  Fritz  proved  right  about  the  girl's  having 
engaged  a  pettifogging  lawyer;  he  was  a  regular 
cut-throatish,  left-handed  kind  of  individual,  so  that 
the  attempt  at  accommodation  ended  in  smoke. 

A  few  days  afterwards  came  another  legal  docu- 
ment, demanding  my  personal  attendance  at  the 
Royal  Magisterial  Bench  in  Old  Moabit,  No.  ll, 
12,  on  Saturday  at  ten  in  the  morning,  Room  29. 
And  even  though  I  might  have  thought  of  running 
off  somewhere,  what  would  have  been  the  use?  The 
Court  threatened,  in  case  of  an  undefended  non- 
attendance,  to  bring  the  person  in  by  force;  and 
rather  than  grant  to  my  mortal  enemy  the  sight  of 
my  being  dragged  in  before  the  tribunal  between  two 
policemen,  I  resolved  to  appear  of  my  own  free  will, 
although  my  nervous  system  had  completely  col- 
lapsed. 

The  upsets  to  my  spirit  were  never  ending. 
Heaven  only  knows  how  people  came  to  know  that 
a  public  action  had  been  brought  against  me ;  among 
our  own  acquaintances,  the  one  subject  of  conversa- 
tion seemed  to  be  the  approaching  trial. 

[296] 


THE     CRIMINAL 


"Much  depends  upon  the  judge,"  said  the  Police- 
lieutenant's  wife,  "and  the  way  you  represent  the 
case.  What  are  you  going  to  wear1?" — "Simple 
black,"  I  replied. — "The  less  showy  the  better,  in 
order  that  the  distinction  between  you  and  the  plain- 
tiff is  not  made  to  appear  too  great,  and  your  higher 
social  position  is  not  considered  an  aggravating  cir- 
cumstance. The  coat  of  arms  you  were  having  em- 
broidered will  not  be  of  much  use  to  you  in  the 
dock." — "I  never  thought  it  would.  When  we  keep 
our  carriage  I  meant  to  have  it  painted  on  the  door." 
— "And  I  only  meant  to  say  that  ancestors  and  em- 
blems will  not  be  of  much  use  if  you  are  found 
guilty;  such  disgrace  sticks  to  one  for  ever." — 
"We've  not  got  that  length,  however,"  I  remarked. 
— "But  you  will  surely  admit  that  my  husband 
knows  something  about  such  matters,  and  he  said 
that  the  thunder-clap  is  as  good  as  down  upon  you 
already.  Yet  we  are  above  all  prejudice,  and  I 
may  add  that  I  do  not  see  any  reason  why  we  need 
give  up  our  old  intercourse  with  you."  In  the  eyes 
of  the  world,  therefore,  I  was  already  condemned. 
I  felt  positive  the  Police-lieutenant's  wife  would 
never  again  drive  us  out  to  the  Griinewald.  Hence- 
forth I  should  be  one  of  the  outcasts  of  society. 

This  thought  robbed  me  of  all  the  sustaining 
power  I  had  left.  After  this  I  could  do  nothing  but 
creep  about  the  house  if  I  wanted  exercise.  I  hadn't 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

even  the  heart  to  sit  at  the  window,  for  it  seemed  to 
me  as  if  the  passers  by  pointed  at  me  with  their  fin- 
gers. Betti  tried  to  persuade  me  that  this  was  a  de- 
lusion; but  one  day,  with  my  own  eyes,  I  saw  Frau 
Heimreich  walking  up  and  down  the  other  side  of 
the  street  with  her  eldest  girl,  and  casting  spiteful 
glances  up  at  our  windows. 

Frau  Bergfeldt,  too,  paid  me  a  visit;  however,  I 
cannot  say  that  she  cheered  me  up,  rather  the  con- 
trary.— "Good  gracious,  Frau  Buchholz,  to  think  of 
your  having  got  into  the  frying  pan !  But  why  need 
you  have  struck  about  you  so  with  the  poker  *?" — 
"What  sort  of  speech  is  that  to  me?"  said  I  indig- 
nantly.— "Well,  it's  said  you  belaboured  the  girl 
so,  that  a  bloody  head  was  the  end  of  it.  So  you'll 
certainly  get  six  months." — "There's  not  a  word 
about  blows  in  the  matter;  how  can  you  talk  such 
rubbish*?" — "I'm  sorry  for  you,  Frau  Buchholz,  but 
that's  what  the  whole  town  is  saying;  yet  wherever 
I  go  I  take  your  part,  and  say :  'It's  a  mercy  the  cook 
had  a  thick  noddle,  else  they'd  have  had  to  drag  Frau 
Buchholz  on  to  the  scaffold.'  " — "You  call  that  de- 
fending me?" — "Yes,  I  do;  weren't  you  always  con- 
siderate to  me  ...  so  it  would  really  have  grieved 
me  were  you  to  be  put  on  the  rack,  or  anything  of 
that  sort." — "Good  God,  protect  and  defend  me! 
I  can  swear  I  never  raised  a  finger  against  that  girl." 
— "Frau  Buchholz,  don't  perjure  yourself.  How 

[298] 


THE      CRIMINAL 


could  the  report  have  got  about,  if  there  was  no  truth 
in  it"?  Maybe  the  hand  in  which  you  held  the  poker 
slipped  a  bit;  at  all  events,  that's  what  I  would  say  to 
the  judge,  if  I  had  flown  into  the  ditch  as  you  have 
done." 

"Frau  Bergfeldt,"  I  said  in  a  weak  voice,  "I  can- 
not bear  any  more  of  this  kind  of  talk,  I  would  rather 
be  left  alone." — "I'm  in  no  hurry,"  she  replied,  and 
kept  sitting  there,  and  continued:  "It's  only  at  first 
that  you'll  feel  it,  afterwards  people'll  forget  it; 
one  has  to  forget  things.  Yet  what's  in  a  person  the 
rain'll  never  "wash  off." — And  in  this  style  on  she 
rattled.  It  was  not  till  I  was  miserable  both  in  body 
and  mind  that  she  went.  "Betti,"  I  said,  with  a  last 
effort,  "I'm  not  at  home  to  any  one  after  this,  not 
even  though  the  Great  Mogul  himself  should  come 
running  up  on  hands  and  feet." 

A  real  friend  came,  however,  in  the  person  of  Frau 
Helbich,  the  keeper  of  the  tavern  where  the  Doc- 
tor and  Uncle  Fritz  played  skat,  whom  Frau  Buck- 
holz  had  once  helped. 

"I  am  positive,"  said  Frau  Helbich,  "that  you  are 
innocent." — "That  I  am,  Frau  Helbich;  but  no  one 
will  believe  me." — "I  believe  you,"  she  replied 
briskly,  "and  that's  the  reason  I  have  come  here.  I 
want  to  tell  you  that  whatever  may  be  said,  the 
point  about  the  dog  is  suspicious." — "It's  of  no  use 
saying  that;  the  lawyers  sifted  the  whole  matter 

[299] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

thoroughly." — "Well,  but  every  one  knows  that  the 
first  thing  burglars  do  is  to  poison  a  watch  dog." — 
"That  doesn't  tally,  for  the  dog  in  the  present  case 
was  a  mere  lap-dog." — "That's  just  it;  watch  dogs 
are  outside  the  house,  and  might  be  got  at;  the  dog 
at  Dr.  Wrenzchen's  was  a  lap-dog  and  was  inside 
the  house.  Now,  who  gave  it  the  poison*?  That 
can  only  have  been  done  by  some  one  in  the  house." 
— "That  doesn't  tally  either,  Frau  Helbich,  for  the 
dog  wasn't  poisoned,  but  throttled  by  having  a  string 
tied  round  its  neck.  You  are  mistaken." — "One  of 
our  regular  midday  customers,  a  student,  was  posi- 
tive about  this.  He  said  that  if  the  poisoning  could 
be  proved,  you  would  be  acquitted." — "Frau  Hel- 
bich, I  am  much  obliged  to  you  for  your  sympathy, 
but  the  lawyers  are  likely  to  know  more  than  a  stu- 
dent and  we  others  who  haven't  experience  in  such 
things.  Everything  was,  of  course,  thoroughly  ex- 
amined, and  nothing  was  found." — "And  I  had  so 
firmly  hoped  to  render  you  some  assistance,  Frau 
Buchholz;  you  cannot  think  how  grieved  I  am  for 
you."  With  this  she  began  to  cry,  and  I  cried  too. 
Of  all  the  attacks  upon  me  this  was  the  most  affecting 
one ;  we  both  felt  so  utterly  helpless.  And  the  fol- 
lowing day  the  case  was  to  be  examined.  I  was  so 
downcast  that  I  went  to  bed  before  it  was  dark.  My 
Carl  came  and  sat  down  beside  me.  He  spoke  very 
kindly,  and  said  that  I  oughtn't  to  make  matters  out 
[300] 


THE     CRIMINAL 


worse  than  they  were;  but  then  he  hadn't  had  the 
many  visits  of  condolence  that  I  had  had.  "Try  and 
get  a  good  rest,"  he  said,  "and  do  not  worry  so. 
When  the  trial  is  over,  you  will  quickly  recover  your 
old  cheerful  spirits.  You  look  so  snug  and  comfort- 
able lying  there,  now  do  try  and  be  happier." — 
"Carl,"  said  I,  "you  surely  don't  want  me  to  purr 
like  an  old  torn  cat?  Even  though  I  could,  I 
wouldn't,  in  my  present  state  of  misery." 

Betti  came  in  and  asked  me  if  I  cared  to  have  any- 
thing to  eat.  "You  might  bring  me  a  little  milk 
and  biscuit  later,  just  enough  to  support  life,  but 
I'm  in  no  hurry." 

I  had  no  appetite.  Terrible  thoughts  seemed  to 
have  driven  hunger  away.  In  a  kind  of  dose,  I 
dreamed  of  prisons  and  executions,  and  although  I 
tried  to  persuade  myself  that  this  was  only  the  re- 
sult of  Frau  Bergfeldt's  chatter,  as  soon  as  I  closed 
my  eyes,  the  same  horrors  again  rose  up  before  me. 

Carl  came  in  to  wish  me  good  night,  and  Betti 
insisted  upon  my  taking  some  food.  To  please  her, 
I  forced  myself  to  take  something,  and  found  it 
tasted  better  than  I  had  expected.  The  milk  was 
freshly  boiled,  and  the  biscuits  crisp.  The  child 
also  brought  me  in  a  night-lamp,  which  she  lighted, 
and  after  having  kissed  me,  she  too  went  away. 
Again  I  was  alone. 

Before  me  was  the  last  night  of  my  hitherto  irre- 

[301] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

proachable  life;  henceforth  I  might  never  again  be 
able  to  look  any  one  straight  in  the  face.  And  if  I 
saw  two  persons  nudging  each  other,  and  jeering,  I 
should  always  suspect  that  it  was  about  me.  And  if 
people  should  look  at  me  rather  doubtfully,  might 
they  not  be  quite  right  in  doing  so^  Could  I  ever 
again  condemn  a  fellow-creature  without  saying  to 
myself,  "You  have  yourself  sat  in  the  dock,  and  have 
had  sentence  passed  upon  you."  Then  a  proverb 
crossed  my  mind,  Heaven  only  knows  where  I  had 
heard  it :  "Woe,  woe  to  thee,  Wilhelmine !  the  right- 
eous will  turn  their  faces  from  thee."  Sleep  was 
what  I  wanted;  oh,  how  glad  I  should  have  been  to 
get  to  sleep. 

I  lay  first  on  one  side,  then  on  the  other,  and  just 
as  I  fancied  I  was  about  to  drop  asleep,  I  became 
conscious  that  there  were  crumbs  of  biscuit  in  the 
bed,  and  my  slightest  movement  made  them  irritate 
and  annoy  me.  Every  moment  too,  there  seemed  to 
be  more,  till  the  torture  became  unbearable,  and 
there  was  nothing  for  it  but  to  get  out  of  my  bed 
and  remake  it.  This,  I  felt,  did  my  spirits  some 
good,  but  of  sleep  there  was  none  to  be  got. 

I  lay  and  tumbled  about  as  much  as  before. 
There!  Wasn't  that  a  crumb  again*?  Yes,  to  be 
sure  it  was.  A  few  must  have  got  on  to  the  mat  in 
front  of  the  bed,  and  stuck  to  my  bare  feet.  And 
truly  the  whole  lot  of  them  seemed  to  have  come 
[302] 


THE     CRIMINAL 


marching  back  again.  I  felt  in  despair,  and  cried  in 
my  vexation  and  helplessness.  By  what  small  means 
God  can  punish  us — a  single  crumb  of  biscuit  is 
enough !  I  knew  that  I  had  not  always  done  what  I 
ought  to  have  done,  but  had  I  really  deserved  such 
terrible  chastisement*?  It  was  long  since  I  had  folded 
my  hands  in  prayer;  now  they  found  their  way  to 
each  other  of  their  own  accord,  and  I  humbly  prayed 
for  help.  Then  I  crept  out  of  bed  a  second  time,  and 
remade  it  with  the  utmost  care.  When  I  lay  down 
again  a  gentle  peacefulness  seemed  to  have  come 
over  me,  and  sleep  came  with  it. 

Never  had  I  even  seen  the  law  court  in  the  Moabit 
district,  and  now  I  was  actually  to  appear  as  a  de- 
linquent there  myself.  "Over  yonder  is  the  court- 
yard where  the  executions  take  place,"  said  Uncle 
Fritz,  pointing  to  a  wall.  I  shuddered.  But  Fritz 
continued:  "As  long  as  Krauts  keeps  on  his  white 
gloves  he's  not  dangerous ;  when,  however,  he  begins 
to  take  them  off  .  .  ."  Carl  here  forbade  Fritz  to 
talk  in  that  manner,  and  gave  me  his  arm.  He  asked 
for  Room  29;  we  were  shown  the  way,  and  at  the 
end  of  a  long  corridor,  we  reached  the  antechamber. 
Some  people  were  sitting  there  on  benches,  others 
were  standing  about.  Herr  Greve  and  his  wife  were 
there,  also  some  policemen  and  Dr.  Wrenzchen.  And 
that  wretch  of  a  girl  too  I  caught  sight  of,  she  who 
was  the  cause  of  all  this  worry  and  trouble. 

[303] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

The  door  of  Room  29  was  then  opened,  and  a  law- 
yer's clerk  read  out  from  some  document  the  words : 
"Ahrens  versus  Meier."  Several  persons  who  had 
been  waiting  went  in,  and  after  a  short  time  came 
out  again.  They  had  come  to  terms  at  the  last 
moment,  fortunate  people  that  they  were!  "Band 
versus  Buchholz"  was  then  called  out.  My  brain 
was  all  in  a  whirl.  I  tottered  forward,  my  limbs 
feeling  as  heavy  as  though  I  had  been  walking  in 
dough,  and  more  like  a  dead  paddock  than  a  human 
being.  A  small  square  place  like  a  box  was  pointed 
out  to  me,  and  there  I  sat  down  upon  a  chair.  This 
was  the  barricade  to  separate  the  accused  person 
from  the  rest  of  the  world. 

At  a  raised  table  covered  with  green  baize,  sat  the 
magistrate,  his  assessors,  and  the  clerk  of  the  law 
court.  The  latter  read  out  the  indictment.  On  the 
right  sat  the  plaintiff,  in  the  middle  were  the  wit- 
nesses who  had  been  called,  and  behind  them  sat 
the  public,  a  barrier  separating  them  from  those  tak- 
ing part  in  the  proceedings. 

Everything  that  I  was  supposed  to  have  said  was 
then  read  out.  And,  oh!  how  offensive  the  words 
sounded  in  the  mouth  of  a  man  who  knew  nothing 
about  the  matter  and  who  hadn't  even  been  present. 
And  this  I  had  to  listen  to !  The  magistrate,  looking 
very  solemn  in  his  black  gown,  then  said  that  the 
statements  of  the  witnesses  would  have  to  be  con- 
[304] 


THE      CRIMINAL 


firmed  on  oath,  and  after  giving  them  an  impressive 
exhortation,  they  were  asked  to  retire.  When  they 
had  left  the  room  the  magistrate  addressed  the  plain- 
tiff and  me,  and  gave  us  to  understand  that  it  would 
be  much  the  wiser  plan  for  us  to  settle  the  matter 
quietly  by  accommodation,  and  asked  if  we  would 
agree  to  this. 

"Yes,"  I  sighed. 

"No,"  said  the  girl ;  she  had  her  reputation  as  well 
as  grander  folks,  and  didn't  mean  to  be  trodden 
upon. 

No  such  thing  had  been  done,  replied  the  magis- 
trate, and  moreover,  what  advantage  would  it  be 
to  her  to  persist  in  the  punishment  of  a  lady  of  ir- 
reproachable character?  Frau  Buchholz  was  willing 
to  retract  her  words,  and  to  bear  the  costs  of  the 
trial,  whereby  her  honour  would  be  pefectly  satisfied. 

The  servant  girl  maintained  that  she  would  not 
agree  to  this.  Frau  Buchholz  should  be  imprisoned 
and  pay  3000  marks  damages,  that's  what  she  de- 
manded. The  magistrate  thereupon  replied  in  a  very 
severe  tone  of  voice :  "You  have  nothing  whatever  to 
demand." — Her  solicitor  had  told  her  she  had. — 
Then  she  must  have  employed  a  very  strange  kind  of 
solicitor. — He  knew  as  much  and  more  than  other 
lawyers. — That  remains  to  be  proved. 

As  there  was  thus  no  likelihood  of  any  amicable 
settlement  to  the  dispute,  the  proceedings  com- 

[305] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

menced.  Dr.  Wrenzchen  was  called  in  as  the  first 
witness.  The  magistrate  drew  his  attention  to  the 
fact  that,  as  a  relative  of  the  defendant,  he  had  a 
right  to  decline  to  stand  as  a  witness.  "What  will 
he  do*?"  thought  I.  "Will  he  take  his  revenge,  and 
thus  bring  about  an  eternal  breach  between  us*?" 

The  Doctor  said  he  should  refrain  from  making 
any  statement,  but  wished  to  express  his  surprise  at 
the  impudence  of  the  plaintiff  in  claiming  him  as  a 
witness  on  her  side.  This  remark  of  the  Doctor's 
seemed  to  me  the  greatest  possible  proof  of  nobility 
of  soul,  and  never  shall  I  forget  it. 

The  magistrate  then  asked  Herr  Greve  whether  he 
had  heard  the  defendant  call  the  plaintiff  a  base  de- 
ceiver on  the  evening  in  question.  Herr  Greve  re- 
plied that  he  could  not  remember  to  have  heard  ex- 
actly those  words.  He  was  further  asked  whether 
he  had  heard  the  defendant  say  of  the  plaintiff  that 
she  was  "a  very  Jezebel  ?"  Herr  Greve  replied  that 
he  did  remember  this,  it  having  struck  him  as  strange 
that  a  lady  of  culture  should  have  used  such  an  ex- 
pression, and  he  attributed  it  to  her  being  in  a  state 
of  great  excitement. 

"Mr.  Magistrate  and  gentlemen,  I  can  furnish  a 
true  statement  of  what  happened,  and  beg  you  to 
hear  what  my  witness  has  to  say.  That  girl  has 
always  behaved  in  a  rude  and  impertinent  manner 
towards  me."  Uncle  Fritz  was  then  called.  As  he 


THE     CRIMINAL 


came  forward  the  abusive  creature  exclaimed: 
"That's  a  witness  I  won't  have." — "The  admissibil- 
ity  of  a  witness  is  determined  by  the  court,"  said  the 
presiding  judge. — "I  don't  care,  I  won't  agree  to  it. 
He  once  wanted  to  pinch  my  cheek,  and  I  gave  him 
a  crack  across  his  fingers  for  his  impudence;  since 
then  he's  been  always  against  me." — "I  hope  no  one 
will  credit  me  with  such  bad  taste,"  was  Uncle 
Fritz's  reply.  The  magistrate,  however,  requested 
him  to  be  serious,  and  to  keep  to  the  point  in  ques- 
tion. 

Uncle  Fritz  then  stated  that  the  plaintiff,  without 
any  obvious  reason,  had  invariably  acted  in  a  repre- 
hensible way  towards  the  defendant.  This  had 
struck  him  whenever  they  had  met  at  Dr.  Wrenz- 
chen's  house.  "What  reason  had  the  defendant 
given  you  for  acting  thus?"  asked  the  magistrate. — 
"Well,  I  can't  bear  any  one  coming  peering  into  my 
pans  when  I'm  cooking,"  was  her  reply. 

"Of  course  not!"  I  exclaimed;  "you  didn't  want 
an  experienced  housewife  noticing  how  her  daughter 
was  being  taken  in  at  every  turn  and  corner !  How 
was  it  that,  notwithstanding  their  simple  life,  their 
expenses  were  so  enormously  high,  in  spite  of  my 
daughter  keeping  an  exact  account  of  her  outlays'? 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  was  himself  becoming  suspicious. 
Her  object,  Mr.  Magistrate,  was  probably  to 
frighten  me  out  of  the  house,  in  order  that  she 

[307] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

might  prey  upon  an  inexperienced  housewife,  and 
that,  too,  was  probably  her  reason  for  making  the 
fuss  about  the  craw-fish." — "That's  a  new  insult  to 
be  added  to  the  list,"  the  servant  girl  called  out  in 
a  loud  voice.  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  however,  supported 
my  statement. 

The  most  ticklish  point  in  the  case  was,  however, 
still  to  come.  The  magistrate  observed :  there  seems 
to  have  been  provocation  for  the  alleged  insulting 
speeches,  but  the  defendant's  assertion  that  the  plain- 
tiff made  common  cause,  with  the  burglars,  might  be 
likely  seriously  to  injure  the  plaintiff's  prospects  in 
life. 

The  policemen  were  then  examined,  and  stated 
that  I  had  certainly  declared  that  the  provisions  had 
been  purchased  specially  with  a  view  to  the  rob- 
bers, and  also  that  I  had  undoubtedly  maintained 
that  the  plaintiff  had  had  a  hand  in  the  matter. 
This  they  affirmed  on  oath,  as  did  also  Herr  Greve 
and  his  wife. 

A  buzzing  sound  seemed  to  fill  my  head.  I  felt 
as  if  the  floor  of  the  room  had  suddenly  become 
aslant,  and  that  I  should  not  be  able  to  prevent  my- 
self slipping  down.  Nervously,  I  clutched  hold  of 
the  chair,  as  I  saw  the  magistrate  rise  and  say  to  his 
colleagues,  "You  will  agree,  I  think,  that  some  mild 
form  of  punishment  is  all  that  is  necessary." 

In  the  vain  hope  that  some  assistance  might  yet 

[308] 


THE     CRIMINAL 


be  forthcoming,  my  eyes  wandered  anxiously  round 
the  room ;  and  I  caught  sight  of  one  face  upon  which 
all  the  compassion  in  the  world  seemed  to  be  concen- 
trated, and  tearful  eyes  that  looked  at  me  in  a  dumb 
but  beseeching  way.  I  understood  the  beseeching 
look  of  plump  little  Frau  Helbich,  and,  as  if  by 
some  inspiration,  I  rose  up  and  said  aloud,  "Mr. 
Magistrate  and  gentlemen,  I  should  like  to  ask  my 
accuser  one  more  question,  let  her  confess  why  she 
poisoned  the  dog." 

A  pin  might  have  been  heard  fall,  the  silence  wa3 
so  great.  The  servant  girl  changed  colour,  and 
seemed  to  lose  her  self-possession.  "I  never  could 
endure  the  animal,"  she  burst  out.  "So  you  admit 
having  poisoned  the  dog*?"  said  the  magistrate,  giv- 
ing her  a  penetrating  look.  "It  was  simply  to  pro- 
voke me  that  they  called  the  creature  Maffi  Pamph, 
because  my  name  was  Marie  Band." — "And  was  that 
sufficient  reason  for  your  despatching  the  animal?" 
— "I  couldn't  stand  the  name  any  longer." — "Mr. 
Magistrate,"  I  interposed,  "Maffi  is  merely  an  ab- 
breviation of  Moppel,  and  Uncle  Fritz  added  the 
name  Pamph." — "Really,"  exclaimed  the  girl,  cast- 
ing a  malicious  glance  at  me,  "there's  no  one  here 
likely  to  believe  that!" — "But  it's  true,"  I  replied; 
"everything  that's  soft  and  for  petting  begins  with  an 
'M,'  surely  no  one  would  ever  think  of  taking  a 
crocodile  or  a  rattlesnake  on  to  their  lap  to  stroke 

[309] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

and  fondle,  and  call  either  of  them  'My  mousie,'  or 
'my  minikin.'  "  The  magistrate  interrupted  me  by 
saying,  "I  must  ask  you  not  to  wander  from  the 
point.  I  understand  you  had  absolutely  no  intention 
of  annoying  the  plaintiff  by  giving  the  little  dog  the 
name  of  Maffi  Pamph?" 

"Goodness  me,  of  course  not!  We  never  meant 
anybody  by  that  name.  That's  a  mere  shuffling  ex- 
cuse of  the  girl's.  The  dog  barked  at  every  one  in  a 
horrid  way ;  Herr  Greve  can  tell  you  that,  and  it  was 
very  necessary  on  the  evening  of  the  robbery  that  it 
should  be  quiet,  else  Herr  Greve  might  have  come 
down,  alarmed  by  the  noise,  and  have  surprised  the 
burglars.  Moreover,  the  dog  would  never  let  her 
touch  it,  so  that  she  must  have  put  the  poison  in  its 
food." — "That's  a  downright  lie!"  exclaimed  the 
girl.  "You  have,  however,  already  half  admitted 
having  given  the  animal  poison,"  said  the  magis- 
trate, turning  to  the  plaintiff;  "it  would  be  well  for 
you  to  tell  us  the  whole  truth.  Your  denying  mat- 
ters will  not  help  you ;  science  has  means  of  proving 
whether  the  dog  was  poisoned  or  not." — "Well 
then,  I  did  give  it  a  powder  to  be  rid  of  it." 

"And  where  did  you  get  the  powder*?" — "From 
an  apothecary." — "Which  apothecary4?" — "I  don't 
remember  now." — "Try  and  recollect,  it  would  be 
strange  if  you  had  forgotten  that." — "I  didn't  fetch 
it  myself." — "Who  was  it  did  you  the  favour  to 


THE     CRIMINAL 


fetch  it*?" — "An  acquaintance." — "What  was  the 
name  of  this  acquaintance  of  yours?" — "It  was  a 
man  I  didn't  know,  I  asked  him." — "Again  one  of 
the  great  unknown !"  said  the  magistrate,  and  there- 
upon made  a  sign  to  the  clerk,  and  whispered  some 
words  into  his  ear.  The  clerk  left  the  room  and  re- 
turned with  a  policeman.  The  magistrate  rose  and 
said,  "There  are  grave  reasons  for  thinking  that  the 
plaintiff,  Marie  Band,  spinster,  was  implicated  in 
the  robbery  at  the  house  of  Dr.  Wrenzchen,  she  must 
be  placed  under  arrest,  and  the  case  enquired  into 
again.  The  private  charge  against  Frau  Buchholz 
may  be  considered  as  withdrawn." 

Marie  Band  had  to  follow  the  policeman  and  be 
put  in  prison — I  was  free. 

We  left  Room  29,  to  make  way  for  others.  It  is 
to  be  hoped  that  this  is  the  first  and  last  time  I  shall 
ever  have  to  enter  it.  But  should  it  happen  that  I 
have  again  to  attend,  I  shall  be  able  to  assume  a  very 
different  tone,  for  I  have  now  become  quite  familiar 
with  legal  phraseology. 

When  we  got  outside  and  could  breathe  freely 
again,  as  if  some  great  danger  had  been  evaded,  little 
Frau  Helbich  came  waddling  up  to  me,  offering  her 
heartfelt  congratulations.  "Frau  Helbich,"  said  I, 
"you  have  a  very  penetrating  insight  into  things; 
what  would  have  become  of  me  had  you  not  been  in 
Court*?" — "All  happened  as  it  was  ordained,"  she 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

replied;  "our  heavenly  Father  rendered  you  assist- 
ance, He  put  all  things  right  in  His  own  good  time." 
I  pressed  her  hand,  and  said:  "And  you  were  the 
Seraphin  sent  to  help  me!"  We  understood  each 
other. 

A  few  days  afterwards  I  received  another  legal 
document  announcing  that  the  private  charge  against 
me  was  withdrawn. 

The  girl  had  been  induced  to  make  a  full  confes- 
sion. Maffi  Pamph  was  sent,  like  any  human  be- 
ing, in  a  sealed  box  to  a  chemist,  who  turned  him 
inside  out,  and  found  an  inconceivable  amount  of 
poison  in  him,  which  the  greedy  creature  must  have 
consumed.  The  rope  round  its  neck  was  a  case  of 
mere  sham  fighting,  as  was  also  the  girl's  being  tied 
hand  and  foot  and  gagged.  It  also  came  out  that  the 
accomplice  had,  at  first,  addressed  the  girl  as  a  lover, 
and  that  she  had  entrapped  him  partly  by  love  and 
partly  by  stolen  goods.  Of  course  if  she  had  not 
been  thievishly  inclined  by  nature,  she  would  never 
have  acted  thus.  I  had  always  maintained  that  she 
was  a  good-for-nothing,  and  Maffi  had  evidently 
thought  the  same.  .  .  . 


[312] 


CHAPTER    XXV 

FRAU    BUCHHOLZ   HAS   TO  VISIT   CARLSBAD   FOR  HER 
HEALTH   AND  WHILE  THERE   SHE   RE- 
CEIVES TREMENDOUS  NEWS 


THERE  was  no  use  fighting  against  it  or  trying 
to  deceive  myself;  the  experiences  of  the  past 
weeks  had  completely  damped  my  spirits,  and  how- 
ever great  an  effort  I  might  make  to  smile — like  the 
jaws  exhibited  in  dentist's  windows— -my  temper 
became  daily  more  and  more  disagreeable,  and  my 
complexion  yellowish-grey  in  colour.  After  the  trial 
I  had  most  firmly  resolved  that  in  future  I  would 
always  be  most  gentle  and  submissive  towards  Carl, 
but  I  found  it  absolutely  impossible  to  control  my 
irritable  nature;  and  so  I  made  his  life  as  well  as 
Betti's  miserable,  without  really  wishing  to  do  so. 
A  fly  on  the  wall  would  annoy  me,  and  I  would  scold 
them  both  for  it.  Frau  Helbich  one  day  brought 
me  a  small  bottle  of  home-made  Swedish  essence  of 
life,  but  it  upset  my  stomach,  and  I  took  a  perfect 
dislike  to  it.  In  fact  I  was  ill. 

[313] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

When  matters  had  become  so  bad  that  they  could 
scarcely  have  been  worse,  I,  at  last,  did  what  Carl 
had  wanted  me  to  do  at  the  outset,  and  agreed  to 
consult  Dr.  Wrenzchen.  "He  was  so  extremely  con- 
siderate towards  you  at  the  time  of  the  trial,"  said 
Carl,  "that  I  am  sure  you  can  place  full  confidence  in 
him."  But  I  was  myself  afraid  that  the  doctor 
might  prescribe  me  some  medicine  to  harm  me.  My 
mind  had  become  so  darkened.  At  last,  however, 
he  had  to  be  called  in. 

The  doctor  examined  me  very  carefully,  and  then 
said  that  the  only  thing  that  would  restore  me  to 
health  was  a  prolonged  stay  at  Carlsbad  and  use  of 
the  waters.  "No,  no,"  was  my  reply,  "I'll  not  sub- 
mit to  be  sent  so  far  off  as  that.  What  will  become 
of  things  here,  if  I  am  away*?" — "You  can  leave  us 
here  with  a  perfectly  easy  mind,  and  the  sooner  you 
start  the  better,"  replied  the  doctor. — "So  that  I 
may  be  out  of  your  way,  I  suppose!" — "In  order 
that  your  complaint  may  not  become  chronic." — 
"But  what  if  Emmi  should  require  her  mother*?" 
— "If  you  want  to  get  well  for  your  own  and  for 
your  children's  sake,  follow  my  orders ;  as  your  son- 
in-law  I  will  consider  you  as  far  as  possible ;  as  your 
medical  man,  however,  I  have  no  consideration,  and 
must  ask  you  to  obey  me.  Either  you  go  off  to 
Carlsbad  in  a  few  days,  or  I  send  you  a  notary  that 
you  may  make  your  will." 


AT     CARLSBAD 

Those  words  of  his  had  effect.  The  necessary 
preparations  were  soon  made,  and  after  a  miserably 
sad  "good-bye,"  Betti  and  I  got  into  the  train.  How 
could  I  know  whether  I  might  not  be  hurrying 
straight  into  the  jaws  of  death,  in  place  of  to  Carls- 
bad. 

Betti  had  at  once  determined  to  accompany  me, 
and  put  up  with  my  unintentional  ill-humour  in  the 
most  forbearing  way.  She  had,  indeed,  become  per- 
fectly changed  since  sorrow  had  entered  into  her 
life.  Formerly  there  had  always  been  slamming  of 
doors,  and  tossing  back  of  heads  if  anything  was  not 
to  her  liking;  now  she  went  about  so  quietly  one 
scarcely  heard  her,  and  was  all  loving  devotion.  I 
had  had  sorrow  enough  myself;  but  in  my  case  it 
had  all  turned  to  gall  and  bitterness.  I  wondered 
whether  Carlsbad  would  prove  of  any  use  to  me! 
I  doubted  it. 

While  at  Carlsbad  the  Buchholzes  made  a  few 
friends^  chief  of  them  Papa  Michaelson,  an  old 
habitue. 

One  morning  when  we  were  sitting  peaceably  at 
Pupp's  having  our  coffee,  Betti  with  hers  quite  of 
the  wrong  sort,  more  than  half  milk,  we  two  old 
people  with  the  right  sort  as  prescribed,  with  no 
more  cream  than  sensible  folks  have  ever  been  in  the 
habit  of  taking  since  the  days  of  Adam — all  of  a 
sudden  up  comes  a  telegraph  boy  with  a  message 

[315] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

for  me;  he  was  accompanied  by  the  maidservant 
from  our  lodgings,  so  as  to  make  sure  of  finding  me. 
I  opened  the  envelope  and  read : 

"A  healthy  boy,  brown  eyes,  exactly  like  his  fa- 
ther. Is  to  be  called  Franz.  Mother  doing  extremely 
well.  WRENZCHEN." 

This  news  came  most  unexpectedly.  Papa 
Michaelson  congratulated  me  very  heartily,  and  at 
once  gave  Betti  her  new  title  of  Auntie.  However, 
I  could  not  join  in  any  such  merriment,  for  I  kept 
thinking  who  there  was  to  superintend  matters  if  I 
was  not  there.  A  further  surprise  awaited  me,  how- 
ever. Scarcely  half  an  hour  later  a  second  telegram 
was  put  into  my  hands,  with  the  words : 

"A  healthy  boy,  blue  eyes,  exactly  like  his  mother, 
is  to  be  called  Fritz.  The  father  as  well  as  can  be 
expected!  WRENZCHEN." 

"Herr  Michaelsen,"  said  I,  "I  do  not  know  whether 
my  reason  has  been  affected  by  the  use  of  the  wa- 
ters, or  what  can  have  happened.  First  I'm  told  it's 
a  boy  with  brown  eyes,  and  now  suddenly  it's  said 
they're  blue." 

"It  does  sometimes  happen  that  eyes  differ  in  col- 
our," said  Papa  Michaelsen  learnedly;  "and  accord- 
ing to  Darwin  it  is  a  case  of  atavism,  but  the  short 
space  of  time  in  which  it  has  occurred  in  your  grand- 


AT     CARLSBAD 

son's  case  renders  it  a  matter  of  extreme  interest.  It 
will  certainly  have  to  be  reported  to  one  of  our  sci- 
entific periodicals." 

"But  why  should  the  child  first  be  called  Franz 
and  then  Fritz?  At  first  it's  said  to  be  like  the 
father,  and  then  like  the  mother!  This  is  surely  a 
human  impossibility." 

Papa  Michaelsen  gave  me  a  very  sly  look  across 
the  top  of  his  spectacles  and  said:  "What  if  there 
should  be  two?" 

"Two !"  I  exclaimed,  "when  they're  only  prepared 
for  one.  No,  that's  nonsense!  But  I  seem  to  un- 
derstand it  now;  those  words,  'the  father  is  as  well 
as  can  be  expected/  are  Uncle  Fritz's  and  nobody 
else's;  all  I  can  say  is  that  such  jokes  are  not  very 
likely  to  assist  my  cure." 

Next  day,  however,  there  came  a  letter  from  Carl, 
announcing  the  arrival  of  the  twins.  He  said  Uncle 
Fritz  had,  no  doubt,  sent  me  a  telegram,  and  told 
me  that  the  children  were  to  be  called  Franz  and 
Fritz.  Dr.  Wrenzchen  had  no  time  to  telegraph 
himself,  and  had  begged  Uncle  Fritz  to  send  a  mes- 
sage. Emmi  was  doing  very  well  and  was  supremely 
happy. 

Franz  and  Fritz!  The  names  were  not  at  all  to 
my  liking.  The  one  might,  of  course,  be  called 
Franz  after  the  Doctor,  but  would  it  not  have  been 
much  better  to  have  called  the  second  Wilhelm,  in 

[317] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

honour  of  the  Emperor  as  well  as  of  myself?  A  nice 
family  ours  will  become  with  a  number  of  persons 
with  the  same  name.  It  will  end  in  their  having 
all  to  be  called  by  their  full  names,  else  there  will 
be  a  perpetual  confusion.  I  could  perfectly  well  fore- 
see the  muddle  there  would  be  in  days  to  come. 

Carl's  letter  had  a  postscript.  "Franz  was  born 
during  the  last  hour  of  the  last  day  in  May :  Fritz 
during  the  first  hour  of  the  first  day  in  June.  What 
do  you  say  to  that*?" 

"That,  of  course,  it's  natural  enough  there  should 
be  endless  stupidity  when  I'm  not  by  to  see  to  things 
myself,"  I  exclaimed  excitedly.  "The  poor  children ! 
Not  a  soul  will  take  them  to  be  twins  when  their 
birthdays  come  to  be  celebrated  one  in  May  and  the 
other  in  June.  And  then  to  think  of  their  names, 
Franz  and  Fritz.  They  might  as  well  have  been 
called  Max  and  Moritz" 

"Herr  Michaelsen,"  said  I,  "we  must  be  off  home 
at  once;  I  cannot  be  spared  a  moment  longer  from 
Berlin.  If  I  delay  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  the  Bran- 
denberg  Gate  were  moved  from  its  place,  such  un- 
heard of  things  are  going  on  there." 

"Is  the  river  Spree  on  fire,  then*?" 

"If  it  were  no  more  than  that !  But  only  think, 
my  son-in-law  has  absolutely  got  no  one  to  keep  an 
eye  upon  him !" 

Our  return  home  was  a  most  joyful  one,  and  when 


AT      CARLSBAD 

I  pressed  my  first  kiss  on  the  little  foreheads  of  my 
two  baby  grandsons,  truly  everything  did  seem  to  me 
perfectly  as  it  should  be;  for,  after  all,  the  two  lit- 
tle creatures  could  not  be  made  responsible  for  their 
father,  and  he,  too,  moreover,  will  henceforth  have 
to  play  a  subordinate  part,  as  everything  naturally 
will  have  to  turn  upon  the  children.  I  at  once  took 
my  post  at  the  Doctor's  house,  during  the  day-time. 
He  objected  to  this  at  first,  but  I  asked  him:  "Do 
you  mean  to  kill  your  wife  and  babes'?"  That  made 
him  give  in.  And  how  well  he  was  cared  for  him- 
self, now  that  I  could  look  after  things  in  the  kitchen 
without  fear  of  the  cook.  After  a  week's  time  he 
regularly  beamed  on  me. 

Emmi  recovered  day  by  day.  And  under  my  su- 
perintendence she  got  only  what  was  good  for  her 
and  strengthened  her.  If  ever  there  was  a  Cerberus, 
it  was  me  during  those  days  in  and  out  of  my  daugh- 
ter's room.  One  thing  that  did  displease  me  was 
that,  in  place  of  having  cradles,  little  immovable 
bedsteads  had  been  ordered.  Emmi  told  me  Franz 
had  said  that  rocking  was  not  considered  hygienic, 
and  apt  to  make  children  stupid.  "Wasn't  he  him- 
self brought  up  in  the  old  fashion,"  said  I,  "and 
he's  come  to  be  a  doctor !  Well,  maybe,  if  it  hadn't 
been  for  the  rocking  he  got  as  an  infant,  he'd  long 
since  have  been  a  member  of  the  Medical  Council." 

Many  a  time  I  wished  for  a  cradle,  especially  for 

[319] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

little  Franz,  who  was  of  a  crying  disposition,  and 
Grandmamma  Buchholz  had  to  carry  him  about  in 
her  arms  till  he  was  quiet.  I  told  the  Doctor  that 
such  fits  of  crying  had  never  occurred  in  our  fam- 
ily, and  that  the  bad  habit  must  have  been  transmit- 
ted from  his  side.  His  reply  was:  "Dear  mother- 
in-law,  it's  only  external." 

Of  an  evening  Carl  or  Uncle  Fritz  would  come 
and  fetch  me,  and  at  the  same  time  enquire  how 
things  were  progressing.  On  the  Thursday  evening 
Dr.  Wrenzchen  did  not  go  out,  much  to  my  sur- 
prise. Something  did,  it  is  true,  seem  amiss  with 
him  all  day  long,  and  as  evening  approached  I  could 
distinctly  see  how  much  the  usual  evening  gathering 
seemed  to  be  upon  his  mind. 

Towards  8  o'clock  Dr.  Paber  called  to  ask  him 
whether  they  might  expect  him  at  the  Medical  So- 
ciety later*?  I  begged  Dr.  Paber  to  remain  with  us 
to  supper,  saying  that  I  would  send  the  servant 
round  with  a  message,  and  that  Dr.  Wrenzchen 
would  so  enjoy  a  quiet  talk  with  him  here.  Dr.  Pa- 
ber agreed  to  remain,  and  as  there  was  cold  roast 
veal,  I  prepared  an  extra  good  salad  of  meat  with 
mayonnaise  and  capers,  and  decorated  it  with  sliced 
radishes  and  not  too  much  gherkin;  they  thought  it 
delicious.  When  supper  was  over  I  had  a  large  jug 
of  special  brew  fetched,  and  my  son-in-law  thereupon 
said,  "If  we  could  have  a  game  of  skat  here,  I 
[320] 


AT     CARLSBAD 

wouldn't  change  places  with  a  king!"  Dr.  Paber 
looked  at  me  and  said  kindly:  "How  would  it  be 
for  you  to  try  a  hand  for  once,  dear  Frau  Buchholz*?" 
— "What!  I  play  skat?"  I  exclaimed.  "You  must 
know  something  about  this  entertaining  game,  from 
having  watched  others  play  it,"  continued  Dr.  Pa- 
ber. "Come,  dear  mother-in-law,  don't  be  a  silly," 
said  the  Doctor.  "I  do  not  think  I  have  any  talent 
for  card-playing,"  said  I.  But  the  Doctor  had  al- 
ready fetched  the  boards,  and  the  two  gentlemen 
commenced  to  teach  me  the  rules  with  great  patience, 
without,  however,  letting  me  into  the  secret  of  some 
of  the  best  moves,  as  I  found  out  afterwards,  when 
Uncle  Fritz  appeared  and  he  sat  down  beside  me 
and  helped  me.  And  actually  I  won  the  game.  Dr. 
Paber  declared  he  had  never  seen  a  lady  with  more 
natural  talent  for  skat. 

So  there  I  sat  with  the  three  gentlemen  who  gave 
themselves  every  conceivable  trouble  to  lead  another 
fellow-creature  astray  into  the  vice  of  card-playing; 
and,  as  I  must  unfortunately  admit,  they  succeeded 
very  well,  for  it  was  nearly  midnight  before  we  had 
finished.  My  gains  I  divided  into  two  portions,  one 
for  Franz  and  the  other  for  Fritz.  I  had  become 
somewhat  reconciled  to  the  name  Fritz,  when  Dr. 
Wrenzchen  assured  me  that  their  first  daughter 
should  be  called  Wilhelmine.  He  knows  how  fond 
I  am  of  acting  as  godmother. 

[321] 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

IN   WHICH   BETTI  COMES   WITHIN    SIGHT   OF    HAPPI- 
NESS ONCE  MORE,  AND  CARL  AGAIN  IS 
GUILTY   OF   RETICENCE 


News  of  Herr  Schmidt  now  arrives.  A  visit  from 
Herr  Max  clears  up  the  mystery.  It  seems  that  Herr 
Schmidt  had  been  unfortunately  involved  with  a  girl 
— the  girl  of  the  red  paper  cap,  who  had  played  the 
harpy.  It  was  to  avoid  her  that  he  had  left  Berlin. 
Now,  however,  she  had  married  an  artizan,  and  Fe- 
lix felt  himself  free,  with  Frau  Buckkolz's  consent, 
to  make  those  advances  to  Betti  which  he  had  al- 
ways longed  for  but  could  not  honourably  make 
while  he  was  compromised.  So  far  Herr  Max. 

I  SAID  nothing.    Could  I  declare  him  free  from 
blame1?    No.    And  yet  I  felt  he  had  not  acted 
dishonourably  towards  us.    He  did  not  press  himself 
upon  us;  it  was  I  that  encouraged  him;  he  had  never 
spoken  to  Betti  of  love,  had  never  promised  her  any- 
[322] 


HAPPINESS     AGAIN 


thing,  or  asked  any  promise  from  her.  Of  that  I  was 
convinced.  And  yet  in  both  their  hearts  there  had 
quietly  and  secretly  bloomed  hopes  that  had  as  se- 
cretly and  quietly  withered — destroyed  by  the  levity 
of  Sunday  amusements. 

"Has  Felix  acted  so  very  badly,  that  you  have  no 
word  of  pardon  for  him?"  asked  Herr  Max. — "Of 
what  good  would  my  pardon  be  to  him?"  I  replied. 
— "It  would  be  everything  to  him,  it  would  enable 
him  to  hope  that  he  might  again  present  himself  at 
your  house." — "It  is  too  late  now,  Betti  has  resigned 
herself  to  her  fate,  and  lost  love  is  not  apt  to  re- 
turn." 

Herr  Max  rose  hurriedly:  "I  cannot  and  will  not 
tell  him  that,"  he  said  excitedly;  "he  hopes  for  a 
kind  message.  He  must  have  it." — Herr  Max  spoke 
so  warmly  and  feelingly  for  his  friend  that  I  could 
not  but  be  affected  myself,  and  therefore  said:  "I 
cannot  decide  this  matter  alone,  others  have  a  word 
to  say  as  well,"  and  with  this  I  rang  the  bell,  and 
sent  Doris  down  to  Carl,  who  was  in  the  office,  to 
ask  him  to  come  up  to  me.  He  came  at  once,  and 
when  he  saw  Herr  Max,  greeted  him  in  a  very 
friendly  manner,  and  said:  "Well,  and  how  do 
matters  stand  now,  my  young  friend?" — "The  mar- 
riage took  place  the  day  before  yesterday,"  was  his 
answer. — "Now,  Carl,  how's  this?"  I  exclaimed,  as- 
tonished; "how  is  it  that  you  know  about  all  this?" 

[323] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

— "Herr  Felix  Schmidt  was  honest  enough  to  tell  me 
the  circumstances  that  compelled  him  to  leave  Ber- 
lin; and  I  could  only  approve  of  his  actions." — "And 
me — you  have  kept  all  this  from  me?  Carl,  I  do 
think  .  .  ." — "Now,  Wilhelmine,  do  me  the  favour 
and  look  up  at  your  portrait  for  a  minute?  Why 
should  you  have  been  worried  about  the  matter  un- 
necessarily? I  myself  had  begun  to  doubt  whether 
things  could  ever  come  right,  and  therefore  consid- 
ered it  better  not  to  recall  the  past.  The  question 
now  is  whether  Betti  has  forgotten  him  or  not?" — 
"She  doesn't  seem  to  think  of  him  at  all !" — "Yet 
it  may  only  seem  so,"  interposed  Herr  Max.  "Well, 
I  will  try  and  find  out;  still,  I  do  not  think  there 
will  be  much  use  now;  as  soon  as  she  hears  all  the 
particulars,  she  will  draw  back.  She  has  her  pride." 
Whereupon  my  Carl  replied :  "When  the  time  comes, 
he  will  tell  her  all  himself.  We  have  no  right  to 
abuse  the  confidence  he  has  placed  in  us.  He  has  re- 
pented and  atoned  for  his  folly,  by  having  had  to 
conceal  his  love  for  her.  Can  you  ask  more?  He 
who  is  without  sin  let  him  cast  the  first  stone!" — 
"Carl,  I  hope  you'll  be  able  to  cast  the  stone  your- 
self." He  laughed,  and  said:  "My  wife  has  al- 
ready given  in,  I  see;  come  and  fetch  your  answer 
to-morrow,  Herr  Max." — "Do  not  come  yourself, 
that  might  strike  Betti  as  peculiar,"  I  urged;  "if 
things  look  promising,  I  will  put  this  red  hyacinth 

[324] 


HAPPINESS     AGAIN 


on  the  ledge  between  the  windows." — "Thank  you," 
replied  Herr  Max;  "I  will  pass  your  house  the  first 
thing  in  the  morning,  and  will  look  up."  Thereupon 
he  took  leave  of  us  and  went  away.  I  could  not  help 
thinking  that  any  one  who  had  so  devoted  a  friend 
could  not  possibly  be  a  bad  man.  If  only  youth  were 
not  so  overflowing  with  spirit  and  thoughtlessness! 
Yet,  perhaps,  were  it  not  so,  that  little  boy  would 
be  lying  dead  in  his  grave. 

I  could  not  help  letting  Carl  know  a  little  what 
I  thought  of  his  egotistical  silence,  but  my  words 
seemed  as  good  as  thrown  away  upon  him,  the  fu- 
ture seemed  all  so  rosy-coloured  to  him  now.  He 
wanted  to  have  Felix  Schmidt  as  a  partner,  and 
would  not  think  of  anything  else.  "I  should  have 
such  a  support  in  him,  Minchen,  for  he  understands 
the  manufactures.  Away  in  Saxony,  where  he  now 
is,  they  want  him  to  become  a  partner." — "How  do 
you  know  that?" — "The  firm  applied  to  me  about 
him,  as  he  had  referred  them  to  me." — "And  what 
did  you  say*?" — "First  and  foremost,  that  he  was  an 
upright  man,  and  that  I  should  place  full  confidence 
in  him  myself." 

After  supper,  Carl  went  out  a  little  for  a  glass  of 
beer,  and  I  waited  for  Betti,  who  came  in  at  the 
usual  hour.  \Betti>  I  should  say,  had  been  trying  her 
hand  at  writing  and  had  been  to  see  Amanda  Ku- 
lecke,  to  read  something  to  her.]  Amanda  had  said 

[325] 


THE     HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

to  her:  "Betti,  a  story  must  have  something  about 
love  in  it,  no  matter  whether  it  ends  happily  or  un- 
happily, but  of  love  there  must  be  something." — 
"Well,  Betti,  won't  you  try1?"  said  I,  by  way  of  re- 
connoitring, and  I  felt  my  heart  beginning  to  beat 
faster. — "Am  I  to  write  about  happiness  and  love 
with  tears  in  my  own  eyes,  Mamma*?"  she  replied 
sorrowfully. — "You  might,"  I  added,  continuing  my 
own  train  of  thought,  while  my  heart  beat  faster  and 
faster;  "you  might  describe  two  young  people  loving 
one  another  without  acknowledging  it;  make  the 
lover  go  far  away  to  earn  a  livelihood,  or  something 
of  the  sort,  meaning  to  return  when  he  had  made 
enough,  but  finds  then  that  the  girl  has  meanwhile 
forgotten  him." 

"Forgotten  him !"  exclaimed  Betti,  looking  at  me 
in  astonishment;  "then  she  could  never  have  really 
loved  him." 

"Then  do  you  love  him  still  ?  And  do  you  know 
why  he  went  away1?"  I  blurted  out  thoughtlessly. 
At  that  moment  a  stroke  of  apoplexy  would  have 
done  me  good,  for  I  felt  sure  that  Betti  would  be 
upset.  However,  she  remained  quite  composed,  and 
said,  in  a  scarcely  audible  voice: 

"Perhaps  he  thought  me  unworthy  of  further  no- 
tice." 

My  hands  were  clutching  tightly  hold  of  the  sofa, 
for,  indeed,  I  needed  support;  gradually  I  loosened 

[326] 


HAPPINESS     AGAIN 


my  hold,  and  drew  a  breath.  "Betti,"  I  said,  "be 
good  enough  to  put  that  red  hyacinth  in  between  the 
windows,  its  scent  is  too  strong  for  me." 

Betti  did  as  I  asked  her;  and  now  I  knew  that  she 
would  forget  and  forgive,  whatever  she  might  hear, 
and  I  also  saw  how  right  Carl  had  been  in  keeping 
the  matter  quiet,  for  how  easily  one  finds  oneself  off 
at  a  gallop. 

Of  the  result  of  the  visit  of  Herr  Max  we  are  not 
told  at  the  time;  but  we  learn  it  later  when  Betti,  ap- 
parently on  the  inspiration  of  the  moment^  but  really 
as  part  of  a  deep-laid  scheme^  is  asked  if  she  would 
like  to  go  for  a  little  jaunt. 

"What  do  you  say,  Betti,"  I  inquired,  "to  our  go- 
ing out  to  Tegel  again*?" — "Tegel!"  she  replied  in 
a  curious  tone  of  voice, — "oh,  yes,  if  you  like." 

If  I  liked!  Why,  Carl  and  I  had  long  since  set- 
tled our  plan,  which  was  now  about  to  be  carried 
out.  The  plan  was  my  idea;  Carl  it  was  who  had 
to  see  that  it  was  carried  out  properly  to  the  minute. 

It  was  afternoon.  We  had  been  sitting  in  the 
woods  where  there  was  a  view  across  the  lake,  and  as 
I  had  long  since  determined  some  day  to  have  a 
picnic  at  this  point,  a  hamper  with  good  things  was 
provided.  Betti  was  rather  monosyllabic;  perhaps 
she  was  thinking  how  happy  we  had  all  once  been  in 
these  woods,  which  we  were  to-day  trying  to  enjoy 
again. 

[327] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

My  husband  was  rather  quiet  too,  for  he  knew 
what  was  about  to  occur  within  the  next  quarter  of 
an  hour,  and  did  not  feel  quite  sure  how  things  would 
go.  I,  on  the  other  hand,  had  no  doubts  what- 
ever, or  why  should  I  have  chosen  Tegel?  The 
Present  was  to  be  linked  with  the  Past ;  what  lay  be- 
tween was  a  winter's  day.  Where  are  frost  and 
snow,  when  the  hawthorn  blooms  again?  For- 
gotten ! 

Carl  kept  taking  out  his  watch,  and  looked  anx- 
iously out  on  to  the  lake;  then  we  both  saw  a  boat 
leave  the  opposite  shore  and  steer  straight  across 
towards  the  woods  where  we  were  sitting.  "I  won- 
der if  those  people  are  coming  to  us?"  said  I,  as  if  I 
knew  something.  "It  looks  like  it,"  said  Carl.  "You 
know,"  he  added,  "how  much  I  am  in  want  of  a  part- 
ner; the  business  requires  increased  support."  The 
boat  was  coming  nearer.  "I  have  found  some  one 
in  whom  I  place  full  confidence,  but  I  wanted  to 
know  whether  he  pleased  you  both  as  well."  With 
this  he  looked  at  Betti.  "My  decision  will  depend 
upon  your  judgment.  This  was  my  reason  for  ask- 
ing him  to  join  us  here  to-day.  Here  he  is." 

The  boat  came  flying  onwards,  rowed  by  power- 
ful arms,  and  at  last  shot  up  on  to  the  beach.  Betti 
had  jumped  up,  and  stood  immovable;  she  had  rec- 
ognised the  two  men  in  the  boat,  Felix  and  Max — 
the  two  friends. 

[328] 


HAPPINESS     AGAIN 


With  quick  and  elastic  steps  Herr  Felix  hurried 
up  to  Betti,  stretching  both  hands  out  towards  her, 
and  she,  as  if  in  a  dream,  laid  hers  in  his.  "Ah,  ha! 
it's  to  be  'Buchholz  and  Son,'  after  all,"  said  I  in 
a  whisper  to  Carl.  He  only  smiled. 


1329] 


CHAPTER  XXVII 


Here  this  book  might  end;  for  the  sequel  which 
Stinde  began  a  year  or  so  after  is  far  from  being 
equal  to  its  predecessors.  It  is  also  more  elaborate, 
for,  having  both  her  daughters  of  her  hands,  Frau 
Buchholz  had  to  be  provided  with  other  foils,  and 
she  is  therefore  shown  as  taking  as  "kelps"  two  girls 
who,  in  return  for  the  benefits  to  be  derived  from 
the  Frauds  refined  society,  give  their  services  in  the 
house.  It  need  hardly  be  said  that  this  arrangement 
fails  to  run  smoothly.  Other  new  characters  are  Herr 
Max's  fiancee  and  the  twins.  Since  the  twins  are 
Emmi's  and  Dr.  Wrenzcherfs,  and  are  therefore  in 
the  direct  line,  I  quote  here  the  description  of  the 
luckless  afternoon  on  which  Herr  Kleines  gave  them 
some  marbles  to  play  with. 

IT  cannot  be  denied  that  scarcely  anything  could 
be  sweeter  than  the  twins  when  they  are  being 
put  to  bed,  the  pure,  tiny  Raphaels,  with  their  sweet 

[330] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

fat  little  arms  and  legs,  and  dimples  on  their  necks 
that  one  longs  to  bite  into.  It  is  impossible  to  kiss 
them  enough,  and  Amanda  Kulecke,  who  is  so  fond 
of  seeing  them  in  nature's  garb,  says  that  they  are 
real  little  Cupids.  And  they  know  very  well  that 
people  are  fond  of  them,  and  shriek  with  delight 
when  Granny  takes  them  and  hugs  them  one  at  a 
time,  which  is  the  only  way  to  manage  when  there 
are  a  pair  of  brothers. 

But  for  all  that,  I  prophesied  from  the  very  be- 
ginning that  twins,  however  charming,  would  entail 
a  good  deal  of  trouble,  were  it  only  for  the  bother 
with  the  perambulator,  in  which  there  is  room  for 
half  a  squadron,  and  which  the  strength  of  one  per- 
son is  insufficient  to  get  downstairs.  But  it  was  the 
Doctor  who  gave  such  a  clumsy  order,  and  we  ladies 
might  slave  away  at  it,  for  the  nurse  was  far  too 
high  and  mighty  to  help  with  it.  Oh,  dear,  no !  she 
had  to  be  attended  to  all  round  like  a  sea-monster; 
no  dinner  was  good  enough  for  her — she  demanded 
a  double  portion  of  butter  and  sandwiches  for  her 
lunch!  Emmi  and  I  sang  a  Te  Deum  for  joy  when 
she  evaporated  back  to  the  Spree wald  to  recruit  for 
her  next  situation.  One  really  felt  free  again  in 
one's  own  house. 

The  Doctor  had,  as  usual,  opposed  a  deaf  ear  to 
all  my  complaints,  though  the  woman  grew  more  pre- 
suming day  by  day.  He  even  forbade  our  taking 

[330 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

any  measures  against  her,  for  fear  of  her  anger  tak- 
ing effect  on  the  children.  But  had  he  to  put  up 
with  her  the  livelong  day?  He  goes  off  to  his  pa- 
tients, and  does  not  enjoy  the  domestic  worries  with 
us.  Under  such  circumstances,  there  is  no  art  in 
playing  the  father. 

Since  the  children  made  their  appearance  in  this 
life,  he  has  become  very  sparing  in  the  matter  of 
large  parties,  with  the  exception  naturally  of  the 
christening,  for  which  I  composed  the  menu,  on  this 
occasion  only;  but  I  fear  that  it  was  too  grand  for 
him,  and  he  now  wishes  to  return  to  simplicity  in 
the  matter  of  expenses,  for  indeed  he  generally  gets 
enthusiastic  about  what  is  beautiful  and  costs  little. 
It  can  hardly  be  considered  a  sign  of  culture  when 
he  says  that  large  parties  are  nothing  but  lady-shows. 
But  doctors  do  allow  themselves  to  have  prejudices 
sometimes.  If  one  has  acquired  a  family,  outside 
circles  ought  not  to  be  neglected.  Some  festivities 
should  take  place  from  time  to  time.  What  are  the 
neighbours  likely  to  say  if  they  never  notice  illumi- 
nated windows'?  Why  surely,  "Poverty  and  pride 
rule  on  the  Doctor's  floor!" 

And  further,  ought  we  not  to  have  a  care  that 
family  circles  are  provided  for  the  growing  children, 
where  they  will  be  invited  and  find  companions  such 
as  young  ladies  when  they  have  arrived  at  the  age  of 
adolescence? 
[332] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

Heir  Kleines  has  the  habit  of  paying  his  formal 
calls  on  Sunday  afternoons,  and  playing  with  the 
children,  on  which  occasions  he  is  given  to  hopping 
about  like  a  crow,  and  making  faces  in  his  endeav- 
ours to  amuse  them.  However,  his  success  is  mostly 
doubtful ;  indeed,  energetically  as  he  moves  his  scalp 
up  and  down  and  waggles  his  ears,  we  have  experi- 
enced the  fact  that  Franz  has  yelled  till  he  had  to 
be  taken  away,  and  was  only  restored  to  equanimity 
by  laborious  patting  on  his  back.  This  is  a  particu- 
larly rare  gift  of  nature;  but  of  what  avail  is  such 
a  gift,  when  it  appears  to  the  children  in  their  nightly 
dreams,  causes  them  to  shriek  horribly,  and  was  only 
given  up  after  he  had  been  forbidden  to  wear  out 
his  powers'?  Also  when  he  first  came,  he  used  to 
bring  a  number  of  toys  as  presents,  which  led  him 
into  unnecessary  expense,  as  there  always  had  to  be 
duplicates.  My  son-in-law's  hospitality  does  not  af- 
ford a  sufficient  return  for  such  extravagance,  and 
one  does  not  care  about  taking  presents  from  a  per- 
son whose  salary,  though  fixed,  is  by  no  means  too 
ample.  Notwithstanding  the  toys,  the  children  dis- 
played an  invincible  dislike  to  him,  which  may  have 
arisen  from  the  fact  that  they  had  not  developed 
sufficient  intelligence  to  appreciate  the  hygienic  ob- 
jects warranted  proof  against  licking,  and  manufac- 
tured according  to  the  dictates  of  the  Imperial  Office 
of  Hygiene;  and  when  he  made  them  a  present  of 

t333] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

marbles  painted  with  a  colour  free  of  arsenic,  let  us 
hope  that  he  himself  had  no  idea  of  how  dangerous 
marbles  themselves  are,  nor  how  sternly  they  should 
be  forbidden  as  opposed  to  the  laws  of  sanitation. 

The  following  is  what  happened: 

Herr  Kleines  brings  his  marbles  with  him,  and  be- 
ing a  cheap  luxury,  he  is  allowed  to  bestow  them  on 
the  children.  He  proceeds  to  count  them  over  him- 
self: six  for  Franz,  and  six  for  Fritz,  and  everything 
is  in  the  most  splendid  order  as  he  gives  them  to 
them.  The  little  folk  amuse  themselves  capitally 
with  the  rolling  balls,  and  Franz  abstains  from 
screaming,  and  Fritz  from  scratching  and  biting  Herr 
Kleines,  as  usual,  and  there  is  nothing  but  laughter 
and  jubilation. 

After  Herr  Kleines  had  left,  and  the  children 
did  not  want  to  play  at  marbles  any  longer,  I  gath- 
ered the  things  up.  "I  say,  Emmi,  were  there  not 
twelve  marbles'?"  I  asked. — "Yes,"  she  answered; 
"he  gave  six  to  Franz,  and  six  to  Fritz — that  makes 
twelve  together." — "But  there  are  only  eleven  here." 
— "Quite  enough,  too,"  said  Emmi." — "I  am  not 
thinking  about  that,"  I  answered;  "but  where  is  the 
one  marble*?" — "Lost,"  laughed  Emmi  at  my  anx- 
iety.— "I  know  that,  but  the  question  is,  where  is  it? 
I  only  hope  that  no  one  has  swallowed  it.' 

"Good  gracious!"  exclaimed  Emmi,  in  a  desper- 
ate state  of  fright.  "That  ball  must  be  found.  Let 

[334] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

us  look  for  it,  mamma." — "Where  is  the  nurse*?" — 
"Gone  out." — "Then  we  must  set  to  work." 

So  the  two  of  us  began  the  search;  on  the  carpet, 
under  the  carpet,  under  the  furniture,  upon  the  fur- 
niture, in  the  ante-room,  on  the  window-sill,  we 
lifted  the  children  up,  put  them  down  again,  turned 
back  the  carpet  again,  lifted  the  children  once  more, 
searched  once  more  in  every  corner,  turned  up  the 
carpet  once  more.  No  marble  was  to  be  found. 

"One  of  them  has  swallowed  it,"  said  Emmi,  in 
fearful  conviction. 

"But  which4?"  I  asked.    "Franz  or  Fritz?5 

"How  am  I  to  know*?  If  only  my  husband  were 
here;  and  it  may  be  a  full  hour  before  he  comes! 
What  are  we  to  do  until  then*?  Shall  we  give  the 
child  a  hot  drink*?" 

"Which  of  them?"  I  asked  energetically,  the  bet- 
ter to  recall  her  to  presence  of  mind,  for  her  com- 
posure was  visibly  failing.  "Do  you  know  which? 
I  imagine  it  is  Franz." 

"Fritz,  beyond  doubt.  He  puts  everything  into 
his  mouth." 

"Excuse  me,  Fritz  takes  more  after  us  Buchholzes, 
and  I  am  not  aware  that,  even  in  our  earliest  youth, 
any  one  of  our  family  was  distinguished  by  greedi- 
ness and  gluttony;  no,  if  either  of  them  has  swal- 
lowed it,  it  must  be  Franz." 

Emmi  examined  the  children  with  anxious  scru- 

[335] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

tiny:  "Don't  you  find  too  that  Franz  is  looking 
quite  pale  already?  Oh,  Heavens,  if  he  should  die! 
Where  can  my  husband  be?"  She  put  her  forefinger 
into  the  child's  mouth  and  rummaged  round  and 
round  it,  as  if  the  ball  were  likely  to  be  sticking 
there  still ;  but  without  any  result,  except  the  natural 
one  that  the  boy  yelled  lustily. 

"How  awfully  he  must  be  suffering !  That  abom- 
inable Herr  Kleines !  What  business  had  he  to  bring 
the  children  those  stupid  marbles'?  He  must  know 
that  they  are  just  the  sort  of  things  for  them  to  put 
into  their  mouths.  He  shall  have  the  pleasure  of 
hearing  a  piece  of  my  mind !  Try  to  be  quiet,  my 
precious  Franz;  you  will  soon  be  better;  papa  will 
cure  his  little  boy;  he  will  find  out  directly  where  the 
marble  has  gone.  Oh,  dear,  I  hope  he  won't  have 
to  use  the  knife  !" 

"Emmi,"  I  said,  "don't  talk  yourself  into  an  un- 
necessary state  of  grief  and  excitement.  Do  wait  till 
you  know  more,  so  that,  should  it  be  required,  you 
may  have  strength  to  keep  your  head  clear  in  the 
event  of  the  worse.  Imaginary  dangers  are  no  dan- 
gers— they  are  merely  a  form  of  self- torture " 

"Really?"  she  interrupted  me;  "then  perhaps  the 
marble  does  not  constitute  a  danger?  According  to 
that,  I  suppose  the  child  would  need  to  have  swal- 
lowed a  nine-pin  in  order  to  arouse  your  sympathy !" 

"Emmi!" 
[336] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

"Well,  yes,"  she  remarked,  with  symptoms  of 
yielding.  "Here  I  sit  in  terrible  trouble,  and  you 
worry  me  with  your  moral  lessons!  Oh,  mamma, 
where  can  Franz  be  stopping?  Don't  you  see  that 
the  child  is  getting  weaker  from  minute  to  minute?" 

"That  is  the  result  of  his  bellowing." 

"Oh,  my  precious  child,  my  sweet  little  Franz, 
don't  cry  like  that!"  she  now  began.  "Do  be  a 
good  boy  again !"  and  she  rocked  him  backwards  and 
forwards  in  her  arms.  According  to  my  ideas,  the 
child  was  simply  made  unmanageable  by  this  excep- 
tionable overflow  of  tenderness,  and  determined  not 
to  give  in. 

"Emmi,"  I  remarked,  as  dispassionately  as  possi- 
ble, "under  existing  circumstances  I  should  not  rock 
the  child  so  violently,  if  I  were  in  your  place.  The 
marble  might  easily  be  jerked  lower  down,  and  har- 
den there  afterwards." 

She  stared  at  me  in  horror,  just  as  I  have  seen  a 
girl  do  who  was  acting  Ophelia  at  the  play-house, 
when  she  went  mad. 

"Do  you  think  so?"  she  shrieked.  "Then  there  is 
no  longer  hope?  Franz  had  a  similar  case  the  other 
day,  where  a  lead  soldier  had  been  swallowed.  The 
boy  had  to  die.  Oh,  my  Franz,  my  precious  Franz !" 

The  Doctor  arrived  now,  and  relieved  the  tension 
of  the  situation.  Emmi  screamed  at  him  like  a  luna- 
tic: "Save  your  son!"  and  sent  a  perceptible  thrill 

[337] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

through  him.  It  was  not  until  after  I  had  explained 
to  him  how  the  marbles  had  come  into  the  house, 
and  what  a  fool  Herr  Kleines  was,  that  the  doctor 
took  the  upper  hand  of  the  father,  and  he  began  to 
examine  Franz,  which  amused  the  little  scamp 
vastly.  After  a  pause,  he  said:  "The  boy  is  as  well 
as  ever;  what  are  you  making  such  a  fuss  about?" — 
"Possibly  Fritz  has  got  it,"  sobbed  Emmi. 

"Or  neither  of  them,"  said  the  Doctor. 

"One  of  them  must  have  swallowed  it,"  I  an- 
swered; "for  the  ball  has  vanished  from  the  earth 
without  leaving  a  trace." — "If  it  is  only  properly 
looked  for  it  is  sure  to  be  found,"  spoke  the  Doctor. 
— "We  have  turned  everything  topsy-turvy  already." 
"Women  are  never  thorough,"  he  grumbled,  and  set 
to  work  to  unearth  the  marble. 

I  had  no  time  to  answer  him  with  the  want  of  con- 
sideration that  he  deserved,  as  the  rolling  back  of 
the  carpet,  frantic  grabs  behind  the  furniture,  and 
turning  out  of  corners  began  afresh — in  a  word,  the 
whole  bother  over  again.  At  last  he  counted  the 
marbles  over  once  more;  but  the  full  dozen  could 
not  be  made  up  for  all  his  endeavours. — "Eleven  re- 
main eleven,"  I  said  angrily. 

The  Doctor  scratched  the  back  of  his  head :  "The 
marble  has  disappeared." 

"We  knew  as  much  as  that  long  ago,"  I  gave  him 

[338] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

to  understand,  "although  we  'women'  do  not  possess 
thoroughness.  No,  positively  not  a  scrap." 

"Can  Pitti  have  carried  it  off?"  he  asked.— "The 
dog  never  showed  his  nose  in  the  room." — "Then 
something  must  be  done,"  he  said;  "but  keep  quiet, 
Emmi ;  it  is  a  matter  of  no  importance.  Franz  must 
be  given  a  tablespoonful  of  salad  oil,  to  be  followed 
by  a  prescription  which  I  will  write  out." 

"And  how  about  Fritz1?"  I  interposed. 

"What  is  the  matter  with  Fritz*?" 

"Are  you  so  certain  as  to  which  has  swallowed  the 
marble?" 

"Both  boys  to  have  the  same  treatment,"  decided 
the  Doctor  shortly.  "The  marble  must  be  found." 

"Now  one  innocent  creature  is  obliged  to  suffer  for 
the  sake  of  the  other,"  I  remarked,  my  humanitarian 
proclivities  being  somewhat  hurt.  "I  consider  that 
it  is  simply  inexcusable!" 

"It  is  inexcusable  that  the  children  were  not  better 
looked  after!"  he  scolded.  "If  they  had  been  with 
the  nurse,  it  would  certainly  not  have  happened." 

This  reproach  roused  my  ire.  "My  worthy  son-in- 
law,"  I  therefore  answered  in  measured  tones,  "the 
nurse  was  a  horror.  The  responsibility  does  not  rest 
upon  us.  I  said  at  once  that  there  would  be  terrible 
confusion;  and  matters  can  hardly  be  worse  than 
they  are  at  present.  If  the  blame  is  to  rest  upon  any 

[339] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

one,  it  must  be  upon  you,  for  there  have  never  been 
twins  in  our  family." 

And  what  was  the  answer  he  made  to  this  with 
jeering  laughter,  instead  of  being  reduced  to  abject 
silence*?  "I  am  sorry  for  that — the  race  is  good." 

The  only  possible  answer  to  this  was  to  turn  away 
in  wounded  disgust. 

When  I  got  home  I  found  my  good  Carl  in  the 
middle  of  a  pleasant  game  of  skat,  the  players  being 
himself,  Herr  Felix  and  Herr  Kleines,  whom  he  had 
met  out  walking  and  taken  back  home  for  this  pur- 
pose. 

"Was  there  anything  wrong  at  the  Doctor's,  that 
you  had  to  send  a  messenger?"  he  asked. 

"Oh,  yes,"  I  exclaimed,  and,  letting  fly  at  Herr 
Kleines,  "you  are  the  cause !  How  could  you  be  so 
unreasonable  as  to  bring  toys  to  the  children  which 
may  cause  them  to  lose  their  health*?" — "I  do  not  un- 
derstand you,"  he  answered,  trying  to  smile  down 
my  indignation. — "You  never  do  seem  to  compre- 
hend when  you  do  mischief,  and  consider  yourself 
diabolically  clever  into  the  bargain  to  practise  such 
sleight-of-hand  as  you  did  with  the  marbles." — 
"But,  excuse  me,  surely  the  children  are  not  able  to 
count  as  yet." — "How  so4?  What  do  you  mean  by 
that?" — "Well,  two  into  eleven  won't  go."  Do 
you  mean  to  jeer  at  me*?" — "Certainly  not.  I  only 
had  eleven  marbles,  and  in  order  not  to  spoil  the 
[340] 


MARBLES     AND     ARITHMETIC 

symmetry  of  the  thing,  I  said  to  Franz,  'Here  are 
six/  and  just  the  same  to  Fritz." — "Then  Fritz  only 
had  five?'— "That's  it!  I  did  a  bit  of  conjuring." 
— "Thank  God !"  I  exclaimed;  "and  we  thought  that 
he  had  swallowed  one.  As  for  you,  Herr  Kleines, 
make  your  way  as  quickly  as  may  be  to  the  Doctor's, 
so  that  my  daughter  may  be  relieved  of  her  cares. 
It  is  all  through  you  that  the  poor  little  sons  have 
had  to  take  such  horrid  stuff." — "But  surely  it  was 
only  Fritz1?"  said  my  husband. 

Herr  Kleines  showed  himself  from  his  most  agree- 
able side,  which  on  this  occasion  was  the  invisible 
one ;  indeed  he  probably  recognised  that  a  messenger 
of  peace  could  never  arrive  too  early. 

Betti  made  me  a  cup  of  tea  and  a  sandwich,  of 
which  I  stood  in  need,  and  did  all  in  her  power  to 
quiet  my  nerves  again,  so  that  I  gradually  found 
myself  capable  of  relating  the  events.  They  were 
all  glad  that  it  had  been  a  false  alarm,  and  now  that 
all  was  quiet  again,  I  felt  with  absolute  clearness 
how  completely  the  two  little  ones  had  grown  into 
one's  heart ;  for  while  I  was  at  Emmi's  I  had  to  take 
the  matter  with  apparent  ease,  as  a  kind  of  set-off  to 
her  despondency.  No;  rather  let  us  have  a  pair  of 
twins  than  lose  one  of  them,  even  though  Grand- 
mamma Buchholz  must  work  till  she  drops. 

"Well,"  I  said,  "a  few  more  rounds  will  be  a  good 
antidote  for  our  fright.  I  can  tell  you  that  it  is  no 

[340 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

easy  matter  to  nurse  one  child  through  such  an  ill- 
ness, let  alone  two.  But  I  do  feel  confidence  in  our 
doctor — he  knows  what  he  is  about." 

My  husband  declared  a  solo  in  clubs  straight  off, 
but  as  I  held  two  knaves  and  five  trumps  against  him, 
he  was  bound  to  lose.  That  was  a  bright  spot  of 
light  after  the  troubles  of  the  day. 


[342] 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 

SHOWING   HOW   FRAU    BUCHHOLZ   MEETS   AN   EARLY 

ADMIRER  AND   HOW   SYMPATHY    FROM   THE 

WRONG  PERSON  IS  ONLY  AN  INSULT 


The  early  lover's  name  was  Herr  Briese  and  he 
manufactured  mustard.  An  excursion  to  the  Has- 
enhaide,  a  fair  on  the  outskirts  of  Berlin,  had  been 
•planned,  largely  to  see  the  balloon,  and  Herr  Briese 
arrived  in  time  to  join  it. 

HERR  BRIESE'S  advent  interrupted  a  direct 
refusal.  At  first  sight  I  could  not  find  a  place 
for  him  in  my  memory ;  but  as  his  loaf-like  pate  was 
still  the  same,  the  intervening  years  vanished  like 
window-shutters,  and  I  remembered  with  dreadful 
exactitude  the  day  upon  which  he  flattered  himself 
that  I  was  going  to  make  him  happy.  He  sent  a  let- 
ter like  copper-plate,  and  got  a  carefully-worded  re- 
fusal from  my  father  by  return,  in  which  no  objec- 
tion was  made  to  himself  personally,  stress  being 

[343] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

rather  laid  on  the  very  ungrown-up  juvenility  of  the 
desired  one.  He  wrote  again,  but  his  second  epistle 
profited  him  as  little. 

I  left  him  alone  with  Uncle  Fritz  while  I  went 
to  fetch  my  Carl,  and  inform  him  that  this  Herr 
Briese  was  the  very  same  who  had  paid  his  court 
to  me  without  winning  my  love  in  return.  "Wilhel- 
mine,"  said  my  husband,  "I  trust  that  this  Herr 
Briese  will  give  me  no  occasion  for  jealousy!" 

"Carl,  look  at  yourself  in  the  glass,  and  then  let 
him  have  a  look.  Why,  there  is  no  question  of  a 
comparison !" — "Faithful  devotion  ends  by  touching 
a  woman's  heart." — "He  was  refused  twice,  and 
after  getting  the  mustard  he  never  made  a  third 
move;  you  know  that  as  well  as  I." — "Don't  be 
tragic,  Wilhelmine.  I  am  prepared  to  welcome  Herr 
Briese." 

We  proceeded  on  our  way  past  the  new  church 
which  is  being  built  on  the  Johannistisch,  and  im- 
mediately behind  which  the  pleasure  grounds  extend. 
It  is  astonishing  to  see  the  number  of  curiosities  that 
the  people  have  in  the  booths  on  either  side  of  the 
road,  and  the  noise  they  make  to  induce  passers-by 
to  go  in.  Every  one  shouts  that  nothing  like  his 
wonder  has  ever  been  seen  since  the  world  was  made. 
They  have  giants  and  dwarfs,  panoramas  with  the 
most  horrible  accidents,  learned  horses  who  know 
precisely  how  old  everybody  is,  as  well  as  wolves 

[344] 


AN      EARLY     ADMIRER 


and  trained  goats,  savages  and  Herculeses,  and  many 
other  objects  which  art  and  science  can  produce  at  a 
trifle,  for  the  best  place  only  costs  twopence. 

My  Carl  suggested  that  we  should  go  into  a  booth 
in  front  of  which  a  female  giant,  who  was  painted 
on  a  huge  picture,  was  cried  up  as  being  ever  so 
many  hundredweight,  and  possessing  enormously  big 
arms  and  legs.  However,  I  signified  to  him  that 
this  was  no  sight  for  him.  Nor  was  it. 

Herr  Briese  could  not  get  over  the  fact  that  the 
Hasenhaide  had  changed  itself,  so  to  speak,  into  a 
colossal  fair.  "It  was  much  more  romantic  here 
formerly,"  he  sighed  in  pain;  "but  that  was  long 
ago." — "When  Old  Nick  was  quite  a  boy,  I  sup- 
pose," remarked  Uncle  Fritz. — "And  had  to  fetch 
spice-brandy  for  his  grandmother,"  continued  my 
husband  in  the  same  popular  phraseology. — "Carl," 
I  said  respectfully,  "what  will  Herr  Briese  think 
of  you?  Such  phrases  are  not  used  in  Rawitsch." 
— "It  is  all  very  well  for  you  to  jeer  at  me,"  re- 
turned Herr  Briese;  "but  you  try  living  for  thirty 
years  in  Rawitsch,  and  you  will  be  just  as  horrified 
to  see  the  way  Berlin  increases  in  length  and 
breadth." — "It  can  hardly  circumscribe  its  limits  to 
please  you!"  laughed  Fritz. — "It  would  be  unrea- 
sonable to  wish  it,"  said  Herr  Briese  testily.  "Do 
not  take  it  amiss  if  I  grieve  that  good  old  customs 
have  to  make  way  for  modern  ones.  Everything  is 

[345] 


THE      HAUSFRAU      RAMPANT 

gone  to  which  my  heart  clung;  but  that  was  always 
my  luck!  Nothing  favours  me  in  Berlin."  With 
these  words  he  looked  sorrowfully  towards  me,  as  if 
he  wanted  to  burden  me  with  the  responsibility  of 
his  having  vegetated  meanwhile.  But  how  could  I 
help  not  taking  a  fancy  to  him"? 

Uncle  Fritz  clapped  him  good-naturedly  on  the 
shoulder  and  said:  "Don't  let  us  quarrel  about  it., 
Every  one  gets  his  dose  of  physic — the  only  ques- 
tion is  as  to  how  he  will  take  it.  And  now  let  us 
go  into  'the  New  World' — the  entrance  is  my  affair." 
— He  got  the  tickets,  taking  them  grandly  for  the 
best  places,  and  we  passed  through  the  portals. 

We  got  a  table  close  to  the  balloon,  which  was 
just  being  filled;  a  number  of  soldiers  were  busy 
helping  to  hold  the  monster.  "Any  one  can  go  up 
in  it  on  payment  of  fifty  marks,"  said  Uncle  Fritz  to 
my  Carl;  "don't  you  feel  inclined  to  let  your  kite  * 
have  a  fly  for  once*?" — "I  forbid  the  use  of  such 
personalities!"  I  exclaimed.  "You  will  keep  your 
insults  to  yourself,  unless  you  wish  me  to  take  a  seat 
elsewhere !"  Whereupon  I  got  up,  and  looked  as  if 
my  threat  had  been  made  in  earnest.  At  this  mo- 
ment one  of  the  balloon  people  came  up  to  us  with 
the  warning,  "Please  do  not  tread  on  the  pipe,  or 
there  might  be  an  accident."  I  now  noticed  on  the 

*The   German   for   kite   is   Drachen    (dragon),   which   Frau 
Buchholz  regards  as  an  allusion  to  herself. 

[346] 


AN      EARLY     ADMIRER 

ground  behind  me  a  thick  roll  of  oil-skin,  through 
which  the  gas  was  conducted  into  the  balloon,  and 
this  scarcely  contributed  to  my  pleasure.  Should 
such  a  thing  explode,  one  would  be  expedited  into 
the  blessed  hereafter  in  less  than  no  time. 

"Carl,"  I  admonished  him,  "we  will  get  away." 
— "Don't  be  ridiculous,"  said  Uncle  Fritz. — "You, 
perhaps,  have  had  your  life  insured !  Mine  is  not," 
I  replied. — "Wilhelmine,  nothing  hi  the  world 
will  happen  to  us,"  said  my  husband  persua- 
sively. "You  cannot  get  a  better  view  anywhere." 
— "Herr  Briese,  will  you  give  me  your  arm?  One 
expects  respect  even  though  one  may  be  in  the 
Haide!" 

He  did  not  feel  quite  happy,  either,  in  the  neigh- 
bourhood of  the  gas-pipe,  so  he  placed  himself  at 
my  disposal  with  great  alacrity.  We  forced  a  way 
for  ourselves  through  the  crowd  and  vanished. 

We  walked  silently  beside  each  other  for  a  space, 
I  being  still  so  full  of  my  first  anger.  And  could  I 
be  gentle?  Instead  of  Herr  Briese  feeling  himself 
to  some  extent  overcome,  he  prosed  away  as  equably 
as  if  Berlin  were  a  suburb  of  Rawitsch.  Then  my 
Carl  would  take  an  interest  in  the  fat  woman  with 
the  weights,  in  comparison  with  which  his  wife's 
life  is  indifferent  to  him.  And  lastly,  Uncle  Fritz 
puts  me  down  as  a  dragon  in  the  presence  of  the 

[347] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

travelled  gentleman !  It  would  be  a  new  fashion  to 
put  up  with  things  like  that. 

But  there  was  still  worse  to  come.  "I  pity  you 
sincerely,"  began  Herr  Briese,  "for  not  being  under- 
stood as  you  deserve  to  be." — '"What  do  you  mean  by 
that?" — "Another  would  have  fulfilled  your  every 
wish — nay,  he  still  would  do  so — day  by  day.  Oh, 
how  unhappy  you  must  be  beside  such  a  tyrant  !"• — 
"What  tyrant  do  you  mean*?" — "Whom  can  I  mean 
but  your  husband? — "Now  it's  beginning  to  dawn 
on  me,"  I  interrupted  him.  "Do  you  wish  to  breed 
discord  between  me  and  my  Carl  ?  to  paint  my  hus- 
band black  and  insinuate  yourself  into  my  good 
graces'?  That  really  does  go  beyond  bounds.  What 
are  you  thinking  about?  No,  no,  most  worthy  sir, 
I  will  none  of  you;  no,  not  even  if  you  anoint  your- 
self with  oiled  butter.  Good-bye  to  you !"  I  looked 
him  piercingly  through  and  through,  and  left  him 
standing  there  in  all  his  worthlessness.  Such  an  old 
serpent ! 

It  was  not  until  we  had  left  the  Hasenhaide  and 
the  crowds  of  homeward-waltzing  pleasure-seekers 
far  behind  us,  that  I  was  able  to  clothe  the  unheard- 
of  in  words.  "What  do  you  think  can  have  hap- 
pened?" I  asked  suggestively. — "I  have  not  learned 
thought-reading." — "So  you  do  not  know  what  Herr 
Briese  wanted?" — "Oh,  yes;  to  go  in  quest  of  the 
ruins  of  his  youthful  reminiscences !" — "Carl,  am  I 

[348]  ' 


AN     EARLY     ADMIRER 

a  ruin'?"— "Who  says  so?"— "You!  It  was  for 
my  sake  he  came.  While  making  little  of  you,  he 
had  the  audacity  to  attempt  a  sort  of  love-making, 

Carl."— "But  really "—"Don't  be  disturbed;  he 

got  his  deserts." — "If  only  I  had  him  here,  I  should 
belabour  him  as  he  deserved." — "Carl,  do  leave  bod- 
ily prowess  out  of  the  affair;  culture  must  turn  the 
scale  here.  And  I  can  tell  you  that  he  will  make  no 
second  attempt.  But  I  should  like  to  request  rather 
more  consideration  from  you;  such  a  thing  could 
simply  not  occur  then !" 

"Minchen " 

"Carl,  be  silent.  I  shall  need  a  long  time  to  re- 
cover from  my  experiences  of  to-day." 


[349] 


CHAPTER  XXIX 

IN   WHICH    WE    SAY   FAREWELL  TO  THE    BUCHHOLZ 
FAMILY 


Finally  let  us  join  the  Buchholzes  at  the  wedding 
of  Betti  and  Herr  Schmidt,  the  junior  partner  in  the 
firm,  and  the  silver  wedding  of  Carl  and  Wilhel- 
mine;  for  the  two  events  were  celebrated  on  the 
same  day. 

Betti  had  wished  for  a  very  quiet  wedding,  and 
had  her  way.  The  two  bridesmaids  were  Mila,  the 
daughter  of  the  Police-lieutenant,  and  Amanda 
Kulecke.  Uncle  Fritz  undertook  to  arrange  every- 
thing. 

STRAINS  of  flowing,  swelling  song  awoke  us. 
Fritz's  musical  friends  serenaded  us  from  the 
court-yard.  We  cannot  wreath  a  day  so  that  it 
should  have  festive  garlands,  but  if  it  greets  us  at 
dawn  with  elevating  strains,  then  it  too  has  put  on 
festival  apparel.  "Carl,"  I  said,  when  they  had  em- 
barked on  the  third  piece,  "I  have  often  objected  to 


WE      SAY      FAREWELL 


the  'Whooping  Cough,'  but  did  I  know  that  it  could 
be  like  this?" 

Uncle  Fritz  knocked.  "Are  you  not  up  yet,  slug- 
gards?"—"Directly,  directly!" 

I  suppose  he  could  not  exercise  patience,  consid- 
ering what  he  had  to  do.  When  I  reached  the  stairs 
I  had  to  come  to  a  standstill,  I  was  so  overcome ;  and 
my  Carl  was  quite  touched  when  he  looked  at  the 
garlands  that  were  wreathed  round  the  banisters,  and 
at  the  flowering  shrubs  that  turned  the  entrance  to 
our  sitting-room  into  an  arbour,  while  it  was  itself 
converted  into  a  fir  grove,  in  the  midst  of  which 
Betti  and  Emmi  stood  and  then  hurried  towards 
their  parents.  Nobody  else  was  there.  Thanks,  my 
Fritz,  for  this  hour! 

After  a  while  Frieda  [the  servant]  brought  break- 
fast, and  Uncle  Fritz  followed  her.  "My  dear 
brother-in-law,"  he  said,  "for  five-and-twenty  years 
you  have  managed  to  get  along  with  my  sister.  You 
deserve  to  have  a  statue  erected  to  you;  I  know  her 
from  her  youth  up!"  "You!  you!"  I  exclaimed. 
"You  will  never  improve!"  And  then  I  held  him 
in  my  arms. 

Even  the  breakfast-table  was  surrounded  with 
evergreens,  and  a  vase  with  a  small  branch  of  elder- 
tree  was  placed  in  the  middle  of  it;  however,  the 
branch  had  more  buds  than  blossoms,  two  or  three 
on  the  whole.  "The  bush  in  the  garden  means  to 

£351] 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

do  its  part,"  said  Betti;  "the  first  tiny  buds  have 
opened  this  morning." — They  had  not  much  per- 
fume, but  the  old  bush  meant  well;  and  if  we  have 
had  our  pleasure  out  of  it  year  by  year,  to-day  it  de- 
lighted us  more  than  ever. 

"Will  you  have  a  look  at  the  drawing-room  and 
see  whether  you  like  it?"  Uncle  Fritz  now  asked. 
"We  shall  take  the  doors  off  later  on,  and  will  then 
possess  a  space  for  the  festival  of  sufficient  crowd- 
edness.  The  tables  which  are  laid  have  been  placed 
in  the  back  room,  and  will  be  brought  in  for  the 
chief  feed.  Victuals  will  follow  from  a  court  res- 
taurateur."— "And  a  hired  waiter,  Fritz?" — "Two 
of  them." — "Why,  that  will  be  gorgeous !" 

He  opened  the  doors.  Inside  them  also  the  walls 
were  covered  with  fir-green,  which  would  do  no  harm 
whatever,  as  the  paper  had  been  hanging  for  the 
longest  possible  time.  My  picture  was  placed  there, 
and  looked  as  if  I  were  promenading  about  in  a  pine 
grove  whose  branches  were  interwoven  with  silver 
thread  to  typify  the  green  and  silver  wedding.  It 
was  unique  in  its  way. 

And  then  just  to  look  at  the  temple  of  offerings,  as 
Fritz  called  the  table  on  which  the  presents  had  been 
arranged,  with  the  most  exquisite  baskets  of  flowers 
and  nosegays !  If  they  can  do  it  anywhere,  they  un- 
derstand how  to  arrange  flowers  in  Berlin;  but  I 
never  yet  had  seen  anything  to  compare  with  these, 
[352] 


WE     SAY      FAREWELL 


so  fragrant  they  were,  and  all  of  them  with  silk  rib- 
bons and  visiting  cards  fastened  to  them.  And 
among  them  the  presents,  ranging  from  a  nominal  to 
a  high  value ;  nor  were  they  contributed  solely  by  re- 
lations, but  also  by  business  friends  of  my  husband's, 
to  whom,  as  it  turned  out,  Fritz  had  given  sundry 
hints.  "We  cannot  accept  these!"  I  exclaimed. — 
"Take  them  without  further  ado,"  Fritz  answered; 
"they  will  squeeze  the  cost  out  of  the  next  order  they 
give." 

The  other  table  belonged  to  Betti.  What  a  sight 
that  was  to  look  upon,  with  its  numerous  letters  and 
telegrams,  many  more  of  which  arrived  in  the  course 
of  the  day !  Visitors  came  also,  and  so  the  morning 
simply  melted  away  under  one's  hands. 

It  was  not  until  Betti,  Felix,  my  husband  and  the 
Doctor  drove  to  the  registrar's  office  that  an  inter- 
ruption took  place. 

So  nothing  came  of  my  intention  to  rest.  Uncle 
Fritz  returned  and  took  possession  of  the  rooms  to 
give  them  the  last  finishing  touches,  nor  had  we 
much  time  for  delay. 

First  of  all  I  helped  Betti  with  her  dressing,  and 
then  set  to  work  on  myself,  to  array  myself  in  my 
new  grey  silk  dress.  It  was  made  of  German  silk, 
extremely  beautiful  and  very  tastefully  worked. 
Frieda,  who  was  helpful  in  handing  me  things,  ex- 

[353] 


THE      HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

pressed  herself  to  the  effect  that  it  was  very  aristo- 
cratic.   Then  Emmi  put  the  silver  wreath  on  me. 

"The  number  of  the  guests  was  almost  complete," 
she  said.  "Uncle  Fritz  had  turned  the  entrance- 
hall  into  a  reception-room,  which  was  very  fairly 
filled  already.  As  soon  as  the  clergyman  arrived, 
papa  would  fetch  me.  Fritz  and  Franz  had  come 
too ;  they  were  going  to  be  good  and  not  disturb  any 
one." — "That  may  be  taken  for  granted  with  Fritz, 
but  who  will  go  security  for  Franz?  You  had  bet- 
ter go  to  them  and  keep  them  quiet.  For  a  solemnity 
may  easily  be  screamed  to  death." 

Now  at  last  I  had  a  moment  to  myself,  but  the 
long-intended  collective  backward  glance  was  not  a 
success.  My  heart  was  too  full. 

I  sat  there  neither  awake  nor  yet  asleep — nonen- 
tity seemed  to  be  laid  upon  me  until  my  Carl  came. 

I  had  not  heard  his  entrance,  and  only  noticed  him 
as  he  stood  before  me  with  outstretched  hands  to 
raise  me  up.  We  looked  at  each  other,  face  to  face. 
He  read  my  eyes,  I  his.  Then  my  glance  fell  on 
the  silver  spray  of  myrtle  on  his  breast,  he  looked 
down  on  the  silver  wreath  in  my  hair,  and  said  lov- 
ingly, "Come,  silver  bride !" 

I  laid  my  arm  in  his.  Speech  was  impossible  to 
me. 

As  we  were  going  down  I  regained  my  composure 
after  the  first  steps ;  I  could  even  bear  to  listen  to  the 


WE     SAY     FAREWELL 


notes  of  a  harmonium,  which  was  hidden  behind 
some  plants.  Doris,  who  was  listening  about  near  the 
entrance,  in  search  of  information,  said :  "They  are 
all  of  them  inside  already." 

This  was  the  fact.  The  invited  guests  were  sit- 
ting in  a  half  circle  composed  of  several  rows,  Betti 
and  Felix  being  in  the  middle,  on  one  side  of  them 
Emmi  and  the  twins,  on  the  other  the  Frau 
Police-lieutenant.  I  took  cursory  note  of  this  while 
we  were  slowly  advancing  towards  the  clergy- 
man, who  was  waiting  for  us  on  a  slightly  raised 
platform.  The  music  was  silent,  and  he  began  his 
address. 

I  really  only  recovered  my  composure  when  I  was 
sitting  beside  my  Carl  on  the  chair  that  Betti  had 
just  been  occupying,  for  she  and  Felix  had  now  ad- 
vanced to  the  clergyman.  Being  still  too  greatly 
touched  by  what  had  taken  place,  I  was  unable  to 
follow  the  pastor.  I  certainly  did  hear  words,  but 
they  fell  abroad  like  loose  crumbs,  and  I  only  had 
an  indistinct  vision  of  the  two  youthful  figures. 
However,  my  pulse  gradually  slackened  and  my 
sight  grew  clearer.  Betti  looked  almost  too  severe 
for  a  bride,  but  on  the  other  hand  there  was  a  look 
on  Felix's  face  like  the  rosy  dawn  of  a  day  that 
promises  to  be  rich  in  happiness.  I  only  noticed  his 
white  necktie,  which  gave  me  the  impression  of  hav- 
ing been  frequently  washed  already. 

[3551 


THE     HAUSFRAU     RAMPANT 

I  looked  at  the  witnesses  of  the  marriage:  they 
were  faultlessly  attired.  I  looked  about  me;  the 
gentlemen  connected  with  the  business  had  put  on 
brand-new  satin  ties,  and  the  younger  of  them,  Herr 
Hoff,  even  went  the  length  of  having  on  an  under- 
waistcoat  bound  with  red.  It  seemed  strange  to  me 
about  Felix,  for  he  is  generally  as  careful  of  his  ap- 
pearance as  a  lieutenant  got  up  for  a  party,  the  only 
difference  being  that  he  does  not  curry-comb  his  head 
when  entering  a  room  full  of  people.  And  then  the 
fashion  of  the  thing !  There  are  none  of  the  sort  to 
be  had. 

But  had  I  not  seen  it  once  already?  Where  could 
it  have  been?  That  is  it!  In  Tegel,  during  the 
days  of  the  midges,  Felix  lost  his  necktie  in  the  water 
on  one  occasion,  and  Betti  made  him  one  out  of  the 
mosquito  curtain.  That  was  when  they  had  seen 
each  other  for  the  first  time.  And  now  he  was  wear- 
ing it  on  his  wedding-day,  in  remembrance  of  those 
bygone  days !  How  he  must  have  loved  and  valued 
it  in  order  to  treasure  it  up  so  faithfully !  I  never 
should  have  thought  that  a  little  bit  of  muslin  could 
have  looked  so  charming. 

We  now  saw  more  than  ever  how  cleverly  Uncle 
Fritz,  as  leader  of  the  whole,  had  arranged  every- 
thing. While  the  numerous  congratulations  were 
being  continued  in  the  entrance-hall,  which  by  the 
aid  of  hangings  looked  at  the  very  least  like  a  coun- 

[356] 


WE      SAY      FAREWELL 

cillor  of  commerce's,  the  hired  waiters  were  trans- 
porting the  tables  so  rapidly  to  their  proper  places, 
that  the  meal  could  be  begun  in  the  shortest  space  of 
time.  We  bridal  couples  were  placed  opposite  each 
other  at  the  principal  table. 

The  Police-lieutenant  gave  the  first  toast  in  hon- 
our of  the  silver  couple.  It  was  a  little  long,  but 
choice  as  regards  language.  He  wished  us  a  fur- 
ther five-and-twenty  years,  until  the  golden  wed- 
ding, and  that  we  might  all  be  at  our  posts  then. 
Then  we  had  another  course,  and  Uncle  Fritz  drank 
to  the  health  of  the  young  couple.  But  as  usual, 
there  were  marginal  notes.  What  was  the  meaning 
of  his  dragging  me  into  his  speech  and  congratula- 
ting Felix  on  getting  me  for  a  mother-in-law,  as 
there  were  worse? 

The  rest  of  the  day  was  festivity  and  dances.  Let 
me  close  with  the  only  remark  of  her  own,  at 
dinner,  which  Frau  Buchholz  reports: — 

"You  can  take  some  more  with  perfect  safety,  if 
you  like  it,"  I  said  to  my  Carl;  "and  just  fish  the 
craw-fish  out  of  the  turbot  sauce;  there  are  not 
enough  of  them  anyhow  to  satisfy  the  Doctor's  ap- 
petite !" 

And  so  farewell  to  some  simple,  honest,  un- 
kultured  people! 

THE    END 

[357] 


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